Dorothy felt her grip on sanity slowly slipping away. She had worked so hard for this day! She had sacrificed so much to be with Alexandra. And Alexandra’s emotions and reactions were completely baffling her. Why wasn’t this woman opening to the loving arms that Dorothy was now extending?
Dorothy needed to know that everything was okay. She needed everything to be okay with Victoria. She needed to know that everything was okay with Alexandra. Then! Then everything could be okay for Dorothy.
She was running herself ragged, and she was losing sight of who she was. Everything was so new! This new home. No longer eating supper with Victoria every night. Sleeping alone in her new home some nights and the other nights sleeping with Alexandra.
She desperately needed some safe place of comfort to adjust to everything. But at the same time everything about her connection with both Victoria and Alexandra was feeling like screaming echoing through the Universe – like the horrible sound of nails on a chalk board.
Dorothy didn’t know how much more of this she could stand, and if Alexandra didn’t start listening to how her incessant weakness was impacting Dorothy, she truly was going to scream.
What was wrong with Alexandra? Was she afraid to hear how Dorothy was feeling? Every time she started to talk about her feelings, Alexandra would simply hang up the phone. It couldn’t be more devastating! Truly, she felt like she was going crazy and there was no hope.
She started drinking at night. First her beloved scotch, and then beer the next night. The feelings were too much to handle, and it was getting so much worse with Alexandra refusing to listen and hanging up the phone. She knew that Alexandra was giving up hope – she had said that to her.
Dorothy felt her world was closing in.
Why is this happening? Why is it when two good women love each other that this love isn’t enough to pull them through?
Well, their love may be enough to pull them through, but right now things are looking dim. I am wondering if they are going to make it, since they are both beaten down and things are intense, I wonder if Alexandra in particular is simply going to pull the plug.
You know, Dorothy was expecting a lot of herself. Leaving a 13-year relationship that she had deeply invested in, and then starting a new life with Alexandra the day she moved into her own place – that fateful Monday of the Flood.
We are all human. We have emotional fabric that is largely woven in our first relationships with our parents in childhood. Then we get into relationships ourselves in adulthood – further weaving our emotional fabric – weaving our heart with the one that we love.
When we leave a relationship it is not a physical thing – it is not simply walking out the door and saying goodbye. We need time, and we need a safe place where we can explore what emotional threads we are taking out of our heart when we leave someone (or when someone leaves us).
The end of a relationship is a BIG thing, and in our society we overlook that. Women are expected to move on in their life and somehow forget the pain of leaving the relationship. This causes great sickness in our heart, and the dis-ease in our heart impacts those around us.
Dorothy needs to give herself the chance to grieve the end of the relationship with Victoria. She needs human compassion for working through a great loss. There is simply too much going on in her heart, and there is too much going on in her transitioning relationship with Victoria for her to be present with building a relationship with Alexandra.
She needs to digest and put away the ending of her past relationship before she will have the space in her heart for Alexandra. She needs to grieve it. And until she does, she will live in emotional limbo. So let us hope that Dorothy will come to realize this before it is too late. Before she loses this amazing opportunity for True LOVE with Alexandra.