How to deal better in conflicts

When you are at your wit’s end and ready to throw in the towel in a conflict, how can you deal with it constructively?

We have been exploring the Heart Chakra, the source and home for the energy of Love. Probably the most common reason our heart shuts down is from getting hurt. We could have a raging fight with someone, or cold distance can creep into a relationship draining the life. Both result in shutting down and losing the feeling of Love.

Today I’d like for us to have a discussion specifically around what we can do when we are in the midst of a conflict and are so hopeless and frustrated that we are ready to walk away from the relationship.

I recently took my first Non-violent Communication Course with a teacher out in Berkley, California, Marina Smirling. I put this very question to her, “What can we do in moments of wanting to throw in the towel?” Her response was imbued with a wisdom that can open the door to a whole new way of living intimacy. I have simplified her process even further so that it is clear and doable in three steps:

First, acknowledge, “Oh my God! Whoa am I triggered!”

Next, have mercy for your humanity in this difficult situation. Physically put your hand on your heart and say the word, “mercy.”

Finally, figure out a time in your schedule when you can quietly sit down with yourself and proactively attend to the needs of the situation.

This simple method can be done in 60 seconds. It is a way of moving out of the space of reactivity so that we are not doing harm either to ourselves or the other person. And it creates an appointment in the near future where we can approach the situation from a place of spaciousness and clarity – an authentic space of inquiry.

If you have a habit of getting so angry that you blow a fuse, this simple practice will be a life changer for you. You will develop the ability to deal far better with conflict, which strengthens your trust in yourself, and others will come to trust you more too! It will open the flow of Love, both for yourself and with the people you care about.

If this touches you, please share your thoughts, reflections and questions in this discussion space below. Let’s dig into this together!