What better way to wrap up a week of exploring how to empower ourselves to grow deeply loving intimate relationships than to talk about challenging myself to step beyond my “safe zone.”
I am typically not content to stay in my “safe zone.” I love to challenge myself – to “lean into challenge.”
On an energetic level, when I feel challenged, the energy in my body raises and often I feel a tightening in my heart and chest area. If I’m in a habitual and pressed state, I may revert to safe behaviour. Hey! I’m human!
BUT… more often I’m in a mindful and curious state.
From my life long Tibetan Buddhist meditation training, I slow down when I feel the surge of energy from challenge, and I open my heart to it. I even have a sense of leaning my heart and chest *into* the feeling of the challenge. And yes, as simple as this sounds, it is an intermediate Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice!
This act of courage opens up energy and inspired vision. It allows me to break into new frontiers of experience and response to challenge.
As a small example from home, my partner Eden’s son had been sleeping in past his alarm that goes off at 7:00 am.
Consistently.
This means Eden had to get up and interrupt our morning yoga and stretching time to knock on his door, rouse him, and usually with stern energy tell him to get up. After some time, I became a tad annoyed with what had become our morning routine.
I practiced the method above, leaning into the feeling of challenge in my heart around his behaviour. In that state of leaning into the pain, I had two insights.
First, that he needed more than talk to shift into a different relationship with getting up. Second, a consequence would be motivating.
As I explored a usual consequence, reducing TV time, it didn’t feel right – it felt like over-using that consequence. The consequence that came to mind was… PLAYFUL! If he did not emerge from his room by 7:02 am (2 minutes after his alarm), he would have to do 50 jumping jacks!
I suggested this consequence to Eden, and she approved it.
So that evening, after supper, Eden and I presented the new morning consequence, and… her son loved it! In fact… I was afraid that he loved it so much, he was going to intentionally stay in bed.
He then said 50 jumping jacks was too easy, and he’d like to do push ups. So we shifted the consequence to 10 push ups if he did not emerge by 7:02.
The next morning, to my delight, he emerged at 7:01 am!
Rather than greeting him with my usual, “Good morning,” instead I started clapping – I applauded him. And he smiled a wide smile. And yes, he emerged at 7:01 the day after too, and he was again in a great mood. This has been happening consistently for weeks now!
What I like about it is that I leaned into the challenge emotionally and energetically, and that allowed insight and then discussions with my family, and it led to Eden’s son shifting his energy around getting up in the morning. It was a wonderful transformation!
What challenge might *you* try leaning into, to engage the energy and facilitate a transformative shift?
Have you heard about a spiritual practice called, “Sacred Commerce”? I first learned about it in 2016, and I’ve been passionately studying and practicing it for the past six years.
My friend and mentor, Ayman Sawaf, is one of the original creators of the discipline now known as Emotional Literacy (EL). He is also attributed as an early pioneer in emotional intelligence (EQ), co-creator of the four cornerstone model and its application in business, as illustrated in his book with Dr. Robert Cooper, Executive EQ.
I had the privilege of hearing Ayman speak about his work on Sacred Commerce in March 2016. Below is a selection from what he spoke of in that meeting, and he gave me permission to share it here:
In ancient Egypt commerce was regarded as sacred. Priests and priestesses practiced sacred commerce as their spiritual path. The purpose was to create uplifting goods for trade. They travelled into Africa and the middle east, and they bartered things like sacred books and healing herbs- goods that lifted people out of the mode of focusing on survival and security, so that they could pursue the sacred. Later on, chauvinism hit Egyptian commerce, and the feminine was ripped out of it. We are fortunate in our time because the sacred and feminine are coming back into our life. In Sacred Commerce our inner essence is our wealth. It is our mirror. When we change ourself inside, the world changes. We can work on our own inner commerce. It is our belief systems, attitudes, choices, and agreements, and this is what creates reality. The more we work with our inner commerce, the more the quality of our resonance is elevated, and we attract a better reality. Sacred Commerce is the commerce of you – of what’s inside of you, so you can create a sacred reality.
I have been fascinated with the idea of having complementary roles of Merchant Priest and Priestess, where the Priests travel around interacting with people, bartering goods as described above. Meanwhile, the role of the Priestesses was to stay in the temple and do spiritual practices to work with the energy around the Priests, specifically to create an atmosphere of calm clarity where people could feel safe enough to engage the Priests and uplift their lives.
Over these past years I have cultivated strong Merchant Priest skills, and I confess… I have deeply longed to work with a Merchant Priestess. My prayers were finally answered this past March when I met Eden Kervin.
Eden Kervin, Energy Holder and Healer
Eden is soft spoken and gentle, and she is a deeply gifted healer. Eden’s energy work is a blend of Reiki, Angel Healing & Alchemy (certification through Calista Ascension Angel Healing® – Calista Ascension) and Soul Healing which is a Pleiadian healing modality taught by Eva Marquez (Eva Marquez – Spiritual Consultant, Healer and Author). Soul Healing is a combination of intuitive consulting and energy healing to target trauma or wounds developed from current or past life trauma; it heals them so that an individual can clear karma and move on with their ascension (enlightenment). Eden also works closely with the violet flame.
In the last eight weeks we have designed and held three extensive ritual events: (1) The first was a 2-hour ritual to end woman abuse (2) The second was for world peace, and (3) last weekend we did a 7-hour ritual in support of my sister Jenny, and her now-husband, Jeremy, getting married on Saturday! We also regularly join together in praying for people who come to us for prayer.
Last week we offered our first Zoom program together, “5 Core Practices for Building Freedom and Joy Into Your Day-to-Day Life”. It was a startling success, as our participants experienced a deeply loving environment where they could engage embodied change around both Freedom and Joy.
We acknowledge that I have a brilliant sun-like personality and Eden has a powerfully gentle moon presence. We honoured our styles and strengths by offering this program through my speaking and facilitating the program, while Eden was in the background holding space and working with the energy of the group, sending healing as she was directed by her guides.
I don’t normally offer the link to program replays outside the group who registered. I am, however, making an exception for this program since it is Eden’s and my first ever program. You may like to check out the special loving and healing atmosphere the two of us created. Here is the Freedom & Joy Replay Link. Enjoy!
Pleiadian Blue Rose: A blue rose with the Pleiades in the background
Perhaps even more exciting, Eden has agreed to work with me to implant Pleiadian Blue Rose healing into the existing Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program.
What is the Pleiades? The Pleiades is a star system about 410 light years for Earth in the Taurus constellation. The star system is well known as the Seven Sisters.
What is the Pleiadian Blue Rose of Healing? The Pleiadian star system carries healing energy. Many believe that there is life in the Pleiades, and that they are master healers. The Pleiadian Blue Rose is a healing energy that can be utilized for healing purposes. It can release pain, trauma, tensions, it can rebalance your body and chakra system, it completely nurtures your entire being.
Why is it significant? This energy is intensely healing, and can be used to significantly enhance our well-being and state of joy. It brings more balance and harmony to our entire body/mind/soul system. We have been guided to work with this beautiful energy to bring this nurturing, healing energy to Heal Your Heart through Meditation. This energy will completely upgrade your system, if you allow it.
How we will use the Blue Rose of Healing with Heal Your Heart through Meditation: In Pleiadian Blue Rose Heal Your Heart Through Meditation, we will be working with this incredible energy to enhance the groundbreaking program of Heal You Heart through Meditation, tapping into this and bringing healing to those who choose to accept it. It carries the potential to create massive shifts for healing and wellbeing. This is a truly wonderful energy, soothing, nurturing and healing, and we would like to bring it to you through this wonderful program, helping you to use it in your everyday life.
The 7-week program is valued at $497. We are offering it at a special introductory investment of $297 to our valued community in the month of May. There is a free 2-week trial available, so you can even give it a try for two weeks before deciding to invest in the full program. Full details can be found at: www.HealYourHeartThroughMeditation.ca
“The miracle of roots” – basil cuttings March 1, 2022
Our world is going through profound change, and sometimes it can be challenging to get through a single day. How do you stay sane with so much happening? Better yet, how do you flourish in times of massive change?
The way I see it, we are going through a time of birthing. As a world, we are moving down a powerful birth canal. It is time to let go of views and behaviours that we know are unhealthy so we can become more grounded, loving and heart-centered people.
In times like this, we need mid-wives – wise women who know the movements and stages of giving birth. Such wise women know in their bones how to respond to the unexpected and navigate through critical stages in the birthing process.
Without connection with that which is wise in women… that knowing… that maternal instinct, we may find ourselves in a place of feeling stuck and unable to breathe.
Let us intentionally connect with the sacred divine feminine now.
There is wisdom within nature. I discovered that this past month as I watched in awe the process of my basil cuttings developing roots. Can you imagine what it would feel like to find the knowing, the energy and the miracle within yourself to sprout roots?
Let’s give it a try today…
If you would like to feel more stable, more peaceful and have more positivity to pour into your relationships, here are four key nuggets of root wisdom from the basil cuttings:
Root Wisdom 1: Protection from storms
The basil cuttings were indoors, protected behind glass from the extreme cold, snow and wind storms that happened outside.
In human terms this means creating enough time away from the chaos in the world so you can thrive and do your tender inner knitting of self.
Having a media diet is essential. The key guiding factor for anyone is to notice how you feel after reading or hearing a media source: Did it bring you to a place of fear or did it bring to you a place of confidence in moving forward? Eliminate the former, invest more time in the latter. Give yourself permission to disengage until you feel back in your skin and happy in your heart.
Root Wisdom 2: Sunlight
I originally had five basil cuttings. The three in front facing the window grew roots. The two in back never grew roots. Receiving sun was critical to the miracle of rooting.
In human terms this means it is essential to get daily exposure to positive sources of inspiration – things that light up your heart. Too much darkness kills spirit. Spirit grows within light.
Root Wisdom 3: Patience
It took a couple of weeks before anything began to sprout. I watched too closely the first few days, and I wondered if anything would happen. Then I decided to relax and see what would happen. I watched the water level to make sure they had water, and otherwise, I let the cuttings be to do their own thing. One night, three of them sprouted teeny tiny roots and I was overjoyed to discover the miracle the next morning!
In human terms, we have gotten distracted and even addicted to instant results. Think about using a microwave oven or flicking through TV channels. This pattern has divorced us from the natural development of spirit within.
Slowing down so we can be present with our inner world allows the magic of inner growth and healing to happen. The two things I have found most effective for slowing down are shamatha meditation and spending time with my shoes off in nature. Identify your best ways to slow down and treasure these practices as powerful medicine for your spirit.
Root Wisdom 4: A loving environment
The basil cuttings developed within the spiritual energy of my home. I know this environment is heavy with blessing from the spiritual practices I do on a daily basis, and specifically the blessing of the Mother Lineage. It’s a nourishing place to be and grow.
In human terms we know that social environment and self-talk have a profound impact on (a) how we feel and (b) how well we thrive. It is important to limit our exposure to negative people and surround ourselves with loving people. When your own cup is full, then you have love to give to other people who may be struggling. The key is to mindfully attend to keeping your own cup full by surrounding yourself with people who make your spirit sing.
The same goes for your internal world. It is important to disengage from negative self-talk, and proactively encourage yourself with loving self-talk. Think about how a child reacts to being berated by a parent versus being guided by a parent through loving acknowledgement for all she/he/they are doing well. You will thrive by surrounding yourself with an in inner and outer loving environment.
I hope you enjoyed these four nuggets of root wisdom from my basil cuttings. Through grounding in loving heart-based ways of living, you will connect with internal resources of strength and empowerment, and you will be victorious over darkness and overwhelm. Through mindful diligence in creating your positive rooting environment, the glorious sun of your being will rise to guide you forward.
If you would like to receive my monthly newsletter, you can sign up here. If you are interested in checking out my approach to meditation, see Heal Your Heart Through Meditation and try a free 2-week trial.
Surprisingly, I’ve discovered failure has value, and I’d like to share what I’ve learned.
It began last Fall when I decided to take up strength training. My goal was to build lean muscle mass to increase my health and immunity. I signed up for a well-thought-out program with an excellent coach. It took some creativity to figure out how to do my training routines at home, but to my surprise I did!
It’s a discipline to come to each work out with a fresh mind. Week in and week out, work out by workout, my body has grown much stronger – and I LOVE it!
It’s helped me feel more confident and secure. It’s easier to step up on things and to lift and move things. It’s easier to climb the steep hill to my special spot in the woods where I feed a flock of chickadees.
Muscles make me feel more empowered in my body.
Strength training has taught me a lot about failure. The only way to build new muscle is to exercise to failure – where my muscles simply can’t lift one more time. It’s a painful ugly moment. (Ugly because the look on my face is contorted!)
People usually don’t talk about their failures. We tend to be embarrassed by failing. And fear of failure has a steep cost: it leads to creating a safe small life
I now realize how important failing is. In strength training, it builds muscle. In life, it builds character and wisdom.
Being willing to go for a dream is a risk – it requires stepping beyond a safe line into the unknown. You may fail.
AND it is through failure that you can take a good look at your actions and their results, and learn from that. The discipline of learning from failure is the surest key to success and living a fulfilling life.
In fact, if you look at the stories of the most successful people, it is fascinating to look at the colossal failures they had BEFORE they created their success. The key is they didn’t give up at the point of failure. They learned from their failure, and they did it smarter the next time. They grew stronger from their failure.
Choosing to live life embracing failure releases you from the bondage of being perfect. You discover inherent confidence. And most of all, you live your life instead of hiding and playing small.
Are you willing to embrace failure and in so doing, fulfil your wildest and most exciting life dreams?
If you would like to receive my monthly newsletter, you can sign up here. If you are interested in checking out my approach to meditation, see Heal Your Heart Through Meditation and try a free 2-week trial.
Is information snacking degrading your ability to receive nourishment from what you are reading?
I like Vinod Kumaar’s visceral description:
We are right now in the era of information snacking where we are increasing our knowledge to a great deal, learned to drink it out of a firehose but not able to apply it effectively when needed. More and more people are addicted to ‘pull to refresh’ and snack on one liners, emails are annotated with TL;DRs and prefer to read a lot of tweets than read a book.
VINOD KUMAAR R (2015). “Information Snacking”. https://vinod.blog/2015/05/12/information-snacking/
There is so much information snacking in today’s world, many have forgotten how to read deeply – with heart engaged. When you do this, you lose out on receiving the soul nourishment available through being present with the richness of what you are reading.
As we starve our soul through this practice, we erode our sense of well-being. Symptoms can include: feeling scattered, discontent, ungrounded and even anxiety as a result of too much information snacking.
One good practice is to set aside regular deep learning time, where you shut off all outer distractions and spend time with a good book and read it with presence and delight in the experience. The key is to experience what is being shared in the writing.
Let’s try an experiment…
Right now I am writing this listening to peaceful contemplative flute music by Nawang Khechog and wishing for you a more embodied moment. A moment when you feel deep stability from the earth beneath your feet. A moment when you can take a deep breath and remember your heart. Feel your shoulders uplifting, your head uplifting, and experiencing the brightness of who you are. Feel the peaceful calm of knowing your heart is held within grace at all times, you need only remember it.
Did you catch that vibe? If not, you may have too many distractions around you, and a first step may be to create quiet space for yourself. The practice of creating deeply quiet space can be one of the greatest gifts you ever give yourself!
Take a moment now and notice how you feel after reading this brief article
It can take just five minutes to feel more calm when you learn to steady your mind and bring your attention fully to a single activity. From this more peaceful and nourished place, you are now empowered to bring positive energy to people around you.
Light up the network of people around you today, and know you are helping to lighting up the entire world. Have a blessed day! ?
If you are interested in developing a stronger mind with more ability to be calm and steady, I’m offering two free weeks of Heal Your Heart Through Meditation. This easy meditation course offers short playful daily activities to develop a strong mindfulness meditation practice. Learn more at: www.healyourheartthroughmeditation.ca
On a related note, as part of my PhD work with the Eskes Lab at Dalhousie University, my research team is studying attention! We are running a study in November and December open to Canadians 55 and older. If you are interested, please see the information below and you can email EskesPsychLab@gmail.com
Nowadays the commute back home is more stressful than ever. People are afraid to take the bus, to get close to another person, to help someone. We are all afraid to bring home the COVID virus. This fear has been causing us to isolate ourselves appearing as depression, anxiety and more emotional and stress related illness. I, Elisa Paiva Neta, am Brazilian and live in Canada. My husband and I used to go back to Brazil every December to visit our family back home. Now just the thought of being on a plane for 10 hours scares me. On the plane everybody is breathing the same air.
The COVID era carries a heavy energy filled with fear. Now we do not feel safe anywhere, even in our homes. The simple act of going to the grocery store requires a lot of us emotionally, as we have to use a mask, be away from people and use hand sanitizer all the time. This situation is stressful to our whole being as we feel the reactions through our physical body as the result of our emotions. Our nervous system is deeply triggered.
Coming home used to be an act filled with happiness, relief, joy and gratitude. Now all those feelings are blocked by this stress response to COVID. I know of parents coming home and afraid to bring the virus to their kids. The playdates in person are being cancelled. The babies and toddlers are playing only with their parents and siblings. The bigger kids are on online playdates. The learning that the kids get from friendship and being around other kids are lost. Throughout those innocent playdates and times at the park, school and library kids learn to socialize. Nowadays we are forcing the kids to be online at an early age.
It’s been three-and-a-half years since I, Andrea, moved from Toronto to Halifax. I like Halifax, but I would not say it feels like home. As spiritual hippies, my parents moved frequently during my childhood, and I never developed a sense of home in any particular place. Between frequent moving and pervasive emotional dysfunction through my growing up years, I didn’t feel “located” or safe either within myself or outside myself.
For the last 30+ years I have done deep healing and self-locating work. This has better prepared me for riding the massive changes that came with COVID-19.
It’s been almost two decades, and I clearly remember the day I went an hour early for an appointment with a counsellor at the Toronto Rape Crisis Center. I went early intentionally. I wanted to figure out why I felt safe there. For an hour I journalled, frequently looking up and around me, and feeling my way into why I felt safe there. As I looked around, my eyes fell on a poster that said, “A woman’s place is every place.”
There has been generations of conditioning about where it is appropriate for us to be – whether we are a woman, a queer person, a non-binary person, a Black person, a member of First Nations, a disabled person, a mentally challenged person, and there are so many other marginalized groups of people. It’s defined for us when it is appropriate for us to speak, be angry (never), cough, sit with our legs relaxed and open, eat, pee, and the list goes on.
I would suggest that we have been so conditioned to living in a box, we easily forget where we belong. We forget that we belong in our body. We belong with ourselves and our loved ones. We belong in our life. We belong in our home, our city, our country, our world.
Having lost a sense of permission to be who we are, we can become attuned to danger and live in a fight-or-flight mode. An experience like COVID-19 has played right into that dynamic, further elevating the experience for those already living in that mode, and bringing masses of more people into daily fight-or-flight. This is the aroused sympathetic nervous system response that Elisa so eloquently described above. It is a mode of deep coping.
This is not a space where we can thrive. The space where we can thrive is when we feel reasonably safe: when we feel at home in our body, with the people around us, and in our life.
It is important to reestablish a sense of safety and feeling at home within ourselves and our life. Once we establish that sense of being “home,” we can then extend that to others – through the circles of our loved ones, our friends, our work colleagues, our neighbors, and ultimately as a citizen of our country and world. This is deep healing work!
Wise ones have suggested that our most fundamental spiritual need is seeking to reclaim connection. This world is our home. We belong here. We are needed, as fully embodied and emboldened people. Living in open-hearted and assertive ways, bringing abundant light to all those we touch.
This issue of the Dream Whisperer newsletter is dedicated to helping you “come home” and deepen your sense of well-being within turbulent world change. I hope you will use the blessing and prayer sheet that Elisa and I prepared for you in the newsletter, and let the month of July be your stake in the ground to establish home within your heart.
In the final month of the Dream Whisperer community needs survey, we had four winning topics:
Improving family relationships
Visioning a good future for myself
Being more organized, and
Overcoming internal barriers to receiving love
Is there a thread running through these topics illuminating a pathway forward for our community? One thread I see is a desire for coherence. The Oxford Languages website defines coherence as, “the quality of forming a unified whole.”
Many have come from childhoods where our parents were unable to give us a coherent upbringing. We may have experienced anything from neglect to abuse, and we travel through life seeking something different. We seek to heal the past to feel more whole.
Disorganized early relationships can manifest in feeling states that lead us to be disorganized in our lives. Being imprinted with early disorganized relationships can literally manifest as an unconscious approach to creating disorganization in our adult life. This can manifest on a practical level as being disorganized in our schedule or in how we keep our physical space cluttered with objects and papers we no longer need.
Those early childhood imprints can also cause us to be closed to receiving love. Our child brain did its best to understand hurts and create defence patterns to protect us from further hurt. These child-informed patterns were woven into our development through childhood, adolescence and young adulthood. They are woven into how we see the world in such a deep way, it can be difficult to see these patterns at play as an adult. Living an adult life with emotional defence patterns formed in early life are not only out-dated ways of protecting our heart from hurt, they are unfortunately also barriers to receiving love.
In addition to possibly recovering from childhood challenges, in our society we typically focus on achieving things, such as a career, business goals, building a family, or owning a home. Having a narrow focus can lead to lopsided lives where we overwork, sacrificing health or relationships for career goals. Or on the other hand, perhaps we sacrificed our personal fulfillment through an occupation in order to establish a family.
These various sources of fragmentation and narrow focus have provoked a healthy motivation in many for greater coherence, or “the quality of forming a unified whole.” We desire a wholeness that encompasses our history, our relationships, our communities, our occupation, our gifts, care for our home (Mother Earth), and fulfilment of our human potential.
The good news is, this is very possible.
I would suggest it begins with slowing down and connecting with our humanity. I am an advocate for mindfulness meditation as an effective way to slow down and connect with our human heart. Many find meditation too challenging, and I get that. So in my approach to meditation, it is deeply grounded in gentleness, trauma-informed understanding and compassion.
By developing a softer relationship with ourself, we can bring the lens of compassion to our troubles in life. We can begin to see ourselves through compassionate and wise adult eyes, rather than through the eyes of our early caregivers — the view of ourselves that we learned as children. This is an important shift, that can open us up like a flower.
A flower is a beautiful symbol for coherence, or “the quality of forming a unified whole.” A flower can be a guide for the journey of developing self-compassion. I hope you will allow yourself to contemplate the coherence of a flower you may see on a walk today, and see what gifts may be here for you for developing a more comfortable journey in life that bears greater coherence.
I have always longed for deep and powerful leadership. A leader who creates a space of respect and empowerment for all. Where each member’s value is appreciated. Where the ebbs and flows within the community are seen with eyes of wisdom, and are handled with great skill. Where everyone feels they belong and are contributing a valuable part to the wholeness of community.
This month’s article is inspired by deep words from a Heal Your Heart Through Meditation community member. She brings up important issues, arising from her longing for a new leadership paradigm. Her words touched on my own longing. I propose this as the basic question arising from a longing shared by many:
How can we define a new leadership paradigm that is healthier than the male-dominated, hierarchical, top-down, oppressive, life-snuffing, inspiration-killing, and abuse-prone structured paradigm we’ve lived within for decades, and perhaps even centuries?
The quote below is shared with permission by our HYHTM community member. She engaged a deep insight process and emerged with the following pearl of longing:
Is it possible to create a program that is structured in a way that feels supportive, organic and developmental (which I think yours does [Heal Your Heart Through Meditation]) but at the same time, not fall into the male hierarchical structure that is top down and prone, I believe, to misuse and negative power imbalances?
I just wonder if the female inspired path can create something a little different. Structured but not too top down hierarchical, something like that?
I guess I know what I am seeking, and I am wondering if others would create it…and I certainly respect the time and effort it takes to create such programs so I believe women should empower each other to financially support each other as well etc…
I must first acknowledge some trepidation as I enter into responding to these thoughts. I just came out of a two-year healing retreat last Wednesday, and I have been reflecting intensively on these issues in light of my leadership of Buddhist Project Sunshine. In fact, this was the topic of a counselling session I had last week with my now former counsellor, Leland Maerz. (We contracted to do six sessions together, and this session was the sixth.)
Leland is a strong justice advocate himself, in the domain of domestic violence. He said in our last session that he sees me as one of the greatest whistleblowers of our century because of the wisdom and skill with which I lead Buddhist Project Sunshine. I was surprised by his statement. I’m going to be transparent in saying I am currently grappling with my leadership style.
I am going to begin by teasing out two topics that I see embedded in this courageous community member’s statement. First, she speaks about meditation programs, such as Heal Your Heart Through Meditation. Second, I feel she is speaking about a more feminine style of leadership.
Topic 1: Meditation programs structured as supportive, organic and developmental
In terms of the first topic, I love what she says about having a meditation program that “feels supportive, organic and developmental.” Being transparent about my own experience, I grew up in the Shambhala cult with emotionally absent parents. This was a double whammy in my experience, and together these two facets severely impacting my childhood development.
The silver lining is it caused me to immerse myself in a steep learning curve in adult life to develop emotionally, relationally and my sense of identity.
I lived in Toronto for 19 years, and I worked with master healers, including top relational therapists, two indigenous shamans and the imminent energy psychologist, Dr. Joan Beattie. With strong mentorship, I did a lot of healing and development out of my state of childhood wounding, walking through great blazing healing initiations, and I formed a personal sense of identity and responsibility as a citizen of our world.
After this therapy and other healing, I did a Masters of Education in Counselling Psychology at the University of Toronto’s Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (OISE). In my degree I specialized in trauma healing, and applied each academic course to my journey of learning about developmental and relational healing.
Through all of this, I have grown a profound respect for each individual’s unique process of human development. Therefore I strive to create a space in Heal Your Heart Through Meditation that weaves together two aspects: (1) the space is palpably gentle and permissive, and (2) it evokes eustress (positive stress) through shepherding my courageous students to keep moving forward in their healing and meditation practice. My shamanic training informs how to create an organic process for this in Heal Your Heart Through Meditation.
This describes how I create a healing/feeling/organic-growing space in the program. Let us now move to the second topic, the longing for a healthier and more feminine leadership style.
Topic 2: A new paradigm of feminine leadership
This is new and juicy terrain, and I feel it’s risky territory to enter. I am a woman who has taken incredible risks in the past, knowing risk is the doorway to creating new worlds. So let’s take this risk of this discussion together, shall we?
Part of managing my risk here is to invite you to participate in this dialog. We must include a diversity of perspectives to truly form a strong new paradigm.
My approach today is to put out some initial thoughts, which I will call “puzzle pieces,” that I am currently working with, and hopefully with some more pieces that *you* bring from your experience, we can create a more complete picture.
Puzzle piece 1: I hosted a series of community discussions in the Fall of 2020, and in one of those discussions we talked about the abuse of male leaders of spiritual communities. All of the women present at that discussion had gone through an experience of profound spiritual betrayal within such a community. There was a natural aversion and even repudiation of hierarchy amongst the participants of this discussion.
We first took time to acknowledge the betrayals, wounds and resulting caution from those experiences. Then I proposed we face the fact that some people train themselves deeply and have something to offer to others from that extensive training.
Do we regard those people simply as our equals? Do we honour them for what they worked to achieve and are now sharing with us? How do we properly relate with teachers who have developed something unique and valuable? How do we relate in a way that allows us to connect with them in positive ways and receive the gifts they are sharing with us? I don’t think that coming with a hard shell of defensiveness allows for the communication and honour needed to receive gifts from a master.
The conversation participants agreed.
In my own experience, I aspire to hold masters up with the honour they deserve. I recognize their gifts, as well as their work and sacrifice to serve as a teacher. I also know that we are all human, and if they behave badly, I will call it out to be addressed and give them an opportunity to grow.
Puzzle piece 2: In 2018 another treasured member of my community recommended a book to me, “Reinventing Organizations,” by Frederic Laloux. This is a powerful book in its analysis of different types of organizations, and the role that hierarchy plays in each type. Laloux proposes there has been an evolution through history of organizations, and the currently most evolved organization type he calls, “teal organizations”. It’s been a couple of years since I read this book, so I’m going purely on my memory – so forgive any mistakes, please!
In teal organizations there is a founder who establishes core values for the organization, and then through an organic process they transmit those core values in a way that people in the organization begin living them without a top down hierarchy. The founder steps back and serves as a coach, when asked by a team within the organization that feels they need support. If core values are getting lost, the founder will step in and reassert the values in an organic way that empowers members of the organization to step up and live the values.
I love the vision for the teal organization. I love that Laloux provides numerous examples of existing teal organizations, proving it can be a reality. I continue to explore how this might work with the communities I lead.
Puzzle piece 3: I have started a number of communities and organizations, and although I have tried to create collective leadership, it has always failed. For instance, with Buddhist Project Sunshine I first tried to gather women leaders who had been harmed within Shambhala to heal together and then lead the initiative together. Their response was to beg me to abandon my project, because they were afraid I would get hurt. If I had listened to them, none of the suppressed harm would ever have been exposed.
Mid-way in the project a collective circle was forming, and I thought we could be a group leading together. However, strange dynamics started happening where the men in the circle were shutting down the voices of women survivors and demanding all the attention. I formed this initiative to hold up the voices of survivors, and I found this behaviour was sucking the life force from the project. So I ended that circle and continued forward as the solo leader.
In a much simpler example, during my Christian journey I was hosting an Easter dinner for friends from the LGBT Catholic group I was part of. I did not invite one man who was a straight ally, because he was rather dissociated and often brought strange energy into the mix. A week or so before the dinner, we were all having brunch one morning after mass, and one of my invited guests suggested in front of the straight ally that I could always make room for another person at the table and invite the ally. I said no.
Now I felt really rotten about this, because it seemed uncharitable and un-christian of me. I felt so guilty, I brought it up with one of my professors at Regis, the Jesuit College where I was studying. To my surprise my professor complimented my decision. She said that if I had allowed the dissociated man to join, it would have been a very different space for everyone. In fact, I had done something good in protecting the space so that my guests would be able to be more open and vulnerable with each other.
Fast forward to yesterday, when I spoke with my counsellor about my leadership of Buddhist Project Sunshine, he said similar things about my decisions in Buddhist Project Sunshine. He said that what he saw is that I made difficult decisions to protect the life and vitality of the project, fully aware of the possible harm I might be doing to those who I excluded from the leadership circle.
All I can say is that I am passionate about protecting space so people can be vulnerable, heal and authentically pursue their spiritual path. And it really sucks when I need to step in and remove someone from leadership. However, in the end, the group feels safe, and that seems important. It seems important to strong leadership. I do my very, very, very best to minimize any hurt someone might feel when I remove them from leadership.
I believe we all have different and valuable gifts. Some people have strong leadership skills. Others have other valuable skills. If we try to make everyone exactly the same and form collective leadership, it can become watered down and wishy washy. This leadership will never lead profound and brilliant communities.
Puzzle piece 4: I experience myself being more clear and visionary than many people I lead. I feel alone in this, and I long to share leadership power.
I also know that an inherent aspect of my leadership is that I welcome everyone sharing the gifts they possess. I know that everyone has a valued place in community. Many community experiences are pioneering experiences. Since they are so new, it feels important to me to solicit input and wisdom from the community. (Like I am doing here, in asking you to contribute your thoughts on this subject.)
We are all human, and we all have our unique connection with wisdom. I value learning from other people’s perspectives and the hard won wisdom from their life experience. And what they have to say creates more wholeness for the community wisdom.
I first learned of the notion of mutually empowering relationships at least two decades ago, and since I first heard of it, this ideal has been dear to my heart. It comes from the feminist researchers connected with the Stone Center for Developmental Services and Studies at Wellesley College. You can read about their ideas in the book, “The Healing Connection: How Women Form Relationships in Therapy and in Life.”
There is enough on this one topic to warrant a book, and it goes beyond the scope of this article. The one thing I will highlight from their research is the idea of zest. These feminist researchers claim that one of the aspects of mutually empowering relationships is they have zest – they give all parties in the relationship a sense of zest for life. I feel this particular quality is important, especially in communities impacted by trauma. We all deserve to come out of the shadows of trauma and live relationships that fill us with zest!
For me as a hierarchical leader who invites high engagement from members, I experience zest in walking the “tight wire”: on one side actively encouraging participation, and on the others side when someone has fallen into a bad energy, addressing it if it is impacting the whole. Since I often find myself with the clarity to discern this, I find myself in a lonely place of holding the space, holding the higher perspective, and guiding communities forward into bright new spaces.
Puzzle piece 5: Accountability in hierarchy. Since I often find myself with a unique level of clarity, and at the same time holding inviting space for other’s contributions, I have been developing a new leadership paradigm which I am calling resilient hierarchy with mutually empowering relationships.
It’s not comfortable for me to say I am a hierarchical leader, because I long for the collective leadership vision that I spoke of at the beginning of Buddhist Project Sunshine.
In my last session with Leland I spoke about my discomfort with practicing hierarchical leadership, and he asked me how I, as leader, safeguard against causing harms. I told him that I strongly rely on my spiritual practice to help me stay grounded and coming from a perspective of compassion. I also practice very deep self-care and make sure I get into nature regularly.
I spoke to him about having “checks and balances”. I am constantly looking at myself and assessing, “Is what I am doing fair? Is it uplifting the situation? Is it empowering the people I’m working with?” I constantly evaluate myself. This close scrutiny comes from my having seen the impacts of abuse from leaders. It is very important to me to lead from a place of deep integrity. When I fall short in my integrity, I do deep debriefs with mentors and counsellors and ensure I learn the lessons there for me to safeguard against ever making those mistakes again.
I’ve laid out some puzzle pieces here that might be useful for a new leadership paradigm. I know I have much to learn from others, and I would love to hear your ideas for how we can create a new paradigm of feminine leadership. Please do share below, or respond further through my community needs survey . Your contribution will lead to a better understanding for what can be possible.
If you are interested in checking out Heal Your Heart Through Meditation, you can try a free 2-week trial, PLUS it is on sale in the month of May – you can get it for 50%.
The following quote from a Heal Your Heart Through Meditation courageous community member is shared with permission.
HYHTM Community Needs Survey Question: Are you interested in trauma-informed meditation? If yes, please share more about your interest.
Yes. It [trauma] is at the root, perhaps the root of all suffering. It is what needs to be worked through, dug over I am thinking of earth metaphors springtime planting metaphors waking up the slumbering winter soil/soul metaphors. Yes trauma-informed meditation is what the world needs and you are moving in the right direction. The energies are aligning 100% for this kind of offering. I respect and support your work and wish you every ounce of energy you need to continue with it and to continue sharing your work with the world.
I’ve never heard anyone, either in the Western or the Eastern traditions, propose that trauma is the root of all suffering. I know in Buddhism, they propose ignorance is the root of all suffering. In my experience, Western Buddhist practitioners skip over their trauma, perhaps as a way of avoiding it. To use psycho-lingo, they “dissociate” – or disconnect from their lived experience, because it is too painful and/or overwhelming.
This courageous community member proposing trauma as the root of suffering is interesting to me. If we could develop the strength and ability to stay present with our experience of traumatic events – whether in the past or happening right now – then we would have developed a level of mind mastery. Mastery of the mind is the full purpose of meditation.
I have written before about my support for the view of psychiatrist Dr. Sandra L Bloom in her book, “Creating Sanctuary: Toward the Evolution of Sane Societies”. Dr. Bloom learned through her clinical work that all people are trauma survivors, either through trauma they experienced themselves or through someone close to them, as vicarious trauma. No one has escaped experiencing trauma.
Since trauma deeply impacts our perception of the world, and even our perception of our self, it seems foundational to address the effect of trauma when working with our mind. Our traumatic experiences must be addressed in any approach to meditation practice, because otherwise we are practicing dissociated meditation practices (see articles by Matthew Remski revealing how dissociation has been woven into Buddhist teachings by Judith Simmer-Brown and Pema Chödren).
I believe this proposal that trauma is the root of suffering merits consideration and personal reflection. I would love to hear your ideas about trauma and meditation Please share below, or respond further through my community needs survey.
If you are interested in checking out Heal Your Heart Through Meditation, you can try a free 2-week trial, PLUS it is on sale in the month of May – you can get it for 50%.
I am grateful for the engagement this past month in our community needs survey! A warm thank you to everyone who participated.
The energy this month was directed towards wondering what trauma-informed meditation is and exploration of what can open up to blossom when we include our inner child in our meditation practice.
I will put the words of community members in bold and respond below to their words. Each of these people gave permission to include their words in this blog.
Needs survey question: Are you interested in trauma-informed meditation? If yes, please share more about your interest.
Yes. Not sure what it would look like.
I was brought up in a Tibetan Buddhist community where profound meditation practices were explored with no awareness of or attention to trauma dynamics, boundaries or the inner child. The strong drive towards spiritual fulfillment coupled with active suppression of red flags regarding sexual misconduct proved fertile ground for gross spiritual betrayal and harm in my community.
We’ve seen this dynamic in many spiritual traditions, including the well-known sexual exploitation in the Catholic church.
I would suggest this harm is made possible and perhaps even fostered by the combination of strong needs for spirituality at the expense of and suppression of other basic human needs.
When we start to talk about trauma-informed meditation, we are opening up a space for a wider spectrum of needs, needs for spirituality along with safety, autonomy, respect, being seen, being heard, and other emotional, relational and physical needs.
In the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation (HYHTM) program we include energy psychology to release trauma blocks within the body and emotions. We also listen for and work closely with our inner child. One of the greatest gifts of working with your inner child is s/he gives you access to knowing your quieter, more subtle needs.
Gaining access to this subtle knowledge empowers you to then act and get your deeper needs met. This allows the practitioner to form a fuller and more robust meditation practice.
Another community member who has completed the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program wrote:
Intentionally embracing my inner child at the beginning of each meditation is helping me to connect with the vulnerability of feeling and connecting with chronic fear and slowly, gently transform this fear to a felt sense of safety and ease.
Many who have experienced trauma go through life with a hardened armour around their heart and around their feelings. It’s like a layer of shellack around those soft places, and it is created by speed – by quickly skirting around or jumping over anything threatening.
Meditation in the HYHTM program offers a slowed down space to begin to *feel* again. We create a space of safety where even decades old fears can become less intimidating, and we can begin to see how to touch them, tend them, and move through them, as this community member so eloquently describes.
Another community member who is currently in the HYHTM program wrote:
Having a safe container – something I have felt intensely on 7 day silent retreats (I’ve never had the fortune of doing a longer one) – is really very important to me. So thank you so so much for encouraging me to create my own “shrine” and safe place AND to invite my inner child to come.
Today she was very present in my meditation and so was the loving kindness and the tears, oh the tears! I saw her before me, all sweetness and purity, and I saw her journey of pain and pleasure and getting oh so lost, I saw it emanate and unfold from inside of her, I saw her journey to come, and I just loved her as a loving parent and I asked her to bring it all, and I held her in my heart chakra and it was very intense and now I feel a little shaky but it is ok and it is good and although it is not an easy process and one that needs deep and compassionate grounding, I believe in the alchemic power of the heart chakra that can integrate all things, through love and compassion.
Since I was brought up in a strong meditative tradition, I bring a robust firmness to the way I teach meditation. At the same time, I understand the kind of deep tenderness that is needed for healing trauma. I combine this firm strength and tenderness in my approach to guiding courageous students in the HYHTM program.
In other communities, meditation learners are called students. I’d like to establish a different tradition in the HYHTM community and call learners, “courageous students”. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. The students of this program engage meditation with their hearts and they *are* very brave. Therefore, they are courageous students!
The HYHTM courageous students get one small exercise each day, so it is an easier load. The exercises are also part of a game, which allows for some lightness, play and fun. I feel this gentleness is necessary for any trauma healing.
At the same time, over the course of seven weeks, the courageous student creates a full, complete and rich meditation practice. Some courageous students have described this program as deceptively effective.
As courageous students grow their trust and tenderness within the careful and caring process of the program, they are enabled to establish a tender relationship with their inner child and have beautiful and heart-full breakthroughs like thie courageous student described above.
It may even be helpful to bring in the term “emotional literacy” here, which has been identified as critical to success in business and life. The quote above speaks to this courageous student’s growing knowledge of her emotional needs and flows; her emotional literacy is at a high level. Her words show how we need to start to talk about emotional literacy in meditation to deepen the possibilities of meditation for the modern Western world.
From my heart, I thank the community members who have stepped forward and engaged so beautifully this month. It is a true joy and pleasure to respond to you!
In the midst of things going wrong, wouldn’t you love to feel that everything’s going to be okay? My aim in this non-blog is for you to have a felt experience of “Everything’s going to be okay”, and for you to be able to bring that felt experience into anything that may be going “wrong” in your life.
Okay, let’s set the scene…
Exhibit 1: I was brought up in a Tibetan Buddhist community with systemic corruption and sexualized violence. Crappy! A lot going wrong! And my response has been to put integrity as my number one value in how I live my life.
Exhibit 2: Last July I committed to offer a blog of value every month for one year to my deeply honoured Tribe.
Exhibit 3: This week the blog for March was just not happening.
Yikes! What happened this week?
No one responded to the February community needs survey, so I had no point of focus
Thursday I went to work on the Blog and was guided to a 2 hour program on Unicorns. I purchased the program and then did the program, and was introduced to my Unicorn guide, Blue.
Blue said to let the transformation of the Unicorn program gel for a few days
Fast forward to Saturday. I went to the park and had a wonderful experience feeding chickadees sunflower seeds by hand. Many of them came that day. I love the experience of their little feet grasping my finger and their happiness in plucking a couple of seeds from my palm. Very special! And I stayed longer than planned feeding the chickadees.
I returned home to write the blog, and Blue advised me to take a nap. The nap was great!
But still no blog…
Now remember: Integrity is my main value. I was entering into the soul crushing domain after promising you a blog and having no blog to offer.
I set up my diffusor Saturday night at bed time with an essential oil blend called, “Surrender,” because it seemed the sane direction to go at that point.
Sunday I reached out to my good friend and colleague, Diane Young, and ran my dilemma by her. Diane has a lovely warm, wise and flowing way about her. She responded, “Why not write about this process, because everyone has had the experience of something not working as planned.”
Magic!
And here we are with my first non-blog.
Diane is passionate about astrology. She said we just had a full moon in Virgo, which is about keeping routines. We also just experienced the Sun conjunct Venus, which is about encouraging you to take “me time”, ie relax, take time for yourself, take a nap. There was a distinct conflict happening astrologically last week between keeping routines and taking time for self. She pointed out I was experiencing this conflict in my attempt to write a blog. This was a wonderful sanity check!
What can be learned from this?
What might be your takeaway from this non-blog?
It is important to honour your rhythms
Enjoy feeding chickadees (and other experiences that delight you!)
Know when to surrender… Allow flow. Allow grace. Allow ease.
Reach out to community when you are stuck.
Trust the Universe. It will provide.
Honour your commitments AND your wellbeing by growing through the tricky spots with creativity and integrity.
Understand the love beneath your commitments, and let that love illuminate the promise.
? ? ? I’m sending a lot of pink love out to you with this post ? ? ?
I’m wishing some grace for you today to find the way through your tricky spots. There seems to be an endless supply of support and creative options, if we can only open our hearts to the basis of goodness and care always available within life.
Instructors Deborah Sclarduring (cq)(left) and Brian Dunn (cq)(right) smile while dancing during a class on Tango Dancing at PreEminence Hall in Boulder, Colorado June 16, 2007. (DAILY CAMERA/Mark Leffingwell)
The pandemic has taken a great toll on all of us. If we’re honest, the extended stress, physical distancing, and profound loss and grief have made it harder to *feel*. The most popular topic on last month’s community survey was, “being able to feel love”. This topic couldn’t have come at a better time!
As I reflected on the community’s topic, I thought back to my years in Toronto when I studied Argentinian Tango. It is a dance of feeling and of sharing love. In fact, Tango is so intimate, it was a challenge to find a photo that communicates the real spirit of this exquisite dance. I was pleased to find the one above.
Tango arose at a time when couples were separated because of work-related migration patterns. Even as lovers were apart, they still had human needs for closeness and intimacy. Tango arose as a safe and respectful way to have physical intimacy with someone other than your spouse, without it breaking your vow.
In addition, Tango developed in the context of men outnumbering women about five to one. This gave a man a big incentive to give his female dance partner a pleasurable experience so she would want to dance with him again, and not the other four men waiting to dance with her. Tango movements developed to make the woman feel good, which is a big reason why Tango can be such an intimate and lovely experience.
I want to make a note here and say that Tango is a very gender-fluid dance. When we refer to “man”, we really refer to the leader – the one proposing the movements. Many men dance tango with men especially when they are training, and women dance with women. It would be incorrect to refer to the woman as the follower, since the woman has the choice of whether or not to accept the leader’s proposed next move. She might not, and he’ll have to try something else.
So in Tango there are equal, yet different – complementary roles. Both require a high level of skill, and that is because the dance is not choreographed. The partners must engage in a present emotional intimacy to communicate through their bodies with each other. This means opening one’s heart to *feeling* the heart of your dance partner, so you can dance well together.
It includes awkwardness. It includes vulnerability. It includes taking risks. It includes making mis-steps. And it includes being willing to open your heart and feel platonic human love to work well together and enjoy the dance.
So how might we learn something from the beautiful experience of Argentinian Tango for feeling love during this pandemic?
First, let’s acknowledge the certain death of heart if we close ourselves off from authentically connecting with people. Don’t go there, please!
If we can’t physically touch others, we can still extend kindness. We can extend courtesy on public transit, whether that is making space for someone boarding, thanking the bus driver, or simply saying a kind good morning to another passenger. They may not respond, but at least you are sewing seeds of love into the world, and that’s going to open your heart to feeling more love.
We can also get creative and explore new ways to connect with friends, family and other loved ones. If you have been reduced to getting together on Zoom, then make your Zoom get together special! Here are some ideas to kick off your creativity:
Create a colorful and meaningful invitation and send it with a bit of flare.
Set up as a festive tea/coffee date where each of you bring a special drink. Share your drink choices when you get on the call. Wow each other!
Make a cooking date where you decide a recipe you are going to cook, each buy the ingredients, open up your Zooms, and make the same dish together in your separate kitchens
Is it possible to be nurtured by a Zoom call?
People attending my Zoom programs have remarked at how warm their hearts feel by the end of the program. Part of that is my leadership (as in Tango), where I set a tone of heart, kindness, and being very present and authentic with each other. They feel my care.
The equally important part is the willingness of the participants to step into that space of authenticity and share their wisdom and about what they need so we can attend to it. We co-create a space of warmth, care, wisdom and humanity that nourishes our spirits in these desolate pandemic times.
What I am proposing is that the spirit and heart that you sew into reaching out to people in your life can be meaningful. It doesn’t have to be a shallow email or a shallow Zoom call.
It can be a deeply heart-full email or Zoom call if you invest your feeling, your presence and your heart.
Drawing on the Tango analogy… If you are willing to be present with your awkwardness and vulnerability, and hold space for your partner to be awkward and vulnerable, it makes it more real. If you sometimes take on the role of leading and proposing a “move,” then respectfully listen for how your partner receives it (ie, invite them to a festive Zoom tea). You can also respond with some grace and warmth when someone reaches out to you with a proposed “move” (ie, send a heart touching response to your loved one and add an emoji or two).
We truly create our experience, and even within a pandemic, we can dig a little deeper into how we love people. I invite you to explore how you can attend more deeply to your own heart and to the hearts of those around you this month so you are able to feel more love.
A special treat for those who read to the bottom of the page… This short video demonstrates the qualities of Tango that I talk about in this article. Enjoy!
As we move as a world community through the crisis of the pandemic, one of the biggest hurdles to working together is the stark polarization among views. Many people have grabbed on to an extreme view (doesn’t matter which one for this discussion), and they are arguing for this view to their last breath.
Why such polarization? And why such fierce defending of extreme views?
I would suggest the root is fear. Fear is a highly contagious emotional state. Just watch a flock of birds or a herd of deer when one member is startled. The whole group goes into panic and flees. Are we witnessing episodes of this fear contagion globally during this pandemic?
Why else would some people swing to such extreme views? Why else would they be stubbornly unwilling to hear alternative views? And why is there so little discourse about the middle ground?
Many people are afraid and in their own emotional “lock down” mode. Is this a trauma response?
What can reach such locked down hearts? Many people are struggling intensely with loneliness, fear about money, fear for their loved ones, uncertainty about the future, fear of the unknown, anxiety about the world going in the wrong direction, and fear of being unable to cope or manage. Is there a pharmaceutical company that can produce a pill that addresses this kind of fear?
I would suggest, no. Sure, they might be able to provide a pill that numbs the heart, but so far as I know, no company has produced a “bravery” pill.
What if I told you that the single best remedy for anxiety costs nothing and is accessible anywhere and at any time
Sounds too good to be true, right?
Well, in our increasingly complicated world, I fear we have lost some of the basic and practical wisdom of our elders. I challenging us to pull back some of that basic wisdom to serve us as we enter into 2021.
What do you think? Can we just run fast enough to be able to outrun our fears? Can we take the fear and put it in a box – maybe a soundproof box? Or maybe pull out our sword and kill our fear? Could that bring us to a steadier, more confident and engaged place?
I don’t know about you, but these strategies never work for me. Instead, it is this simple act of courage that works unfailingly for me: I choose to be present with my fear. I slow down, sit down, and become familiar with it.
It is the pushing away of fear that gives it strength (and an unearthly scariness!). When I choose to slow my thought process down, tune into my heart, and actually feel what is going on in my heart, my fear gets acknowledged and it begins to soften and slow down too. It is very much like getting to know another person. Being curious. Being open and kind. Being patient. These behaviours work miracles with fear.
As most of you know, I was brought up in a Buddhist community where I was taught that meditation is the ultimate act of a bravery. Willingness to sit down quietly and be with my mind in a kind, caring and courageous way is the way to develop inner strength and fortitude. Rather than being run over by spinning fears, we can develop the strength to be steady and to walk the road ahead.
The Buddha called this the middle way, and I can’t help but wonder if his ancient wisdom may provide the guidance needed in these highly polarized times.
I am empowering my community to have the best year ever in 2021! I’m offering a free 2021 New Year’s Empowerment Series. Join me in initiating a well-balanced, inspired and fully empowered 2021!
I’m sure many, like me, are in awe of Donald Trump’s insolence and the curious support he has. How can a man clearly lose an election and yet still attempt to claw back reality and reinstate himself as President? Why are some of his supporters resorting to violence to be heard? Why do some still insist there was voter fraud, despite the confirmation of a valid vote?
Trump has long touted a mind-over-matter new age approach where you can do whatever you want to do, regardless of the impact on others. Operating in this way, his distorted beliefs have put the Earth’s health at even greater risk, put vulnerable people in the United States into even greater vulnerability, and divided U.S. citizens not only against each other but also against other nations through his use of scapegoating and bigotry.
How can his approach have appeal to many US citizens? Have they been in pain for such a long time that they will hold on to a saviour, even if he preaches darkness? Do they need scapegoats to hate so they don’t feel their own inner doubts and struggles? Have they been living in such pain that they will sell their soul for a ticket out of that pain? This is madness, and it will never lead to any falsely promised freedom nor happiness. Although it’s not a new phenomenon, for right now I’m naming this Trump madness.
So how do we cure Trump madness?
I think back to when Trump was first elected. Women responded powerfully by organizing the Women’s March, a worldwide event the day after Trump was inaugurated. This was the largest single-day protest in US history! A fierce wisdom erupted within women in the US and around the world in response to a man with degrading values taking office in one of the most powerful leadership roles in the world.
Trump degrades women, he degrades vulnerability, and he degrades “the other” – anyone different from himself. I am so proud of women for standing up in such a powerful way, making their NO heard, and creating space for other caring voices to say NO to this President! It was important.
The say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you strong!
In many ways we were forced to grow strength to endure the last four years. Not an easy way to grow stronger! The metaphor that comes to mind is that of the prolonged pressure applied to coal that eventually turns it into diamond. Do you feel like a diamond now?
No doubt we need incredible strength now, combined with diamond clarity for making wise decisions.
We’ve got a mess in the U.S., and I appreciate the way Biden is prioritizing that clean up. His priorities feel sound. However, I am wondering how can we attend to the Trump madness – the dis-ease of the heart and mind that has spread to so many in the US? From personal stories people have been telling me, there are even Canadians who support Trump with his claims of election fraud and no need to wear masks.
Is the fierce feminine the answer?
I’m going back to that fierce, deep, caring, loving and loyal wisdom that erupted in response to Trump being inaugurated. I believe it is that wisdom of care that must be nurtured and emboldened now. Although I’m naming this “feminine wisdom,” everyone can have access to it. It has been practiced within restorative justice, mediation, the various healing arts and modalities, midwifery, herbalism, and countless other areas for centuries.
The key right now is to know how important this fierce wisdom is needed, and to illuminate it. Let us see it. Let us praise it. Let us kindle it. Let us be brave enough to act with care in our social circles and communities.
Feminine wisdom went underground, as it likely needed to given the circumstances. A community member who responded to my November survey gave me permission to quote her:
“I feel like I want to take off an old heavy coat that I’ve been wearing for years. It’s light brown, heavy,oversized ,crumpled,well worn,it’s a mans coat.i hide inside.i turn inwards pulling up the collar to shelter from the storm. I am hidden.”
I suspect many will relate with the visceral feeling of this woman’s well-expressed image of endurance within an oppressive, male-dominated environment. The word that leaps out to me is her desire – her desire to take off that old heavy coat.
Desire can be the key to change
It is through honouring our desire that we can all make the journey out of oppression and into empowerment. It is a journey that sometimes requires patience and sometimes requires impatience. It can also require testing and finding allies, because growing our voice and courage often requires being seen and lifted up within strong and loyal relationships with others.
I bring this post to conclusion by saying: May the feminine wisdom within each of us rise up, stand proud, and speak her truth. Throw off your old heavy coat and allow yourself to be beautiful, because this world needs you! Now that the tide has turned and the window of opportunity has cracked open, let us all, through our diverse contributions, re-establish a culture of respect and care – one day at a time.
What small action can you take today to honour and/or unleash your feminine wisdom?
Since the pandemic began, it seems the most popular thing people close their emails with is, “Stay safe”. Today I’m calling out the dangerous underbelly of that message.
When people tell me to “stay safe”, I know they are not intentionally wishing harm. I suspect, however, they have not thought about the underlying message they are communicating.
Here is what I hear: “Behave in ways that protect your safety.” “Organize your life in ways to ensure you are safe.” I have a vision of putting on a thick jacket and me wrapping my arms tightly around myself, huddled inward to weather the storm. It is an inward focused, defensive posture.
These words bring to mind the notion of gated communities (also called walled communities). These are communities with strictly enforced exclusion of non-residents or unauthorized visitors, often in the form of physical walls with security entry points. They are supposed to offer a controlled environment that protects residents from crime. However, statistically people living in gated communities experience just as much crime as those in normal communities.
I think the reason I’ve been feeling a rub every time someone sends me the “stay safe” message is because I was brought up in a community that actively taught the value of courage, and if ever there was a time for courage, it is now. I learned courage through the feeling imprinted into my physical body in meditation practice: sitting with a strong, upright back and a soft, open chest. This posture embodies both dignity and vulnerability, strength and kindness. From a lifetime of exploring this posture, I have come to believe it is an ideal way to train ourselves for living a good life, no matter what the external circumstances.
There is perhaps a natural reflexive response to the pandemic that encourages “huddling in” to weather the storm. However, we are unable to have much vision when we are looking down, with our head enveloped in a fur-lined hood for protection. Our decisions and activities are likely to lean towards reacting to things, rather than taking in the full scope of choices and making proactive decisions.
So rather than “staying safe,” I’m suggesting we raise our body upright with dignity, feel the softness and vulnerability of our humanity, take a steady gaze toward the horizon and from here, we can best navigate through the pandemic. Rather than “weathering the storm”, we could use the multi-faceted challenges of this situation to grow as human beings, develop new skills, and dig deeper into our potential for compassion and grow our connections and community.
Perhaps we could close our emails with, “Let’s meet today’s challenges well and always remember our hearts!”
As part of my own vulnerable process of digging deeper, I’m writing 12 of these monthly newsletters to respond to the needs identified in our monthly community needs survey (the link is in this month’s newsletter email). The top need identified in last month’s survey was, “Overcoming internal barriers to accepting love and help”.
This need is directly related to the “Stay safe” discussion above. Whether we put up walls in response to the pandemic or to past trauma, those walls not only keep out “the bad”, they keep the good out too. It is understandable as a first response to trauma that we need to go into “lock down” mode, to stabilize and ensure a basic level of safety. However, it is unhealthy to continue in that walled-in way long term.
We need connection and flow with the outside world. Circulation is a sign of health. We see this on the level of our physical body and its circulation of blood. We also see it in the world in our exchanges in conversations, relationships and even financial exchanges.
So how can we come out of lockdown mode after a traumatic experience, so we are able to accept love and help? Trauma healing wisdom tells us that we can build trust by taking calculated risks. Calculated risks are in contrast to blind leaps of faith. A calculated risk involves assessing if the person we are taking the risk with has shown themselves to be reasonably stable and emotionally available. We can explore taking a small step beyond our previous zone of safety. The advice is a small step so we are not devastated if it does not work out. We can also let the person know that we are experimenting with trust, so they can be more attuned to our vulnerability. These are ways to experiment with building trust and intelligently begin to take down our walls to build healthy intimacy.
And if one experiment does not work out and we get hurt, it does not need to be the end of building our capacity to learn trust. Building our capacity to be more open and trust is built over a number of experiments. As we build more and more positive experiences of vulnerability, we build our capacity to ask for and receive love and help.
I hope there is something useful here for you or someone you know. I’ve decided to hold another community healing Zoom this month – on November 11th.
The topic for this month’s Community Healing Zoom is
Dialog is one of the most enriching way to create new ways of responding to the pandemic and creating vibrant lives. I welcome you posting your thoughts on this blog below and look forward to hearing from you!
Photo by Jenny Godwin used with permission. Jenny says, “The sweet little bird on the be kind barricade is a tanager, one of my favorites. It demarcated the edge of an outdoor dining/street closure area in Salida, CO.”
Is COVID the time of Great Healing? Healing of heart. Healing of mind. Mending our ways of being in the world. For love to be rediscovered – recovered – brought forth to shine. Let us take a few quiet moments together now and explore.
Love requires tenderness. Tenderness requires vulnerability. People who feel they are under attack, whether by past trauma or current challenges like COVID, may find it difficult to face feeling vulnerable.
A community member responded to last month’s topic survey and gave me permission to share their observation, “Being able to feel love this jumped out. If we can feel love we surely would feel safe.” Dear community member, you suggest that by feeling love we will feel safe, and I agree with you. We also need to feel safe to be able to feel love. So what comes first?
I’m wondering… If (1) feeling unsafe and (2) unable to feel love are in deadlock for some of us, how might we create new circuitry within our heart that allows for both safety and love? Such new pathways within and around our heart could allow feelings of safety and love to grow stronger enabling us to live a more stable and abundant life. A kinder life towards ourself and others.
If we go with my metaphor of circuitry… We know that working with electricity must be done with care, or we can be shocked by the current. Similarly, when we are dealing with unresolved trauma, it can suddenly turn explosive, seemingly without warning. The experience can be shocking, and this can lead to feeling “unsafe to go there” — for both a survivor and people around them.
In my view, a good place to begin is with slowing down. It is worth taking our time and understanding how we can work with one wire for safety and one wire for love. Before mixing them, we could turn on safety for a bit, then turn that current off. And then turn on love and feel it for a bit, and then turn it off. We could alternate in the beginning and become more accustomed to the *feeling* of safety and the *feeling* of love. Both may be somewhat unfamiliar for someone recovering from trauma, and it can be wise to begin with small doses and gradually build a greater ability to *feel*.
When we originally experience trauma, we may shut down much or all of our capacity to feel. This is a common response to trauma – it is a safe guard. A safety fuse, if we continue with the electricity metaphor. It is wise and protects life. It is, however, not fulfilling to live the rest of our life in a shut down state. When we cannot feel, we are missing out on the nourishment of feelings, and most importantly, feeling love.
What might it look like to begin feeling some safety, and then feeling some love, in order to create new Heart Circuitry? I’m going to put myself on the spot and do a little exploration right now of what this can look like for me.
What I have found in my own experience is that taking an hour offline – literally turning my wifi off and putting my phone in airplane mode – can allow me to have some quiet time to myself. I am able to hear my inner world – my inner longings, needs and frivolous thoughts – without the bombardment of outside input. Disengaging in this way helps me develop a loving relationship with myself, and this gives me more grounding and safety. Otherwise I’m living my life coping in overwhelm, and I’m not able to *feel* in that space.
But being alone all the time would be rather hollow. So after my alone time, right now, I am exercising my love muscle. Note: I do not overstate this by using the word, “exercise”. As a survivor of deep trauma, I have to work hard and diligently to develop my love muscle. Breathing into my heart right now, I am experiencing expansiveness that I cannot feel when I am in a narrow defensive place of seeking safety. Actually, it is nourishing to my spirit to take this moment right now and remember how deeply I appreciate my community. You have been very kind to me. I have been kind to you. Remembering how we have grown this connection together helps me feel love (and gratitude!).
I believe in co-creating new understandings, and I believe this is necessary within current-day challenges. I have shared some of my thoughts here. I welcome your responses below. I am also hosting a live community healing Zoom call this month, Rediscovering nurture within community. Just click the link to register. You are welcome to join me so we can speak with each other face-to-face, and grow our understanding of “feeling love and feeling safe” further.
My heart is open to this dialog on being able to feel love, even though it is a bit scary for me. This seems like a worthwhile reason to have a few drops of courage and open the discussion further with you here, and in our Zoom call this month.
These are just a few humble thoughts that I put forward to begin our conversation. I want to thank the community members who voted for this topic on love last month, and for the quote that I was given permission to share about feeling love helping us to feel safe. I bow to my community’s wisdom and our growth together.
A community member responded to our August community survey with deeply insightful and passionate remarks about healing from spiritual betrayal. I was so moved by what she wrote, I am dedicating my article this month to responding to her. She has given me permission to quote her for this article.
“Life is traumatic ! I am interested in what goes on in the brain when PTSD is triggered and how healing ,making new pathways can happen.If teachers are not trauma informed they can’t understand why people are not healing or making progress and often can do more harm than good.”
I am interested in the PTSD response too, and I have focused much of my study on what goes on in our heart space when PTSD is triggered. My studies have focused on relational trauma – traumas that occurred within relationship with another person or group of people (as opposed to other sources of trauma, such as a natural disaster).
Here is what I have come to understand through my studies, working with clients, and over 30 years of my own healing journey:
We form attachments with people, and when those attachments are suddenly severed through betrayal, it can can cause a rip in our heart. We can become psychologically fragmented after trauma. While this trauma remains unhealed, we can be easily triggered by experiences that cause fear or insecurity, and it can be challenging to form healthy relationships.
Furthermore, when betrayal happens in a spiritual context, the damage can be far more severe. Our spiritual life is perhaps the most intimate part of our experience. When a betrayal happens within a space of such internal tenderness, the traumatic impact can be far deeper.
I agree with your statement about spiritual teachers who are not trauma informed potentially causing more harm. Particularly in “high-demand” spiritual communities, those who have been previously traumatized will likely have their trauma ignored or even denied, and are encouraged to suppress their feelings in order to pursue the high-demand spiritual tradition. This adds layers of further trauma and adds further complexity to the healing process.
One leader in the trauma healing field, Dr. Sandra Bloom, discovered through her psychiatric practice that nearly all people in society have been traumatized – either through their personal experience of trauma or vicariously through connection with a loved one going through a traumatic experience. So we are living in a society of trauma survivors, most of whom do not acknowledge their trauma and act it out unconsciously in relationships with others, causing further harm and pain. This can include spiritual teachers.
“I wonder what’s possible I’ve always had a feeling that healing is possible for all illness.Reconising and acknowledging seems to be the starting point.but deeper still I wonder how to heal unknown unremembered trauma. What happens to a young childs brain when trauma happens? Where does the life go ,it breaks off it departs ,what about the ego is it damaged at a young age? So much talk about dissolving ego but what if the ego was not properly formed in a young life?”
I like the idea you have envisioned of creating new pathways – whether in the brain or in the heart. With previous pathways disrupted from trauma, it provides an opportunity to develop new, healthier pathways as we take our journey of healing. Life can actually become more fulfilling and more joyous through the process of healing from betrayal trauma. This is a silver lining to experiencing trauma!
I love your insight and optimism! It seems to me, as well, that recognizing and acknowledge needs to be the starting point. If we accept Dr. Bloom’s statements about how many people are walking around with suppressed trauma, it’s mind boggling to think of how extensive this pattern is. Since so many have not yet reached a place of recognizing and acknowledging the trauma buried in their heart/brain/psyche, they remain trapped in limbo.
But once we do acknowledge the trauma, we can begin the process of healing. As I promote in the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program, the key stages of healing are (1) safety, (2) remembrance and mourning, and (3) reconnecting with community. That first stage: feeling safe, is critical for doing healing.
Safety includes feeling supported and often requires spaces that embody an atmosphere of gentleness ,kindness, and wisdom. I experience this presence in my connection with the Divine Feminine; it feels like wise grandmother energy to me. When I am within the presence of this energy, it helps me connect with whatever healing technique I am engaging. The healing techniques might feel hollow or ineffective otherwise, but within the soft gaze and warm embrace of the Divine Feminine, whatever self-care I am engaging goes more deeply.
When you talk about healing “unknown unremembered trauma”, I will first say that the heart has a remarkable ability to protect us from overload by placing a veil over memories we are not yet ready to deal with. I am a firm believer that as we establish greater safety, those forgotten memories can begin to surface for healing attention. Our psyche knows when we are ready.
When you talk about a child’s life and where it goes when a child has been put through trauma, it makes me think of what I learned when I did an apprenticeship with a Mi’kmaq shaman in Quebec in the early 2000’s. My shaman taught me that parts of us psychologically break away in response to severe trauma. They are lost to us from then on. This is why people can have an experience of lost parts. My shaman worked with me around the practice of “soul retrieval”. Soul retrieval is a beautiful ritual for bringing back lost parts of us, making us whole again.
The questions you are asking are powerful and relevant to all spiritual traditions that tell us we need to let go of and dissolve our ego. In the mid-2000’s, I worked with an expert trauma therapist at Toronto’s Barbra Schlifer Clinic, and she also happened to be an experienced meditator. Like you suggest, she said that if we never had the chance to form a healthy ego in childhood, then we do not have an ego to dissolve. The first step is to form a healthy ego.
“My body remembers ,that I know but I can’t grasp fully or can’t reconnect that which is broken long ago.
I’ve had a year doing reliving process, CBT ,which was the real start for me I let go off and unlearned so much, I literally felt my brain reordering itself.flasbacks stopped anxiety levels dropped and I complain less making life more enjoyable for myself and those around me.”
I am so happy to hear of your healing! Your dedication to yourself is very moving. There has been a lot of research into which modality of therapy is most effective, and the main finding is that the therapist-client relationship match is the single most important factor for healing in therapy. I believe this speaks to the importance of the first stage of trauma healing: safety. It is critical to find a safe relationship in which we can do healing. You didn’t say it, but I bet you had a safe relationship with your therapist to do such powerful healing work.
“What is it to fully connect I wonder? Continental connection.
Joy is a reference for me.If there is no joy,no juice,then there is no life.
I’m grappling in the dark as I investigate.”
I love how you are using joy as your reference! I have found joy to be a wonderful balm for my heart; feeling joy has allowed me to trust again after betrayals.
Your reference to continental connection is quite expansive! It reminds me of the third stage of trauma healing: reconnecting with community. Dr. Bloom’s seminal text was entitled, “Creating Sanctuary: Toward the Evolution of Sane Societies.” In this book she advocates for creating community healing environments where trauma survivors can be responded to with kindness and sanity. Trauma can heal in these specially-created healing environments, and people can then engage life in the “normal” world with their hearts whole.
In all the community spaces I create, whether through my justice activism work with Buddhist Project Sunshine or through the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation service, I strive to create trauma-informed sanctuaries where people can connect with one another in sane and loving ways, enabling them to heal through community connection. I know this is key to healing, and I am passionate about it!
Your image of “grappling in the dark as I investigate” is lovely! It is pioneering – exploring new uncharted ground. No one has a map for this kind of healing. It is always a personal exploration to find our own unique path of healing.
Although the journey is unique to each person, it can be incredibly helpful to be connected with other people doing the same work so we can learn from each other’s discoveries. I welcome readers’ comments in the space below. We create a greater understanding together through dialog.
If you would like to be included on my monthly community email list, sign up here.
I put up a survey last month for people in my community to share what is top of mind for them right now. The issue that received the most votes was, “Responding to difficult people or difficult situations with people”.
I feel telling our own stories can often be the most powerful way to open doors for each other, so I’m going to share my story of how I came to ending a number of relationships this Spring. It has been a painful experience, and at the same time it has been positive and extremely beneficial.
My story goes back to a conversation I had with a friend early in the pandemic. She said, leaders need out-of-the-box ways of visioning right now to meet the challenges with COVID. When my friend made this statement, I thought, “Oh, maybe I should bring back a leadership vision program I retired in 2016, the Deep Rooted Authentic Leadership, Awake! (DRALA) program. I did so, and immediately enrolled a strong leader in this program.
As part of the DRALA protocol, I do the same work that my client does. That means that everything she or he does, I do it too, and we mutually create an environment of inspired change. The process begins by identifying an intention for the vision journey.
My intention was: “I am healing my Root Chakra so I see and feel rooted in my true life purpose”
I was startled as my Higher Self unfolded an unexpected vision board in response to my intention (See a picture of my vision board below). The vision board was largely about ending relationships.
I had to face some of my beliefs about relationships. The biggest one for me was that if a relationship ended, I felt I had somehow failed… That I hadn’t worked hard enough… or I hadn’t been skilled enough to make the relationship work.
My DRALA process revealed to me that it is a natural part of life to outgrow relationships, and that this is not about failure – it is about growth. At the end of the insight section of the DRALA process, I identified what insight felt most important in relation to my intention.
My most important insight was: Allow the breaks. It’s not failure. It’s about growing and outgrowing and creating space for relationships that enhance your high vibration.
I let go of my two old cyclamen yesterday. It has created space for new plants, space in my bedroom. They were tired. They deserved an honourable death – the letting go.
It was interesting how the letting go of these two plants felt like a part of this process for me – a teaching part of the process. These two cyclamens had been with me for around twenty years. It is unusual for cyclamen to live that long. I really loved these plants! They had been a mystical part of my journey. They bloomed when I bloomed. They went into a time of rest without blooms at times when I needed that too. So it was a big thing to say good bye to these two old friends! And yet, it was time.
One of the relationships in my life that had moved into a place of not working was that with my PhD supervisor. This relationship had been wonderful the first year of being back in university. But mysteriously, in the 2020 winter term, the relationship took a nosedive and was excruciatingly unworkable.
I went into a deep depression, and in the midst of that disheartenment, I did not take care when stepping up on a ledge one morning. I fell backward from the ledge onto my bedpost, fracturing my rib. This was a very painful and slow-healing injury, and this experience was intertwined with the process of my awakening within this relationship.
At the completion of the DRALA vision session, I identified a Spirit Action – something I wanted to physically commit to doing that would put my DRALA insight into motion in my life.
My Spirit Action was: I will journal for one hour with Buddha Locana in connection with her wisdom, “Focus on caring for the over-exposed parts of me. Everything else will fall into place”, and explore the meaning of letting go of my PhD supervisor: (1) How I grew, (2) how I outgrew, (3) what would happen if I hung on, and (4) what is possible with letting go.
Image of Buddha Locana from the 2012 Triratna Buddha calendar at: https://www.flickr.com/photos/fwbo/5973919158
Buddha Locana is one of the female Buddhas of the five Buddha families in Tibetan Buddhism. I have had a close relationship with her since 2015. She has been a strong source of connection for me with the Wise Feminine, and I deeply value this connection. When I first connected with her in 2015, I received that message quoted in my Spirit Action. I needed her tender care and attention to journal upon these four aspects of ending this relationship AND dismantle my former beliefs around relationships ending. I want to acknowledge that the PhD supervisor is the most important and intimate relationship one has during a 4-5-year PhD – so this was a very big step for me to take!
I did the hour of journalling and became clear within myself. I organized a meeting with my supervisor, including having a neutral mediator for that meeting. The “divorce” went well. It was done in a peaceful and mutually supportive way. I believe this says something about how important it was for me to come to a peaceful and clear place within myself so this ending could happen with love and grace.
Alongside my work on this relationship, I completed other relationships as well over the past few months. I notice that since I completed these relationship, I no longer feel the depression I felt earlier this year. It has released trapped energy, and freed some people who were likely not growing with me either.
I feel that taking time out of the busyness of life to go within and vision, like I did in this DRALA process, is one of the biggest gifts I can give myself. I strongly encourage everyone to do this, because it opens up our lives when things have become narrow and limiting.
I was part of a conversation recently about self-compassion, and we were talking about two forms of compassion: yin-compassion and yang-compassion (or feminine style compassion vs masculine style compassion). The yin style is what we typically think of as self-compassion – doing things like calming, soothing and validating ourselves. The yang style is about actually taking action for ourselves. Doing a vision process is a form of yang compassion for me.
I hope that sharing my story today may help open up ideas for change for you. I believe life is meant to be a beautiful experience. It is a sad thing when I/we forget this, and it is a glorious thing when I/we find a way to get back on track. I welcome any thoughts that may come up for you from reading my story in the comment section below. May we all grow together!
If you would like to be included on my monthly community email list, sign up here.
Would you like to explore how to create more balance in your life? This is a great topic, and I’m going to invite you to pull out your journal and explore some questions that will help you to get in touch with how to create more balance in your life.
The first thing we might consider is: What does balance actually mean? You may have more of an understanding of this than you realize. If you are drawn to this topic because you feel your life is not in balance, then what does that feel like for you? Where do you feel life balance in your body? As you tune into the feeling in your body, you can begin to wonder, is it coming from having too much to do, feeling stretched, or just not getting to what feels most important? Is your self-care sliding off your plate as you manage the demands in your life? Get in touch with what balance actually means for you.
If we were sitting together right now, I’d probably want to ask you about your priorities. How are you prioritizing? Where is your self-care ranking in your priorities? Is it easy or difficult for you to prioritize your well-being? Are you actively using the power of intentional prioritizing?
Next, I’d want to bring in a solution-focused technique called, “exceptions.” I’d ask you about what has helped you be in more balance in the past? I’m sure there has been some exceptional time in your life when you felt more in balance. What was happening at that time? Who did you have around you? What were you doing that contributed to that greater sense balance? There are likely some important clues in your own past experience that can serve you now for creating greater balance in your life.
The last area I’d suggest exploring today is: What new resources do you need to cultivate to live in balance now? This is a key place to dream outside of the box and imagine what it would *feel* like to be living a balanced life. They say that getting the feeling of your vision – getting that feeling right into your body – is the single best way to manifest change. Once you work with the embodied feeling, it can be much easier to know what new resources you need to shift into a greater sense of balance. Or… maybe you have an idea of something that could help, and you’re not really sure if it would help. It is often those little ideas that can lead to really healthy changes. Give it a try!
So whether you *know* what you need or you have some small sense of something that might help move you in the right direction, you now have something to help you move into more balance.
We are going to have a live conversation about this next week. I’d love for you to join us for our next You Matter conversation. We will create an embodied group space to explore what creating a life of balance can look like for you. Learn more and register for this free live conversation here: http://goldenyearslegacyplay.com/programs/you-matter-series/
Wow! Here we are at the 21st day of this vigil, and I am amazed at what a journey this has been!
Today I felt moved to dedicate my practice in one clear focus: May the raining wisdom create space for those impacted by the Shambhala tragedy to heal. Healing spaces, that is the topic for this final day.
Healing from something as profound as spiritual betrayal is a deep journey. It can be hard to find ground for healing when we are bombarded by continual craziness. I’m a firm believer in carving out spaces that are sane – little islands of sanity.
During Buddhist Project Sunshine, I hosted three community online discussion groups. These were safe spaces where people could connect and talk about what was happening after each of the three BPS reports were published. Looking back, these were holy grounds, where people extended trust and healed together in the midst of massive community revelations.
There is true wisdom to the abuse healing adage, “The best revenge is living well.” Creating lives where we are taking good care of ourselves and where we can experience some measure of joy, I feel this is important. And if that means leaving the Shambhala community to create that, then it is important to leave.
In my own case, I had a nervous breakdown at the end of Buddhist Project Sunshine, and I had no choice but to disconnect from what was happening in Shambhala. Over the past year I have been exploring delicate steps to find myself again.
One of those delicate steps was creating a program to help me reclaim my meditation practice, the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program. I went off-road in creating what I needed to heal, bringing in Western trauma healing strategies, energy psychology, and some non-traditional fun techniques. The program has helped me and I feel very grateful that it has helped other Shambhala survivors. The Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program is about creating safe space to get grounded, reconnect and heal. I know that not everyone is looking for that kind of place right now, but if you are, I hope you will take a look at the program and consider if you’d like participate in the next group starting up soon. It’s a lovely program, and I’d love for you to join us!
As I close this vigil, I would like to say some thank yous. First, thank you to Maria for formally joining me in this 21-day vigil, doing mette practice. Thank you also to those who paid attention and reacted to my FB posts. A very big thank you to Tenzin for his amazingly supportive comments on my blog posts! And last, but certainly not least, I thank the Shambhala lineage mothers and fathers, those spiritual forces who are guarding the longevity of this lineage, for their rain of blessings.
I dedicate the merit of this vigil to the continued healing in Shambhala. May it happen in ways that will bring the greatest benefit to all beings, past, present and future. Amen!
==========================
This vigil is for quelling suffering and invoking authentic healing for the hearts of those impacted by: (1) the Shambhala community tragedy, (2) the situation between Iran and the US, and (3) the bush fires in Australia.
Everyone is welcome to join. If you do werma practice, great! If you don’t, feel free to do any form of meditation or prayer. I welcome you joining me in this 21-day vigil!
I pray for the powerful presence of the Mother Lineage, to turn the tide of darkness in Shambhala.
On the penultimate day of this werma vigil I dedicated my practice to Ösel Mukpo, aka Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, and this was very emotional for me.
In my service as head of Buddhist Project Sunshine, people came to me with many stories of Ösel’s early years. I heard about how as a young child he was violently beaten by the man whose care he was left in in Scotland until his father could bring him to America. I heard stories of how once he finally came to America, he was rejected by his step mother and told he could not live with his father. I was told how in later years his male personal attendant taught him to objectify women, and would ask him if he wanted a blond or a brunette brought in that night. If even half the stories are true, it is hard to imagine how Ösel could have developed a healthy sense of identity.
Later, as we brought the stories of his hidden behaviours out into the open, I learned of his heavy drinking binges in adulthood. I can imagine the kind of suffering he was trying to push away and escape through such violent self-abuse.
What we are witnessing in Shambhala is a true tragedy. Ösel Mukpo didn’t stand much of a chance of succeeding. I believe in my heart that he is a good person at heart, that he tried his best, and that he is spiritually gifted. But without a healthy sense of identity, he has financially abused his community of students, been physically violent towards his attendants, been a sexual predator preying on his female students, and spiritually betrayed this sacred lineage.
I feel a close kinship with Ösel Mukpo because we are of the same generation, my being five years younger than him. I understand we both grew up in a very chaotic community. And I know he faced pressures I cannot imagine.
So as fiercely as I fought for the dignity and justice of the women he assaulted, I will fight that fiercely for his soul. I pray that he will forcibly remove those people around him who are milking him for power and convincing him to continue the charade. I pray that he will stand up, be a man, and publicly admit what he has done. He may well go to prison, and this will be a better life for him. It is a chance to purify karma. It is a chance to be a better example to his daughters. It is a chance to make right the harms he has committed. It is also an opportunity to get the therapy and healing that I imagine his inner psyche has been crying out for for decades.
I have a friend who counsels men with sexual addictions. She told me that she once asked a group of men what turned things around for them to begin healing, and every one of them said that it took being criminally charged before they woke up and started their process of healing.
Ösel Mukpo, may you receive the blessing of my practice and connect with the confidence to take steps towards making things right and engaging your own healing. And with every step you take towards the light, know that I am fully committed to supporting you. You have my word.
==========================
This vigil is for quelling suffering and invoking authentic healing for the hearts of those impacted by: (1) the Shambhala community tragedy, (2) the situation between Iran and the US, and (3) the bush fires in Australia.
Everyone is welcome to join. If you do werma practice, great! If you don’t, feel free to do any form of meditation or prayer. I welcome you joining me in this 21-day vigil!
I pray for union of the sacred feminine and divine masculine, to bring the blessings now needed.
Today I made a special dedication of my werma practice to the children of Shambhala – all of those who grew up in the community. It sure was a mixed blessing for many of us!
I can speak to my own experience. As part of the first wave of the second generation, it was really amazing to receive blessings from the old masters – the 16th Karmapa, Kalu Rinpoche, Tenzin Rinpoche, Thrangu Rinpoche, and of course Khentse Rinpoche, who blessed the Manjushri necklace I have worn for many years. And honestly, being immersed in the teachings of Shambhala and literally embodying them has been an unsurpassable gift!
I remember when I did the Women Recovering From Abuse program at Women’s College Hospital in Toronto, I clearly saw that I was healing more quickly than other women in the 6-week program. I knew it was because I had access to the Shambhala practices – they really helped. They connected me with courage and wisdom and dignity. This kind of healing work can be *so* heavy. Having access to these sources of confidence made a big difference!
One specific thing I’ll share is the visualization of Shiwa Ökar, with his ocean of werma warriors, all galloping toward me on their white horses in the sky – well, for me, this feels like an army of knights in shining armour coming to save the day! That *feeling* is pretty amazing for a trauma survivor. It opens doors. It certainly empowered me to stay the course through the hard times during Buddhist Project Sunshine.
So today, I’ve wished for a special blessing for the children of Shambhala. May they heal. And even more, I send this wish to those who grew up in the Mukpo household. I’m sure none of us can imagine what those children went through, in the center of both the madness and the blessing. May we all receive the healing that we need at this time, and as a community may we move forward toward the light and resist hiding in the familiar darkness of the past.
==========================
This vigil is for quelling suffering and invoking authentic healing for the hearts of those impacted by: (1) the Shambhala community tragedy, (2) the situation between Iran and the US, and (3) the bush fires in Australia.
Everyone is welcome to join. If you do werma practice, great! If you don’t, feel free to do any form of meditation or prayer. I welcome you joining me in this 21-day vigil!
I call to the wisdom dakini and ask for her blessing. May there be auspicious benefit in right timing, right pacing.
Today is one week since I injured my back. This has become a big part of my experience of doing this vigil; this injury has greatly impacted my physical activity. It has slowed me down, because there has been so much tending necessary to facilitate healing. The pain from the injury, and on top of the original injury, falling on the street the next day, all of this pain has brought me more into my body, which is also helpful for the deep work of this vigil.
I would like to revisit the theme I first brought forward last Friday, about accessing support. Last Friday I went to see my chiropractor to get help for the original back injury. Dr. Anne, my chiropractor, helped a lot, giving me advice for applying heat and ice, frequently moving my back, and she suggested I purchase an inexpensive back belt.
This back belt has made a huge difference, and I want to write about this. First there was the support of Dr. Anne, my chiropractor. Then there was the support of this back belt. First of all, it feels good to have it on. But more importantly, since it protects me from further injury, it helps me feel safe. My back muscles have been able to relax because they don’t need to be in defensive/protective mode against further injury. And since my muscles have been able to relax, my back has been able to heal very quickly.
I believe there is a lesson here and that emotional healing can happen in a similar way. If someone is trying to heal after a significant trauma, and they are on their own, they may be deeply distressed, feel very defended, and the healing could take a very, very long time. In contrast, if someone has a grounded, safe, compassionate and wise person who they can connect with for their healing journey, then the safety of that connection can be protective, like the back belt experience I described earlier. In the safety of that connection, a person can relax and experience warmth, and the tender work of healing from emotional trauma is far more possible.
So I am in favour of our seeking out strong, wise people – people with a strong back bone – people who we can viscerally *feel* their integrity and compassion. I think relationships like that can make a huge difference for our healing trajectory, enabling a shorter, kinder and less painful recovery. And actually, I don’t even like using the word, “recovery,” because after a relational trauma we will not go back to the way that we were before the trauma. Really, I see it more as an opportunity to grow through the healing process – to become a wiser and kinder person. That has been my experience over all these years.
So these are the fruits of my 18th day of this vigil. I am praying for the strength to make it to day 21. This has surely been an immersive and exhausting experience. At the same time, I feel closer to Padmasmbhava and to the wisdom dakini, and for that I am grateful. I sincerely hope that my werma practice will bring some small benefit to the Shambhala community. May the werma rain their blessings upon this community and inspire a movement towards the light, to honestly find a good way forward in which the teachings and the community may flourish.
This vigil experience has been very much like my early Buddhist Project Sunshine experience – feeling like I’m putting a whole lot of energy into something, and it seeming to be going into a dark void out there. Yesterday Tenzin’s short message in the comment section below was a welcome touch of human contact, as I continue my steps of this vigil. Thank you, Tenzin.
Sending my love out to all of you this evening.
==========================
This vigil is for quelling suffering and invoking authentic healing for the hearts of those impacted by: (1) the Shambhala community tragedy, (2) the situation between Iran and the US, and (3) the bush fires in Australia.
Everyone is welcome to join. If you do werma practice, great! If you don’t, feel free to do any form of meditation or prayer. I welcome you joining me in this 21-day vigil!
I open my heart to the wisdom of the Mother Lineage, and I pray for your tender guidance in this vigil.
The Shambhala teachings that I received during my time in the community focused on the masculine. I suspect little changed after I left the community in around the year 2000. I have appreciated what the masculine teachings did for my developing my masculine side. However, there was a great imbalance in me.
I remember when I came upon the book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes around the year 2002, I felt like the great imbalance from my Shambhala upbringing was finally addressed through the teachings of deep feminine wisdom in this book. In fact, I called this book my “bible” because it felt so important to me.
I feel we are witnessing a time of strengthening of the wise feminine. Perhaps this is crucial for the true birthing of the Shambhala teachings in the West, and even Tibetan Buddhism in general. I can’t help but think that these horrible mistakes, these incomprehensible harms, are somehow opening the door for these teachings to enter the West more fully to take authentic root.
It seems that the pervasive multi-generational experience of relational trauma in the West was ripe ground for the arrival of these teachings. Many people were vulnerable and seeking healing. They were not only willing to surrender to the guru, but they *wanted* to surrender their will, their intelligence, their money, etc.
This hasn’t just happened in Tibetan Buddhism. When I watched the Netflix series, Wild Wild Country, about the Rajneeshpuram community, I saw a familiar mentality in those students. It reminded me of what I saw my parents’ generation doing in the Shambhala community. I don’t mean the specific behaviours. What I mean is the approach, the desire, the surrender, the spiritual escape, the rampant sexual exploration, and I suspect the neglect of children in the midst of their spiritual fervour. The vibe in that series really reminded me of what was happening in the 70’s and 80’s in Shambhala.
There was a lack of being grounded and having common sense in the midst of the spiritual exploration. It was unbalanced. And I believe if there were women present who were grounded and in touch with wisdom of their ovaries, this insanity would not have spun out the way it has in many spiritual communities.
I would like to touch again on Pema’s recent resignation and how much I appreciate the grounded statement she is making. I wish we’d had this kind of female leadership all along! It seems Pema is in a process of awakening from the dissociated space so many have been operating in within Shambhala. I appreciate that she seems willing to open to being more in her body and her knowing, willing to look at the gross harm, and willing to find her voice to speak out about the violence. She seems to have gotten in touch with her “No”, and that is a powerful thing. We need more of this, and I hope other women will follow in Pema’s footsteps in this regard.
May we all grow stronger to face what has happened in our community so that we can take steps to repair, heal and ensure our community grows in healthy ways moving forward. May we allow the teachings to help us chart a good way forward with clarity and integrity.
==========================
This vigil is for quelling suffering and invoking authentic healing for the hearts of those impacted by: (1) the Shambhala community tragedy, (2) the situation between Iran and the US, and (3) the bush fires in Australia.
Everyone is welcome to join. If you do werma practice, great! If you don’t, feel free to do any form of meditation or prayer. I welcome you joining me in this 21-day vigil!
I call to the wisdom dakini and request her blessing.
I’d first like to acknowledge the beginning of Trump’s impeachment trial. May the outcome of this trial serve to honour and protect our home, Mother Earth, and all of life living within our sacred home.
I am appreciating the experience of doing werma practice consistently every day. As I have written before, I was advised to visualize Padmasambhava as the Sakyong in the practice. I find it powerful to be in his presence every day in this way. After feeling depressed by what I see happening in much of the world’s leadership, it is powerful to connect with a historical person who lived such powerful and compassionate leadership. It feels like balm on a long aching wound – a reprieve from long-standing pain. It’s a blessing.
In today’s world there aren’t many ways to connect with that kind of powerful sanity and leadership. That is why I see the Shambhala teachings as so valuable and worth preserving. Access to this personal experience of wisdom, bravery and leadership is exceedingly precious – for facing everything from the every day challenges of life to greater systemic and cultural darknesses.
The people who have clouded our community with harm and confusion are not living the light of these teachings, and they cannot put out the light of these teachings.
The message I would like to put out there today is to trust what you know is good, tender and wholesome. Allow that light of goodness to live in your heart. And know that it is far, far more powerful than any of the corrupt doings of those who have been operating from confusion in the Shambhala community.
In fact, I would propose that this light of gentleness will ultimately melt away the corruption. The corruption will not be able to survive in the presence of such authentic goodness. So please, live your goodness, and know you are contributing to creating a better world. This can happen bit by bit, day by day. This will absolutely overcome the corruption. I remember a slogan taught in the anti-violence movement: The best revenge is to live well. I think there is a lot of wisdom in that. Let us live well!
Sending my very best to you this day.
==========================
This vigil is for quelling suffering and invoking authentic healing for the hearts of those impacted by: (1) the Shambhala community tragedy, (2) the situation between Iran and the US, and (3) the bush fires in Australia.
Everyone is welcome to join. If you do werma practice, great! If you don’t, feel free to do any form of meditation or prayer. I welcome you joining me in this 21-day vigil!
I pray to the Wisdom Dakini to bless the final week of this Werma Vigil. To make a fuller, more celebratory offering for this final week, my intention is to write short daily blog posts. May love and healing spread through this!
The werma practice is a core Shambhala practice about enlightened leadership, which surely our world could use. Although the Shambhala teachings open the doorway to connect with manifest enlightened leadership, the Shambhala community was founded in emotional disconnection, boundary violations, violence, and for many, gross personal harm. This is a striking contradiction! I hope that once community members ground themselves, they will work to resolve this contradiction in a deeply beneficial way.
At this point, the community seems a long way from such a resolution. I understand that 130+ members requested abhisheka with Osel Mukpo, a man about whom numerous criminal allegations have been carefully documented. In my time with Buddhist Project Sunshine I received a basic “Cult 101” education from Richard Edelman, who played a key role in Phase 2 of the project. Richard explained what is called, “the double down.” In the double down, cult members see behaviour in their leader that they don’t feel comfortable with, and instead of staying with that and resolving it, they “double down”, which means they double their devotion to the leader to block out the uncomfortable information. I suspect this is the case with these 130+ students who requested this abhisheka. I have no idea why the leadership decided to approve this abhisheka, other than to guess that they are (1) incompetent, (2) hand picked by those who are truly controlling the leadership, and (3) are operating under the loyalty oath they swore to Osel Mukpo upon being placed in this leadership role.
I have witnessed the profound darkness of those who have truly been directing this community – those who have worked hard to cover up crimes… those who with Kasung/Art-Of-War strategies maintain the old, dysfunctional order… those who created a pseudo-leadership structure to appear as if it was a “fresh start”.
I’m not sure what it will take to pierce this darkness. I tried to do it with the third BPS report, “The Nail.” Things were clearly spelled out in that report, and there is no turning back from what was presented there. And yet the cloud of dark, confusion-generating energy remains.
This type of corruption and cover up continued in the Catholic Church until class action lawsuits threatened to bankrupt the church. That is literally what it took to turn things around for the Catholics. I think of this when I chant the Invocation for Raising Windhorse as part of the werma liturgy, specifically when I chant the line that reads, “Strife, enmity, scandal, warfare, lawsuits, recurrent calamity, and so on — Pacify all such obstructing discord.” Perhaps if we follow in the footsteps of the Catholics, “obstructing discord” is necessary to pierce darkness such as this.
But I will tell you that I felt moved to offer this 21-Day Werma Vigil in the hope that there could be another way. That we could call down the blessings of the Rigden, the enlightened leadership principle. That through the power of love and a more sacred devotion than we could ever muster in a cult, that this could bring about a change in the hearts of community members, both those that stayed and those who have left. And that it could open a crack for the light of grounded integrity in Shambhala leadership.
So I offer to you today my request that you open your heart, in whatever way feels possible, to a better outcome for our community. An outcome that includes genuine healing and repair. An outcome that includes leaders stepping forward from unexpected places and bringing clarity and sanity to this situation. An outcome that manifests these teachings in such a brilliantly true way, that the cloud of darkness enveloping this community shrinks and disappears.
Love can melt the brittle shell. We can stop playing games to avoid the inevitable, and we can begin to clean up this mess. Those who have caused harm can find ways to be accountable for what they have done and make whatever repair is possible. And in the process of this cleaning up, we can discover new meaning in the teachings and open our hearts to being sacred vessels living the Shambhala teachings.
Let us be willing to be with the uncomfortable truths. Let us be genuine courageous compassionate warriors. It is time to plant the banner of sanity.
==========================
This vigil is for quelling suffering and invoking authentic healing for the hearts of those impacted by: (1) the Shambhala community tragedy, (2) the situation between Iran and the US, and (3) the bush fires in Australia.
Everyone is welcome to join. If you do werma practice, great! If you don’t, feel free to do any form of meditation or prayer. I welcome you joining me in this 21-day vigil!
I dearly love women. I deeply care about women. It hurts my heart every time I see a woman disregarded, dismissed, belittled, ignored, covered in lies, sexually violated, physically assaulted, emotionally abused, or banished from a community because she spoke Truth.
I feel fortunate to have lived in the time of #MeToo – to have been part of such a profound time of women’s empowerment! As we move forward from this profound time of breaking open long suppressed truths, new supports are needed.
I heard on the CBC news yesterday that since April of this year, almost 700 battered women in Ottawa have been turned away from Violence Against Women Shelters. These women made what may be the most courageous decision in their life – to leave an abuser – and there was no safe shelter with support to receive them. The shelters are full of women saying no to abuse – indeed they are overfull!
Locally here in Halifax, a few months ago the Avalon Sexual Assault Center had to close its waiting list because they don’t have the resource to meet the needs of women recovering from sexual violence. The Avalon home page has a bolded message saying, “Avalon is temporarily unable to receive new counselling requests. We will be directing all therapeutic counselling service to those on the waitlist until we are able to estimate wait times.”A further over-stretched violence against women service.
In the midst of the startling changes happening now, it’s important to stay connected and talk. Thank you, dear reader, for your response to my post last week about what you are doing to meet the unique challenges of our time. In the same spirit as my post last week, I am seeking conversation about ways to be of support in these changing times.
I have been in dialog with Avalon Center and have offered to donate the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program to the center for use by women seeking support. It is a way that I am able to offer support to an overstretched system. They are looking into the possibility of how this might work for them, and we will be in continued discussion.
I, myself, received a great deal of support from the Toronto Rape Crisis Center (TRCC) over the past three years. My former counsellor, Karlene, not only cared for me in my personal journey, but she also provided invaluable strategic consultations for my leadership of Buddhist Project Sunshine. Once I put the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program on the market in 2020, I will be donating 10% of all sales to the TRCC.
In addition, I have offered to contribute to the TRCC as a motivational speaker for women who are thinking of doing what I did with Buddhist Project Sunshine (BPS). I know there are many stories that didn’t succeed as women hoped. BPS is a shining example of success, and according to Karlene, my work and BPS are already a source of inspiration to other women coming through their center.
Post-#MeToo, this is a new world that we are all actively creating. I believe each of us has something to contribute to making this a more loving and humane world. There are a lot of things happening that are encouraging. Let us nurture these things. And let us share our stories for a collective uplifting!
What are you doing to create a new world post-#MeToo? What would you like to do? Please feel free to post your thoughts below.
I have been heartened by important trends in the news lately. Namely stronger protests happening to bring attention to protecting our home: Mother Earth, including this week’s announcement from the United Nations about the imminent need to decrease green house emissions to ensure survival of life as we know it. I am also heartened by the launch of the impeachment inquiry into Trump.
But I am not naive! I know there are systemic, intergenerational belief patterns that led to the broken relationship with and abuse of our precious earth. Similarly, a collective consciousness led to the election and continued support of Trump (and other populous leaders in the world). I’m seeing traumatized, fragmented pain living an unbridled life, causing more pain.
Two questions on my mind are (1) What can I/we do to dismantle the ingrained systemic beliefs that created this global crisis? And (2) What can I/we do to support (a) the Earth Protection Protesters and (b) those involved with the impeachment inquiry?
I’d love to know what you think. I’m creating space here for you to share your positive, proactive, empowered and empowering ideas. I’m also creating space for you to share your sadness and grief over what we have done to our planet, and the intergenerational trauma that has impacted us all. Please, you are welcome to share below.
After a month of deep and heart-full discernment, the News Service volunteers, Jamie, Annette and I have decided to dissolve the connection between Buddhist Project Sunshine and the news service. They will no longer use the name Buddhist Project Sunshine or BPS. This dissolution is effective today, and the news service is taking on new branding: a new name, new website url, new FB page, and new Twitter account.
If you’d like to learn how we have come to this decision, read on…
On February 4th of this year I formally closed Buddhist Project Sunshine (BPS). At that time, I felt it would be helpful if a news service could continue to provide information about the full range of updates happening regarding the Shambhala’s awakening to the imbedded sexualized violence within the community, as well as related stories in other Buddhist communities. I asked Jamie and Annette if they would be willing to run a news service through April 2019, and then they could decide if they wanted to continue. They generously agreed, and began running a news service under the name, BPS News Service. I went completely offline at that point to engage my own process of healing.
In April the three of us came back together and met as planned. They said they would like to continue offering the news service. They felt it was providing important value, and they wanted to contribute positively to the community awakening. Jamie organized a fundraiser for their costs to continue the service. I strongly supported and promoted their fundraising campaign. They quickly met their fundraising goal, securing the news service continuing.
In May, the three of us entered into a time of discovery and discernment. We discovered that the news service they founded was based in different values from BPS. BPS was about strong activism to bring light to the abuses happening in Shambhala. The news service was born in a time of the abuses being globally recognized, and the community needing to find its way forward. Unlike the original BPS, the news service provides their stories in a neutral way, allowing space for readers to think for themselves. This seems appropriate for the current phase of awakening.
Given the distinctly different values of BPS and the News Service, we have decided to dissolve the connection between the two, while still honouring the historical evolution that led from BPS to the News Service. Please contact Jamie Moffat directly about the new news service. You can find him easily on Facebook.
I am grateful to Jamie and Annette for founding this news service, and I feel it is contributing something valuable to the community.
The journey we are on in the Shambhala world is enough to stretch every fibre of our being. At least that is how I have found it. I’d like to share about the decision I made to end my guru relationship with Trungpa Rinpoche.
Before I share my story, I want to say clearly that there is no right way forward for everyone. These decisions are very delicate and personal, and I believe each of us has to weigh the situation in our own soul to find our own best way forward. My decision is a result of weighing the situation in my soul. Someone else may make the decision to continue in a guru relationship with someone who has done the types of things like what we have been learning about; that may be right path for their highest good.
I feel deeply grateful to Leslie Hays for courageously bringing to light the abusive dark side of Trungpa Rinpoche. I am also grateful for John Perks sharing the story of Trungpa’s torture of a dog in his book. I am grateful to the women (“consorts” and “girlfriends” of Trungpa) who came forward to me and confirmed Leslie’s stories of Trungpa’s abuse of women and cats, and his cocaine addiction. I needed to know these things, as hard as they have been to hear.
Trungpa Rinpoche was my anchor for nearly my entire life. I was 6 years old when my parents became his students. I grew up within his blossoming Shambhala world. I went to seminary as a full participant in 1985, received pointing out instruction from him, and began doing prostrations visualizing him as Vajradhara. He was my guru. He was the earth and the sky of my experience of life.
Learning of his secret behaviours has been deeply devastating. And after completing the work of Buddhist Project Sunshine in February, I finally had time to face the uncomfortable truth.
This past May I went through an online meditation program I had created years ago. During one of the days of the process, the program invited me to go out for an intentional walk barefoot.
I did this.
And while I was walking I found myself talking out loud with Mother Earth. I heard myself saying that there was no way that I would ever feel a sense of foundation for my spiritual journey in a primary relationship with someone who was abusive and a coke addict.
I said I wanted something better for myself, and I wanted a chance to have a strong path.
I then found myself speaking out loud to Mother Earth making a decision to end the guru relationship with Trungpa Rinpoche. I said it clearly. I said it within the light of clearly seeing that there was no steady foundation for my path with that type of relationship at the core. I made a decision to end it.
I was shocked at how this unfolded. How could a relationship that was at the center of my life be over during one walk? Everything in Tibetan Buddhism has so much ritual, how could I end this primary relationship with no ritual, and in fact, no forethought?
Every time I have asked myself these questions since that day, I come back to the reason I made the decision. The reason cannot go away through turning a blind eye or wishful thinking. The reason I ended the guru relationship is because I need a healthy foundation for my spiritual path.
On this walk I found myself taking Buddha Mother Locana as my guide. I have been developing relationship with her for a number of years, and this feels good to me. I experience her as solid and kind, and of course, with the deepest wisdom.
I feel better after making the decision, and I feel I have great potential with my future now that I clearly decided to end that relationship.
I still regard Trungpa’s dharma teachings with honour and gratitude. I am so grateful for his sharing them! I have lived my life through his dharma teachings, and they have served me well. So even as I ended the guru relationship, he still has a special place for the valuable instruction he has given me for my path.
Decisions and understandings like this can only happen through engaging our own heart and path. No one can tell us how to think or what to do. We each need to take personal ownership for “looking” and “seeing” what is true in our own heart.
Sometimes we don’t know how to find that personal clarity. I’m grateful I had the resource of the online meditation course I went through. I liked it because it was self-study, and I had only me and my own mind to relate with. It gave me the safe space I needed to look at what was true for me.
I also found that in going through the meditation course, it would have been a much better experience if it took into account the sensitivity of my having gone through spiritual betrayal at such a deep heart level – both at the level of the guru, and at the level of the community who perpetuated the abuses. In hindsight, the program could have been more sensitive to that experience of trauma.
I’m passionate about finding ways to heal from what we’ve been through. I’m also passionate about the value of having a healthy meditation practice. Meditation gives us back the ability to work with our mind, and that helps us to be happier and better able to live fulfilling lives! Meditation is tried and true, and has been around a lot longer than any of the current difficulties with teachers. It’s important to reclaim something that is so valuable, and not let a few people tarnish that value.
My experience has inspired me to re-vamp the original meditation program so it brings greater sensitivity and support for those who have gone through spiritual betrayal. I am beta testing the revised program next month. If you are interested in learning how you can be part of the beta test, click here: Heal Your Heart Through Meditation. I’m limiting the test to 50 people. So if you are interested, be sure to register and reserve your spot.
There is a zoom call called, Reclaim Your Meditation Practice After Spiritual Betrayal, on July 30th which will include an interview of myself followed by group discussion. You can learn more about it here: True Healing, True Empowerment
I am confident we are going to find our way through this. If the Heal Your Heart Through Meditation program can play a small part in that, I will be very grateful. Take good care, and hope to connect with you soon!
It feels like a momentous occasion today as I close Buddhist Project Sunshine. I launched the project two years ago on Shambhala Day* 2017 with a mission to bring healing light to the sexualized violence embedded in the Shambhala community.
It is auspicious to learn that in the past week the first Shambhala leader was put in jail for allegedly sexually assaulting a minor within the community. Also Shambhala International released results from their own investigation into Osel Mukpo. It is striking that even with significant problems inherent in this investigation due to Shambhala’s refusal to appoint a neutral monitor, their results still confirm the tip of the iceberg of Osel Mukpo’s sexual assaults of women! It seems that the tide has officially turned, sanity is emerging, and genuine healing is beginning.
What I have most appreciated about this work has been the thousands of people across the world who have been an active part of this healing process. The fierce courage and genuine goodness that have arisen in the most surprising places throughout these two years have proven to me the truth of the core Shambhala teachings on fundamental goodness.
There has been a magical element at work lifting up the powerful sun of BPS. Community-wide healing has happened in a good and thorough way the past two years after decades of deep denial, oppression and harm.
I’d like to give a special shout of thanks to the survivors who wrote their stories of sexual harm in Shambhala in the Phase 1 report. These exceptionally brave people created the crack for light to come in. It was after the Phase 1 report that survivors of Osel Mukpo’s sexual misconduct and assaults first began to speak.
I believe I will never be able to give enough thanks to Carol Merchasin for her endless hours of solid investigative work documenting the harm in a professional and explicit way so the community could know what has been happening. It is also important to acknowledge that her findings have now led to police investigations into Osel Mukpo and John Weber.
There are two special memories I’m holding close to my heart as I move forward. One is of what one BPS volunteers said to me:
“You are attending to Buddhist Project Sunshine with so much grace and care. I’ve been struck by how your energy has always prioritized care and concern for the hurt and the trauma of everyone involved. There is so much sexual abuse happening in the world – in the Catholic Church, the #metoo movement – and too often these initiatives to uncover abuse are done in such a cold manner. It feels like all that happens is that abuse is uncovered, as though that is enough. But where is the care for the people in the community who are reeling from the hurt, who are picking up the pieces and trying to understand and express their deep pain?
I am in awe of the care that permeates BPS. I truly believe that this initiative needs to serve as a model for how other groups can and should operate. BPS exemplifies a genuinely human way of moving forward in the light of abuse which is actually directed toward people’s healing. I can’t emphasize that enough: BPS is so incredibly special.”
– Katie, a BPS Volunteer
The second memory is of a quote from Matthew Remski, a journalist who has shown keen insight into the Shambhala problem. He made one statement that causes me to laugh every time I read it:
“if any part of the neo-Buddhist practices commodified by Shambhala International are about actual rather than performed transparency, if they are about actual rather than meditated-upon compassion, its figureheads should be on their knees, asking Winn what they can do to help, as well as for her teachings on insight, courage, and forbearance.”
I find his imagery delightfully outrageous, and I was grateful for the healing laughter this quote brought in my moments of despair over the past months!
Aside from the outrageousness of Remski’s statement, I do wish the Shambhala leadership would have been willing to work with me. There is much that could have been possible if they had been open to working together.
Perhaps the only way for the Shambhala teachings to flourish now is for the local centres to take on the work of spreading the teachings. Perhaps that is where this all was headed from the beginning. Dismantling the hierarchy may now allow for the freshness and the beauty of our sacred teachings to be released and do their work in and for this world. May this be so!
I feel great about Buddhist Project Sunshine being complete! Healing light *has* been brought to the sexualized violence in Shambhala. Myself and many, many people were carrying a heavy burden of silence around what has been happening for such a long time. I, personally, am happy to be relieved of the burden of silence and to know the wound is now exposed to fresh air and sunlight to be properly dealt with, both in the criminal justice system, and within our hearts. I am happy to have played a part in this time of awakening. I’m also happy to lay down the great burden of service I have carried and return to living my own life.
In terms of my own moving forward, I am immersed in preparing for entering a PhD at Dalhousie’s Faculty of Computer Science this Fall. I’m currently busy taking a couple of 2nd year computer science courses at Dal, polishing up my coaching business and retirement workbook, and in my spare time I am singing with a high calibre women’s choir called the Aeolian Singers. I am looking forward to writing a paper within the coming months documenting the innovative model I developed for the BPS online discussion groups. You can sign up to receive a copy of the Discussion Group Model Paper, if you are interested.
Although the project is complete and I am leaving, to my delight there are three people who I very much trust who are launching a Buddhist Project Sunshine News Service tomorrow. If there is one word that sums up Buddhist Project Sunshine, that word is “integrity”. This is what I built BPS to stand for. I feel confident that the three people who are taking the BPS name forward will continue to stand firmly for integrity within Buddhism.
We expect Carol Merchasin to share a statement on the Wickwire Holm report through the BPS News, perhaps as early as tomorrow. The BPS News Service is also a place to keep up to date on the criminal investigations into Osel Mukpo, John Weber, and others. If you were not aware of the Shambhala leader who was put in jail last week, you can learn about it through the BPS News too. Sign up for the BPS News Service at www.buddhistprojectsunshine.org
Now that the secrets are out, we can all create new lives based on solid ground. It is my sincere wish that each person who has been touched by the Shambhala tragedy will be well-supported in their healing process AND fully engage their unique potential in vibrant colour and joy!
I know that many are feeling despair as we witness each further step of Shambhala leaders covering up the sexual violence that has happened. It feels important to reflect back that Yes, there are good reasons why you might feel despair. It is also important to know that you are not alone. I’d love to see people sharing stories about how they are forming good lives beyond Shambhala. I know people are creating new strategies as they work with what they know in their heart and what is happening in Shambhala, and they are exploring new ways of forming a good life. It would be truly wonderful to see people sharing their creativity and novel ideas!
It is my deepest hope that Jane Ross and Justin Rezzonico will be able to get their peer-run discussion group going soon. Having a place to connect with others is important, and it is wonderful that the two of them stepped forward with the inspiration to start this up. Running a discussion group that is a safe place to talk about painful topics is no small thing to do – it is a lot of work and requires a lot of courage. I hope there will be LOTS of community support for Jane and Justin’s work as they explore how to get the new discussion group going.
In the mean time, I am sharing Richard’s recent response to my “Wrap up” blog a week ago, with the hope that people will know they are not alone, and that it is possible to kindle a small flame of goodness, knowing and truth within your heart – Always.
Thank you for allowing me to share your words here, Richard:
Andrea:
As you may know some acharya’s are currently doing their annual visitation/training visits around the USA and the globe. They apparently haven’t skipped a beat in their service to this deeply flawed organization. (Have any of them resigned in protest?) I mention this only to make public the fact that some are downplaying the reality of the BPS work in said Shambhala forums, work that has been painstakingly accumulated and bravely published by yourself and others. What an incredible courageous effort it has been too. Thank you so much!
The acharya I witnessed plainly states that BPS is a questionable effort fueled only by the energy of fanatical ex-devotees set upon destroying SMR and (of course) sustained by a muck-raking press and cash-starved lawyers. Yes sadly, this person is in deep denial and obviously flawed in his own devotion to SMR. I have witnessed this personally but in this forum hesitate to name the culprit.
In addition, some city centers are also still teaching from SMR’s books and consider his legacy valuable enough to ignore the many contributions from other grander more valid and genuine Tibetan Buddhist sources. Indeed, how callous and insensitive can they be? (I left a Weekthun in December 2018 in protest just after two days due to this example.)
On a personal note, I’ve since relinquished all affiliation to Shambhala, it’s leaders and the teachings. Can a rusty faulty spigot with a polluted source deliver the pure teachings of such a rich and valuable tradition? What Would Buddha Do? I’ve asked myself these questions many times over during the past few months. Some, of course, may disagree with my conclusions but I tend to rest in the fact that Shambhala is and maybe always has been a terrible distortion of the Buddha’s teachings and his pure Dharma. Can Shambhala be an elaborately constructed scheme merely designed and developed to attract attention and contributions from unknowing and deluded westerners in support of a personal lavish reputation and lifestyle. Indeed a lifestyle that far exceeded in wealth and luxury what the founders may have enjoyed in their original homeland or in a more humble setting. (For example: Thich Nhat Hanh) Such wealth and luxury can only generate corruption and by its very ‘hierarchical’ nature become a self-serving organ generating continued wealth and fame for its creators at the top. (Please reference World Systems Theory for more information on social/political/economic systems.)
Again, thank you for your noble efforts and may life be generous and kind toward you and yours in the future.
Without doubt, it can be said that the mission of Buddhist Project Sunshine has been accomplished at this point, and far more. The original mission was to bring healing light to the sexualized violence in Shambhala. That has happened beyond what I could ever have imagined two years ago, and investigations now continue in the capable and neutral hands of law enforcement.
It feels important to acknowledge that our mission is complete. I am therefore closing my involvement in the project and all that has been running through my business computer systems on February 4th, the end of this Tibetan year of the Earth Dog. I launched BPS two years ago on the Tibetan new year’s day 2017, and it seems fitting to acknowledge the completion of my work at the end of this Tibetan year, after two years of “dogged” service. On February 4th I will shut down the GoFundMe page and delete the BPS contact database from my business systems. I will be posting a last message before closing my part in BPS on February 4th.
I am pleased to share that a small group of exceptionally good-hearted volunteers will be offering an “add on” to the project. Volunteers will be offering a BPS news service this winter! The news service will be completely in their hands, and I will have nothing to do with it. I will formally pass the reins to the volunteers’ news service through my existing communication channels on February 4th. So stay tuned for more information coming shortly!
I am leaving the GofundMe campaign open until February 4th for anyone who would like to contribute to help me pay the debt I accumulated as I devoted my time and energy to BPS. My debt is $20,200. I made decisions along the way to continue to focus on BPS rather than shift my focus back to my coaching service because I personally needed the sexualized violence to be brought out into the light. I do not regret this. And now I am turning my attention to my own healing, paying my debt, and moving forward with a good life. I welcome financial help from those who feel they benefitted from my efforts. If you feel moved, you can contribute here.
As always, thank you to everyone who is contributing to the healing light. Every small effort you make makes a different – so thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Buddhist Project Sunshine wishes everyone a healing, growing and inspiring year in 2019. After a volatile 2018, it is important to set strong and firm intentions for charting pathways of authentic peace in the new year. There will undoubtedly be further challenges in 2019, and we can face them firmly connected with our loving heart and expecting a healthy and healing outcome.
BPS would like to offer a basic News Service for the winter while the staff and volunteers take time off to heal from 2018.
Why is news important?
Shambhala’s leadership seems to, unfortunately, still be covering things up. They are not sharing news that is important for the community to know.
We feel it is important for all people impacted by abuse in Shambhala to know about the three police investigations of Shambhala leaders, including Osel Mukpo, that are now open. We also feel it is important for you to have access to media articles, such as the series of articles in the Denver Post about the police investigation into Osel Mukpo.
Many Shambhalians are waiting for Shambhala’s Wickwire Holm investigation results. In the BPS Phase 3 report we detailed core problems with this investigation. The biggest problem being that according to Wickwire Holm, they will give the results of their investigation to the man who hired them: Alex Halpern. Mr. Halpern works closely for Osel Mukpo and has a conflict of interest for sharing the investigation report fully with the Interim Board. Furthermore, the Interim Board has sworn an oath of loyalty to Osel Mukpo, so this will be second layer of filtering of the investigation results before they will be shared with the community.
Carol Merchasin has some ideas for how these problems could be addressed with the Wickwire Holm investigation, and we hope to share her thoughts through the BPS communication channels.
We see BPS’s established communication channels as something of value. We hope you do too. Provided we can raise funds to run a news service, we will offer this news service over the winter. We need to raise $2,500 to offer this service January through April.
With February just around the corner, it’s time to wrap up the activities of last year. Here are some highlights, right off the bat:
Three police investigations of Shambhala leaders
The most important wrap up news is that there are now three police investigations open, two are directly resulting from the BPS Phase 3 report and the third is of a related Shambhala teacher in Boulder. Our perseverance in bringing healing light to the sexualized violence in Shambhala was successful, and we now have police continuing the work. It is likely that these three initial investigations will lead to the opening of more investigations. This is a critical step in the community’s healing process.
BPS 6-week therapy group for SMR abuse survivors
I’m pleased to share that BPS arranged for a 6-week group led by an experienced trauma therapist for the SMR survivors who contributed to the BPS reports. That group finished last week, and I understand it was a really good experience for everyone who participated, including the therapist.
BPS Phase 1 – 3 reports delivered to the Dalai Lama
I am also pleased to share that the three 2018 Buddhist Project Sunshine reports have been delivered to the Dalai Lama’s lama abuse office requesting the Sakyong Mipham be investigated.
Buddhist Project Sunshine Financials for 2018
Please find reporting on how the donations were used in 2018 in our Year End report: BPS 2018 Financial Report
Academic interest in Buddhist Project Sunshine
In December I was approached by two students from universities in the United States, each of whom was doing their final term project on BPS. They interviewed me for their projects, and will be forwarding them to share through the BPS website. Stay tuned! Here in Canada, I have been approached by Dalhousie to give a presentation to students of the Faculty of Computer Science about the role my computer science education played in creating a successful social justice movement in BPS. The hope is that it will be of particular inspiration to women computer science students.
The Buddhist Project Sunshine On-line Discussion Group Model
Participants in the BPS Phase 2 Discussion Group filled in before and after surveys, and the preliminary data show significant improvement in their scores from their participation in the group. As promised, I will be documenting the cutting edge therapeutic model I designed for our online community in a published report by mid-2019. For all those who gave permission to use their survey data, rest assured that your survey data is being kept securely and confidentially.
An on-going BPS Online Discussion Group
In October I put forward a proposal for a self-sustaining long-term BPS online discussion group. In response, Jane Ross and Justin Rezzonico felt the community is ready for a peer run group, as an off shoot of the three formally moderated BPS discussion groups held in 2018. The discussion group community was in strong support of the peer-run proposal. We look forward to Jane and Justin announcing the opening of the new peer-support online group.
Some 2018 closing gratitudes for BPS (Thank you!)
As we wrap up this year, I’d like to share two messages that came in just before we shut our email down; both speak to the benefit of Buddhist Project Sunshine’s work:
From a Phase 3 discussion group participant: “Andrea Winn Having a community to share within is tremendously helpful. I have struggled with the questions in this open discussion for at least ten years, [without] reading and talking to anyone who was involved enough to understand the dilemma I faced. You have helped many others with your passion and dedication. Community sharing lets people out of the loneliness that imprisons victims of abuse.”
And from a community member who benefitted from our investigation: “The work you’ve done with BPS has benefited me in a deep way- showing me I don’t owe anything to Shambhala. Up til recently I still imagined I had a chain around my ankle which isn’t there at all. “
What’s next?
The BPS staff and volunteers are taking time during the winter to digest the amazing journey we had in 2018; we also have a lot of pain and grief to process. The project shifted into scaled-down mode on November 30th to give us space for this.
Our plan is to simply operate a news service January – April, to keep the community informed about the ongoing investigations of Osel Mukpo and the police investigations of both Mr. Mukpo and other Shambhala leaders. We will do this as long as we can raise funds to for this scaled down service. (See details in the BPS New Year’s message.) We will evaluate in May to see if there is funding and energy for BPS to continue in the Spring.
As I complete two years of work on BPS, I am looking forward to some downtime and returning my attention to my normal career as a retirement vision coach. I see retirees as an important source of wisdom and guidance in our current social climate; they have years of experience and much to offer in mentoring younger people struggling today. It feels important to empower them to bring their gifts into this world. I am doing my part by offering a workbook for planning a deeply fulfilling retirement, The Golden Years Legacy Play Workbook, which I’m learning how to promote on Amazon.
A big THANK YOU to the BPS volunteers!
In closing, I’d like to thank all the volunteers who’ve helped BPS bring light and healing to abusive behavior that up until now has been accepted and hidden in Shambhala. I invite you most heartily to celebrate what we have achieved in a truly unforgettable year of Buddhist social activism!
I am sending my personal wish for authentic healing for all those impacted by the harm within Shambhala, and that the good-hearted community people have experienced within BPS will inspire them to seek out more connection and community as they continue to grow and find healing.
A large group from Rigpa have written a letter to lamas teaching in the West, asking them to break their silence and speak out regarding disclosures of abusive behaviors particularly by Sogyal Rinpoche. They also mention disclosures of abuse by Sakyong Mipham.
Buddhist Project Sunshine is establishing a long-term home!
The BPS Phase 3 Discussion Group, whose focus has been on providing a place to grieve what has been lost through the profound abuses in our Buddhist communities, is coming to a close November 10.
Given the sincere interest to develop a sane and honest community space, BPS is founding a sustainable long-term discussion group. We are sharing the model with the Phase 3 Slack Discussion Group now for feedback before we launch the new group later next week. See the Plan for the New Group.
We had our first BPS community zoom call last weekend, and it was a very positive step for our community. In that call I shared some thoughts about meditation and trauma, and I’d like to share them again here.
In one Buddhist teaching, it is taught that there are three kinds of gifts:
1. Material gifts
2. The gift of fearlessness (calming people who are afraid)
3. The gift of meditation
Each kind of gift is more valuable than the last. The reason the gift of meditation is the supreme gift is because our mind is the part of us that perceives, and meditation is a technique to work with the mind. So if we have a way to bring gentleness to our mind, then our experience of life will improve.
But… What happens when your meditation community goes into crisis?
We naturally form relational attachment to the people we learn meditation from, and the community we practice with. That attachment gets tangled up with our own personal meditation practice.
When the teacher and leadership of the community where we learned meditation turn out to be untrustworthy, it can be shocking and traumatic. Shaken spiritual community attachments can deeply impact our relationship with our own meditation. The attachment to a guru who turns out to be a sexual predator can have an even deeper impact on our meditation – and relationship to our spirituality all together.
BPS offers a space to begin to untangle the connections that are no longer serving you, to free your ability to meditate. Our next community zoom is this weekend. See details in the BPS Online Moderated Discussion Group!
Buddhist Project Sunshine: Closing One Chapter and Beginning Anew
By Andrea Winn, Founder – September 28, 2018
There are important things to share today, as Buddhist Project Sunshine is shifting the focus of our work away from Shambhala and into a greater space of promoting integrity of Buddhist practice in the West. The needs of the greater world are becoming more apparent as political corruption rocks the foundation of people’s feeling of safety in their everyday lives. Buddhism can help this world. To do that, it needs to be healthy Buddhism. BPS is now joyfully engaging a greater mandate of increasing the integrity of Buddhist practice in the West.
The allegations in the three published BPS reports have been shocking. Many people have found it difficult to comprehend how trusted leaders could behave in the ways that survivors have described.
The reaction of many Shambhalians following the Phase 3 report reveals that the Shambhala community needs time to process the information BPS has provided, and to come to their own conclusions about how the community needs to change.
We’re glad to see the changes that have already happened: The resignation of the Kalapa Council and a few Shastris, and Pema Chodron confirming allegations against her in the BPS Phase 3 report. May other leaders follow in her footsteps and tell the truth. Telling the truth is an important step in repairing the harm of clergy abuse and sexualized violence.
The Shambhala community needs to muster strong and accountable leadership if it wishes to be a true reference point for enlightened society for future generations. Assuring Ösel Mukpo’s legal and ethical accountability for the harm he has caused is important. Guaranteeing that selected leaders are not predators or abusers is essential. And, there must be deep investigation and reflection about whether a feudal system of patrilineal lineage remains a viable model for the transmission of spiritual teachings.
I am very pleased with what BPS has accomplished over the past year. BPS has succeeded in shining a light on a lot of deeply hurtful, adharmic behaviour within Shambhala. Hidden truths are now known, and the level of awakening in the community has increased dramatically. We are proud of our gift of light to Shambhala.
For the past nine months, Shambhala leadership has declined to engage with BPS as a partner in change. I accept this and have released my hopes of working together. We leave it to those still inside Shambhala to reform the current dysfunctional governance system. We wish the Shambhala community the very best.
Some have responded to our shift away from serving Shambhala saying they wish BPS would still be the “watchdog” on the outside of Shambhala and “hold their feet to the fire.” If you feel that way, then we invite you to help create a Shambhala Watchdog group. BPS will connect you together. Sign up to organize a group with others who share this concern here: https://andreamwinn.com/offerings/shambhala-watchdogs/
As BPS concludes its work with Shambhala, I’d like to create space for an important expression of gratitude. Many people have been involved in BPS’s campaign of light. I am grateful to all of those people! One person has been an especially generous, largely unsung bodhisattva: Carol Merchasin. Carol is a retired investigator who has been at the forefront of her field both as an investigator and as a trainer of investigators. We were inconceivably blessed to have Carol come to BPS and dedicate hundreds of hours of expert volunteer labour documenting the stories of abuse survivors in Shambhala. I have set up a Thank You Card for Carol. Please come visit and write a note at the bottom to her! https://andreamwinn.com/thank-you-carol/
Many Shambhalians have departed the formal community and are continuing to live out the essence of these precious teachings. This same goodness will be infused in the future of BPS.
BPS will continue to support the survivors of Ösel Mukpo’s alleged clergy abuse and sexual assaults by providing advocacy and support as they heal and become ready to make statements to police. BPS will continue to stand 100% behind the survivors pursuing criminal charges. We welcome more women coming forward who want to explore making police statements, and in particular we warmly invite the under age women reported in the Phase 3 report to make contact. BPS will continue to provide community updates on the legal steps the women survivors make.
In addition, we are organizing a healing group for the women survivors of Mr. Mukpo’s alleged abusive behavior and assaults who contributed to the Phase 2 and 3 reports.
To the broader Buddhist community, BPS will also continue to offer vibrant, sane and supportive community in our facilitated on-line discussion group. We are now pleased to be offering two group meditation sessions in our zoom room each week. Learn more about our free on-line community here: https://andreamwinn.com/offerings/project_sunshine_discussion_group/
Moving forward, BPS will be shifting its focus to two main areas: addressing past harm and proactively preventing future harm.
First, we are exploring creating in-person programs and supports for the delicate work of healing from the abuse and trauma that members of Buddhist communities have experienced.
Second, we will be working to discern healthy governance models and ethics for Buddhist communities in the West. We have several passionate and intelligent members who are keen to dig into this area, so that Buddhist communities can become safe, thriving places for Western practitioners.
As we move forward into this new frontier, it is important to celebrate what may be our most profound accomplishment so far: forming a community within BPS that is sane, genuinely kind, and intelligently compassionate. It is trauma informed, since many who have gathered have been through significant relational trauma. Here is a sneak peek into the volunteer culture operating at the heart of BPS, The Buddhist Project Sunshine Volunteer Guide: https://www.andreamwinn.com/project_sunshine/BPS_Volunteer_Orientation_Guidelines.pdf
BPS is actively reclaiming the lost jewel: Sangha. It is time for all of us to have a place where we feel valued, safe and heard. It is a wonderful healing after years (decades for some) of alienation and suffering caused by sangha corruption.
Please join me in celebrating the profound success of Buddhist Project Sunshine over the past year. Our new focus will allow us to continue fostering integrity in Buddhist communities so the blessings of Buddhism can flourish in the West. Three cheers for Buddhist Project Sunshine!
Carol and Andrea were on a zoom call with the women survivors just before releasing the Phase 3 report, and one of the women spontaneously said how grateful she is to Carol. She talked about how deeply compassionate Carol was in listening to and documenting her story. After all those years of profound suffering in silence, she said that someone listening and caring to document her story was “like a dream come true.”
Although Carol has simply been doing her job as an investigator, the simple action of listening and taking these women seriously has in fact been a deeply compassionate activity – it has been genuine bodhisattva activity – within probably the most horrific situation that any of us can imagine.
Carol has brought light to the darkness. She has shone that light in a most professional, caring and thorough way. And she has spent hours carefully crafting her memos so they are clear and digestable.
What Carol has done for the Shambhala community, completely in a volunteer capacity, is truly “imponderable”, to use the word of one past blog commenter. Many people will want to express their thanks to Carol for what she has done for our community, so we are offering this “Thank You Card to Carol” today to give you an opportunity to express what is in your heart for what Carol has done for us. Simply write your note at the bottom of this page!
In the Kalapa Council email to the community two weeks ago, they attempted to deny allegations made by Ann in the Buddhist Project Sunshine Phase 3 report. We are aware that Ann’s story is shocking, and it takes time to ground this new information. The depth of betrayal by loved and trusted leaders is deeply heart breaking. To be clear, BPS stands firmly behind Ann’s statement. She has been through serious assaults in the center of the Shambhala mandala, and it is long overdue for these assaults and the people involved to be brought into the light. We are happy that leaders, like Pema Chodron, are starting to come forward to confirm allegations against her in the Phase 3 report. This is important for the process of healing.
With their email, the Kalapa Council included a letter from their new employment lawyer, Steven Suflas. In response to Mr. Souflas’ letter, two of the women survivors of Osel Mukpo’s alleged sexual assaults asked BPS to share why they are not participating in Shambhala International’s Wickwire Holm investigation:
“I submitted a statement to Buddhist Project Sunshine detailing abuse I experienced from Osel Rangdrol Mukpo (Mr Mukpo) aka Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, but decided not to speak with Wickwire Holm, the law firm hired by Alex Halpern who serves as attorney for Shambhala’s board of directors and Mr Mukpo.I have no doubt that Wickwire is a respected firm, but I question whether it can serve as a neutral third-party investigator when its client is the organization that has covered-up Mr Mukpo’s egregious behaviors for many years. Additionally, Shambhala has not stated how it intends to use Wickwire’s findings or if it would share the complete findings with the Shambhala community. Therefore, I suggest an independent monitor be engaged to investigate the abuse claims against Mr Mukpo.”
And
“I made my decision to come forward about being sexually assaulted by SMR after many years of silence.I saw that finally safe space had been created and I will be forever grateful to Andrea W and Carol M for their professionalism and depth of understanding of trauma.They have given me a protected place to finally step forward and speak my truth.In all of my interactions with Carol and Andrea, I have only experienced support to make my own decisions that are best for myself.Any suggestion that I have been coerced by them in any way is both absurd and insulting.What I experienced with SMR is criminal behavior and I deeply regret not filing criminal charges years ago.I was beaten down and terrified and so I fled.Even with as much healing as I have done over the years, the terror remains and safe space to speak of the sexual assaults is imperative.I am not participating in the Wickwire investigation for the simple reason that this law firm has been hired by Shambhala USA, an organization run by my perpetrator, SMR.How could this possibly be a safe place for me?The so-called third party investigation being conducted by Wickwire smacks of a whitewash.The firm was retained by Shambhala and the final report goes to Shambhala.The new board, likely to be comprised of Sakyang loyalists will make a decision about what to release publicly or not.How can anyone think that this is a legitimate third party investigation?For me a third party investigation has grown in a grassroots fashion with BPS and this is sufficient for me.SMR has committed crimes.He should be held accountable for his actions by our legal system and charged in a court of law.It is my hope that other survivors out there will know that BPS offers a safe place to tell your story.I can say for me that this has been one of the most healing experiences of my life and I know that this healing energy can infuse the entire Shambhala mandala.I am so very grateful to those of you who have spoken and written in support of the survivors.Your words mean the world to me and you are in my heart.”
To conclude, here are seven quick observations from reading Mr. Souflas’s letter:
He must have somehow managed to get an early draft of the Phase 3 report, as he is almost entirely citing outdated information about the Wickwire Holm investigation that is not in the Phase 3 report we published. He should use the published report for any response to the report.
He is a workplace lawyer citing workplace laws. Shambhala is a spiritual community not a workplace, and there are significantly different dynamics as such. The women alleging being assaulted were not employees of Shambhala.
BPS called for an independent investigation in the Phase 2 report to investigate Osel Mukpo. Mr. Suflas says this investigation is “in response to allegations of widespread harm” which distracts attention from the person, Osel Mukpo, who needs to be investigated
To say that An Olive Branch conducts workplace investigations is simply false
Both Andrea and Carol explained in the Phase 3 report why the Shambhala investigation is not sufficiently independent. Mr. Suflas does not address that and simply asserts his opinion saying “There can be no question that this investigation will be sufficiently independent”
He refers to “Shambhala’s outside general counsel, Alex Halpern”. Mr. Halpern has been a Shambhala member from the beginning of the community.
He says Wickwire has been “given their responsibility to make sure that Shambhala’s employees and contractors do not engage in misconduct while serving the Shambhala community.” Again, since Osel Mukpo is not an employee of the community, he has taken the lens off the true object of investigation. And since Shambhala is not a workplace, again, his workplace law perspective really isn’t relevant to a spiritual community
Carol Merchasin emailed Mr. Souflas on September 14, 2018 to inform him he was working from an early draft of the report and to offer some suggestions about the investigation, but he did not respond to her.
As promised, Buddhist Project Sunshine is offering a healing message today for everyone impacted by the situation in Shambhala, including those who have left the community.
We understand we have now entered into a time of profound grief. The growing BPS community wants to support the delicate process of moving through the painful experience of grief, betrayal and emptiness that many are feeling.
The BPS Discussion Group community is beginning regular group meditation sessions next Tuesday. An intention will be made for the practice to benefit all of those impacted by the Shambhala situation.
We continue to affirm our confidence in the ability of the Shambhala community to do the right thing and create a new culture that properly addresses abusers and honours and respects the dignity and tenderness of all people so that the Shambhala dharma can flourish.
We understand the distress and grief community members are experiencing after reading the Phase 3 report and learning of things none of us would ever have wanted to happen to students within this community. In response, we have formed a Wisdom Circle to look at how BPS can offer further support through healing energy practices and a community healing message. This will be coming soon.
BPS On-line Discussion Group is open, and you are invited
We are pleased to offer a moderated on-line discussion space to explore an inspiring and honouring new approach to sangha that dismantles past abusive practices and behaviours. We offered this on-line group before, and it was so successful that people asked us to offer another one. Please join us!
“You are attending to Buddhist Project Sunshine with so much grace and care. I’ve been struck by how your energy has always prioritized care and concern for the hurt and the trauma of everyone involved. There is so much sexual abuse happening in the world – in the Catholic Church, the #metoo movement – and too often these initiatives to uncover abuse are done in such a cold manner. It feels like all that happens is that abuse is uncovered, as though that is enough. But where is the care for the people in the community who are reeling from the hurt, who are picking up the pieces and trying to understand and express their deep pain?
I am in awe of the care that permeates BPS. I truly believe that this initiative needs to serve as a model for how other groups can and should operate. BPS exemplifies a genuinely human way of moving forward in the light of abuse which is actually directed toward people’s healing. I can’t emphasize that enough: BPS is so incredibly special.”
After the last memo Buddhist Project Sunshine released on the alleged sexual assault in Chile, more women came forward with a deeper level of detail that I feel is important for the community to be aware of. BPS will publish our Phase 3 report next Thursday, August 23.
Thank you to the community for your bravery and on-going good heart as we walk the necessary steps to regain integrity for our spiritual path. I look forward to connecting next Thursday.
Buddhist Project Sunshine is developing into a more stable organization. Financial support is crucial for our stabilizing and continuing to serve as a beacon of sanity. Also, embracing a new level of volunteerism is going to be the way of the future for our continued service both to the Shambhala community and to helping create a new vision for Buddhism in this century.
I am delighted to announce that I will now be assisted by an Administrative Assistant, Vallie Stearns Anderson. She comes with the highest endorsements of those who know her. Please find her bio below. Please note: Vallie will now be responding to Buddhist Project Sunshine emails.
I am also sharing the video of the special talk and Feeding Your Demons event we hosted with Lama Tsultrim Allione. She spoke about the trends happening now in terms of abuses in Buddhist communities, and within Shambhala specifically. She offered words of wisdom and skilful means for relating with these challenges.
New Buddhist Project Sunshine Administrative Assistant
Vallie-Stearns Anderson, has been meditating and practicing with the Shambhala community since 2001. She is active with the meditation groups in New Brunswick since 2005 as a Meditation Instructor, and is currently the Coordinator of Practice and Education in Sackville, NB. She also holds a leadership position in the Dorje Kasung, the protection pillar of the Shambhala community. She has been active for over six years with the New Brunswick Coalition for Pay Equity, lobbying for economic justice for women. In her work life, she has been active in the labour movement as a campaigner, negotiator and public policy researcher. Prior to that she spent 15 years in the feminist movement working against sexual and other forms of violence against women and children, in public education, crisis counselling and emergency shelter services. All this experience informs her present commitment to supporting survivors of sexual abuse and to the healing of the Shambhala community.
Lama Tsultrim Allione leads Feeding Your Demons® with the Buddhist Project Sunshine community
In these times of facing our greatest fears in a Buddhist spiritual community, we are blessed with this special program with Lama Tsultrim Allione. Lama Tsultrim said she appreciates the groundedness and authentic engagement people are having in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group, and she felt moved to reach out and help by offering this special Feeding Your Demons discussion and practice session. Learn more about Lama Tsultrim at: https://taramandala.org . If you are interested in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group, see more details here: Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion Group
These are times of startling brilliance. Waves of gratitude have been hitting my email inbox as community members express sincere thanks for the light Buddhist Project Sunshine has brought to abuses happening for decades within Shambhala. Thank you so much for your gratitude – it deeply touches my heart.
This is a community-wide movement at this point, as we tend our grief and betrayal, and as we draw upon the rich resources of our training in warriorship to chart a good way forward for ourselves and our service of all humanity. This is a profound time of recovering the sacred ground of our lineage.
I found myself searching for language for the women who came forward and shared their stories of abuse by Ösel Rangdröl Mukpo (aka Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche). I didn’t want to call them “victims” or “survivors”. I feel these women are far more holy. The women who have come forward and shared the clear testimony of their abuse are strong, brilliant women. They are spiritually devout. They applied their body, speech and mind to their pursuit of their spirituality in relationship to Mr. Mukpo. They walked each step through his mind-bending abuse. They were cast aside. They were shunned by the community. They left, and beyond all odds picked up their pieces and formed better lives for themselves. And then when the opportunity arose for them to share their stories to bring light to a level of abuse more horrific than most of us could imagine, they stood up and shared what happened to them for the benefit of the community.
I feel the best name for these women is, “Shambhala dakinis.” They are a true blessing to us. The gift of their pain and their sanity is truly unsurpassable.
Because of the nature of the BPS Phase 2 report, their stories were anonymous. This means they have received no letters of thanks. I would like to open an opportunity today to give thanks to these courageous women. Please post your gratitudes to them below. And please do share this blog on your Facebook pages and with friends. Let’s spread this far and wide so this community can give abundant thanks to these noble women.
NOTE: The purpose of this blog post is to provide a place for community members to express their thanks to the women who came forward and shared their experiences of abuse by Ösel Rangdröl Mukpo. Only those thanks will be approved below. If you have other thoughts, please share them in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group. If you are not currently part of our discussion group, learn more and connect with the BPS Discussion Group.
I had a vision yesterday morning of rich, fertile, feminine earth. A place where we can all draw the strength needed to face what is occurring in Shambhala. A place where we can receive good nourishment for our spiritual practices and path. A place where we can grow good things.
I’m seeing with the general MeToo movement, and with what is happening in Shambhala and other Buddhist traditions, there is a strong call for feminine leadership. It clearly doesn’t mean all women. Many women have bought into the male power structures and manipulative dynamics; they benefit from that system and so they perpetuate it.
We all know what it feels like when you encounter an authentically strong woman – someone you can trust and grow with. I have met women like that. I see women like that gathering around the work of Buddhist Project Sunshine. There are some pretty awesome men and gender queer folk gathering around the strong feminine energy of this project too.
We all have our heroes, and for me, Yeshe Tsogyal is the ultimate feminine presence. I have strongly wished her presence here for Shambhala as we go through the steps of cleaning up our lineage. I feel she was the most powerful woman leader ever. Tibetans fervently prayed to her for love and protection because they knew of her great dedication to their welfare. I feel her deep protection for Tibetans and Tibetan Buddhism – and for Padmasmabhava’s terma teachings. The Shambhala teachings are regarded as terma teachings. I believe she wants them protected. And I believe she is outraged at what Mipham has done to this sacred lineage.
Here’s another example. I got a lovely email from the director of the London Shambhala Center this week, and I’m sharing it here with permission:
Dear Andrea,
I’m sure you receive a lot of messages – I just wanted to say thank you for your commitment to justice and healing. Your work is an inspiration to us. As our community gathers in shock and disbelief, a pattern is also emerging in that many of us felt there was something wrong with Shambhala, though some of us didn’t exactly know what or why. We want to help create something better, something that lives up to the principles we have been practicing with. At the same time, I am willing to walk away from Shambhala if it does not look like the deep and fundamental changes that are needed are happening, and I have spoken to others in our community who feel the same way.
We are also making your reports, as well as other resources, available to everyone on our mailing list (not just members) and will be adding them to the London Shambhala website.
With much appreciation,
Lee Howson,
Director of Shambhala London
We have studied and practiced Shambhala warriorship for decades, and I feel we are now witnessing the fruits of these decades of practice. I feel so grateful to and for all of you!
On the train of gratitude now, I have to say I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all the messages people have been sending me of your thanks for what I and the Buddhist Project Sunshine team have done. I love hearing about how it has positively impacted your path.
I am also deeply, deeply grateful for the flood of donations that have come in. I confess that I thought Buddhist Project Sunshine was over in June, as our funding had run out.
Now, with more donations, we have an opportunity to envision a future for Buddhist Project Sunshine to continue it’s work. I’m hopeful we can raise further funds to provide me with a half-time salary to continue as the project lead, and to hire an administrative person. At least for now, we have money to ensure Buddhist Project Sunshine can pay for it’s basic monthly costs like having a website for the foreseeable future. This has brought some security for things to continue, and I want everyone who has contributed to know how very, very grateful I am for that!
I was asked by one of my mentors to post something about, “This work doesn’t happen in a vacuum”. We have witnessed Buddhist Project Sunshine playing a key role in a new dawn of possibility in the Shambhala community. My mentor felt it is important for the sangha to know about the toll of doing this kind of work.
I worked for 16 months without pay to create the foundation of what we have now (January 2017 – April 2018). I not only donated my time, which has been more than full time since January 2018, but I also donated the use of all of my business systems.
I’m not sure if people realize this, but Buddhist Project Sunshine has been an internet initiative. All of the change we created happened through the communication opportunities of the internet. I have never met any of my collaborators in person, except our Chod practitioners. Everyone else I have only met on zoom and email. These relationships have been built through the Internet.
I think it is important to realize that the success of Buddhist Project Sunshine was made possible because I used my business internet systems and my computer science training to build these many initiatives.
Beyond my contribution of time and business systems, I have:
Provided strong leadership and project management
Did 1 year of research into the sexual abuse problem in Shambhala
Wrote a significant Phase 1 report that opened conversations and the first disclosure from the Kalapa Council about Abhorent sexual behaviours of some Shambhala leaders
Hosted a 3 week Facebook discussion forum after the phase 1 report
Found staff to facilitate that Facebook discussion
De escalated high drama situations in that Facebook discussion
Coordinated an intensivephase 2 fundraising campaign in March/April
I have been overseeing the investigation into SMR
Doing ALL technology work – setting up web pages, program registration pages, etc.
Given all tech support for people having trouble accessing the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group
Keeping in weekly contact with our community outreach team
Fostering ally relationships with women involved with revealing Sogyal Rinpoche
Wrote the phase 2 report and asked for contributions from collaborators
Did behind the scene work to foster relationships so we could successfully produce phase 2 report
Managed all people involved with the report ensuring we met our publication deadline
Asked people to do chod for Shambhala and BPS, gave updates and requests for practice
Composing and publishing numerous blog posts
Created a safe emotional container for the SMR abuse survivors who have come forward;
Envisioned a cutting edge social media discussion group forum for the Shambhala community to process their shock and grief
Spent many hours implementing the discussion forum technologically
Screened, signed up, and oriented discussion facilitators
Co-leading the group discussion program
In June and July I have spent over 5 hours a week facilitating ourexcellent discussion
I have led the team of facilitators
I have read many hundreds of emails and FB messages, and answered most of them
I set up bookkeeping software and have been doing the Buddhist Project Sunshine bookkeeping as I have time
I have been doing many media interviews so word can get out to community members who might not otherwise know what is happening in Shambhala
I have dealt with the numerous attacks from Shambhala International, including their fake mediation, their fictitious report of allegations against me in Toronto, and their threat of a lawsuit if I published the Phase 2 report
I have dealt with personnel issues, including firing people who turned out to be a poor fit for working with Buddhist Project Sunshine
I found a lawyer and have attended meetings and numerous email exchanges with this lawyer to protect us from Shambhala International’s threats
I manually thank every person who donates to Buddhist Project Sunshine, and sometimes post thank you videos on my FB page
All of this has taken more time and energy than probably any of us can imagine, and it has been done out of my passion for justice for the victims and my desire for a healthy Shambhala community.
I am truly tired from all of this, and I am praying to every spiritual energy in the universe to bring more volunteer help so that this burden of over-work can come off of me. I asked for volunteers a couple of months ago and there was no response. I hope that as people get more grounded with the community changes, there will be people who want to join us and be part of Buddhist Project Sunshine. You can help us move forward with exciting and important work ahead!
Now that we are more financially secure and can afford our beautiful Buddhist Project Sunshine website, I can soon post blogs there, as well as a formal call for volunteers. May our new secure home on our website be blessed!
Please share this update through social media, as we have no other way to get our messages out.
Visit our main information page at: https://andreamwinn.com/offerings/project_sunshine/
Buddhist Project Sunshine’s investigator, Carol Merchasin, has prepared an update on the findings of sexual misconduct of the Sakyong. An excerpt from her update:
“Within 24 hours of the Phase II Report’s June 28thairing on the Buddhist Project Sunshine blog and on Facebook, a woman came forward to tell the story of her 2002 encounter with the Sakyong in Chile. I interviewed her several times and I interviewed a corroborating witness as well. I also interviewed a kusung who came forward and was able to corroborate certain details. Once again, I will say, as I did in my prior report, that this can only be considered a preliminary investigation. A full investigation must give the Sakyong, leaders of SI and others the opportunity to give their version of this incident.”
Also, the Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion and Loving Kindness Program is still open to all people who have a connection with Shambhala. Registration closes this Friday, July 13. Learn more and register
Today I am retiring from a job that has been the hardest thing I have ever done – cracking open healing light on a deeply suppressed systemic infestation of sexual abuse within the most precious Shambhala community. I would like to take a moment to honour this journey with you, as I pass the baton of social activism on to the community itself to continue this noble work.
First, I would like to thank the many people who have helped along the way. Important elders are thanked within the Phase 1 and Phase 2 reports. Others have helped in other ways, such as community outreach. Because of the nature of this work, people often don’t want to be publicly named, because it puts them at risk of being attacked. My valued collaborators, you know who you are – know that I am deeply grateful for all you have contributed to this noble initiative.
Second, I would like to acknowledge and deeply thank the 147 people who donated $11,424 to Buddhist Project Sunshine, far surpassing our fundraising goal of $8,846. I am truly blown away by the response and support of this initiative! It makes me feel that all this effort was worth it, and that there may be something important here to continue forward with. Please know how much this means to me, and that I will bring care and attention to the planning for a future for this work.
My retirement today is not a full retirement, because I will continue doing things beyond the activism work – more peaceful things.
Here is what I will continue to do for the next while:
1. Co-leading the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group through July 31, when it completes
2. Doing the Buddhist Project Sunshine bookkeeping, including posting April – June financial statements on the Buddhist Project Sunshine website by July 31
3. Doing follow up interviews with three journalists who have expressed interest in attending to this story in a deeper, more mindful way
4. Passing on information from Carol Merchasin to the community as her investigation continues
5. Setting up a discussion space for a group of potential leaders who may be able to take Buddhist Project Sunshine forward
6. Posting updates about how we discern a future for Buddhist Project Sunshine
I am formally retiring from my activism role today. I will no longer be:
1. Addressing Shambhala International’s misinformation and cover ups
2. Doing interviews with journalists, beyond the three who I have agreed to meet with
I must say, I chuckled when I read what one donor said on our GoFundMe site, “Thank you so much for everything you have done. I think of you as our very own Ekajati, protector of goodness.” Well, in some ways this is what I have done for this community. And now, with me retiring from this role, it is time for the Ekajati protector of goodness to be invoked in each of you in this community. May the torch of Ekajati now pass to you!
What is ahead for me? First and foremost, I am going to have time to attend to my health and paying down the $37,500 debt I have accumulated. During the course of Buddhist Project Sunshine, I developed a cyst on my left ovary. In the reading I have done, this symbolizes wounding of the feminine and overworking. Perhaps my body has reflected problems in Shambhala, and in greater society. I have an MRI for the cyst next Thursday – please think of me.
I have been approached about two job offers in the past couple of weeks. The first I have already begun: working on a research project to get girls more interested in Computer Science careers. This is my own story, and I am thrilled to contribute to this area! Second, a large research team at the IWK Health Sciences Center in Halifax specializing in distance healing is interested in hiring me. I have an interview next Tuesday. Please think of me.
Going forward, I will attend lovingly to my femininity and reduce my work load – which was extreme and indeed inhuman to produce what has been produced through this project. I ask you to join me in a great sigh of relief as I lay down this burden today.
I love you all. Every ounce of effort I have exerted over the past year and a half has been done with that love for you. May you be surrounded with the peaceful light of awareness! May you be happy! May you be free to practice dharma for the great benefit of all sentient beings!
ANDREA WINN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
By Richard Edelman, Buddhist Project Sunshine Collaborator
I would like to personally praise Andrea Winn for her brave and insightful work in creating Buddhist Project Sunshine. I have witnessed her work first hand and will call it like I see it.
What she has accomplished is something that needs to be recognized not only by the Shambhala community but by Buddhists everywhere.
In a short period of time, Andrea Winn and Buddhist Project Sunshine have:
Completed a professionally and sensitively conducted forensic investigation into the facts of sexual and spiritual abuse within the Shambhala community. We now know that Shambhala is among the dharma communities worldwide which have been ravaged by sexual and spiritual abuse. This investigation has proven that a serious situation truly exists which demands that Shambhala walk its talk with courage, integrity, and love for those who have been hurt. It is a model of right action for dharma communities everywhere.
Created a discussion forum for those affected by this daunting psychological and spiritual crisis to share their voices in a secure environment moderated by a professional psychologist who is also a dharma teacher. This has been the first time many have encountered a sacred space for testifying to and having one’s voice heard and acknowledged regarding their suffering and witnessing of such spiritual harms. This is unprecedented and opens a pathway for healing wounded sanghas.
Informed the world through the media of the challenging situation within Shambhala while modeling how it can be met with compassion and integrity.
Encouraged those involved to maintain their daily practice and embody it in their efforts.
Offered heart-felt and wisely considered assistance to Shambhala International in embodying its professed ideals in ways they thus far have not been able to do.
This has been a charnel ground crisis that would challenge the bravest of hearts. She has faced with sensitivity and grace the grievous wounds of a sublime spiritual legacy that has been damaged through its emergence within an embattled world. Andrea has attended to the wounds of those who have suffered within that community with inspiration. Her modeling of how we wounded and imperfect beings can nevertheless rise to the occasion of meeting spiritual challenges is inspiring.
Andrea Winn has accomplished all of this on a shoe string at best. She has more than earned genuine and meaningful support for what she has done and deserves the praise and generosity of us all, especially those within the Shambhala world. I therefore appeal to everybody who recognizes the value of what she has accomplished to make whatever financial contribution they’re inspired to make, great or small, to Andrea Winn.
We will all dedicate the merit.
Richard Edelman
If you feel moved to make a financial offering to Andrea, there are three ways you can make your offering. You can:
Donate through our GoFundMe page and say you want the donation to go to Andrea
e-transfer your offering to andrea@andreamwinn.com, or
send a check to her at:
Andrea Winn
1083 Queen Street, Suite 257
Halifax, NS B3H 0B2
(Note: This mailing address is active through July 31, 2018)
I’m hanging up my social activist hat tomorrow. My activist retirement has been on the horizon for a week now, and tomorrow will be the official day. I hope you will join me in a little celebration tomorrow of the work accomplished during this journey. I’ll put up my retirement post tomorrow, including what I will continue doing, what I will no longer be doing, and the plan for exploring a future for Buddhist Project Sunshine.
Today I offer my final Buddhist Project Sunshine activist words, and I hope they will be of benefit to some of you.
Buddhist Project Sunshine’s ongoing investigation
Another woman alleging she was sexually assaulted by the Sakyong has come forward. Carol Merchasin, the Buddhist Project Sunshine investigator, has continued investigating. She will have an update that I will post possibly as soon as next week.
Kalapa Council’s conflict of interest
Apparently rather than focusing efforts on hiring a neutral third-party investigator this past week, the Kalapa Council hired a PR firm led by Matthew Hiltzik, who got his start with Harvey Weinstein at Miramax in the 1990s. He has represented an infamous band of clients that includes Glenn Beck, Don Imus, and Donald Trump’s aide Hope Hicks.
I am disappointed to learn this.
I understand that three senior members of the Kalapa Council are implicated in the allegations of the Sakyong’s sexual misconduct. I see a clear conflict of interest.
Allegations of the Sakyong’s financial abuse of the Shambhala community
There are some common aspects to wife abuse. One common aspect is the husband isolates the wife so she has no support and is focused on him for everything. Another aspect is he controls her financially.
I have seen these dynamics at play in the Sakyong’s relationship with the Shambhala community. A number of people have told me insider stories about this. One person emailed me this past week. He gave me permission to share what he said:
Having a financial background, I explored Shambhala’s budgets and financial reports. When I saw the money being spent to keep the Sakyong’s family living a life of comfort (e.g., servants, cooks, nannies, personal secretaries, etc.), I was totally turned off. Very non-Buddhist in my view. To this day, Shambhala uses its various media vehicles to promote the Sakyong’s books, without any benefit of book sale proceeds. Free advertising, how nice! I engaged in a long dialogue with Richard Reoch about all this, but it became quite clear to me that nobody within Shambhala was going to challenge the status quo. They were too enthralled with worshiping the king!
Steps for cleaning up the misconduct at the core
For this community to heal, Shambhala International must appoint a neutral third party investigator to investigate the Sakyong, the Kalapa Council, and some members of the Kusung.
If by their silence the Sakyong and the Kalapa Council are denying that any of these allegations are true, then they must appoint a third party investigator. Of course, if on the other had, they know that these are true, they need to say that.
In an investigation of sexual misconduct in any organization, it is standard practice for those implicated in the investigation to step down from all official duties pending the investigation. The Sakyong and the Kalapa Council should step down while a proper investigation is carried out.
Shrine rooms and Shambhala liturgies
There is a conversation thread happening in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group about how centers are relating with pictures of the Sakyong in their shrine rooms, and references in liturgies.
I would like to strongly encourage centers to cover pictures of the Sakyong for an interim period. In my view, the covering should be done with the utmost gentleness and respect for all the Sakyong has contributed to our community and lineage.
I would further suggest that individual centers can reflect on the unique culture of your local center and choose a cloth covering that reflects the best of your culture and your deepest intentions for healing for everyone affected by this situation. You could begin by using a white cloth covering, and then meet and discern a suitable healing covering.
Similarly, you could cover sections of chants that speak of the Mukpos with a kind covering.
I am emphasizing taking small steps and doing them with the deepest of kindness, because the changes we want can only come from a place of the best intention.
The financial welfare of the community
I encourage the community to consider carefully what parts of Shambhala are vital services. For instance, Shambhala Online provides teachings to people in rural areas who have no access to local teachings. Please consider supporting vulnerable parts of Shambhala who need help during this time of community transition.
I encourage centers to open their doors to inviting Buddhist teachers who can be of most help to come and offer teachings for where your community is at this time. There are important Buddhist teachers who have long-term relationships with our community who can be invited to teach.
Please be open minded and consider who can be invited to teach and/or lead programs that will benefit your local community. There is no reason why cancelling the Sakyong’s teaching schedule needs to mean the downfall of centers. Let us take this as an opportunity for a revival of true Dharma. Please open your hearts to asking for the teachings that will be of most benefit for your communities, including secular teachings on abuse, trauma and community healing.
Once I finish my service of the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group July 31, if I can be of help to Mipham in his journey of healing, I will bring my heart to that.
Sangha member words
Dear Andrea,
I was able to successfully navigate GoFundMe to make a donation.
Thank you for your concern about my Weekthun plans. There will always be other opportunities in the future. What is important NOW is supporting the Project Sunshine and it’s dedicated team.
I have a good feeling that because of BPS the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sanghas will once again flourish and be a safe place for all. The truth will prevail and positive changes will happen thanks to you and the people who helped you on this journey.
Namaste and take care.
Elisabeth : )
If you are not on our email list, you can sign up here:
We all grew up with caregivers, and we looked to them to help us sort things out. Then some of us grew up and engaged spiritual traditions with leaders who we looked to for answers.
At some point, however, it seems to become necessary to learn how to listen to our own inner wisdom. Maybe no one taught you how to listen to your inner wisdom (they don’t teach it in school!) Maybe you have already learned how to listen to your inner wisdom. Maybe you would enjoy refreshing your ability to listen to you inner wisdom today.
Whatever the case, I am encouraging people affected by the upheaval around Sakyong Mipham to take some quiet time to listen to your inner wisdom. This could be a way to get your feet on the ground and have more meaningful discussions.
The method I proposed in the Phase 2 report is called the “Horizon Analysis,” and it is described in Appendix 1. I used it myself this past week to more fully understand what I felt around the Sakyong’s “apology” letter sent out on Monday.
I’m sharing my Horizon Analysis of it with you today, in the hopes that it may inspire you to do your own Horizon Analysis. We are all individuals and will have different experiences of that letter. It can be helpful to get in between the bones and down to the heart of what that letter meant to you personally.
I offer mine with love:
NAME: Andrea Winn Date: June 26, 2018
1. Reading(s) (by Author): Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche’s (SMR) “apology” letter June 25, 2018
2.(a) What is my strongest attraction or attractions to the reading/s. Why?
<1>” I write to you with … a mind of self-reflection.” I have learned from talking with many people personally impacted by SMR’ gross and prolonged transgressions, and deep reflection would be necessary to begin to repair such transgressions.
<2>”I am now making a public apology.” I am ready to hear him make an apology and I acknowledge he has not yet done so, as it is not included in this letter.
<3> “Like all of you, I am human and on the path.” He recognizes he is human and is not putting himself up on a “guru pedestal”.
<4> “It is my fervent wish that we be a community that relates to each other with compassion and kindness, so I have offered teachings and written practices to support such a culture.” I have heard that he has been offering teachings on kindness, and this is not a result of his being accused of abuse.
<5> ” I am committed to engaging in this process with you.” This is a sign that SMR is willing to go through a true process of reconciliation, which will be very painful for him.
(b) What might be the source of my attractions(s) to the reading/s?
<1> In my heart I *hope* that SMR understands how deep his transgressions are and that he will do what is truly necessary to begin the process of repair. I’m hoping his heart will shift towards authentic healing that would clearly begin with an extended time of very deep inner reflection.
<2> I deeply desire repair to this situation, and I am hopeful that he understands it will begin with him making an apology, and I hope it will come soon!
<3> I feel deeply relieved that SMR is not expecting his transgressions to be excused because of misguided understandings of samaya – I’m relieved he is admitting he can and *has* done wrong.
<4> This may be a sign of an authentic wish – it may be something genuine from SMR.
<5> It feels good to hear him say that he is committed to the painful road ahead. It gives me hope, and in fact joy, to hear of his commitment to engage.
3. (a) What is my strongest resistance or resistances to the reading/s. Why?
<1> “I write to you with … tenderness” After reading the impact statements of his violence towards vulnerable women, I doubt SMR’s ability to know what tenderness is, and this rings false when I read it.
<2> “I have engaged in relationships with women in the Shambhala community” He is using “relationships” in a way that is commonly known to be between equals. From hearing about his “relationships” with the women who have approached me with their stories, these relationships have involved force, violence, rape, public humiliation, abandonment, spiritual abuse, and other unbearable forms of violence. In our society, we do not call these “relationships”.
<3> “women have shared experiences of feeling harmed as a result of these relationships” He seems to be trying to put the responsibility of his alleged violence onto the women suggesting that they “felt harmed” rather than naming what actually happened, which is in contrast to what the women themselves said that he violated them physically, emotionally, sexually and spiritually.
<4> “I am now making a public apology.” He says he is making an apology, but he does not say what he is apologizing for.
<5> “over the years, I have apologized personally to people who have expressed feeling harmed by my conduct” Again, he is dodging responsibility by suggesting people “felt” harmed rather than actually were harmed by his actions. He seems to be implying that when he has caused gross harm that an apology is all that is needed.
<6> “I have also engaged in mediation and healing practices with those who have felt harmed.” He is again suggesting women “felt” harmed rather than actually were harmed. He seems to be suggesting mediation and healing practices as a form of addressing violence with integrity, and yet what I have learned from the women who I have spoken with and whose stories are documented in this report, his violence towards women has continued for decades, so therefore I don’t understand why he would be suggesting that he has made truly done anything to repair these situations.
<7> “I have been, and will continue to be, committed to healing these wounds.” This is in stark contrast to my learning from women that they have been living in isolated pain and silence for decades due to his reluctance to heal these wounds.
<8> “As the lineage holder of Shambhala” He is implying that he is the sole lineage holder of Shambhala, which is not true. We all are.
<9> “I want to demonstrate how we can move toward a culture of kindness in line with our legacy of teachings. ” This letter is in direct contrast to his suggestion, as he is demonstrating how to cover up truth, avoid responsibility, and abandon both the women who have alleged his sexual misconduct and the Shambhala community entrusted in his care.
<10> “I am now entering a period of self-reflection and listening.” On the surface that sounds good and appropriate, but he does not say what this means. Is he going into retreat? Is he opening up a forum for women to share how they have been harmed by him? Is he going to open a forum to hear how his actions and deceptions are impacting his students around the world?
<11> “It is important to me that you know I am here, continuing to do my best.” I don’t feel he is here.
<12> “it is important to me that we continue to create a caring community where harm does not occur” So far all we have discovered is that this community is falling short of that as more and more people are coming forward who say they have experienced gross harm, so I do not understand what he is suggesting we continue to do.
<13> “For me, it always comes back to feeling my own heart, my own humanity, and my own genuineness. It is with this feeling that I express to all of you my deep love and appreciation.” I see no evidence in this letter of him feeling his own heart, his humanity or his genuineness, so it is confusing to hear him say that he has done that. When he suggests that he is expressing deep love from that false place, the love feels false.
(B) What might be the source of my resistance(s) to the reading/s?
<1> I am deeply disheartened by lying from the head of my lineage – it brings a great shadow on my feeling of connection with Shambhala, and a great shadow on my hopefulness of living.
<2> This feels to me like he is painting a fake picture to mislead people and possibly to avoid a lawsuit.
<3> I don’t like feeling he is trying to avoid the truth, because I want true healing and reconciliation, which requires him to face the truth himself and to speak it publicly.
<4> I feel I am doubting him. I feel mislead. I want him to apologize, and he is suggesting he is apologizing right here, yet he is not apologizing for anything here. So I feel he is trying to mislead me, and that just feels awful! I want him to be a man who can speak truth and mean it – I want him to be a leader who stands truly behind his words. I *want* to be able to believe in him again, and this takes one step further back from that happening.
<5> I feel angry that he might even consider an apology as a remedy – as a way of making things right – after he has harmed people in the ways that have been expressed to me and are documented in this report. It disrupts my sense of the world making sense – because the leader of my spiritual community is saying something that is so grossly wrong for the context of the situation.
<6> It feels like he is trying to make this sound like enlightened society – it sounds all “ladee-da”, and at the same time women are telling me a very different and dark reality involving sexual predation and gross spiritual harm. I am looking for a return to integrity, truth, and genuine reconciliation which will undoubtedly involve a lot of pain and right-shame for SMR. I want him to turn and face the music so we can begin the healing process. I really want healing.
<7> It is painful to feel SMR is continuing to evade truth and reconciliation.
<8> This bothers me because it implies we need to rely on him to clean up his act. I know that we do not. Each of us has been empowered as a holder of the Shambhala lineage, and I know that it is time that we take responsibility for the care and continuation of this lineage, with or without SMR, independent of his decision of whether or not to do his own rehabilitation and healing.
<9> I feel abandoned by the official holder of my lineage, and that sucks.
<10> I feel further distrust since it sounds good on the surface but he is not being upfront and saying what exactly he has decided to do. I feel left dangling, and I hate that feeling. I am looking for solid security, and for the leader of this community to speak truth now.
<11> I see no sign of SMR being present right now, and that is deeply disturbing in the face of how important the Shambhala lineage is. I deeply desire for him to take responsibility and come now and be truly present and truly accountable to this community.
<12> I feel he is trying to cover something up, and that is disorienting. I am ready for truth to land on the ground, so we can move forward together as a community.
<13> This letter has brought me to an even deeper place of realizing there is nothing to work with in SMR at this time. It hurts. It is disappointing. And at the same time it is a good pain, because I realize I need to move on in the face of his lack of willingness to deal with where we are at.
4. How do these attractions and resistances challenge or affirm me as I engage in this reflection process? (Notice where the invitation to transformation is.)
There is a clear movement towards deep disheartenment here, and a facing of the reality of SMR’s heart. The invitation I feel now is to take responsibility as a holder of this lineage, and to care for these sacred teachings with honesty, integrity and true love – the kind of love that flourishes in the light of the sun.
Happy Summer Solstice! Today is the day of most sunlight of the entire year and an auspicious day to release the light of Buddhist Project Sunshine. The project is wrapping up, and we’ve got three important updates below!
Loving bringer of light,
Andrea
Buddhist Project Sunshine Phase 2 Report to be released June 28th
In Phase 2, Buddhist Project Sunshine has done further rigorous investigation into the situation of sexual abuse in the Shambhala community. We will release a report of findings on June 28th. Be sure to sign up for our email list to receive our communications. Sign up at: Buddhist Project Sunshine Email List
Andrea’s last day of work with Buddhist Project Sunshine is June 29th
I began working on Project Sunshine in January 2017. It has been over a year and a half of gruelling work. I put my heart out in this way in the hope that genuine healing can happen for the Shambhala community. I am grateful for the healing that has already begun. At the same time I have gone into significant personal financial debt. Therefore, as Buddhist Project Sunshine is coming to the end of the funds raised, I will close my work with the project on June 29th. I will, however, continue to host the Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion Forum through July, as promised. (See registration link for the discussion group below if you are interested.)
Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion Group is open
Buddhist Project Sunshine is hosting a thriving moderated discussion group, including healthy discussion threads about both historical and current sexual misconduct in the sangha. This community space supports people in their personal journeys of sorting through their spiritual connection with Shambhala. Click here to learn more and register for the Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion Group
I am hearing from a growing number of people who feel traumatized by reading social media, specifically from reading posts on the Shambhala Facebook page and the Shambhala Office of Social Engagement Facebook page. I am very interested in our shifting into a more healing mode. Please join me in this.
I encourage good self-care practices, such as disengaging from social media for periods of time, like doing a meditation retreat. We need to create space for our heart to breathe, as we move through this awakening process together. If we are constantly “plugged in”, we will burn out our system. It is important to create a discipline of unplugging when we need to.
Trauma healing must always involve right pacing. In order to know our own individual pacing, we need to be able to listen to what our heart needs – we need to be able to listen to our boundaries. My favourite definition of boundaries comes from Dr. David Gruder, Energy Psychology Conference Nov. 2005:
Boundaries definition: Any limit I need to honor in order to love or work with you without resentment and with integrity.
What boundaries aren’t: A boundary is not a line drawn in the sand, a position, posture, ideology, ultimatum or other tool for manipulation or control.
I hope this can be of some help to you for listening to your own boundaries, and honouring them, so you can rest in your own integrity. I am constantly having to work with this myself. I feel pulled by my sense of duty to this work, and at the same time, I am working very hard to see how to take care of myself so I am leading from a place of integrity.
I very much hope you will join us for the Buddhist Project Sunshine moderated discussion forum that will be opening soon. This will be a very different social media experience, because it is structured to facilitate a community healing process. For full details about this and all of our initiatives, including our mediation process with Shambhala International, be sure to sign up for our email list. (Full details at the bottom of this page)
Richard Edelman, yogi scholar, has become an important part of the leadership of Buddhist Project Sunshine. He has an extensive background as a Vajrayana practitioner, and he is a long-time scholar in many areas including the history of Tibetan Buddhism, the legacy of trauma that came out of historic Tibet, contemporary stories of abuse in Buddhist sanghas, and trauma healing. Richard has generously shared an excerpt from an upcoming essay. Some may find this enlightening in the context of the current situation of Buddhist communities who are healing from sexual trauma.
RINGING THE TRAUMA BELL
When we name abuse and trauma, we ring an awakening bell, waking us up to those who have been traumatized by the abuse rampant in today’s world. We are living through an era during which significant numbers of people are waking up to the global ubiquity of traumatic abuse. Stories about the many kinds of traumatic abuse continually unfold in the news and if we haven’t been affected ourselves, we surely have friends and family who have.
Fortunately, during the past few decades, an entire field of trauma studies and activism has emerged to illuminate the karma of traumatic abuse—revealing its causes and effects, how it affects our lives, and demanding healing and liberation. To become fully human in today’s world, we all need to absorb this new wisdom regarding traumatic abuse, especially if we seek to manifest enlightened society. For if we do not, we condemn future generations to even deeper suffering as recipients of an ancient multigenerational legacy of traumatic abuse. This is a clear and challenging existential decision we must all make—will we transmit trauma or genuine bodhicitta to future generations?
By recognizing that we are all in some way affected by traumatic abuse, we begin to both deepen our wisdom regarding the nature of trauma and abuse and awaken a lifeworld in which the dharma can flourish. This is why the time has come for all of us committed to the flourishing of the dharma to cultivate and express our bodhicitta by listening to the trauma stories of those who have been abused, especially when they have been abused within the dharmasphere. In our lifetime, we have discovered things about traumatic abuse that evidently were not sufficiently understood within the origin cultures of the Buddhadharma. It is clear that a synergistic understanding of both duhkha and trauma has become indispensable today. Without effective wisdom about trauma and abuse, our efforts to generate bodhicitta in the world will be blindsided.
When the Buddhadharma came to Tibet, Guru Rinpoche was called upon by the Tibetan court to vanquish the obstacles to it taking root in the land of the snows, transforming enemies of the truth into its champions. When sectarianism endangered the unoppressed manifestation of the dharma in 19th century Tibet, the Rime masters recognized the challenge before them and rose to meet it. Because traumatic abuse is the major block to a lifeworld of awakening and compassion today, we can draw inspiration from dharmic ancestors like Guru Rinpoche and the Rime masters in meeting its challenges. Buddhist Project Sunshine may help kindle a trauma-informed 21st century vinaya process, opening a portal to yet another surprising renaissance of living bodhicitta during a time of darkness.
Excerpted from “Trauma and Dharma” By Richard Edelman Copyright 2018
This image of a snow capped mountain, warmed by the sun, so that the glacier can melt into a stream of pure turquoise water – this is what seems to be happening now for Shambhala. I have important news to share!
I have been approached by Shambhala International. They have hired a mediator and asked me to speak with their mediator. The circle of elders that has come around me have had two reflections on this. First, that Shambhala International recognizes that Project Sunshine is not going to disappear. Second, that perhaps they have felt too much fear to dialog with me directly, and that it is wonderful that they have found a way to be in communication. Certainly it is better for the community if Project Sunshine can work with Shambhala International in dealing with the sexual violence in our community. Please include prayers in your practice that this may happen in an auspicious way for the benefit of all sentient beings!
I hosted a good first Q&A call last evening. You can listen to the replay here:https://fccdl.in/I0Wdx01qZT. In this call people expressed a loss of trust in Shambhala International. (I feel this is all the more reason why it is good news that Shambhala International has found a way to communicate with me.) We have received a waterfall of donations in the past 18 hours! Since the Q&A call, we’ve received 10 new donations, totalling $1,550!
The money being donated will allow Project Sunshine to continue. We very much need funding at this point to keep going.
Here’s what we’d like to do!
We would first of all like to set up a Project Sunshine moderated social media discussion for people to talk about the situation of sexual violence, both in Shambhala and in Tibetan Buddhism in general.
We also want to stabilize Project Sunshine by working to establish the following:
1. A Wisdom Council—an advisory board for credibility, fundraising, and guidance
2. An Upaya Committee–a board of directors under some name that includes an attorney, CPA, fundraiser, and a Buddhist clergy member, as well as myself
3. 501C3 – become a charitable organization
4. A Website
5. Endorsements
6. A PR pack
7. Get endorsements from HHDL and HHK
8. Raise funds
9. Tides, Threshold, Buddhist endowments, etc.
10. Strategize healing truth and reconciliation projects in some format
You can also help us by sharing this with friends and community members, and on social media.
Heart thanks for being part of this profound melting of ice into a flow of goodness! This is such an auspicious time in the history of Tibetan Buddhism in the West!
We are heading into the last 3 days of the campaign, as it closes on Monday. This is a time to bring focus and clarity to achieving the success needed at this time for this work to move forward.
Thank you to everyone who has donated in the past few days, and a special thanks to Lorre Fleming for leaving the message yesterday, “Thank you for taking on this important work.”
It’s clear we are not going to meet the fundraising goal, so I’d like to share the guidance I am receiving from the elders, the Circle of Wisdom, that is forming around me for leading Project Sunshine.
They are concerned about how I have been hyper extending myself through this much volunteer work in service of Project Sunshine, and they want to see me receive basic support for housing and food.
One elder in the circle said, “We are setting the ground work for this [Project Sunshine] and doing it in a conservative way. This serves the healing more than continuing the healing in an unsustainable way – it serves the mission more.”
In our exploration of how best to use the funds raised, we are settling on a blended approach of using the money over the next three months in the following three areas:
1. Operating expenses for Project Sunshine
2. A stipend for myself to continue leading/coordinating the project
3. Doing one piece of the original plan for Phase 2: I will write a guide for social media conversation moderators, find qualified volunteer moderators, train the moderators, and set up a moderated Project Sunshine social media conversation space so people interested in healing sexual violence in buddhist communities can connect and engage this healing work.
I hope all of the contributors to Project Sunshine will feel good about this use of funds. I welcome hearing from you about this!
We are hoping to raise $3,000 more by the end of the project to ensure Project Sunshine can move forward in a sustainable way for the next 3 months.
Please talk with your dharma sisters and brothers and share widely on social media so we can raise these final funds.
I was having an exploratory conversation with someone on the Project Sunshine team yesterday, and he said,
“I want to help make Shambhala safe. We all want to be safe, we all want to be loved. People want a society they feel good about, where every single person is safe, not targeted for sexual violence. What I want is to feel proud and feel safe – that is what I long for. I’m an optimist. I believe it is possible for a community to heal.”
I appreciate him daring to dream about what he truly longs for. It would be good for all of us to give ourselves permission to explore a community that is truly satisfying, and even inspiring for our dharma path and our lives as Shambhalians.
Shambhala is a very unique path, and has so much potential to help this world. We don’t have to look far to see the degraded and even frightening places some parts of the world have sunken into. Our Shambhala teachings and practices evoke abilities within us to take on these challenges and attend in a visionary and inspired way to uplifting the world.
This is why it is so very important for us to clean up our own house – our lineage – so we can bring these teachings into the world in new, powerful, and much needed ways.
I have done a lot of work with business leaders, helping them to move beyond the borders of the box with their thinking. One of the techniques that can be helpful is to envision what it will *feel* like to be in a healthy Shambhala community, where people are emotionally safe, where we know we can count on the integrity of our leaders and feel safe in our relationship with them, where there is space to feel a gentleness as we do our daily practice and open to new dimensions of connection with these sacred practices… you get the idea.
What would it feel like to be in a nurturing community like this?
I’m imagining my own body relaxing, and feeling more present in my body – feeling my skin, muscle, bone. I’m imagining my chest feeling warm and relaxing into a greater spaciousness, and how wonderful that would be for my Prajna Paramita practice when I am gazing into the wide open sky, mixing my mind with space.
I’m imagining feeling even more relaxed and open when I’m having conversations with people. Feeling more resourceful and safe to pay attention to the sparks of energy, and being able to be curious and explore them in the conversation rather than shutting down and just moving on. I’m imagining feeling more confidence to stay present in the uncomfortable moments, so these moments have a chance to reveal their brilliance and insights into new ways of thinking.
I’m imaging being able to move in the world, especially Point Pleasant Park, with my senses being far more open and free to experience the beauty, the smells, the life that is in this city forest. I’m imaging my spirit being more easily fed by the pure sensing of natural beauty.
I’m imaging being able to walk into the Halifax Shambhala Centre and feeling I can totally be me (whoever that is!), moving about the center and connecting with people of all races and colours, enriching my sense of connection with the vibrant richness of all humanity. And there is the space and peace for us to take our time in our communication so we can learn about each other’s culture and our different ways of understanding things – Ah! what an expansion this would give to my way of seeing things!
I’m imaging on this same visit to the Halifax Shambhala Centre that I go to a room where we are meeting about some exciting initiative that is significantly impacting the local Halifax community. That everyone in this room has their own connection with the stream of lineage blessings, and that we invoke those blessings together as we begin the meeting.
There is a natural spirit that flows through our conversation, again feeding all of our hearts, and there is a wide open space for each of us to bring our very best to this worthy initiative. There is peace, respect and love.
Love is an overused word, but we all still know that love is the basis of goodness in our connections with each other. It includes respect and honour, fondness and a genuine desire to see another grow. So, yes – I envision a love that supports us being at our best and forming relationships that embody freedom, flow and joy.
So this is a taste of what I envision for a healthy Shambhala community this morning. I’d love to hear what you envision for *your* healthy Shambhala. I invite you to share in the comments space at the bottom of this page.
And if you want to be part of the group that is about making us safe and creating a healthy Shambhala, you can do one or both of these things:
I think there is a part in most, if not all, of us that hopes this is all a dream, and that we will wake up and everything will be the way it used to be. But you know, change can be good. Really!
I’d love for us to face our reality and dig in and take proactive steps to take care of this situation.
Some people have written me and said they are waiting to see what Shambhala International does. There is a sense of wanting to support Shambhala International, and wanting to give them a chance.
I myself dedicated many hours last year in building my relationship with members on the Kalapa Council. I felt it was important to support them in developing their confidence so they could lead the community through this. We developed a good relationship of mutual trust and respect.
After publishing the Project Sunshine Phase 1 report, I emailed them and invited them to collaborate on building a good solution for the community to work through the sexual violence problem in the community. It is a mystery to me why they suddenly stopped responding to my emails at that point. I am guessing they don’t feel the confidence to take one step at a time through dealing with this, and relating with the people who have been impacted by the abuse.
From my point of view, we can best help Shambhala International by taking some responsibility ourselves at this point. From what many people have been writing to me, they see that Shambhala leaders are good people (who they dearly love!) and that these leaders are out of their depth to deal with this.
As I learn more extensively about the harm, I am learning of Shambhala leaders, some of them high up, who have committed clergy sexual misconduct. If you would like to educate yourself about what clergy sexual misconduct is, and why it is so detrimental to the health of spiritual communities, I recommend reading this article from An Olive Branch:Clergy Sexual Misconduct and the Misuse of Power
Shambhala International announcedin their communication on March 19 a number of key initiatives, including “Creating new sexual misconduct strategies, policies, and procedures based on these conversations [with survivors], input from the community, and guidance from third party organizations. We are in active conversation with an established organization, An Olive Branch, about taking on such a role. ”
I wonder how serious Shambhala International is about dealing with this problem, given that there have been growing allegations of clergy sexual misconduct regarding some men within that leadership. Might the Council have too much of a conflict of interest to truly deal with this? I hope not, and that they will persist in doing the right thing.
People have been writing me and asking for details and a better understanding of the scope of the problem. I appreciate these questions and that people want to know the scope of the problems that have been raised. At the same time, we want to be sure that we are not spreading information that is not true, or naming people who have not been given an opportunity to respond to the allegations.
Is Shambhala International ready to launch such an investigation, so people can know the scope of the problem and also ensure that no one is falsely accused? I am not seeing evidence of their willingness to do this. There is no way that our community is going to be able to move through this and heal without proper investigation of all the leaders who have been implicated.
I heard yesterday from a friend who gave me permission to share this with you. He just went through the formal Care and Conduct process for a Shambhala teacher in his local community who sexually assaulted him. His concerns have been strongly supported by two leaders in his community, including a Shastri. Despite the support of these two leaders, he received a final report yesterday from the Care and Conduct committee that stated, “Our findings did not identify behavior on Mr. [perpetrator]’s part that requires any kind of ongoing protection of Mr. [victim]” How is this possible after all of the recent attention at all levels of the community to the issue of sexual violence, and specifically Shambhala International’s heartfelt commitment to improving the Care and Conduct process?
This same victim was a high-contributing member of his local Shambhala center, including managing their social media. He joined Project Sunshine as part of his healing journey. A couple of weeks later he was fired as their social media coordinator because a leader in Shambhala International said he had a “conflict of interest” being associated with Project Sunshine. Project Sunshine’s mandate is to bring healing light to the abuse problem in Shambhala. I would like to understand what the conflict of interest is for Shambhala International. Do they feel the need to cover abusive behaviours up?
I had a good conversation with Judy Lief a couple of weeks ago by phone. I shared with her about Project Sunshine Phase 2, and how it involves a conversation format for local communities to meet outside of their Shambhala centers. Judy gave me permission to share in this blog how she responded: “I feel it is important for people to meet outside Shambhala centers as well as in centers because people tend to feel they need to be more polite and formal at the centers and do not talk as freely.”
It is important to find spaces where you can talk freely. I’d love to support that with Project Sunshine Phase 2. Dialog is very important at this point. And opening our hearts to doing what is right, so that we can go forward and not stay too long in this place of murky confusion.
I do believe that the light is going to continue to grow in this community. This community is pregnant with a growing desire to heal, and people are asking to know the extent of the abuse. They understand we cannot go forward as a community until this is properly investigated and dealt with.
So yes, there is a problem, and it can be sorted out one step at a time. That is what I am doing, and have been doing for over a year now.
In my opinion it is not wise to wait for Shambhala International to sort it out. Instead, why can’t we can take practical steps, as community members, to deal with this so that the Buddhadharma can flourish in Shambhala? And would not this in fact be a support to the health and well-being of the leaders in Shambhala International? The simple fact is that we ALL need this related with in a direct and skilful way. Rather than hide or leave it to others to sort out, let’s BE the solution!
If any of this resonates with you, please take an active step in this moment now and contribute to the Project Sunshine Phase 2 fundraising campaign. This is a chance to actively contribute to creating a solution – for us, and for people beyond this community.
Life seems to come in waves, and the past two weeks I have found myself in conversation over tea with two of Trungpa Rinpoche’s long-term Kusung here in Halifax. These conversations have happened with care and mutual respect. I have appreciated hearing their views of our situation, and I’m grateful for their open-heartedness to hearing mine. I feel solid communication is happening with these deeply loyal and caring men.
I also received a letter from a third Kusung, and he gave me permission to share it here in a blog. Please see this letter below, as I feel Robert is writing from a deep place of care for the Shambhala sangha.
Today I am formally announcing a Question & Answer Teleconference Call I’m hosting this Sunday at 7:30 pm ADT. Learn more and register for the call.
If you can’t make the call, don’t worry; I will record the call and make it available through the Project Sunshine community email list. If you are not already on our list, you can sign up here.
If you are able to make the call, I’d love to connect with you directly and respond to questions.
With love,
Andrea
A letter from a loving Kusung
April 25, 2018
Dear Andrea,
I’m writing to express my concerns about allegations of sexual and other mis-conduct within the Shambhala mandala; about the Sakyong’s recent indirect, tepid response; and about allegations that reports of mis-conduct have been criticized, ignored or silenced by Shambhala International leadership.I was an early student of the Vidyadhara, whom Iserved as both a craftsman and a Kusung; I also served the Sakyong in the 1980’s.During those years, by the way, I was friends with your mother and dad.
It is troubling for us to hear allegations of wrongdoing that place us in conflict with people we love and to whom we are deeply devoted. We also hesitate to bring public shame to an organization we want to protect.However, there is no escape from our karma, as individuals or as an organization.Human life is marked by sharp ethical dilemmas; love and loyalty must be disciplined by right speech, right action and right livelihood.
How to proceed?Ken McLeod, a well-regarded Kaygu Buddhist teacher, recently gave a talk entitled “Vajrayana in Modern Times” [http://unfetteredmind.org/vajrayana-in-modern-times/]. A substantial portion of the talk is devoted to the mutual obligations between Vajrayana teacher and student.He provides a useful framework for evaluating painful obstacles of the kind we face.
Next, from the earliest pre-Shambhala days, the Vajradhatu motto, imprinted on our banner, was “The Proclamation of the Truth is Fearless.”In the presence of alleged harm and insufficient responsive action, the truth is the only safe harbor.A modern, ethical organization employs an independent investigation to get to the truth.
Finally, Shambhala aspires to establish an enlightened society.How can we ignore or hold ourselves above sensible legal and social standards set by the society we propose to uplift?If we ignore reports of wrong-doing; if we do not correct wrong-doing when we find it; if we protect certain people at the expense of others, what claim do we have to teach?
I applaud the careful way you have pressed a demand for the truth.As I understand it, so far your efforts have not met with cooperation.Pressing for that cooperation is a job for all of us.
I’m sharing a few more emails I’ve been getting from the community. All are shared with the writer’s permission.
~~~~~~~
Just remember that whatever happens that you changed the dynamic and the discourse for the entire Shambhala Community in a very short time. I can’t tell you how many years I discussed these issues with a good friend and she was so angry and frustrated that nothing ever happened. Also remember that a lot of women and men were finally heard and given a voice to speak their truth and open up about the serious abuses in the community over the years. People are really talking about these issues now in a way I have never seen before. So thank you Andrea for your devotion and compassion to help deal with these difficult issues in Shambhala. Project Sunshine will make people think and possibly change attitudes about the issues of sexualized violence. Just the fact that they are now having meetings at Shambhala International and local Shambhala Communities about these issues is a huge shift.
Barbara, St. Margaret’s Bay, Nova Scotia
~~~~~~~
Hi Andrea –
I very much appreciate your work, and the courage of those who have spoken up. While I strongly support an honest assessment and account of what has already happened, those aren’t my stories to tell.
My personal concern is that our local communities are not equipped /authorized / encouraged to either investigate the misbehavior of those in a teaching or leadership position, not (at least in the one extended case I am aware of) have they been in any meaningful way supported by the international organization when they attempted to do so. This is a terrible, potentially preventable loss for the victims of the abuse; it is also an unacceptable compromise to the reputation, lungta, and resources of the sangha as a whole.
Organizations that wish to survive – let alone presume to hold some moral high ground – must adopt and enforce some effective policies to prevent abuse of authority in general, and sexualized abuse and violence in particular. No one should be free to think that inflicting their sexuality (or other kleshas) on others is a perk of their position.
Given that you are working closely with the victims, it seems to me that the time to address “what should we do going forward?” may still be some time off, since we first have to deal with what has already happened, and address the reality that it still can happen, most likely *is* happening.
Whenever we get around to talking about how *not* to do this, I’ll be happy to participate in any discussion that arises.
Best,
Gordon Burgess, Cleveland
~~~~~~~
Hi Andrea,
I just wanted to connect to tell you how much I admire what you’re doing. I’m an “old” student having connected with CTR in 1972 and lived in Halifax from 1989-2005.
I quit FB last fall because it was so addictive and agitating, and it was great to come back into [your Project Sunshine Phase 1 report discussion] closed group with good boundaries, thanks to the way you set it up. I’ve since continued the conversation with some old friends I’d rediscovered through that process.
I can appreciate the perspective you have, having grown up in Shambhala, of wanting to reform it. There is a lot of good there, and I devoted most of my adult life to it.
At the same time, I think there are some fatal flaws in it, particularly the notion of an inherited lineage and the guru-knows-all-worship. As someone who remembers the Sakyong as a shy and insecure teenager it was quite bizarre to see how many of my friends were willing to lionize him just because of the inherited position he had. I think the West was wise to ditch this idea several hundred years ago.
But I also think the years I lived in Halifax between the death of CTR and the Sakyong “taking his seat” were some of the best of my life. We had strong ideas about enlightened society and people were doing a lot with it, without needing a king. Many people in Halifax who weren’t buddhists appreciated us for the ideas and uplifted attitude we brought. After 1995 it became an issue of whether one was with the Sakyong or not, and I felt that things degenerated. I finally left it all in 2005 and came back to Colorado. I wonder if there can be a Shambhala without the Mukpo dynasty?
In any case, you’re gutsy lady, and I wish you success and strength dealing with all the shadows you are addressing. It’s a modern-day story about taming the demons, and so necessary.
Whatever happens with this Project Sunshine Phase 2, know you’re on a path of growth and healing. And you’re helping all of us Shambhalians go along that path too. Project Sunshine opened up an abyss of darkness and shone light into it. That’s what looking at the pattern of sexual harms in Shambhala felt like for me. I knew the abyss was there but I had pushed it away, I was afraid to look at it. What would looking at the darkness, the shadow mean for me? My spiritual path? My friendships? My community? My relationship with my teachers?
So you brought light to the darkness. But that darkness is powerful and deep. And it fights back against the light.
For me though, you brought healing and light into my life. You helped me look at this shadow in me, in my family, in my community. You did it bravely. In Phase 1 you helped my friend heal and stand up for themself. And you helped others talk openly about things that they kept secret for years, that they might otherwise have kept secret for the rest of their lives. You brought warmth and friendship to people who felt alone and cast out. It hurts me that you are being attacked for that.
And you helped me see enlightened society more clearly, that it needs to be a place where people feel safe about reporting sexual harm. You have a vision for that and I believe in it. I think others do too. One of my favorite authors is Ursula K. Le Guin and when she died recently, Jo Walton said of her, “She got in there with a crowbar and expanded the field and made it a better field…”
Well you wield a crowbar too. So keep wielding it. It matters.
I think the light will win. We may not see how now. But it will.
~ Adam Feuer, member of the Seattle Shambhala sangha
Thank you, Adam. I am grateful for the ways people are receiving the messaging I’ve been putting out. I am even more grateful for the steps people are taking to heal themselves and their local communities.
Judy Lief made a donation to Project Sunshine Phase 2 yesterday, and left these words with her donation: “May this discussion lead to healing and growth.” I see that this discussion has already lead to healing and growth as we can hear in Adam’s words above. Care needs to continue to be brought to this discussion for it to continue in this positive direction.
As we know from the core Shambhala teachings, there are three qualities that we bring to warriorship: fearlessness, gentleness and intelligence. I feel the image I chose for today’s blog includes all three qualities. I hope it will speak to and inspire you to grow a deeper connection with your own intelligence, and a sense of care for your own truth. Growing courage is a life long journey, of course, but right now it is especially present.
Judy Lief’s words this week have inspired me to set up a question and answer conference call next Sunday, April 29 at 7:30 pm ADT. Ideally, I’d like for us to be able to talk about these things over a meal together. Logistically, that is not possible for a global community. So, let’s go for what we can do – a conference call.
This can be a chance for us to connect and talk about what is happening. I feel this is important. I will facilitate a one hour conversation and will be happy to respond to what you are needing. Watch your email next week for details for the upcoming Project Sunshine conference call.
I promised daily blogs this week, and I hope you enjoyed them! We’ll take some space to digest over the weekend, and then we’ll head into the final week of the Project Sunshine Phase 2 campaign. May there be great blessing!
This is a very controversial time. The world is rocking with the current political environment. Buddhism is rocking with the increasing revelations of violence and sexual abuse. And on top of that, there are always things happening in our own lives.
I see people pulling towards shutting down. Shutting their eyes. Maybe if they wait long enough this will all disappear and we can go back to living the way we have been living. There is at least some security in knowing what we’ve had these past years, or even decades. There is a seeming security in the known – the familiar.
This is a seductive and harmful trap, and I urge you to entertain the possibility that things are changing. I mean, they are! There is no doubt – things are changing. The abuse is coming more and more into the light. As much as we’d like to ignore this, or pretend it is not happening – the fact is, it is happening.
So what I want to urge you to entertain is that these changes are for the better. This is an opportunity for us to create a better situation for Buddhism in the West.
Good work has happened to establish Buddhism in the West. Many teachers have tirelessly, selflessly and tenderly looked at how to bring these precious teachings into the Western mindstream. They have explored countless ways to bring teachings quite foreign into practical, every day ways for Western people to engage, to live them, to bring them into our every day thoughts, spoken words, and activities.
In this magical and blessed process, Buddhism has engaged this Western mind, and this Western mind has whole heartedly and joyfully engaged Buddhism.
What we are looking at now is a piece of what that Western mind has contributed to the union. That piece is around trauma and violence. The Western world has a long history of oppression, domination of cultures and people, and heartless violence. Generation after generation of trauma, where the parents pass on the “lineage” of trauma to their children, largely unconsciously. Where we elect governments that replay the patterns of domination and violence on the people in their care. The Western world has been in a multi-generational cycle of trauma and violence.
Does it make sense that this societal pattern of trauma would have become part of the union of Buddhism and the West?
Perhaps this is believable, and we can acknowledge that some teachers with the very best of intentions have been the same people who have been doing great harm and violence to their students. Further, we could acknowledge this has been happening for years, and maybe even decades. And going even further, we could acknowledge that students around those teachers witnessed this happening to their fellow students and did nothing to stop it, and perhaps they even protected it with secrecy so the abuse could continue. Within a multi-generational trauma culture, all of these things are believable.
So if we can come to this place of saying, “Yes, I can see how this could happen and in fact, I see that it HAS happened.” Now what? What can be done about this. Without doubt, Buddhism has taken firm root in the West. Western Buddhists have had a string plucked that goes right to their core. They are faithful. They have become convinced of the purity, goodness and benefit of the Buddhist teachings.They want to pursue this path for their own benefit and the benefit of countless suffering beings.
As faith-full Buddhists, how do we now approach this crisis in our relationship with Buddhism? How do we navigate through this? It won’t work to turn a blind eye to the human corruption.
What I propose is that we use the power of Buddhism and the wisdom of Western trauma healing and non-violent communication to walk, step by step, through cleaning and healing the human corruption. Buddhism offers many skillful means – many ways to work with our minds skilfully. That can be the engine that propels a sane way forward.
Trungpa Rinpoche taught about the wisdom of many traditions. I never understood him to suggest that Shambhala had the only access to wisdom. What I heard him say is that there is wisdom in many human traditions, and I would suggest that now is the time to bring together the wisdom from Buddhism with the wisdom of other human traditions, such as trauma healing and non-violent communication.
In my view, by bringing these different strands of wisdom together in service of resolving the sexual and other violence in Buddhist communities, we are going to more firmly root Buddhism in the West with a clear view of longevity for these precious teachings. This also opens the possibility of Buddhist communities providing leadership for other communities in the world who are grappling with issues of sexual violence.
In my own healing journey, I have always accessed my Buddhist practices as a support for my healing work. I saw that I healed much more quickly than other women in the therapy groups I attended. It is without doubt because I had access to the tools from my Buddhist upbringing.
Now, on both the individual and community levels, we can access the wisdom support of our Buddhist practices as we take one step after another in dealing with sorting out this heartbreaking mess we have created. What I am saying is that this is possible. We have access to both the Buddhist and Western wisdom tools. Now, it is a matter of taking the steps.
I have prepared a plan for developing a Buddhist community sexualized violence toolkit. Please support the Project Sunshine Phase 2 independent healing initiative going forward. Over the past few days there has been a rising trend of support. We not only need to keep that going, we need to further magnify it to reach our fundraising goal of $55,100 – the amount needed to create and distribute the toolkit worldwide to Buddhist communities. Our fundraising campaign closes April 30th.
Please open your heart and take a chance. This is something for all of us, and can extend beyond Buddhist communities. Please help this happen by donating today and sharing about this with your community of contacts.
“Thank you Andrea! I’m so grateful for all you are doing, it’s amazing. I stand behind you. I want you to know I live at Karme Choling and yesterday we had a community meeting about Project Sunshine and the Kalapa Council’s response. I voiced my strong opinion about how important it is that you, who has so bravely raised shambhala’s collective awareness, be included in this ongoing discussion. Pretty much everybody at the meeting agreed with me. I wanted you to know that, as sometimes the opinions and voices of the Shambhala hierarchy are not congruent with and reflective of the community’s perspective.”
~ Leah
As a community we are going through a process of waking up. It’s important to wake up because for the true Dharma to be practiced and lived in this community, we must take steps to move into integrity.
Waking up is not easy for some of us. It could be attractive to stay in a dream land, where there are no problems, no big challenges, all the teachers we love are rosy good people, and we simply live in kindness. I agree – this is a really nice picture, and who wouldn’t want to live like that?
Well, the people who don’t want to live like that are the ones who have chosen to open their eyes and look into why good people have been leaving the community. Why the drunkenness and sexual misconduct of some key teachers is secreted away.Why some people teaching about enlightened society are doing things that are clearly adharmic.
The people who want to wake up and deal with this are the ones who know they are going to feel better in a healthy community, and that their spiritual development will flourish in an open and transparent community where sexual harm is no longer tolerated.
More and more people are wanting to wake up. They like the vibe of Project Sunshine. They realize that a crack has happened in the dark encrusted structure that has been clamping down the life of Shambhala members past and present. There is now space to speak truth, and Project Sunshine has put forth a vision for cleaning up and healing this community.
I am glad to receive messages like Leah’s; she gave me permission to share it here. It is important for me to know that my efforts are reaching people, and that people do want to move forward in restoring integrity in our community. And for those who are just learning about the community abuse and the role Project Sunshine is playing in creating a path for healing and integrity, it’s important for you to know that there are people across the globe, like Leah, who are standing and saying Yes to this change.
Let us have authentic courage. Please do choose to be awake. It is so much better in the real world, with eyes wide open. You can feel your heart. You can take full breaths into your lungs. This is how we can see the true beauty of the world, and we can contribute to enriching that beauty.
There are only days left for the Project Sunshine Phase 2 fundraising campaign. Please give generously so we can make this healing a reality. And please, please share this with the people in your local community. We have no way to get in touch with community members, so it is only happening through word of mouth. Please do share.
People continue to say to me how stunned they are that I could have accomplished so much for the Shambhala community in such a short time. They are startled by my bravery and perseverance in the face of all the resistance from Shambhala International and the decades of covering up that has happened around the violence within our community.
I can assure you that I am quite human, and this has been the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. I’m sure, too, it will come as no surprise that one person could not accomplish all of this. I have received a lot of help, from people like Judy Lief, Grace Brubaker and Karlene Moore, and also there has been inconceivable spiritual help. I would like to acknowledge one large area of that spiritual help today, in the form of St. Joseph, the father of Jesus.
I was ruthlessly driven out of Shambhala by the Toronto Shambhala leadership – by my friends and meditation instructor. It feels funny to write that, but it seems the time has passed to cover these things up with niceties. There has been a surprising amount of emotional/relational sickness in many Shambhala leaders for a long time.
In the Project Sunshine Phase 1 report, Judy Lief wrote, “Although I myself have not been abused, in my various roles, I have been repeatedly frustrated by the lack of response and even understanding of this problem from the leadership. As you say, it is a deeply entrenched pattern of power, chauvinism, and denial that mirrors the patterns of the larger society… At the institutional level, we are a culture (Shambhala), within a culture (Buddhism), within a culture (USA), within a culture (Tibet), all very patriarchal. ” Judy points to patriarchy, an unhealthy masculine-oriented dominance, as a source of this dsyfunction in Shambhala leadership.
Since I have done years of my own healing, followed by years of study and practice as a therapist and healer, I like to bring these discussions out of concepts in our head and into relatable embodied feelings – things we can explore and eventually come to know in our gut, or perhaps in the center of our chest, in our heart center. So what I am going to share today is from that place, and I hope it will speak to that place in your own chest.
I was alone for years after the Toronto Shambhala leadership forced me out of the community. After a time of grieving, I went in search of other community and visited many Buddhist centers in Toronto – Toronto is rich in Tibetan Buddhism. However, nothing stuck – I really didn’t feel a sense of connection with them. So I continued my Buddhist practice at home on my own, year after year after year. I was alone and miserable, and this is just how it was for a very long time.
Within that extended darkness, there was room for something magical to happen. I had a Christian awakening in late 2010. Believe me, it did not come easily! I was brought up in the Shambhala community in Boulder in the 70’s and 80’s, and I grew up in a fairly anti-Christian environment. My parents were definitely down on Christianity. Trungpa Rinpoche said various negative things about Christians, which seemed to aim at their being too focused on suffering. I was resentful about having to say the pledge of allegiance every weekday morning at school, with my hand over my heart, saying “one nation under God…”. I was equally resentful about the assumption every Christmas for the month of December that everyone was Christian. Basically, I grew up with a big chip on my shoulder about Christianity.
So when this Christian awakening happened, it was gut wrenching. However, I was touched by Christ, and I received healing for a great emotional/relational wound in me, much of it originating from what happened in the Shambhala community. In good conscience, I could not deny this healing from Christ. Every time I started to doubt my connection with Christianity, I remembered this undeniable healing I had received from Christ.
I first started going to a church in lent 2011. I heard, week by week, the story of Jesus and his persecution. I didn’t know the story previously because I’d always pushed Christianity away. In hearing the story, I was touched because it resonated strongly with what I had been through with the Toronto Shambhala leadership. It was step by step, heart breaking, and ultimately my ability to be part of formal Shambhala ended. Although I didn’t have the resurrection experience, I sure could relate with all that led up to his death. I cried and cried and cried. I cried for the first time in many years. It was a cleansing of my spirit and my heart, and it was healing.
I eventually found myself drawn to Catholicism, perhaps because the structure and ritual most resembled what I’m used to in Tibetan Buddhism. In any case, I was baptized a Roman Catholic in 2013. The week after being baptized, I began singing in the choir, and since that time, I have rarely attended a mass without being in the choir. The choir of angels, in my mind, is the best place to be! And to my surprise, every choir I have been part of has embraced me as a valued choir member, even though I am clearly more Buddhist than Christian. My relationship with Christian communities has been very blessed.
Fast forward to late February 2017. I had this idea for Project Sunshine to address the long term problem of sexualized violence in the Shambhala Buddhist community. Most people think of Buddhists as calm and kind. Heck, we like to think of ourselves that way! The truth is, we are still human. And unfortunately there has been a significant problem of sexual violence in the Shambhala community since the beginning of the community in the 1970’s. I grew up in this community, and I was sexually abused as a child, as were almost all the children in my age group.
This was a heavy burden on my heart my whole life, and I decided last year to do something about it. Hence, Project Sunshine.
The weekend before I was going to launch the project, I was VERY afraid!
What I can only describe as the Holy Spirit prompted me to reach out to Fr. Peter Turrone, the paster at the Newman Center in Toronto. This is the parish where I sang in the choir every Sunday. I asked Fr. Peter if he would anoint me with holy oil for launching Project Sunshine. He explained to me that the sacramental oil can only be used in the sacraments. However, he said he had oils of St. Joseph, and he could anoint me with those. I readily accepted. Half way through the initial year of the project, I asked to be anointed again, and Fr. Peter blessed me with the oils again.
When I was moving away from Toronto last November, Fr. Peter surprised me after mass one day saying that he had picked up a bottle of the oils and was sending me to Halifax with them. He taught me how to give the blessing of the oils of St. Joseph to others, and he also said I could continue blessing myself with them. In this way St. Joseph has become a patron saint for Project Sunshine.
The idea of Shambhala leadership providing a good source of father energy, as being something reliable and guiding me in how to be in the world, had long ago crumbled and died. I had to move on without the strong, steady, wise male support I had hoped for and needed, as I grew up. And in fact, Shambhala leadership had become a harmful influence. After all these years, honestly, deciding to deal with such rampant and embedded corruption in the Shambhala faith community has felt like an impossible task.
However, with the support and blessing of a pure and strong father figure in St. Joseph, magical things have happened – both within me, and in the connections I have made with people.
Perhaps the most striking support I feel I’ve received from St. Joseph is a capacity that is beyond the “human me” to keep going, keep reaching out, courageously meet with top Shambhala leaders and insist on their awakening, and then to professionally document everything. When I completed the initial 1-year scope of Project Sunshine, I published a report of my findings. This report prompted the leadership of Shambhala to publicly acknowledge the “abhorrent sexual behavior” by teachers in the community. There have been articles written about this situation since that time, both in blogs and in the general media.
At this point the Shambhala leadership seems to be focusing on managing their image and trying to calm the community, rather than focusing on care and authentic healing – such as exposing the abusers, bringing healing supports to the victims, and helping the community in general to digest what has happened and make responsible, empowered decisions going forward.
I have therefore taken on responsibility for creating an independent initiative, Project Sunshine Phase 2. I’ve prepared a plan of healing for our community. It involves adapting an existing toolkit that was developed by Nova Scotian Mi’qmaq for healing sexualized violence within their communities. The toolkit came highly recommended to me, and in looking at it myself, it looks like a very solid approach for this challenging type of healing.
It seems unusual for one person to conceive of a plan for moving forward for a large worldwide community. The reason this is being done in such a solid way is because it is not just one person. There is a lot of spiritual support from St. Joseph, and other Buddhist spiritual energies. And also, a growing number of responsible and caring citizens are gathering to support this initiative moving forward.
A group of us are currently raising funds for Project Sunshine Phase 2, to adapt the Mi’qmaq toolkit (1) for Buddhist communities and (2) to be used on a global scale. To move this healing initiative forward, we need to raise $55,100.
We received a $600 donation from Ari Goldfield yesterday, with the comment, “We very much support your efforts.” People have been contacting me saying what a respectable and good Buddhist teacher Ari is. Although I suspect Ari has no direct connection with St. Joseph, I experience Ari’s support to be energetically aligned with the positive “enlightened” male energy that is now needed for true healing to happen in Shambhala, and other Buddhist communities, suffering from the impact of sexualized violence.
Healing is possible, even for something as big as what we are facing here. Trungpa Rinpoche taught about how we can take practical steps to clean up any situation, like putting soiled clothes through a washing machine – they can be restored to their clean state.
Project Sunshine is about taking that same approach, with the level of skill, bravery and care demanded for authentic community spiritual/emotional/relational healing for such a serious wound. Please be part of this by connecting, educating yourself, talking with others, sharing on social media and contributing financially to whatever extent you are able to the Project Sunshine fundraising campaign. Even a $5 donation moves us forward, and is a precious contribution to this healing vision.
Here are the two most important ways you can connect:
Project Sunshine is announcing a new initiative today: #ShambhalaMeToo. We want to empower you to share your stories of how MeToo in our community is impacting you, and what your dreams for a positive resolution look like. Now is the time to dream out-of-the-box and envision the kind of Shambhala community you long for, free from abuse and control, and authentically enriching your ability to pursue your spirituality. Use the #ShambhalaMeToo hashtag to join our wave of truth-telling, positive healing and good will!
============
Since the release of the Project Sunshine Phase 1 report, I’ve received an overwhelming number of emails and Facebook messages. Clearly the time has come for acknowledging that something disturbingly wrong has been happening in our community.
It feels important to start sharing some of the powerful messages I’ve been receiving from people touched by the work of Project Sunshine. Margot gave permission to share her email:
“I too am grateful for your work, Andrea. And when you say [Project Sunshine Phase 2] may be of use to other Buddhist communities, please think bigger. I think this approach would greatly have benefitted the larger #MeToo movement, which degenerated into some place that I wished it hadn’t gone. Your bright kindness is extraordinary.
At the same time… it’s time women received the respect we’ve been denied for thousands of years. The time is now.
Yours in this struggle,
Mary”
There are threads in this short message that I am sure will resonate with many. I love how Margot is encouraging me/us to think bigger. In fact, in February I began speaking in zoom meetings with the Shambhala leadership – Adam Lobel, Jane Arthur, Wendy Friedman and Aarti Tejuja – about my vision for Shambhala working through our #MeToo situation drawing upon the strengths of our Shambhala tradition, and that in fact, we can provide leadership for the world in how to heal sexualized violence.
I know this is possible. But don’t underestimate what it will take to accomplish this! It will take courage, skill, and deepening our compassion beyond what we think we are capable of. And honestly, just as Margot said, we must shift into a greater honour of women, and the feminine within all of us.
The good news from all the discussion is that people care, and that now the resource is available to heal this situation: I have created a plan for an independent healing initiative for the Shambhala community. This approach can also be used by other Buddhist communities affected by sexualized violence. See the Project Sunshine Phase 2 Plan for details.
The time has come for us to take personal responsibility for carrying forward the precious Shambhala lineage, and the most precious lineages of Tibetan Buddhism. You can help make this vision a reality by contributing money and also talking with others about this. True healing and change are happening one conversation at a time. Please participate with your full heart!
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them at the bottom of this page, or contact us directly at projectsunshinecf@gmail.com. Also, check out our Frequently Asked Questions page.
You can see everything related to Shambhala and the sexual violence situation on our welcome and information page.
I have been asked to be not only a truth teller, but also a comforter in this time of change within our community. My words today come from a place of comforting.
People are struggling with many things right now, and one of the key things is Trust. When someone alleges your guru has sexually assaulted and abused women, it’s mind blowing! How on earth do you deal with something so profoundly shaking?
On the one hand, you may have had an authentic spiritual connection with your guru. This has been a foundational relationship for months, years, and for some, decades. It is the most intimate of relationships, within the tender space of your connection with spirituality, higher values, and your path as a bodhisattva.
And now this same person is being revealed as someone who has done things that you know are adharmic – things like abusing women, abusing animals, and doing very serious mind-altering drugs.
To complicate things, many of us have taken samaya vows. Prevelant interpretations of samaya say you should see your guru as a living Buddha, and never criticize anything he says or does. People also fear speaking ill of their guru to others, thinking that this will harm others’ path, and possibly cause them to break their samaya.
Most people want to be good people, and follow the rules. We are taught that samaya is the most important rule. We are taught that terrible things will happen if we break samaya, such as going to Vajra Hell. To put it lightly, the fear of God has been put into us around samaya, and I don’t think this has created a space where sanghas can sort out the things that need to be sorted out in situations where a guru has gone off the rails and committed atrocities that are clearly adharmic.
Many people are finding it hard to feel solid ground under their feet. They don’t know who or what to trust. Some people are so overwhelmed by all of this that they have gone into a place of denial.
For instance, I was listening to a talk given recently by the Kasung in Halifax on rape culture. The expert who was giving the talk referred to the recent revelation of mass abuse in the community as a “kerfuffle”. She clearly has not been able to take in the magnitude of what is happening and is not able to serve as a teacher or leader at this time.
Other people have reverted to a place of blind devotion to their guru. No matter what he has done, they completely rely on their guru. Or along the way they made an oath of loyalty to regard every member of the guru’s family as the guru himself, which then extends the blind faith to everyone in the guru’s family. No matter what any of the members of the guru’s family do, it’s all okay with this loyal student.
When people sink back into these places of blind faith, I can see that they see no option for including their own common sense, their own sense of human decency, their compassion for those who have been harmed, and for those who continue to be harmed by the guru, the guru’s family, and other representatives of the Shambhala leadership.
Trust is not an all or nothing thing. It is not about finding the “trustworthy” people and the “untrustworthy” people. I’d like to propose a different way of looking at things: Look at a person and work to discern what you can trust in them.
For instance, if I have a friend who always shows up for lunch dates 45 minutes to an hour late, this does not mean the friend is untrustworthy. Rather, I can trust that she will be 45 minutes to an hour late when we set up a lunch date.
So with your guru, ideally you will have a calm enough space to begin to discern what has been helpful in his behaviours and what has been harmful, and start to see what you can trust him to do. If he typically glosses over important situations without caring about the impact on the community, then this may well be something you can trust him to do. Ideally you want to have enough clear cognitive space so you can discern what works for you and what doesn’t, what supports your having a vibrant spiritual life and what shuts you down. Then you take personal responsibility for identifying what you need to do to create a solid foundation for your spiritual life.
Many people are not finding the safety needed at their local Shambhala center gatherings to honestly sort out for themselves what is good for their spiritual life and what is undermining their spiritual life. Furthermore, they are not getting the support they need to define a life affirming connection with their own spirituality through a clear and present discernment.
This is why Project Sunshine Phase 2 has been envisioned – to create the kind of space where people can feel safe and supported to be able to sort out their personal connection with the Shambhala teachings, lineage and community.
If you would like to learn more about Project Sunshine’s efforts to bring community healing, you are welcome to sign up for our email list. Join the Project Sunshine email list
Critical information that the Shambhala community needs to know
I am proud that Project Sunshine pushed Shambhala International to publicly acknowledge the abuse problem in our community. They worked hard to compose a public statement to release days before the publication of the Project Sunshine report, and that is a very positive thing. I am grateful for their taking responsibility for acknowledging this to and for the community. However, since that initial announcement they seem to be backing into their usual way of doing business that is based on maintaining their public image, secrecy, and ultimately re-traumatizing those who have been victimized by abuse.
The most frequent question people have been asking me is why I did Project Sunshine. After I went through growing up in this community and being sexually abused by multiple men, I felt awful on a very deep level. Don’t get me wrong. In so many ways I have created a good life for myself. But there has been a deep sick feeling inside of me for all these decades.
Shambhala looked wonderful on the outside, and there is no doubt in my mind about the spiritual blessings in these practices. At the same time there has been this incomprehensible sickness.
I finally asked myself, do I really want to live this way any more? If this is what death feels like, I’m going to take one more stab at it and try to bring some sanity into this insane situation.
My doing Project Sunshine has been about my not wanting to live like this any more. What is happening in Shambhala is wrong. I hid for all these years because of the backlash for speaking up. What I have done with Project Sunshine was based on my principles as a human being. Activity like this in our modern world is very rare. I want to inspire others into living with this integrity.
I want to work on this issue for my own healing, but also to help others – other people who were abused in the past, and also preventing more harm to people in the future, ideally preventing abuse entirely, but also making it safe to report abuse or harassing behaviors… so that future reporters are not shamed, blamed, and ostracized.
This is a very powerful vision and one that Shambhala is not addressing or making clear statements about… but it’s a goal that is clearly a part of enlightened society.
I have felt concerned this week about the communications from Shambhala International. It felt important to address it, because I believe most community members don’t know important information in order to be able to understand what is happening with the leadership.
March 19th communications from the Kalapa Council of Shambhala: “Shambhala Initiatives to Address Misconduct and Harm”, and “Overview: Shambhala Harm Prevention”
Quotes from the Council’s communication:
“created a webpage which provides detailed information… which can be accessed by all Shambhala members” “If you are a former member of Shambhala without member access…”
“Creating safe spaces to listen to those who have experienced harm and have not felt heard by Shambhala leadership in the past.”
As we know from numerous sources, many abuse survivors have been forced out of the Shambhala community and are no longer members. This has been convenient because it allows the Shambhala community to be a calm place without the troubling presence of abuse survivors.
The council has set up community discussion in private, member’s only spaces. This continues the age old pattern of exclusion of survivors from the discussion and will assure a calmer discussion that will be easier for Shambhala International to control. They have offered to email information about their plan to former members, but they extend no invitation to survivors like myself to participate in the discussion. I know, because I emailed and asked for the information.
To be honest, it is a slap in the face for abuse survivors to be excluded in this way. This communication has been received with anger and hurt by the abuse survivors I have spoken with this week. Why is it restricted to current members? They could easily create an open forum.
The Council’s suggestion of “creating safe spaces” comes on the heels of decades of creating re-traumatizing spaces through the Care and Conduct Policy. This communication does nothing to acknowledge the break down in trust due to this policy and to the active silencing of survivors by Shambhala leaders. It is insulting for them to suggest that survivors simply did not feel heard. The truth is that survivors have knocked loudly on the doors of leadership, right to the top, and they were actively silenced or ignored. These statements of “good faith” and concern are empty words.
“new effort to address issues of past harm in our community, and to refine and bolster existing policies and procedures to create safer environments for our members…”
“Creating new sexual misconduct strategies, policies, and procedures based on these conversations, input from the community, and guidance from third party organizations. We are in active conversation with an established organization, An Olive Branch, about taking on such a role.”
“create a Sexual Misconduct Policy and Procedure as an addendum to the current Care and Conduct Policy”
“The new policy and procedure will incorporate: (1) Feedback and suggestions from those who have reported sexual misconduct, (2) Aspects of the current care and conduct procedure; and (3) Suggestions from ‘Preventing and Responding to Sexual Misconduct and Harm: Draft Policy’”
The Committee will work to balance confidentiality of the matter with protecting the safety and well-being of all members.”
The Council is stating clearly that the Care and Conduct Policy will remain as the foundation for addressing sexual violence in the Shambhala community. They are planning on creating a new policy on sexual misconduct as an “addendum” to the existing policy.
They have already excluded the many abuse survivors who have been forced out of the community, so I wonder who they plan to get feedback and suggestions from. One of the problems with the Care and Conduct policy that has already been identified is how it protects the abuser’s confidentiality. It is clear that this continues to be a mandate of the Shambhala leadership even as they make changes and addendum to the policy as they state their intention to continue to “balance” the confidentiality of abusers with the safety and well-being of members.
In the absence of facing the overhaul that is needed, the Council is building on the corrupt foundation of in-house justice that has been hiding the abuse in this community for decades. They are suggesting further restorative justice approaches to keep justice in-house. This is in spite of abuse survivors forcefully calling for avenues of justice outside of an in-house system.
“We want to honour the many people who have been raising our collective consciousness around these issues for some time… We need to work together. If you have skills to offer or a desire to help, we encourage you to visit the website…”
I personally was shocked by the level of deception in this statement. I spent hours building relationships and working with Ministers Adam Lobel and Jane Arthur between September 2017 and February 2018. They expressed gratitude for Project Sunshine; I have emails showing how grateful they were for my work and acknowledged it was needed.
I sent them advance drafts of my report so they could stand on solid ground in their leadership of this community through the opening of our big can of worms about abuse. I have worked very hard to work *with* the Shambhala leadership each step of the way.
Instead of working collaboratively with me, they cut me off completely after I published the report. I emailed both Ministers on February 28th asking if they would collaborate with me on creating a healing path for the community. It has been nearly a month and they have not responded to that email. I sent another email the next day on behalf of community members who wanted the Project Sunshine report to be delivered to members through the Shambhala email list. They never responded to that email either. In the press Shambhala International has actively distanced themselves from Project Sunshine.
Their statements sound very open and welcoming, however, they restrict access to their members only forum. Far from honouring those who have been raising awareness, they have actively tried to suppress my efforts to help this community as well as the efforts of other survivors. I wish what they said was true, but they do not wish to work together.
I suspect the mandate of openness and true healing in Project Sunshine is not a fit for where the Shambhala leadership is currently focused – I believe it is more on public relations and protecting the stability of their leadership.
“community gatherings… where we can discuss our history in an open way. Students who experienced these eras will be able to share, and those who have questions or want to demystify past eras can inquire freely”
I have noticed in my conversations with Minister Lobel and in the Shambhala members Facebook forum that there is an effort to “contextualize” the sexual harm. He and others have suggested that the ‘70s and ‘80s were a time of new found sexual freedom and that somehow that makes the child abuse understandable.
What I have seen again and again in this community is an “open mindedness” that makes people feel they are above the law – that they can break the law because we are such a spiritually advanced community. That thinking is dangerous.
Hearing the voice of a survivor
Last night I was speaking with a deeply caring and wise woman teacher who I met through the Shambhala community. She is one of the many women who was deeply abused in this community and had to leave. With her permission, I am sharing some of what she said in response to the Shambhala International communications this past week.
“Shambhala International is so patronizing, patriarchal, top down, and out of touch with how to do these things.
The Sakyong’s letter is a total gloss over. It really made me mad, especially when he talks about kindness and communication. It is so duplicitous. Most people don’t know about his total failure to engage, communicate, respond, support, not to mention his own inappropriate behaviours even recently. They think that’s all in the past. He and Shambhala are covering everything over with a thin layer of ‘niceness.’ It’s not fair for people not to know the truth.
Community members are fearful. Shambhala International is covering it all over. And I’m afraid that community members are compartmentalizing what they are hearing to make it ok. I did that for years before I left the community. It’s just so painful.
It’s like leaving an abusive relationship, where you don’t want to leave, don’t want to give up on it. A spiritual path is so deep, and when you don’t see an alternative, it’s easier to let the leaders whitewash it.
I like how you distinguish between Shambhala and Shambhala International. Because we all know there is something healthy in Shambhala – the teachings and the local communities.
People are afraid of breaking samaya, that they would be disloyal to the teachings. It’s not the teachings that are a problem. The teachings are indestructible. It’s the organization. It’s a worldly, ‘relative’ organization, so of course there are problems. The problem is not the problems. The problem is how they are being related to. That is a huge problem.
I’m afraid people will feel they are being disloyal. Because we know that people are basically good, that the teachings are good. The corruption that has happened is hard to believe, so we almost naturally default to denial.
There is so much love and loyalty in us for Shambhala. The crux is we have to separate the basic goodness from the behaviour. It’s like having a bad husband. He’s not evil. He is a wounded person who is not able to become self aware and do anything about it. That doesn’t make it okay, or make our inaction okay.
Shambhala is a tribe. It’s so deep – this spiritual path. We’ve been in it so many years. It is so hard for people to untwine themselves, to disentangle the harm from the beauty of the whole thing.”
I feel she downloaded a message of truth for all of us last night. I understand that this is a lot to take in. And there is going to be a period of things feeling uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelming. But there is a way through this to the other side, where we have personally and collectively disentangled the human corruption from the dignity and goodness of the Shambhala teachings.
An elderly man with thin white hair entered the garden. I looked up from my writing at the sound of the oxygen machine hanging in a sling by his side. With the oxygen tube across his face, he smiled gently to me.
He looked strangely familiar. I returned my attention to my writing, and I was aware of his voice in lively conversation with a gardener in the background.
At some point he returned near to me, and I looked at him with curiosity. He walked softly, as if on clouds. Where did I know this man from?
I said, “Hello.” He returned my hello, and bowed deeply in a most relaxed, joyful and serene way.
He was lovingly drinking in the beauty of the garden around us. Probably drinking in the oxygen rich air, among all the plants, too! I could tell this man was filled with uncommon grace.
I said, “You look familiar, but I’m not sure where I would know you from. Did you used to have long hair?”
He replied, “Yes. Do you watch TV? Maybe you know me from a series.”
I said, “No. Well, I used to.”
He said, “Did you watch Nikita?
I exclaimed, “Yes!”
And he said, “I played Walter. I was Nikita’s friend.”
I was overjoyed to hear this! In my 20’s I loved watching Nikita. Nikita was a young woman who got sucked into working for a super-spy agency. Although she was really tough, she was also unconventional. She always had a soft spot that got her into trouble with her bosses. Even in the midst of this ultra-tough work environment and the pressure to be hardened, she clung to her soft spot – her tenderness – her humanity. I really LOVED the Nikita series!
And how special to meet this actor, old, on oxygen, and obviously filled with such grace 25 years later!
I got up off my bench, reached out my hand, and said, “My name is Andrea.”
He said he was pleased to meet me, and his name was Don Francks. He told me to look him up on the internet 🙂 Which I did!
You know, we all go through harsh experiences in life sometimes. We can go along with the harshness, shut down our humanity, and live the rest of our life in the shadows. Or we can be brave, “foolish”, maybe even annoyingly insistent, and cling to our humanity and the warmth of the human heart – NO MATTER WHAT!
If this speaks to you, I would love to hear what touched you, and about your approach to holding onto being human in the midst of the downright harsh things that can happen in life. Share your comments and reflections below!
How can we open the space in our over-burdened, over-worked, and over-scheduled hearts to contemplate the welfare of the earth, and even more ambitiously – how we can give back to the earth?
Last week I wrote about the healing power of laying in grass – a beautiful way to receive healing energy from the earth. This week, let’s look at how we can care for this precious earth!
The earth is worth caring for. I don’t know anyone who would argue against that! But… I know many people who are living their life with the pedal to the metal, and they feel they have too many priorities that outrank caring about the well-being of mother earth. Understanding what is happening with the earth in this age is deep and complex, and can feel overwhelming. For many, this feels like too much to take in.
So how can we open the space in our over-burdened, over-worked, and over-scheduled hearts to contemplate the welfare of the earth, and even more ambitiously – how we can give back to the earth?
I am grateful for meaningful dialog with you. After my grass email last week, I received an email from Paul, a member of this list, that was filled with wisdom and inspiration for how we can care for the earth. It was utterly uplifting!
Paul forwarded to me Drew Dellinger’s beautiful synopsis of the work of Thomas Berry, a man filled with much grace. Berry offers a way for contemporary people to fit love for the earth into our busy lives!
I am passing on Dellinger’s email to you below. I hope you will receive the blessing of Berry’s enlightening approach! You can read the article and leave your comments and reflections on the blog page for this issue.
May this INSPIRE you to love mother earth better!
Thomas Berry 101
In honor of the 101st birthday of ecological and cosmological writer,
thinker, and teacher, Thomas Berry (1914-2009), here’s a brief overview
of some of his ideas. There is much to explore in his works, such as
The Dream of the Earth (1988), The Great Work (1999), or The Sacred
Universe (2009), on Twitter at @EssentialBerry, and on the web at
ThomasBerry.org, but here are six insights from Berry to get you
started: Thomas Berry 101, for Tom’s 101st birthday.
1. THE DEVASTATION OF THE PLANET
For decades Thomas Berry was a tireless teacher and prophetic voice
addressing the ecological crisis, the mass extinction of species, and
the future consequences of our unrelenting and often irreversible
destruction of Earth’s biosphere. The Big News on the planet, as Berry
saw it, was that humans were terminating the Cenozoic Period,
unraveling the last 65 million years of Earth’s evolutionary
flourishing. “We are working with what is perhaps the most precious
reality in the universe–the Earth–and we are spoiling it,” he said.
When Berry spoke about the grandeur of the Earth, and the significance
of what was being lost, you felt it in your soul. At Prescott College
in 1992, he brought listeners to tears as he described the industrial
assault on the planet and nearly whispered in his wavering voice,
“Earth is precious. Species are precious… Reverence will be total or
it will not be at all.”
“The twentieth century has created a serious problem for the
twenty-first century,” Thomas said. “The next ten generations are going
to pay endlessly for what previous generations have done to the water
supply, to the soils, to the seeds that grow the food.”
In Berry’s view, to understand the destruction of the planet, and how
to build a viable future, one had to understand the cultural story of
Western society, and the power of worldview and cosmology.
2. COSMOLOGY
Tom Berry’s favorite word was cosmology, and he was laser-focused on
the significance of worldview, story, cultural narrative, and religious
orientation in understanding the deep roots of the ecological crisis.
As early as 1978 Berry articulated the eco-social crisis of modern
Western culture by saying, “It’s all a question of story. We are in
trouble just now because we do not have a good story. We are in between
stories. The old story, the account of how the world came to be and how
we fit into it, is no longer effective. Yet we have not learned the new
story.”
In Tom’s view, the cosmos story and the Earth story constitute our new
revelation of the divine. “It’s enormously important for us to know the
story of the universe, and it’s the only way in which we’re going to
know who we are.” “To tell the story of anything,” he remarked, “you
have to tell the story of everything.”
For Berry, it was imperative that modern culture reinvent its
cosmology, honor Indigenous wisdom, and ecofeminist wisdom, and
transform the mechanistic, materialistic modern worldview that, with
its anthropocentrism and radical split between humans and nature, is
destroying the garden planet of the known universe.
Twenty-eight years after writing the essay, “The New Story,” when I
interviewed him in 2006, Berry was still grappling with the
significance of cosmology and worldview. “It’s not easy to describe
what cosmology is,” he told me. “It’s neither religion nor is it
science. It’s a mode of knowing.”
“The only thing that will save the twenty-first century is cosmology,”
he said as we had lunch in North Carolina on a December day. “The only
thing that will save anything is cosmology.”
3. EVERY BEING IS A MODE OF THE EARTH / UNIVERSE
To inhabit Thomas Berry’s cosmological vision is to see the whole
unfolding symphony of species as a unified bio-spiritual expression of
the Earth and universe itself, blossoming into self-awareness and
celebration through manifold forms. When the eyeball evolves, the Earth
is seeing itself. When Jimi Hendrix, Mozart, and Nina Simone reach the
heights of artistic genius, the planet is performing. This is a subtle
but powerful perceptual shift from seeing the ‘parts’ to seeing the
organic wholeness. Every phenomenon on the Earth is a manifestation of
the Earth. The cascading panoply of forms in the universe is a single,
seamless display of cosmic creativity. The Earth flies, swims, and
loves when Earthlings do; the galaxies write sonnets in the hearts of
poets.
4. HUMANS ARE THE EARTH / UNIVERSE REFLECTING ON AND CELEBRATING ITSELF
This cosmological context can renew our sense of the human and our role
in the whole unfolding. Thomas Berry defines the human as, “that being
in whom the universe reflects on and celebrates itself, and its
numinous origin, in a special mode of conscious self-awareness.”
Our job is celebration, not war, consuming, or drudgery, but to
activate the capacities of the creativity-filled universe in human form.
5. THE UNIVERSE STORY CREATES A CONTEXT FOR EDUCATION
When Thomas Berry spoke at Prescott College in Arizona in 1992, he
challenged universities to overcome the split between the sciences and
the humanities by unifying their curriculum within the overarching
context of the universe story. College “should be a place that
celebrates the universe,” he said, “that celebrates the deep mystery of
things, in a meaningful way.”
Presaging the current interest in “Big History,” Berry stated, “Human
history has to be put into Earth history, has to be put into universe
history, into a cosmology.”
In a 1991 dialogue, published as Befriending the Earth, Berry states,
“What is education? Education is knowing the story of the universe, how
it began, how it came to be as it is, and the human role in the story.
There is nothing else. We need to know the story, the universe story,
in all its resonances, in all its meanings. The universe story is the
divine story, the human story, the story of the trees, the story of the
rivers, of the stars, the planets, everything. It is as simple as a
kindergarten tale, yet as complex as all cosmology and all knowledge
and all history…. It gives a new context for education.”
6. THE UNIVERSE IS A COMMUNION OF SUBJECTS & EVERY BEING HAS RIGHTS
Thomas Berry often taught that, “Ecology is functioning cosmology.”
Living responsibly in a connected, breathing cosmos requires that we
recognize the sacred rights of every being, and embody reverence and
respect as much as possible in our society. In this way, cosmology
becomes the context and foundation for our work towards ecological
healing and social and economic justice. “Every being has rights,”
Berry taught, because fundamentally, “the universe is a communion of
subjects, not a collection of objects.”
Last week I wrote about the necessity for putting your own oxygen mask on first. In other words, attend to your own basic needs as a basis for helping others.
Over the years I have built in many layers of support for my well-being. One profound layer has been BEAM Therapy (Bio-energetic Emotional Access Method) with the founder of this method, Dr. Joan Beattie – who I affectionately call, Dr. B. She is a wise old woman, rich with knowledge about energy healing.
A couple of months ago Dr. B. was talking to me about the deep healing we can receive from direct contact with the earth. The earth is a natural source of healing energy. This energy grounds us, and cancels out the vibration of stress that we can accumulate, especially if we live in a busy city. She warned that synthetic material, like rubber soled shoes, interrupts this natural healing energy. So it is important to have direct contact, or with a natural substance in between like cotton or brick.
This earth connection practice quickly found its way into my daily routine. I begin every morning going down to the strip of grass in my co-op building’s courtyard. I lay out a 100% cotton towel, so I don’t get wet, and I do a nice full set of morning stretches. Then I lay down and bring the soles of my feet together in a diamond yoga pose. Laying there on the grass, I give myself a nice face, neck, shoulder and chest massage. (This is so wonderful!). And I complete with a loooong full body stretch from my finger tips right down to my toes.
After fully stretching, I stand up on my towel and do this sacred shamanic practice to set my intention to walk in beauty for the day:
May I walk in beauty
With beauty before me, may I walk
With beauty behind me, may I walk
With beauty above me, may I walk
With beauty below me, may I walk
With beauty all around me, may I walk
On a path of peace, may I walk
May I walk in beauty
For all my relations.
What do you do to connect with the earth? How do you feel when you do it? Let’s inspire each other to find new ways to connect with the sacred healing energy of the earth. I’d love to hear about your experiences – you can post them below.
There is fundamental wisdom in the Buddhist approach: Get yourself in a better place first. Then help others.
We see this wisdom reflected in the emergency instructions on an airplane. The flight attendant says, “In case of the loss of cabin pressure, put your own oxygen mask on first, before your child’s.”
Why do they instruct the mother to put her own oxygen mask on first? Are we not socialized to care for others first? Is it not selfish to put our own mask on first? Is it not more noble to put our child’s make on first? Wouldn’t it look bad to put our own mask on first? Wouldn’t we be an awful person if we did that?
These are the ways that we beat ourselves up and coerce ourselves to neglect our own basic care.
The simple, nuts-and-bolts truth is that if we fiddle with our child’s mask first, we may pass out before we get it properly fitted on her face. We could definitely pass out before we get our own mask on, and our child will likely not be able to put our mask on for us while we’re passed out!
So it makes sense. Put your own mask on first. Oxygenate your system. Then attend to others.
The oxygen mask analogy is pertinent for the people of modern society. We keep ourselves so busy and spread ourselves so thin, that we starve the air of our spirit. At some point we feel like we are running on empty, and because of our socialization to put others first, we over extend ourselves.
It is not healthy for us. It is not healthy for others.
I encourage you to look at how you can begin to shift your own life this week. Take care of your basic needs. Get yourself into a better place, and then the next week you will have more to give to others.
It is a powerful decision when we choose to love ourself
Loving Kindness…
One thing we lack in Western culture is valuing loving ourself. In fact, in many ways we are taught that we are being selfish or self-centered if we take care of ourselves.
This has led to a culture of people who feel stretched, pressured, run down, and stressed. Many people turn to outside sources of comfort, such as over eating, drinking alcohol, smoking, and watching too much TV. We are trying to feed a basic human need for love, warmth and kindness with these external “comforts”, but they don’t meet the underlying need for self-connection, self-commitment, and basic kindness towards ourself.
It is a powerful decision when we choose to love ourself. It is about changing our allegiance, and that change will have a rippling effect through all areas of our life – our relationships at home and at work, our health, and our financial stability.
Loving ourself is not about being selfish. It is about caring for home base so that we can be more generous with others – more loving and more giving towards others.
Thrangu Rinpoche said, ‘Go slowly’
Every once in a while Life sneaks up behind us and gives us a mind blowing gift. I received just such a gift in mid-September when I found myself in a personal interview with Thrangu Rinpoche, one of the last living Tibetan Buddhist masters originally from Tibet. The only way I can describe the experience is it was like getting to talk 1-on-1 with Yoda.
I ask Rinpoche how I can explore the gifts within me to be able to bring them out to help people. He said, “Sorry. Have to go to the washroom.”
No problem. I waited, and he returned.
I asked him again, and he said, “Sorry, I can’t help you.”
I asked him, “Do you know someone who can help me?”
He said, “Sorry, no.”
Then… when my mind was ripe and ready to receive… he gave me my answer. He said, “Go slowly”
Since that meeting I have been reorganizing my life to slow down.
One thing I’d like you to know is that I have decided to slow down with my programming. I’ve decided to space things out more, and give it all more time. The Meditation & Loving Kindness Challenge is starting November 1st, and I’m pushing out the LOVE Breakthrough Program to February 2016.
This will be healthier for me, and I hope it will be healthier for you too. I welcome your feedback below!
Many of us are going through life with a distant awareness that something feels out of sync. It’s important to recognize this feeling is about something important that needs to be acknowledged and processed.
The longer we sit on it, the harder it is to access, and the more likely it is that we will be forced to acknowledge it as it makes itself known to us in ways we can’t predict. Rather than waiting for this to happen, we can empower ourselves by identifying the source of the uneasiness and resolving to attend lovingly to it.
The very thought of this brings up feelings of resistance in most of us, especially if, on the surface, our lives seem to be in order. Its difficult to face the feeling and go into it unless we are being seriously inconvenienced by the pain of it. The thing is, when we are carrying the burden of unacknowledged energy-messages coming from deep within, sooner or later, it will inconvenience us.
If we can be brave and proactive, we can save ourselves a lot of future suffering and free up the energy that is tied up in keeping the uneasiness down.
There are many ways to do this, but the first step is to recognize the energy-message and honour it by moving our awareness into it. In this process, even if its just five minutes during meditation, we will begin to have a sense of what the energy-message is about. It might be frustration in a relationship, or feeling unfulfilled at work, or some gift within us that is longing to be expressed in the world.
As we sit with the energy-message, we will also have a sense of whether we can deal with it by ourselves, or not. It may be time to work with a coach or invest in a personal development course. Whatever path you choose, resolve to honour the energy-message, so that you can release it fully, and set yourself free to create a life based in love and joy.
Remember, it is never too late in life to learn to listen to the messages coming from within yourself, and there is never a better time than now. I welcome your comments below!
We are loving people at heart. It can be easy in our consumer-oriented, advertising-filled, and entertainment-focused society to lose connection with how love is at the root of our being.
How can we stay connected and rooted with our true nature?
One key is to have some quiet time alone every day. Carving out that time to connect with yourself is essential for your heart to breathe… to know yourself… to remember who you really are.
This quiet time can look like 10 minutes of meditation or sneaking out at lunch to do some journalling under a tree.
Get creative!
The key is to show your commitment to your relationship with yourself – your primary relationship. It is from your self-relationship that all other relationships are created. So take care of the primary one well!
Taking good care of yourself is the foundation for everything else happening in your life. I’d love to hear what you have to say about this important topic! There is space for your comments below.
Give yourself the gift of peace
Develop authentic peace in your heart through meditation
When you are at your wit’s end and ready to throw in the towel in a conflict, how can you deal with it constructively?
We have been exploring the Heart Chakra, the source and home for the energy of Love. Probably the most common reason our heart shuts down is from getting hurt. We could have a raging fight with someone, or cold distance can creep into a relationship draining the life. Both result in shutting down and losing the feeling of Love.
Today I’d like for us to have a discussion specifically around what we can do when we are in the midst of a conflict and are so hopeless and frustrated that we are ready to walk away from the relationship.
I recently took my first Non-violent Communication Course with a teacher out in Berkley, California, Marina Smirling. I put this very question to her, “What can we do in moments of wanting to throw in the towel?” Her response was imbued with a wisdom that can open the door to a whole new way of living intimacy. I have simplified her process even further so that it is clear and doable in three steps:
First, acknowledge, “Oh my God! Whoa am I triggered!”
Next, have mercy for your humanity in this difficult situation. Physically put your hand on your heart and say the word, “mercy.”
Finally, figure out a time in your schedule when you can quietly sit down with yourself and proactively attend to the needs of the situation.
This simple method can be done in 60 seconds. It is a way of moving out of the space of reactivity so that we are not doing harm either to ourselves or the other person. And it creates an appointment in the near future where we can approach the situation from a place of spaciousness and clarity – an authentic space of inquiry.
If you have a habit of getting so angry that you blow a fuse, this simple practice will be a life changer for you. You will develop the ability to deal far better with conflict, which strengthens your trust in yourself, and others will come to trust you more too! It will open the flow of Love, both for yourself and with the people you care about.
If this touches you, please share your thoughts, reflections and questions in this discussion space below. Let’s dig into this together!
If we want to live with more love, we need to look at the foundational importance of self-care – caring for ourselves – so that our cup is full and overflowing.
I think we have all had the experience of running on an empty emotional tank. And like heroes we over-extend ourselves to take care of others.
It is utterly draining! It can cause serious physical disease, depression and anxiety. And, unfortunately, this is all too common an experience in today’s society.
Let’s understand the nature of the beast and what we can do to fill our cup with joy and love.
Historical role of women
It is worth looking at the socialization we inherited as women. Sensitive, caring men will also relate with this experience.
Women have been socialized to care for others, putting the needs of others first. We were told we are “bad” or “wrong” to take care of ourselves – it’s “selfish”!
We internalize these negative messages and live them out in our daily decisions. In this way we create a life structured around denying our needs.
This leads to situations of running on empty – our tank is empty, and yet we keep giving to others. It saps our life force.
What is the cost of sacrificing your self-care?
It can be a healthy step to acknowledge the cost of ignoring your needs. If you feel motivated to engage your own process of healing here today, there is a space below where you can share your answers to these questions.
What is the cost of sacrificing your self-care…
To your health?
To your relationships?
To your work and your financial well-being?
Most tragically, living life from a depleted state sabotages our ability to fulfill our life purpose. We literally don’t have the energy or mind space to attend to what is truly important.
No wonder people get sick and depressed!
Contrast – Empty vs Full
It literally feels good to take care of yourself. You feel worthwhile – worthy of care. You feel attended to, rather than giving up and letting the things that are important to you slide off your own plate.
When you take care of your well-being, then you have a rich reservoir from which to give to others. When you live with a full tank, you are empowered to know your personal truth – your life mission – and to live life with vibrant, healthy gusto!
Begin living with a full tank
Today’s post is about empowering you with awareness to help shift into more authentic care for yourself. I want to inspire you to organize your life in slightly different ways – ways that attend and nurture your well-being.
Try shifting just one thing in the next week. What is one small thing you can do to care for yourself over the next week? This is a powerful way to shift the scale to weigh in on the side of Love and Joy.
Please join me in this important discussion by sharing your thoughts and experience with self-care below. What are the costs for neglecting your self-care? What small thing are you going to try in the next week to shift the balance towards self-care?
And watch for my email next week with an exercise for your Heart Chakra to fill your cup with loving joy!
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. ~ Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple
Steve Jobs is one of the greatest examples of someone attuned to their purpose. He knew what was important to him. He made tough decisions, that sometimes disappointed people in his life. He broke barrier after barrier of what people thought was impossible.
And by the end of his life? Steve Jobs dramatically improved the quality of life for people all over the world. Computers have become part of almost every aspect of human life, and Jobs’ elegant, playful and usable design brings gentleness and goodness through our interactions with all computers. (PC copied many of the Apple’s usability ideas ~ they were good ideas!)
So what does it take to get *that* deeply connected with your purpose? The health of your Solar Plexus Chakra is fundamentally tied to the answer.
The Solar Plexus is the seat of your will. With a healthy Solar Plexus Chakra you will be deeply connected with your personal values, and this empowers you to think decisively and take action! We call it will power.
Today is the Summer Solstice. The longest day of the year. The day with the greatest exposure to the light of the sun.
Sunlight carries prana, or Life Force Energy. The Solar Plexus is the energy centre in our body that specifically receives prana. It receives prana and disperses that Life Force Energy throughout the body, energizing your entire system.
Therefore today is the pinnacle day to consciously connect with your Solar Plexus and open yourself to receiving the gift of prana that is available today.
The Solar Plexus is located below your rib cage and above your belly button. Gently meditating on this area today, bringing attention, curiosity and love can yield surprising results. Be open to it!
Imagine deeply listening to your truth – to what is important to you. Imagine all the outside voices that lead you away from your truth – imagine these voices fading away into the background so that your truth can beat like a steady heartbeat. Bah bum…. bah bum… bah bum…
Imagine your body filling with warm sunlight energy, filling all those dark empty unattended spaces within you. Imagine filling up with love and gentleness and goodness today. Imagine the *feeling* in your body that your deepest, most heartfelt dreams are possible.
All of this is available! And this one simply meditation today can transform your life. I don’t know how to emphasize this strongly enough: When you are connected with your truth in a solid, grounded and human way, you can move mountains.
June is the month of the Summer Solstice – it is the month of Sun power. In honour of this I am bringing attention to the Solar Plexus Chakra, the connection with Sun power within our body system. The Solar Plexus Chakra receives prana, or Life Force Energy, from the Sun and disperses it throughout our body system. This energy heals our bodies and our minds, and naturally extends to creating more powerfully within our lives.
As I’ve been doing extensive study, I came across an interesting article that I’m choosing to share in this week’s newsletter. I hope you will find it juicy with new understandings of this important Chakra, and how to attend to the health of yours!
Manipura
Article from http://www.oneworldhealing.net/chakra-healing/manipura/
Also known as the Solar-plexus or 3rd chakra, the Manipura is located just above the naval and below the rib cage. It is our energy center and it radiates vital life energy (prana) through-out our entire body. It is where our Will Power comes from; our ability to achieve, self-esteem, raw emotions, and self-discipline are all governed by the Manipura. It is where we can have a mental understanding of our emotional self.
The Manipura not only governs the emotional and mental aspect of your psyche but also your psychic experiences. Often a feeling of intuition or “gut feeling” in a certain situation will benefit you greatly if you listen to it. All aspects of the digestive tract, including the assimilation of nutrients are controlled by the 3rd Chakra.
When this Chakra is in balance you will be in complete control over your emotions and thoughts. Your ego mind, or small mind will have no unwanted influence over your actions.You will know without a doubt, and accept your place in the Universe, have self-love and, in turn, have a great appreciation for all the people in your life and the uniqueness that they bring to world. When in tune, your Solar-plexus will radiate warmth and joy through-out your entire being, and to others who come into contact with you.
Over-active Solar-plexus Chakra
If your chakra is over-active you may be judgemental or critical – and you will easily find fault in others. You may be demanding and have extreme emotional problems, being very rigid or stubborn (it’s either your way or no way). Often anger, or aggressiveness result from an over-active chakra. You may always be planning to do things, but never doing, and your work or interests become a priority over things you have to do (a workaholic). You may also be a perfectionist and can’t settle on something that is already good enough, it always has to be better.
Under-active Solar-plexus Chakra
If this chakra is under active it can cause severe emotional problems. You may have a lot of doubt and mistrust towards the people in your life, and worry too much about what other people might think about you. You may also run on “auto pilot” avoiding your feelings of depression or anxiety; you may feel afraid or alone when you start to look at what you have been avoiding. You also may feel that you are not good enough and be seeking a constant approval of others, this can lead to a need, or dependency on the people in your life.
Physical Symptoms of a Solar-plexus imbalance: Poor digestion, weight problems, ulcers, diabetes, hypoglycemia, hyperglycemia, arthritis, pacreas, liver or kidney problems, anorexia, bulimia, hepatitis, intestinal tumours, colon disease.
Healing the Manipura
There are many ways one can begin to balance their Chakras. Below you will find several useful methods; including colour, nature and sound therapy.
Affirmation for the Solar-plexus: I am confident in all that I do. I am successful and release my creative energy into this Reality, effortlessly.
Colour of the Solar-plexus: The manipura is associated with the colour yellow. Picturing a beautiful yellow sunflower where the chakra is located can have an instant affect. Yellow Candles or surrounding yourself with pictures of yellow things can begin to bring this chakra into balance. You will feel a warm glowing from the Manipura when this begins to happen!
Organs/Glands governed by the Solar-plexus: Large Intestine, Stomach, Digestive System, Adrenal Glands, Pancreas, Liver, Lungs.
Crystal Therapy for the Solar-plexus: Malachite, Jasper, Tiger’s Eye, Citrine, Yellow Tourmaline, Golden Berly, Rhodochrosite
Nutrition for the Solar-plexus: Bananas, granola, and grains such as bread, pasta, rice, flax, sunflower seeds. Dairy such as cheese and yogurt, and spices that include ginger, melissa, chamomile, turmeric, cummin and fennel and mint.
Aromatherapy/Essential Oils for the Solar-plexus: Rose, rosewood, sandalwood, chamomile, rosemary, myrrh, frankincense.
Healing the Solar-plexus with Nature: The Solarplexus’ Element is Fire. Taking a walk out in the sun is extremely beneficial. Sitting in front of a camp fire, or fire place can have an instant healing effect.
Sound Therapy for the Solar-plexus: The note “E” is what the manipura vibrates to; Chanting RA, in “E” will begin to bring the chakra into balance!
Interested in activating your Solar Plexus Chakra?
Have your own personal Skype Solar Plexus Chakra Soul Art Session!
The Solar Plexus Chakra is where you experience strength of character, learning and comprehension. When healthy, it guides you through life by creating a strong sense of self, setting personal boundaries and building self esteem. The seat of authentic willpower, this Chakra is the source of your ability to bring change into your life and to the world.
Chakras are energy centers within your body that govern your physical health, emotional well-being, and the kind of life you are creating.
The Solar Plexus Chakra is associated with the color yellow and is located between your naval and the base of your sternum. It is said that the function of this Chakra is to absorb and assimilate life-force energy from the Sun. The Solar Plexus then radiates this life-force energy throughout your entire physical body.
What does this look like in your life experience?
The energy of this Chakra is about personal power, self esteem, feeling centered, creativity, and ultimately your ability to manifest things in your life. When flowing well, your Solar Plexus will radiate warmth and joy through-out your entire being, and to others who come into contact with you.
Your Solar Plexus Chakra is home for your personal core values. When this Chakra is thriving, you’ll feel clear about your values and enjoy the opportunity to express them through your actions. An empowered Solar Plexus Chakra creates magnetism through your being aligned with your personal core values.
Improving energy flow to the Solar Plexus may clear problems related with feeling lack and limitation. This is a powerful way to improve your finances… this Chakra’s magnetic energy, grounded in your core values, helps you to manifest money.
You can probably already see that a healthy Solar Plexus Chakra and being well-grounded in your values is key to manifesting other things too, such as good health, better relationships, self-esteem, talents and abilities.
The journey of the Solar Plexus Chakra is the journey of discovering, claiming and cultivating your own personal power. It is a journey of assuming full ownership for your own life experience and connecting with people from this empowered position. The promise of the Solar Plexus Chakra is empowerment, integrity, self-respect and joy… all leading to your creating vibrant relationships, radiant health, and financial abundance.
The human nervous system is a network connecting the sensory organs to the brain. Chakras are energy centers which act as a “pump” to direct spiritual energy through this system. For example, Earth energy is drawn up through your Root Chakra and passed to the Sacral Chakra which is then passed to the Solar Plexus, then the heart, then throat, brow, and finally the crown. Once energy reaches beyond the crown, experiences and sensations move to realms beyond explanation.
Chakras manage the flow of energy for various aspects of your emotional life, your physical health, your relationship dynamics, your career success, your spiritual connection, your creative flow and your overall sense of well being. In several ways, the Chakras are the most important thing to develop.
When your Chakras are healthy and thriving, your life flows with a relaxed invigoration, you feel aligned with your unique path and purpose and you have the energy to follow through on your clear dreams with joy while feeling an abundance of love and support along the way.
When your Chakras are closed, blocked or energetically dented in some way, you’ll feel the effects dramatically in your life. For example, if your Throat Chakra is closed or wounded you may feel constriction in your throat so that you don’t speak when you want to. There can be a deep fear of expressing yourself and being judged for your ideas. On the flip side, you may speak in ways you don’t like, such as with harshness and judgement of others. You may keep to yourself rather than allowing your energy to circulate out into the world. Eating can become an out of control habit to try to take energy in, to make up for the inability to let energy out or from the distress of holding your Truth in without speaking it aloud.
The Chakra system is considered by many to be the most important system to work with because it is the base energy from which we create our lives. A fundamental step on your spiritual path is to learn how to support the Chakras to align with your highest vision; this guides you in how to live every aspect of your life including relationships, health and career. This reduces anxiety and stress and increases inspiration and motivation to create a life based on love and joy.
It was November 21, 2001 when I returned home from a long day of work at IBM’s Toronto Software Development Lab. I was a software developer specializing in usability (making software user friendly). On the outside, things were going well. I had a dynamic first year at IBM, and I even received a plaque for being nominated Rookie of the Year.
But on the inside… it was a different story. And on November 21st, that inner reality broke through.
I put a chicken breast into the toaster oven to bake and put some rice on the stove to cook. I had picked up a video from the library, and popped it into the VCR to play while my dinner was cooking. The Horse Whisperer, starring Robert Redford.
It had a pretty typical beginning. Then things went tragically wrong. The main character , a girl named Grace, and her horse, Pilgrim, got hit by a semi truck. Grace was rushed to hospital and had to have part of her leg amputated. The next day a group went out searching in the woods for Pilgrim. They eventually found him standing in a stream flowing under a bridge. He was badly injured and deeply traumatized – to the point that they thought he should be put down.
I felt hit by a tidal wave. I stood up, walked over to the VCR, and clicked stop. Went into the kitchen, turned off the oven and turned off the stove. Went into my bedroom and collapsed.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. But the next day I knew I could not go into work. I called my doctor and got an appointment to see him. I told him what had happened, and he said it was a depression. He took me off work for 2 weeks, so I could “feel more like myself.”
Well, by the end of two weeks, I knew I needed way more time. I went on short-term and then long-term disability and dove into my own deep and profound healing journey.
That image of Pilgrim was how I felt on the inside. I was literally working my guts out at IBM. I was brought up Tibetan Buddhist, and my main value is to relieve suffering in this world. I am not a good fit for a large computer corporation! Working there, I was slowly and quietly bleeding my life blood away.
It was a healing gift to see Pilgrim that fateful night. It propelled a dramatic life shift. A shift towards healing, and more importantly, a shift towards following my true path.
After doing loads and LOADS of therapy and energy healing, I started to explore career options. And I’ll put a little plug in here for Times Change Women’s Employment Service, because connecting with them was pivotal in my career journey. Times Change gives women a caring environment to explore themselves and what they have to offer the world through employed work.
I emerged from the Times Change Career Planning course with a clear decision to become a therapist. I went on to do a Master of Education in Counselling Psychology at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (part of the University of Toronto).
While studying I finally watched the whole Horse Whisperer movie. I was blown away by what the horse whisperer did to save Pilgrim. This man was a shaman. He was powerful, deeply compassionate, and he was able to read Pilgrim and steady the horse’s spirit. He reached Pilgrim and healed him.
I went on to watch other movies about horse whisperers, and they became my favourite movies. I admired their skill. I was so attracted to horse whisperers, that I wanted to be like them – I wanted to be able to work that way with people. So I put that intention into my studies and focused each class on how to develop skill in working with people who have been through trauma. I honed expertise in trauma healing.
After graduating I opened a private psychotherapy practice for three years. I brought the rubber to the road by running therapy groups and doing 1-on-1 therapy. And I learned a lot!
But my spirit is bigger than this. And my desire to relieve suffering in the world is bigger than this. I was drawn to a method called Soul Art. I started learning it and doing it on myself over three years ago. It majorly opened doors in my mind and heart!
I realized I could bring more to working with people. I have long-term deep spiritual experience through my Buddhist practice, and frankly I am ambitious. I started doing coaching with Investment Advisors in the financial industry. We worked on relational issues and business development. Within 6 months my clients rocketed to success through the sessions I was giving them. Their income dramatically increased and they got a BIG promotion.
I was no longer doing psychotherapy and I needed to come up with a name for what I was doing. If there’s one thing I learned from working with my clients, it is this: People are afraid to dream of what they want. They are afraid to face their core desires in life. And those brave souls who sometimes peek their eyes open to glimpse their dream, they are afraid to take the first step towards making their dream a reality. Solid strength and support are needed to take the practical steps to bring any dream into reality, and most people don’t have that kind of support in their life.
After a lot of soul searching I came up with my new title: The Dream Whisperer. I had become an expert in helping people open to their dreams, to hunger for them. I had also become an expert in helping people overcome fear. I developed the skills to guide people taking the steps needed to birth their dreams. It takes a bit of magic and rock solid support. And I bring that on FULL FORCE!
So that’s how the night of November 21, 2001 completely changed my life. Today I am not a software developer. Today I am living the most amazing career… as a Dream Whisperer! And the interesting thing is that all my computer expertise has proven invaluable for creating this Dream Whisperer service. Many of you have experienced the life-changing free programs I give via the internet. And truly… this is only the beginning.
That summer at the seminary was not all about the Kasung and falling in love with Setter San. Something else happened too. Spending all those hours, day after day meditating… Hearing the wind blow and catch the top of the tent and then let go, almost as if the tent was breathing… The hours sitting, sometimes noticing other fidgeting, and sometimes (very few times) feeling at peace herself. And then the one day when the guy with Tourette’s started yelling “Fuck” over and over during the meditation period.
Angie was getting the chance to get closer to her mind – to her heart. She was able to listen in a deeper way to her heart as the speed of her mind started slowing and slowing and slowing, as the days of the seminary went on. When she was walking, she started smelling the sage in the air and the dust on the path. As her mind got more quiet, she started experiencing more through her senses.
Something at this seminary was working on her – changing her.
After two weeks of intensive meditation, the program turned into half days of meditation and half days of study. For the first time in her life she started studying the buddhadharma – the Buddha’s teachings.
She learned about the Hinayana path – the path of individual liberation. The Hinayana was the starting place. In fact, she remembered a few years ago her dad was wearing a favourite t-shirt that said, “Never forget Hinayana…” So she knew it must be important just from Dad’s t-shirt! Now she was studying it for herself, and the focus was on quieting her own mind through the discipline so she could have some relief from all the craziness of living in this world.
And it was crazy! Yes, her parents were great in a lot of ways, but they were also crazy in others! Her dad was an alcoholic, and no one wanted to face that. There was a lot of anger in her home while growing up, and Angie had absorbed it all. She was sensitive, and to be honest, it overwhelmed her!
So now, here at the seminary, for the first time she was giving her heart a safe place. There was something incredibly safe about sitting on this red and yellow cushion in the billowing tent practicing this safe practice handed down lovingly from the Buddha. She believed in this Hinayana – the power of narrowing the focus just to her and doing this practice as best she could. Forgetting about all the grand schemes and helping the world. This time was just for her, to practice this meditation practice.
Angie started feeling good, even with the torments from time to time of falling in love with Setter San. Something good was growing in her, something wholesome. And she was feeling grateful – she was feeling joy for the first time in her life. She sat at dusk on the hill above the Centre, feeling the quiet, watching the sun set, and there was this sadness that came into her chest and almost tears came into her eyes. She felt the stillness of this land, and the life in this land, and it made her feel alive.
Your comments on this chapter are most welcome below.
Getting through that final year of high school felt like walking through deep mud – Angie didn’t see how she would get to the end. But somehow she made it! And she entered into a very different world that summer – she went to the Vajradhatu Buddhist Seminary held in the heart of the Rocky Mountains at Rocky Mountain Dharma Center. Life could not have changed more dramatically – leaving home for three months to be surrounded by mountain, sage and sun and diving into intensive Buddhist study and meditation. Wow!
In the orientation meeting the seminary participants were invited to join the Kasung, the Buddhist military. Quite to her surprise, Angie felt drawn to sign up for it. She smiled to herself as she stood in line to sign the clip board thinking about the time she had been standing with a group of friends in 8th grade smoking pot saying the last thing she’d ever be is a cop.
Wednesday she was to go to the Kasung meeting at the dining tent to be assigned to a squad and have her first squad meeting. She arrived having no idea what to expect and even a little nervous because the Kasung in their uniforms looked so sharp, and they had this kind of rambunctious energy that Angie had never experienced before – it was really new.
She was assigned to Lion Squad, and her Rusung (the squad leader) was Ann Setter – who indeed looked like a lion with her mane of light brown hair. Ms. Setter, as they were to call her, was about Angie’s mother’s age and had beautiful mountain like features.
Angie took to the Kasung like a fish to water and loved getting up in the morning to press her khaki uniform with crisp creases, using spray starch to seal them in. It gave her a sense of purpose and dignity – and joy – that she had never felt before, and she liked it!
She also came to love Ms. Setter – her Rusung captured her heart. As she started to show her affections, Angie learned that Ms. Setter was lesbian and had a partner back home. Although there was no hope of a love relationship with her, Angie still pined away for Ms. Setter and found little ways to express her love.
When you get a teenager away from home for the first time at an intensive meditation program, the mind can go wild! And that is eventually what happened with our dear Angie. It seems she was thinking during her meditation and concocting quite the plan!
She knew that Ms. Setter had an overnight shift in the Shrine Tent coming up Saturday night. So Angie prepared an attack for that night. She was so excited, and kept it all strictly to herself.
When Saturday finally came, Angie dressed all in black, including a dark navy beret. She had managed to get some snapper fire crackers – the ones you throw to the ground and they make a loud snap. She put them in her pocket and at around 11:00 pm, she set out down the hill to the Shrine Tent.
When she arrived, she stepped softly, making hardly any sound as she approached the tent. She peeked in between the sides of the tent flap and could see Ms. Setter already laying down in her sleeping bag in front of the shrine.
Angie roused her courage and reached into her pocket. She threw the first snapper into the tent. Nothing happened – she didn’t throw it hard enough. So this time she really threw the next one, and SNAP!
She saw Ms. Fetter move. Angie threw another one, and Ms. Setter was suddenly standing looking all around in the direction of the snap.
When she turned around the other way, Angie, threw three at once, and there was even more of a melee! Ms. Setter looked like she was going to have a heart attack. Angie got scared and thought she’d better end the attack and enter the tent to explain.
Ms. Setter was not pleased! She yelled at Angie, “I can’t believe you did this! What were you thinking! You scared the living daylights out of me! What were you thinking?!?!?”
Angie felt just terrible, and she dropped to the ground and did a formal Japanese style bow to Ms. Setter, saying, “I’m so sorry Setter San” (Setter San was the affectionate way that Angie had grown to address Ms. Fetter).
Angie ran crying back to her tent. Her ultimate expression of love had turned into a disaster, and perhaps Setter San would want nothing to do with her ever again! This was certainly any young teenager’s worst nightmare!
But two days later when Angie and Ms. Fetter crossed paths in the dining tent, Ms. Fetter gave Angie a soft smile with a playful glint in her eye.
Your comments on this chapter are most welcome below.
This is the second chapter in a series called, “Growing Wings to Love,” an exploration of a young woman developing the capacity to love deeply. Enjoy! And may there be great blessing for your own journey of love!
Angie walked into English class and there was a young woman sitting at the front behind Mrs. Feldman. She had bold eyes and Angie was mesmerized. Mrs. Feldman greeted the class and announced we would have a student teacher this term, Ms. Faust who was studying to be a teacher at the University of Colorado.
Ms. Faust stood up, said hello and how excited she was to be there. She proceeded into the lesson about the next book they would study, Adam Bede. The way Ms. Faust spoke caused Angie’s hair to raise up on end from the top of her spine all the way to her forehead. She didn’t know what was happening – she felt on fire.
Throughout the week Angie soaked herself in the torrential passion and anguish of Hetty Sorrel in the novel. She felt Hetty and Adam and Arthur and Dinah – there was a richness as she opened her heart to their story. To their lives. To the pain each felt and to the fullness of their moments of joy.
And she could not get Ms. Faust out of her head. The feelings in Angie’s heart kept growing richer and fuller. She didn’t know what to do with all these feelings in her unaccustomed teenage body. She wondered if Ms. Faust was a lesbian.
There was a bottle of bubbles sitting on her table and she opened the window of her bedroom overlooking the back yard. With a breath full and gentle… she blew bubbles and they floated lazily in the air, slowly making their way to the ground two floors down.
That weekend she began her essay – knowing it would be read by Ms. Faust, and she put all the passion and fire she was feeling into writing each word of it. Her heart was bursting! It began…
This is a novel of passion and love that shakes the reader’s heart out of the deepest sleep. There is the pain of love held back, lovers parting, secrets, fragile life exposed to the elements so that it dies, heartache, despair and redemption. Hetty’s trials not only speak of our own painful longing for unattainable love, but also to our ability to let life crack us open to show the red beating heart within our breast.
Tuesday morning, exhausted and nervous, Angie placed her finished essay on the pile of essays in front of Ms. Faust. Ms. Faust caught her eye in an unexpected deep way and her sensuous lips reached up into her right cheek in a playful half smile. Angie looked down and could feel her face suddenly hot as she went to her seat.
This is the first chapter in a series called, “Growing Wings to Love,” an exploration of a young woman developing the capacity to love deeply. Enjoy! And may there be great blessing for your own journey of love!
This day began as any other, and yet this day would change Angie at the deepest level. She arrived at school and sat down at her desk. Her parents were Buddhist and had put her in a Buddhist private school because she had been acting out and getting involved with “bad” kids in the couple of years before.
Her teacher came into the room with a somber look on her face and said, “A woman has died in the community. When we go in for our morning meditation, her body is in the shrine room. If you don’t want to go in, you don’t have to. We just wanted to let you know.”
Everyone went in to sit, and Angie thought she would give it a try. She settled on her cushion, aware of the coffin that was to the left of the shrine. The gong sounded three times, and she settled into finding her breath. She felt very aware, like there was something pressing on her awareness – something pressing on her heart. There was both a tightness and a fullness within her being as she felt her breath going out and then back in.
Who was this woman? How had she died? [thinking] back to the breath… What does she look like? I smell something… Is that her body decaying? What is that smell? [thinking] back to the breath… I feel really claustrophobic. I wish I hadn’t come in to meditate this morning with this body. Why would the teachers put us through this? [thinking] back to the breath… Breath going out, breath coming in. Settling a little with this profound silence, being with the presence of death.
Death is terrifying. Is it really going to happen to me? Yes, it is going to happen to me. And to everyone I know. That is so scary! Can I handle it? [thinking] back to the breath. Breathing gently, being really gentle with my heart as I walk through this experience. The sharpness of this moment, and being present with my breath. Being exquisitely present with my breath, awkwardly present, painfully present – all at once.
Time slows down, and I’m just being here. Being here with this body. Being here with my fear. Being with my breathing, out and in.
After an eternity, the gong rings. Angie is slow to move after this deep experience – almost afraid to move. But she does, and she follows the others back to the classroom. When she is riding the bus home, a woman drops her bag of groceries. A package of cookies opens and cookies spill out all over the floor of the bus. Angie’s eyes swell and tears come pouring out, and she cannot stop them.
I am blown away by your insightful comments on the Dorothy and Alexandra posts! Susan has brought forward the insight that Dorothy and Alexandra are going to need to create the space to honour what each woman needs in order to feel taken care of and loved through this. But how are they going to be able to create that space given all the drama happening, and specifically Dorothy’s grief process?
Susan also comments, ” So what is she [Dorothy] supposed to do in order to keep her relationship with Alexandra in a good space, while grieving the relationship with Victoria?” This is a challenging question. Dorothy is so caught up in trying to leave Victoria in the right way, and she doesn’t know how to deal with her own feelings about leaving a 13-year relationship. Is it even possible for Dorothy to attend to her relationship with Alexandra in the midst of this?
It obviously hurts Alexandra deeply when Dorothy leaves the relationship to spend time with Victoria. It bothers Mary that Alexandra keeps hanging up the phone on Dorothy. I don’t have a sense that this is Alexandra’s normal behaviour, and it’s a sign that there is too much pressure on the love relationship. Mary suggests the couple needs some time apart, and she hopes that Dorothy has emotional support during this time – and yes, Alexandra is not the right person to be emotionally supporting Dorothy through her grieving process around Victoria.
Dorothy is going to have to take responsibility for getting the help she needs – there is no way around it. She is going to have to invest time, money and heart in an authentic grieving process. We tend to shelter our heart and avoid uncomfortable situations. That keeps us in the shadow limbo where we cannot experience True LOVE. To get through this, we have to get help, we have to reach out, feel awkward, and value our own well-being more than all the awkwardness and shame we may feel. We have to decide to heal and then take the leap to invest in help.
And I have a sense that Mary is right – the couple is going to have to take some time apart while Dorothy gets the help she needs and clears some space in her heart for a new love relationship with Alexandra. And when they come back together, I think the love languages is an excellent suggestion, Mary! I feel certain the couple WILL take THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES quiz available on line together. Thank you for this suggestion!
Rhonda and Mary both want this couple to take a close look at what they have and not jump ship. None of us wants to see this couple lose one another. Their love is special! And we want to see them come through this.
The fact is that it takes a lot of work and care and investment of heart to work through a situation like this. Your suggestions are a big help. Keep them coming! And I see that this week Alexandra has become aware that there are people reading this story, and she has asked for your prayers! Let’s all bring our hearts together and pray for this couple, so they can have a different ending than what many of us have experienced in the past – just like Stacie has asked for! Let’s pray that Alexandra will have patience and that Dorothy will access the resources she needs to grieve her past relationship to make space for this new one.
Dorothy could no longer feel her heart. She couldn’t remember who she was – she couldn’t even remember what it felt like to know what she wanted. She found it hard to make even the simplest of decisions. It felt like her world had suddenly crashed in on her, and she didn’t know what to do. She knew she was a mess! And she wondered if Alexandra was going to get fed up with her and leave.
Alexandra cared about Dorothy, but she was finding it harder and harder to be there for Dorothy. Like last night Alexandra had suggested they put some date nights into their calendar and Dorothy let her know that she was busy over the next 3 weeks between time with Victoria and other family members.
Alexandra was stunned! She knew Dorothy was going to New York with Victoria on a trip they had planned months ago, and for Dorothy this was a final farewell to the life they had shared in marriage. This trip alone was driving Alexandra insane. She just wished Dorothy would be through with her grieving and letting go, and finally be available for a relationship with her!
Now Dorothy let her know that her sister was coming to visit for a couple of weeks after that, and she probably wouldn’t have any time to see Alexandra during that visit. Her sister didn’t know she was lesbian, and it would be too much to introduce Alexandra to her sister.
Dorothy obviously had a mind of her own and was making all kinds of plans. Alexandra felt like her only option was to distance herself from Dorothy and hope that she would settle a bit and start to be interested in building a life with her later, after she did what she needed to do with family. Truly, it was disheartening!
But Alexandra felt strongly that she wanted to keep in the game, hopeful that some day Dorothy would be more herself and be able to enter back into love relationship with Alexandra.
In the mean time, it was like a cruel joke of cupid to lose her beloved to the swamp of confusion that Dorothy was now in. Alexandra knows people are reading this story, and she asks you to please pray for this struggling couple.
Dorothy felt her grip on sanity slowly slipping away. She had worked so hard for this day! She had sacrificed so much to be with Alexandra. And Alexandra’s emotions and reactions were completely baffling her. Why wasn’t this woman opening to the loving arms that Dorothy was now extending?
Dorothy needed to know that everything was okay. She needed everything to be okay with Victoria. She needed to know that everything was okay with Alexandra. Then! Then everything could be okay for Dorothy.
She was running herself ragged, and she was losing sight of who she was. Everything was so new! This new home. No longer eating supper with Victoria every night. Sleeping alone in her new home some nights and the other nights sleeping with Alexandra.
She desperately needed some safe place of comfort to adjust to everything. But at the same time everything about her connection with both Victoria and Alexandra was feeling like screaming echoing through the Universe – like the horrible sound of nails on a chalk board.
Dorothy didn’t know how much more of this she could stand, and if Alexandra didn’t start listening to how her incessant weakness was impacting Dorothy, she truly was going to scream.
What was wrong with Alexandra? Was she afraid to hear how Dorothy was feeling? Every time she started to talk about her feelings, Alexandra would simply hang up the phone. It couldn’t be more devastating! Truly, she felt like she was going crazy and there was no hope.
She started drinking at night. First her beloved scotch, and then beer the next night. The feelings were too much to handle, and it was getting so much worse with Alexandra refusing to listen and hanging up the phone. She knew that Alexandra was giving up hope – she had said that to her.
Dorothy felt her world was closing in.
Why is this happening? Why is it when two good women love each other that this love isn’t enough to pull them through?
Well, their love may be enough to pull them through, but right now things are looking dim. I am wondering if they are going to make it, since they are both beaten down and things are intense, I wonder if Alexandra in particular is simply going to pull the plug.
You know, Dorothy was expecting a lot of herself. Leaving a 13-year relationship that she had deeply invested in, and then starting a new life with Alexandra the day she moved into her own place – that fateful Monday of the Flood.
We are all human. We have emotional fabric that is largely woven in our first relationships with our parents in childhood. Then we get into relationships ourselves in adulthood – further weaving our emotional fabric – weaving our heart with the one that we love.
When we leave a relationship it is not a physical thing – it is not simply walking out the door and saying goodbye. We need time, and we need a safe place where we can explore what emotional threads we are taking out of our heart when we leave someone (or when someone leaves us).
The end of a relationship is a BIG thing, and in our society we overlook that. Women are expected to move on in their life and somehow forget the pain of leaving the relationship. This causes great sickness in our heart, and the dis-ease in our heart impacts those around us.
Dorothy needs to give herself the chance to grieve the end of the relationship with Victoria. She needs human compassion for working through a great loss. There is simply too much going on in her heart, and there is too much going on in her transitioning relationship with Victoria for her to be present with building a relationship with Alexandra.
She needs to digest and put away the ending of her past relationship before she will have the space in her heart for Alexandra. She needs to grieve it. And until she does, she will live in emotional limbo. So let us hope that Dorothy will come to realize this before it is too late. Before she loses this amazing opportunity for True LOVE with Alexandra.
The two lovers reached the other side – the place where things would be safer, clearer, and they’d finally be able to build an ordinary relationship outside of the messiness of the love triangle with Victoria. Dorothy’s final words of the “hibernation” before her move echoed in Alexandra’s mind, “Come Monday, I will be all yours!”
Things were different after the move. Dorothy created a beautiful home. And she was able to spend much more time with Alexandra. The two lovers were able to be in touch whenever they wanted without the weight of Victoria’s watchful eye. Dorothy enjoyed being able to do nice things for Alexandra and to finally start to build the kind of relationship she wanted with the woman of her dreams.
But something was not working… As each week passed, the lovers grew more and more distant. It became harder and harder to discuss things. And the problems started accumulating as they didn’t get worked out. A great weight started to grow.
This bewildered the young lovers – how could this be happening after all they had done? Now there was finally the space for them to build the relationship they had dreamed of. How could this be happening???
After the third week, Alexandra was at the breaking point. As much as she loved Dorothy and wanted a relationship with her, Dorothy was no longer herself. She could see the dynamic passionate woman before her, but she couldn’t feel her heart beat. Dorothy was gone! Although Dorothy was the most organized woman she knew, this week Dorothy forgot they were scheduled to spend Saturday night together, and she made plans to go out with her friends instead. Alexandra was dumbfounded, because this was supposed to have been their last night together before Alexandra was going out of town for 5 days to visit friends in Eastern Ontario.
Alexandra was concerned! She sat Dorothy down and said they needed to create a sense of home for their relationship – that things were too chaotic! Dorothy said okay, But… BUT she was so angry with Alexandra because she’s too sensitive and doesn’t appreciate all that Dorothy has done, and why can’t she just allow the relationship to happen (and around 20 other complaints!).
Alexandra stormed out of the room. She refused to take all this dumping of emotion on her. It was if Dorothy didn’t even hear the need to create safety and a sense of a place for their relationship. Dorothy was in all out battle mode!
Alexandra was losing hope as she felt Dorothy slipping away into the darkness of her deep emotions of anger and hurt. And it was maddening! Because Dorothy was physically more present, but now it truly seemed her spirit had left.
Alexandra felt her commitment to this relationship disappear this week. The weight of the late night hashing and gnashing nearly every night was taking it’s toll, and for Alexandra it started to feel like leaving Dorothy was a better option. Especially since Dorothy was obviously so unhappy in the relationship, and certainly Alexandra was starting to be overwhelmed by all the fighting and never getting things worked out.
These two women love each other more deeply than you and I can imagine. Do you know why things aren’t working out between them? Share your thoughts below. We want to hear what you think is wrong and why everything has gone haywire after so much care and effort has gone into their being together.
Looking back, it all seemed like a big messy blur – like a smeared dream happening in a fitful sleep. Dorothy forced herself to pack, with her heart growing smaller and smaller under the stress. She gave up her plans of carefully sorting and organizing things as she packed – she just needed to get her stuff into boxes!
Sunday night dinner with Victoria was probably the heaviest thing she ever went through. The air clung to her like black tar, and she could hear every little tick of the silverware hitting their plates. The entire meal in silence, except for Victoria asking if they’d be meeting with the lawyers on Thursday morning. Dorothy answered, “Yes.”
She fulfilled her duty to Victoria as no other wife could – she loved her for these last two days under the same roof. Although she had betrayed her for the past seven years, she came home and was true to her for these last two days. A small token. Sometimes it is these small things that matter a great deal.
By some miracle she gathered her wits enough to put most of her things into boxes by the time the movers arrived early Monday morning. She knew she would return to the house over the coming weeks and could collect small things – which was a relief to not have the pressure of packing EVERYTHING for Monday! And well… maybe there was part of her that just couldn’t bear to completely separate from Victoria, and leaving a few things at the house brought her comfort – and a reason to return.
Dorothy’s thoughts began to return to Alexandra as she started to emerge from the weekend. She knew Alexandra was not the most stable woman, so nothing was for certain. Alexandra was paranoid about Dorothy’s safety. It’s true… Victoria lost it a couple of weeks after Dorothy said she was leaving, and was raising her fist saying crazy things like “I’m never going to let you go. You’re mine. I would lock you up if I have to, so that no one else is going to have you! And I am serious!” Ever since then, Alexandra was inconsolable. She could understand that Alexandra loved her and cared about her, but it infuriated Dorothy that Alexandra refused to trust her ability to handle Victoria. Undoubtedly Alexandra’s paranoid mind was going wild over the weekend.
She didn’t know what she would face with Alexandra today. All she knew Monday morning is she felt awful – emotionally and physically – and did not have any energy to reach out to Alexandra. It would have to wait until later – after she moved. And she just hoped that Alexandra would still be there – especially since she was disrupting both her’s and Victoria’s life horribly so she could be with Alexandra.
Despite feeling miserable, everything went smoothly with the move. The movers were on time, and it all happened quickly. Dorothy’s head was spinning as the movers left her new place just before 1:30. She felt in shock, and there was profound silence as she stood surrounded by boxes… everywhere. She just stood there, a tiny woman facing a very big future.
Dorothy picked up her iPhone and sent a text to Alexandra. “I am moved. Going to go get some lunch. All is well.” Alexandra responded formally, “I am relieved to hear your move went well. Let me know when you are ready to reconnect. I love you.” Dorothy replied, “I love you too. I’ll be in touch again later today.” She started to feel a little space around her heart to breathe, and she went out in search of a place to get lunch in her new neighborhood.
Although the skies were clear that morning during the move, they clouded over in the afternoon and a great storm descended. It started with rain, and that rain grew more and more intense until a great flood was rushing through the streets sweeping bicyclists and even cars off the side of the road. Dorothy quickly finished her lunch and had to practically swim to get back to her place.
She closed the door behind her, dripping and headed up to her bedroom to find a box with dry clothes. She flipped on the switch in her closet only to find the power had gone out. She realized she had no source of light – not a a flash light or candle. She leapt into action and drove back over to Victoria’s to get a flashlight.
She hadn’t expected to return so soon. In some ways it was a relief to return back to the place she had called home for so many years. And in another way it felt like walking into a coffin. Victoria was visibly unnerved by seeing her, so Dorothy quickly grabbed the crank flashlight she wanted and left.
Sitting in her car she thought she’d better text Alexandra so she wouldn’t feel totally neglected and go into one of her paranoid fit. “Oh My God!” Dorothy exclaimed. Her iPhone was almost out of juice! So she texted Alexandra to let her know she was at 10% power and wouldn’t be able to call her later – she had no way to recharge with the power out. Alexandra was not pleased! She could understand, but there was nothing she could do!
It was almost 5:30 and Dorothy headed back over to her place. It took over 30 minutes to get there when normally it should take around 5 because the roads were a mess and traffic wasn’t moving. What was wrong with these people?! It’s just a bit of rain, and they lose their friggin’ heads!
Dorothy finally made it home and took the precious flashlight upstairs. The storm made it dingy dark, even this early in the evening. She found the box where she put her sheets and she made her bed by the glow of her little crank flashlight.
She sat in the middle of her bed, a little island of sanity, and looked around her room. Chaos! Boxes everywhere!
What had she done? Was this the greatest mistake of her life? Wild thoughts of doubt and self-criticism shot through her heart as she sat in the dark, alone.
She had specifically told Alexandra she wanted to spend the first night at her place alone. And now it felt like she was facing her worst nightmare with all her weakness starting to creep into her skin like a dank fog. Dorothy just sat there – facing what she had done.
After a while she started to feel a little better. Something started to turn, and it actually felt good to be in her own place, even if it was in shambles. In a way it was like camping out, especially since all she had for lighting was the flash light. Today she was beginning a new life… and her heart beat just a little faster. The fog started to lift. She had taken the leap out of a dead marriage to Victoria. She was choosing life. She was choosing to love again. She was choosing herself. And that felt good! It was as if a gentle warm sun was starting to rise up and evaporate the darkness of her fears through its warmth.
She suddenly realized she could charge her phone a little bit off of her computer, which still had life in it’s battery. She texted Alexandra, “Hey, I plugged my phone into my computer and it has life. Are you able to talk for a little bit?”
“Yeah” Alexandra replied, letting go of the pregnant anxiety of the last few days.
Their first conversation after the long weekend apart was tender, even tentative. A new beginning – charted out of the courage and love of both women.
Dorothy COULD NOT BELIEVE how childish Alexandra was being! Didn’t she understand how difficult this was for her?! She was leaving a 13-year relationship with Victoria. Victoria had been the love of her life, and they had built a strong life together, including this beautiful home.
Dorothy realized about seven years ago that she no longer loved Victoria, but she stayed with her because it seemed impossible to leave. Then she met Alexandra whose love totally turned her world upside down. Now Dorothy was destroying everything by leaving the relationship with Victoria, and this made her feel like the worst person on the face of the earth!
She had to watch day in and day out the devastation she was causing Victoria by leaving. And to make things worse, Victoria found out that Dorothy had been having an affair with Alexandra for almost 6 months. Victoria felt betrayed by the woman she trusted most, and she told Dorothy that she couldn’t imagine ever being able to trust her again.
Dorothy’s soul was screaming inside, and Alexandra’s petty fit about not talking tonight just made her want to scream! Alexandra was needy and insecure, and she really didn’t need this in her life!
But she always felt uneasy when things were unsettled between her and Alexandra. In some odd way, if things were good between them, then life felt good. And if things were upset – like this – then life felt unbearable. She NEEDED to fix this, or she could not bear to go on!
So she told Victoria she was going to bed, and went into her room. (She had moved into a separate bedroom a month before, so now she had this space to herself.) She phoned Alexandra, hoping she had not turned off her phone for the night.
One ring… Two rings… Three rings… Four rings.
“Hi.” Said Alexandra stoically.
“Hello, Alexandra. I can’t go to bed with you feeling so upset. Can we talk?”
“Fine.” Alexandra replied
“Look, I’m going to move out in two days. Things are really intense around here. I need you to give me space.”
“Fine. So what do you want from me.” Even more stoically.
“Well, I know that I keep letting you down. I don’t want to do that. And I am so stressed. I think I need to not be in contact with you for these last two days – until I get moved out. It’s just all too much, and I know I’m just upsetting you.”
“Well, that’s probably a good idea.” Replied Alexandra. Meanwhile her heart was sinking deeper and deeper. It was so hard being out of contact with Dorothy when so much was going on. She had this insane need to know that Dorothy was okay. But she could see she had no choice about this. Everything was SO intense, that she had to give in on this. “Okay, so I’ll wait to hear from you on Monday after you moved.”
“Okay, sweetheart. And there is something I need to say to you. I REALLY need you to hear this. Once I move, I will be yours forever – in body, heart and soul – I will be yours forever. I know this has been really hard, but I need you to hold on to the vision of our life together. I am leaving this relationship to be with you. I want that life with you – and I NEED you to hold on to knowing that we are going to come through this. Can you do that for me?”
“Christ! The only thing I can focus on right now is getting through this weekend! Don’t expect more than that from me. This is totally breaking my heart, Dorothy – totally breaking my heart! Let’s just get through this weekend, and you get safely moved into your new place. Then we’ll reconnect.”
“Okay – as long as you know that I’m going to be there on the other side – I will be your woman come Monday.”
“Okay. Well take care of yourself. I’ll be sending you good energy for your move. Look forward to hearing from you Monday.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. I will call you on Monday. I love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
“Good bye sweetheart. Bye bye.”
Dorothy got off the phone feeling much stronger. She knew she needed to close things properly with Victoria this weekend so she could fulfill her commitment to Alexandra. And she knew she would do this. Alexandra was such an extraordinary woman, and this relationship was the relationship of a lifetime. She would be ready to truly welcome Alexandra into her life on Monday.
She got up and brushed her teeth, and as she was drifting off to sleep she started having all kinds of wild unsettling dreams.
This 5-week journey of exploring HL’s vision has been intense and profound – not for the feint of heart, that’s for sure! Life is busy, and we all have practical demands on us. And yet… we have carved out quiet time to reflect upon and try to understand what HL has gifted us with in her vision for creating a place to learn LOVE.
The final line of her vision reads:
Welcome home to safety and love, where every heart matters.
HL is saying that this community within Find True Lesbian LOVE is a home – it is a place of safety and love. And like any home, we need to attend to it – all of us! I am serving as a leader here. And I have brought in my mate, HL, to grace us with her femininity and wisdom. But for us to have a good home together, you need to participate as well.
We need your engagement! Sign up for programs that will help you heal and open your heart. Comment on the blogs. Say prayers for this endeavour of creating a place for good, wholesome, passionate Lesbian LOVE. We need you – and I need you!
Things don’t just happen in this world. They happen because people invest energy in them. If we want to create a space of healing and love for women – a place where truly every heart matters – that requires resource.
HL phoned me last week and told me she just read that Slack’s, the local lesbian bar, closed down. Unfortunately there is a deep handicap in our community – we are afraid of relating with money. And I can only guess this is because lesbian women have been through so much hardship and trauma that we have shifted into a conservative, protective mode that shadows our hearts and removes us from life. As a community, we have a hard time giving and spending and exchanging.
I see this also when I go to women’s dances. Women tend to hang out with their friends, and they do not extend themselves in friendliness to strangers. We are not bad people! But we have a problem, and we need to find some little ways of opening our hearts to each other, giving to each other, and… receiving from each other. We need to actively create spaces of healing – where every heart matters.
So please do engage with me and engage with this community, and let’s build something beautiful and profound – something that will grow and impact the Lesbian community across the world. Let’s bring positive energy into this island community here, and allow that drop by drop to accumulate and heal and spread out from our island. So for now, please engage, please lift up your heart, and allow yourself to shift into a more and more positive place around this thing we call… LOVE.
Offered with LOVE for the profound benefit of all who read it.
Alexandra was in the foulest of moods when she woke up the next morning after the blow out with Dorothy. It didn’t help that she had stayed up until almost 2:00 in the morning FaceTiming with her, only for them to decide to separate!
She dragged herself to work, arriving almost 10 minutes late – which really annoyed her! She hoped that no one would notice as she slid in behind her desk.
She lost herself in checking email and trying to figure out how to go on after that heart-crushing night. It just felt like the whole world was dark.
And then something…. Something… started knocking at the back of her mind.
She went into the Personal folder on her computer and she felt compelled to look up the Law of Attraction work she had done 6 months earlier, right around the time she had met Dorothy.
As she was reading her loooong list of qualities describing her ideal partner, her eyes started popping out! Dorothy always had a slogan she said, “I know what I want!” As a matter of fact, she had a shirt printed up this past Pride that said, “I KNOW WHAT I WANT!”. Alexandra looked at the 4th quality listed in her Ideal Partner description: “Relationally secure, knows what she wants”. “Oh my God!” thought Alexandra.
It was also important to Alexandra to live in fiscal fitness and be with a partner who was on board with this. Item # 5: “Lives in fiscal fitness – honouring of $”. And she realized Dorothy fits that to a T, too! Dorothy has been very thoughtful, researching pricing before buying things, and holding back on things that didn’t make sense. Dorothy is really good with money!
And Alexandra had always had trouble getting involved with women who weren’t into oral sex – and she really loved oral sex. In her Desire Statement Alexandra wrote, “She loves exploring emotions and she loves sexual exploration. I am so relieved knowing my ideal partner enjoys taking her time making love to me. She deeply enjoys making love to me and loves giving me oral sex.” Dorothy LOVES making love to Alexandra, and sometimes Alexandra needs to fend Dorothy off from giving her oral sex when she just wants simpler closeness and holding.
Alexandra’s spirits lifted as she read through what she had written last Spring. It was INCREDIBLE that Dorothy so closely matched these things she had asked for!
And she realized the Dorothy was in the process of leaving her 13-year partner. And when she read the opening line of her Desire Statement, she realized that things were in a process, and she needed to allow that process. The first line read, “I am in the process of attracting all that I need to do, know or have to attract my ideal partner.” It doesn’t have to all be in place immediately, because this wonderful woman, Dorothy, was clearly on the way to being in a deep love relationship with Alexandra.
Alexandra is feeling a bit lonely and looking forward to connecting with Dorothy at the end of the day. At 9:23 pm she texts Dorothy, “How is it going?”.
Dorothy responds, “Very tired, so resting and watching movie. And typing email to you. No brainer movie. How are you?”
“Bored. Is everything okay with you?”
No response
Alexandra adds, “Watching lesbian movie too”
No response
“Maybe this is a bad time”
Dorothy replies, “I am okay just pretty tired”
“Ok. I can send you a good night before I head to bed. Is that good?”
“Yes please thanks!”
A few minutes before 10:00 Alexandra texts, “Dorothy, I am heading to bed. I sense your distance tonight, and I wonder if you would like to share what is going on.”
“Really nothing. I am so tired. And I have no energy. Sorry. And also watching movie. Aimlessly drifting.”
“Did you enjoy your dinner?”
“Yes. How are you tonight? I am not distancing, please know that.”
“Ok. Want me to let you go?”
“It’s okay, I am sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“Would you like me to let you go. We can just say good night now.”
“Are u going to bed now?”
“Yes. Will brush my teeth first”
“I’m tired for sure… I love you. Sleep well darling. I miss you.”
“You sleep well too. Maybe go to bed earlier and get some rest. Love you. Good night.”
Alexandra leaves the conversation feeling empty, confused, and painfully insecure. Usually Dorothy values connecting by phone at the end of the day. What is going on? Dorothy says everything is fine, that she is just tired, but Alexandra knows this is not the Dorothy she knows and loves. It’s frustrating and disappointing, and she doesn’t know what to do with her feelings since Dorothy is not explaining.
Alexandra feels Dorothy does not want to relate with her, so reached out again in an email and said,
You know I am disappointed you want no connection time with me today. And surprised. I don’t understand. Normally you do. But you say you are good emotionally. So I am feeling confused.
I guess you are just too tired to relate with me, and I will accept that.
Good night, Dorothy. Sleep with angels and I look forward to when we come out of this strange time.
I’m sure you can feel the drama building. This email prompted Dorothy to telephone Alexandra, and they wound up talking on the phone until almost 2:00 am, with the call ending in them taking a break from their relationship.
So what the heck happened here? These two women love each other profoundly, but something has gone way off the tracks, and I’m wondering if this dating relationship is going to survive.
Dorothy is living with one foot in the present and one foot in the past. She certainly loves Alexandra very dearly. But her heart is stuck in the pain of her past relationship. She feels guilty – she knows she hurt her partner in her choice to leave their 13-year relationship. On this night she was watching this movie with her former partner, feeling very heavy, and she wanted to shield Alexandra from her own feelings.
The simple fact is that as long as we have emotions and energy tied up in a former relationship, we don’t have space to be present and to love another woman. Instead we distance ourselves to cope with our feelings, and in this case, Dorothy tried to pretend she wasn’t doing that. She is trying desperately to make Alexandra happy while at the same time she is dealing with overwhelmingly heavy feelings from her past relationship. It confused Alexandra and hurt her deeply. This interaction eroded the good love that was trying to live between them, and in the end they decided to take a separation.
Will they be able to come back after the separation? Is their love strong enough to pull them through to “the other side”? Will Dorothy face her feelings about leaving her partner, put her partner in the light, and let her partner go?
HL is steeped in Taoism, and she told us last week that the notion of “Oneness” comes from Taoist philosophy. For those of us who have not been exposed to this deep tradition, it can be quite difficult to have any understanding of something like oneness.
So let’s look this week at how we can begin to crack open the gift of this line,
The Oneness of this Island we call “Home”
I’m going to share my thoughts, and I’d love for your to post your thoughts below, too! Most of the time we experience life in fragments. Here’s what this might look like:
We have a job. We have friends and a social life.
We have a cat.
We have a bank account, with more or less money in it.
We pay rent for our apartment.
We try to keep groceries in our fridge, and sometimes even that feels like a daunting task.
We end our day trying to fill our loneliness by watching a couple of hours of TV (or more).
If there is a lack of coherence, we will feel a lack of energy. It can feel depressing. It can be hard to rouse our self up… to dream… to take practical steps to actualize our dreams… to create a good, wholesome, fulfilling life. Things in life don’t work! And we rarely get ahead.
In contrast, there can be times in our life when we feel good… we feel safe to be who we are… we feel that all of the strands of our life (work, relationships, money, feeding ourselves and our pets, etc.) are working together, energetically connected and feeding each other and our hearts, leading us to fulfilling a great mission – our soul’s calling. I’m thinking this is can be an experience of Oneness – of integration and connection with the life energy that runs through everything.
Stacie commented on the post from two weeks ago, “The Power of Good Lesbian Leadership.” She insightfully wrote that good leadership lifts us out of our island and connects us universally within humanity. I believe Stacie is speaking to Oneness.
And the big question is how do we create that sense of connection within ourselves and then extend it to all of humanity. We all know it is a good thing, and we probably all want to feel our heart connection with humanity.
But just wanting it isn’t enough to get it!
We need a path. We need a journey of starting where we are – which may be isolated with an armored heart from all the deep pain we have experienced as women in this world. And we need to take the first step, and then the next step, and the next. Frankly, such a journey requires good leadership – to heal our broken hearts and reconnect with the world – with humanity.
In my response to Stacie’s post I cite the healing literature which overwhelmingly states that there are three stages to healing: (1) Create safety, (2) Rememberance and mourning, and (3) Reconnection with community. Although safety is necessary to move into the later stages, the journey is not linear. We continually revisit each stage through the journey of healing.
So this is why I am working to create an island of safety for you and with you in this community. It is the first stage, and each of you has to find your own way of truly establishing a reasonable level of physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual safety. Only then will you feel stable enough to remember your pain, mourn it, and give it a respectful burial. And then… THEN… you will have the space in your heart to connect with the greater world – to start to build heart connections with community and greater humanity.
I have carefully created a step-by-step journey with my course offerings. Lesbian Dating 201 is an easy first step. And if that feels like too much, start with my Beginner Meditation Program. Establishing a regular meditation practice can be enormously helpful for grounding yourself and establishing a bit of stability. Then you can move your way comfortably through the steps I have laid out in Lesbian Dating 201 (The First Step to True LOVE), 301 (Open Your Heart to New LOVE) and finally 401 (Attract Your Ideal Partner). These steps will lead you through creating your unique needs for safety, being able to safely mourn past relationship break ups, and then open your heart to connecting in a new love relationship.
I was asked by one of my mentors to post something about, “This work doesn’t happen in a vacuum”. We have witnessed Buddhist Project Sunshine playing a key role in a new dawn of possibility in the Shambhala community. My mentor felt it is important for the sangha to know about the toll of doing this kind of work.
