The Healing is Taking Root in Buddhism

Two heartening updates to share today….


An important letter to Tibetan lamas

A large group from Rigpa have written a letter to lamas teaching in the West, asking them to break their silence and speak out regarding disclosures of abusive behaviors particularly by Sogyal Rinpoche. They also mention disclosures of abuse by Sakyong Mipham.

Read the letter at:


Buddhist Project Sunshine is establishing a long-term home!

The BPS Phase 3 Discussion Group, whose focus has been on providing a place to grieve what has been lost through the profound abuses in our Buddhist communities, is coming to a close November 10.

Given the sincere interest to develop a sane and honest community space, BPS is founding a sustainable long-term discussion group. We are sharing the model with the Phase 3 Slack Discussion Group now for feedback before we launch the new group later next week. See the Plan for the New Group.

The impact of trauma on personal meditation practice

We had our first BPS community zoom call last weekend, and it was a very positive step for our community. In that call I shared some thoughts about meditation and trauma, and I’d like to share them again here.

In one Buddhist teaching, it is taught that there are three kinds of gifts:

1. Material gifts

2. The gift of fearlessness (calming people who are afraid)

3. The gift of meditation

Each kind of gift is more valuable than the last. The reason the gift of meditation is the supreme gift is because our mind is the part of us that perceives, and meditation is a technique to work with the mind. So if we have a way to bring gentleness to our mind, then our experience of life will improve.

But… What happens when your meditation community goes into crisis?

We naturally form relational attachment to the people we learn meditation from, and the community we practice with. That attachment gets tangled up with our own personal meditation practice.

When the teacher and leadership of the community where we learned meditation turn out to be untrustworthy, it can be shocking and traumatic. Shaken spiritual community attachments can deeply impact our relationship with our own meditation. The attachment to a guru who turns out to be a sexual predator can have an even deeper impact on our meditation – and relationship to our spirituality all together.

BPS offers a space to begin to untangle the connections that are no longer serving you, to free your ability to meditate. Our next community zoom is this weekend. See details in the BPS Online Moderated Discussion Group!

Never miss out on what we are offering – Join the BPS Community Email List

Join our free BPS Online Moderated Discussion Group

Be sure to check out a very special offering happening right now: The 29 Day Meditation Invitation


We hope you can join us

Buddhist Project Sunshine: Closing One Chapter and Beginning Anew

Buddhist Project Sunshine: Closing One Chapter and Beginning Anew

By Andrea Winn, Founder – September 28, 2018


There are important things to share today, as Buddhist Project Sunshine is shifting the focus of our work away from Shambhala and into a greater space of promoting integrity of Buddhist practice in the West. The needs of the greater world are becoming more apparent as political corruption rocks the foundation of people’s feeling of safety in their everyday lives. Buddhism can help this world. To do that, it needs to be healthy Buddhism. BPS is now joyfully engaging a greater mandate of increasing the integrity of Buddhist practice in the West.

The allegations in the three published BPS reports have been shocking. Many people have found it difficult to comprehend how trusted leaders could behave in the ways that survivors have described.

The reaction of many Shambhalians following the Phase 3 report reveals that the Shambhala community needs time to process the information BPS has provided, and to come to their own conclusions about how the community needs to change.

We’re glad to see the changes that have already happened: The resignation of the Kalapa Council and a few Shastris, and Pema Chodron confirming allegations against her in the BPS Phase 3 report. May other leaders follow in her footsteps and tell the truth. Telling the truth is an important step in repairing the harm of clergy abuse and sexualized violence.

The Shambhala community needs to muster strong and accountable leadership if it wishes to be a true reference point for enlightened society for future generations.  Assuring Ösel Mukpo’s legal and ethical accountability for the harm he has caused is important. Guaranteeing that selected leaders are not predators or abusers is essential. And, there must be deep investigation and reflection about whether a feudal system of patrilineal lineage remains a viable model for the transmission of spiritual teachings.

I am very pleased with what BPS has accomplished over the past year. BPS has succeeded in shining a light on a lot of deeply hurtful, adharmic behaviour within Shambhala. Hidden truths are now known, and the level of awakening in the community has increased dramatically. We are proud of our gift of light to Shambhala.

For the past nine months, Shambhala leadership has declined to engage with BPS as a partner in change. I accept this and have released my hopes of working together. We leave it to those still inside Shambhala to reform the current dysfunctional governance system. We wish the Shambhala community the very best.

Some have responded to our shift away from serving Shambhala saying they wish BPS would still be the “watchdog” on the outside of Shambhala and “hold their feet to the fire.” If you feel that way, then we invite you to help create a Shambhala Watchdog group. BPS will connect you together. Sign up to organize a group with others who share this concern here:

As BPS concludes its work with Shambhala, I’d like to create space for an important expression of gratitude. Many people have been involved in BPS’s campaign of light. I am grateful to all of those people! One person has been an especially generous, largely unsung bodhisattva: Carol Merchasin. Carol is a retired investigator who has been at the forefront of her field both as an investigator and as a trainer of investigators. We were inconceivably blessed to have Carol come to BPS and dedicate hundreds of hours of expert volunteer labour documenting the stories of abuse survivors in Shambhala. I have set up a Thank You Card for Carol. Please come visit and write a note at the bottom to her!

Many Shambhalians have departed the formal community and are continuing to live out the essence of these precious teachings. This same goodness will be infused in the future of BPS.

BPS will continue to support the survivors of Ösel Mukpo’s alleged clergy abuse and sexual assaults by providing advocacy and support as they heal and become ready to make statements to police. BPS will continue to stand 100% behind the survivors pursuing criminal charges. We welcome more women coming forward who want to explore making police statements, and in particular we warmly invite the under age women reported in the Phase 3 report to make contact. BPS will continue to provide community updates on the legal steps the women survivors make.

In addition, we are organizing a healing group for the women survivors of Mr. Mukpo’s alleged abusive behavior and assaults who contributed to the Phase 2 and 3 reports.

To the broader Buddhist community, BPS will also continue to offer vibrant, sane and supportive community in our facilitated on-line discussion group. We are now pleased to be offering two group meditation sessions in our zoom room each week. Learn more about our free on-line community here:

Moving forward, BPS will be shifting its focus to two main areas: addressing past harm and proactively preventing future harm.

First, we are exploring creating in-person programs and supports for the delicate work of healing from the abuse and trauma that members of Buddhist communities have experienced.

Second, we will be working to discern healthy governance models and ethics for Buddhist communities in the West. We have several passionate and intelligent members who are keen to dig into this area, so that Buddhist communities can become safe, thriving places for Western practitioners.

As we move forward into this new frontier, it is important to celebrate what may be our most profound accomplishment so far: forming a community within BPS that is sane, genuinely kind, and intelligently compassionate. It is trauma informed, since many who have gathered have been through significant relational trauma. Here is a sneak peek into the volunteer culture operating at the heart of BPS, The Buddhist Project Sunshine Volunteer Guide:

BPS is actively reclaiming the lost jewel: Sangha. It is time for all of us to have a place where we feel valued, safe and heard. It is a wonderful healing after years (decades for some) of alienation and suffering caused by sangha corruption.

Please join me in celebrating the profound success of Buddhist Project Sunshine over the past year. Our new focus will allow us to continue fostering integrity in Buddhist communities so the blessings of Buddhism can flourish in the West. Three cheers for Buddhist Project Sunshine!


We invite you to be part of BPS!

Join the BPS community email list

Join the BPS online discussion community

Contribute financially to continuing this important work

Volunteer with BPS

Thank you, Carol


Carol and Andrea were on a zoom call with the women survivors just before releasing the Phase 3 report, and one of the women spontaneously said how grateful she is to Carol. She talked about how deeply compassionate Carol was in listening to and documenting her story. After all those years of profound suffering in silence, she said that someone listening and caring to document her story was “like a dream come true.”

Although Carol has simply been doing her job as an investigator, the simple action of listening and taking these women seriously has in fact been a deeply compassionate activity – it has been genuine bodhisattva activity – within probably the most horrific situation that any of us can imagine.

Carol has brought light to the darkness. She has shone that light in a most professional, caring and thorough way. And she has spent hours carefully crafting her memos so they are clear and digestable.

What Carol has done for the Shambhala community, completely in a volunteer capacity, is truly “imponderable”, to use the word of one past blog commenter. Many people will want to express their thanks to Carol for what she has done for our community, so we are offering this “Thank You Card to Carol” today to give you an opportunity to express what is in your heart for what Carol has done for us. Simply write your note at the bottom of this page!


Assault survivors share why they are not participating in Shambhala’s Wickwire Holm investigation


In the Kalapa Council email to the community two weeks ago, they attempted to deny allegations made by Ann in the Buddhist Project Sunshine Phase 3 report. We are aware that Ann’s story is shocking, and it takes time to ground this new information. The depth of betrayal by loved and trusted leaders is deeply heart breaking. To be clear, BPS stands firmly behind Ann’s statement. She has been through serious assaults in the center of the Shambhala mandala, and it is long overdue for these assaults and the people involved to be brought into the light. We are happy that leaders, like Pema Chodron, are starting to come forward to confirm allegations against her in the Phase 3 report. This is important for the process of healing.

With their email, the Kalapa Council included a letter from their new employment lawyer, Steven Suflas. In response to Mr. Souflas’ letter, two of the women survivors of Osel Mukpo’s alleged sexual assaults asked BPS to share why they are not participating in Shambhala International’s Wickwire Holm investigation:

“I submitted a statement to Buddhist Project Sunshine detailing abuse I experienced from Osel Rangdrol Mukpo (Mr Mukpo) aka Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, but decided not to speak with Wickwire Holm, the law firm hired by Alex Halpern who serves as attorney for Shambhala’s board of directors and Mr Mukpo.  I have no doubt that Wickwire is a respected firm, but I question whether it can serve as a neutral third-party investigator when its client is the organization that has covered-up Mr Mukpo’s egregious behaviors for many years. Additionally, Shambhala has not stated how it intends to use Wickwire’s findings or if it would share the complete findings with the Shambhala community. Therefore, I suggest an independent monitor be engaged to investigate the abuse claims against Mr Mukpo.”


“I made my decision to come forward about being sexually assaulted by SMR after many years of silence.  I saw that finally safe space had been created and I will be forever grateful to Andrea W and Carol M for their professionalism and depth of understanding of trauma.  They have given me a protected place to finally step forward and speak my truth.  In all of my interactions with Carol and Andrea, I have only experienced support to make my own decisions that are best for myself.  Any suggestion that I have been coerced by them in any way is both absurd and insulting.  What I experienced with SMR is criminal behavior and I deeply regret not filing criminal charges years ago.  I was beaten down and terrified and so I fled.  Even with as much healing as I have done over the years, the terror remains and safe space to speak of the sexual assaults is imperative.  I am not participating in the Wickwire investigation for the simple reason that this law firm has been hired by Shambhala USA, an organization run by my perpetrator, SMR.  How could this possibly be a safe place for me?  The so-called third party investigation being conducted by Wickwire smacks of a whitewash.  The firm was retained by Shambhala and the final report goes to Shambhala.  The new board, likely to be comprised of Sakyang loyalists will make a decision about what to release publicly or not.  How can anyone think that this is a legitimate third party investigation?  For me a third party investigation has grown in a grassroots fashion with BPS and this is sufficient for me.  SMR has committed crimes.  He should be held accountable for his actions by our legal system and charged in a court of law.  It is my hope that other survivors out there will know that BPS offers a safe place to tell your story.  I can say for me that this has been one of the most healing experiences of my life and I know that this healing energy can infuse the entire Shambhala mandala.  I am so very grateful to those of you who have spoken and written in support of the survivors.  Your words mean the world to me and you are in my heart.”

To conclude, here are seven quick observations from reading Mr. Souflas’s letter:

  1. He must have somehow managed to get an early draft of the Phase 3 report, as he is almost entirely citing outdated information about the Wickwire Holm investigation that is not in the Phase 3 report we published. He should use the published report for any response to the report.
  2. He is a workplace lawyer citing workplace laws. Shambhala is a spiritual community not a workplace, and there are significantly different dynamics as such. The women alleging being assaulted were not employees of Shambhala.
  3. BPS called for an independent investigation in the Phase 2 report to investigate Osel Mukpo. Mr. Suflas says this investigation is “in response to allegations of widespread harm” which distracts attention from the person, Osel Mukpo, who needs to be investigated
  4. To say that An Olive Branch conducts workplace investigations is simply false
  5. Both Andrea and Carol explained in the Phase 3 report why the Shambhala investigation is not sufficiently independent. Mr. Suflas does not address that and simply asserts his opinion saying “There can be no question that this investigation will be sufficiently independent”
  6. He refers to “Shambhala’s outside general counsel, Alex Halpern”. Mr. Halpern has been a Shambhala member from the beginning of the community.
  7. He says Wickwire has been “given their responsibility to make sure that Shambhala’s employees and contractors do not engage in misconduct while serving the Shambhala community.” Again, since Osel Mukpo is not an employee of the community, he has taken the lens off the true object of investigation. And since Shambhala is not a workplace, again, his workplace law perspective really isn’t relevant to a spiritual community

Carol Merchasin emailed Mr. Souflas on September 14, 2018 to inform him he was working from an early draft of the report and to offer some suggestions about the investigation, but he did not respond to her.

Would you like to be able to talk about your response to this information? Join the free Buddhist Project Sunshine on-line discussion group for a great space for reflection and connection.

Also, you can join the BPS email list to stay current and have access to all of our offerings. Sign up for the BPS email list



Buddhist Project Sunshine will be making a major announcement tomorrow (Friday September 28, 2018).



BPS Healing Message

As promised, Buddhist Project Sunshine is offering a healing message today for everyone impacted by the situation in Shambhala, including those who have left the community.

We understand we have now entered into a time of profound grief. The growing BPS community wants to support the delicate process of moving through the painful experience of grief, betrayal and emptiness that many are feeling.

The BPS Discussion Group community is beginning regular group meditation sessions next Tuesday. An intention will be made for the practice to benefit all of those impacted by the Shambhala situation.

We continue to affirm our confidence in the ability of the Shambhala community to do the right thing and create a new culture that properly addresses abusers and honours and respects the dignity and tenderness of all people so that the Shambhala dharma can flourish.

If you are interested in learning more about the BPS Discussion Group, see our BPS Discussion Group information page.

BPS Update September 6, 2018

BPS healing message coming soon

We understand the distress and grief community members are experiencing after reading the Phase 3 report and learning of things none of us would ever have wanted to happen to students within this community. In response, we have formed a Wisdom Circle to look at how BPS can offer further support through healing energy practices and a community healing message. This will be coming soon.


BPS On-line Discussion Group is open, and you are invited

We are pleased to offer a moderated on-line discussion space to explore an inspiring and honouring new approach to sangha that dismantles past abusive practices and behaviours. We offered this on-line group before, and it was so successful that people asked us to offer another one. Please join us!

Learn more and register


Visionary words

“You are attending to Buddhist Project Sunshine with so much grace and care. I’ve been struck by how your energy has always prioritized care and concern for the hurt and the trauma of everyone involved. There is so much sexual abuse happening in the world – in the Catholic Church, the #metoo movement – and too often these initiatives to uncover abuse are done in such a cold manner. It feels like all that happens is that abuse is uncovered, as though that is enough. But where is the care for the people in the community who are reeling from the hurt, who are picking up the pieces and trying to understand and express their deep pain?

I am in awe of the care that permeates BPS. I truly believe that this initiative needs to serve as a model for how other groups can and should operate. BPS exemplifies a genuinely human way of moving forward in the light of abuse which is actually directed toward people’s healing. I can’t emphasize that enough: BPS is so incredibly special.”

– Katie, a BPS Volunteer

BPS Phase 3 report coming next Thursday

After the last memo Buddhist Project Sunshine released on the alleged sexual assault in Chile, more women came forward with a deeper level of detail that I feel is important for the community to be aware of. BPS will publish our Phase 3 report next Thursday, August 23.

If you have not seen the latest article by Matthew Remski, Shambhala Investigator Tells Sakyong Accusers Not to Talk to Anyone, it is worth reading.

Thank you to the community for your bravery and on-going good heart as we walk the necessary steps to regain integrity for our spiritual path. I look forward to connecting next Thursday.

New BPS Administrative Assistant & BPS Feeding Your Demons event with Lama Tsultrim Allione

Buddhist Project Sunshine is developing into a more stable organization. Financial support is crucial for our stabilizing and continuing to serve as a beacon of sanity. Also, embracing a new level of volunteerism is going to be the way of the future for our continued service both to the Shambhala community and to helping create a new vision for Buddhism in this century.

I am delighted to announce that I will now be assisted by an Administrative Assistant, Vallie Stearns Anderson. She comes with the highest endorsements of those who know her. Please find her bio below. Please note: Vallie will now be responding to Buddhist Project Sunshine emails.

I am also sharing the video of the special talk and Feeding Your Demons event we hosted with Lama Tsultrim Allione. She spoke about the trends happening now in terms of abuses in Buddhist communities, and within Shambhala specifically. She offered words of wisdom and skilful means for relating with these challenges.



New Buddhist Project Sunshine Administrative Assistant

Vallie-Stearns Anderson, has been meditating and practicing with the Shambhala community since 2001.  She is active with the meditation groups in New Brunswick since 2005 as a Meditation Instructor, and is currently the Coordinator of Practice and Education in Sackville, NB.  She also holds a leadership position in the Dorje Kasung, the protection pillar of the Shambhala community.  She has been active for over six years with the New Brunswick Coalition for Pay Equity, lobbying for economic justice for women.  In her work life, she has been active in the labour movement as a campaigner, negotiator and public policy researcher.  Prior to that she spent 15 years in the feminist movement working against sexual and other forms of violence against women and children, in public education, crisis counselling and emergency shelter services.  All this experience informs her present commitment to supporting survivors of sexual abuse and to the healing of the Shambhala community.



Lama Tsultrim Allione leads Feeding Your Demons® with the Buddhist Project Sunshine community

In these times of facing our greatest fears in a Buddhist spiritual community, we are blessed with this special program with Lama Tsultrim Allione. Lama Tsultrim said she appreciates the groundedness and authentic engagement people are having in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group, and she felt moved to reach out and help by offering this special Feeding Your Demons discussion and practice session. Learn more about Lama Tsultrim at: . If you are interested in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group, see more details here: Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion Group

watch video now

In gratitude for the Shambhala dakinis

These are times of startling brilliance. Waves of gratitude have been hitting my email inbox as community members express sincere thanks for the light Buddhist Project Sunshine has brought to abuses happening for decades within Shambhala. Thank you so much for your gratitude – it deeply touches my heart.

This is a community-wide movement at this point, as we tend our grief and betrayal, and as we draw upon the rich resources of our training in warriorship to chart a good way forward for ourselves and our service of all humanity. This is a profound time of recovering the sacred ground of our lineage.

I found myself searching for language for the women who came forward and shared their stories of abuse by Ösel Rangdröl Mukpo (aka Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche). I didn’t want to call them “victims” or “survivors”. I feel these women are far more holy. The women who have come forward and shared the clear testimony of their abuse are strong, brilliant women. They are spiritually devout. They applied their body, speech and mind to their pursuit of their spirituality in relationship to Mr. Mukpo. They walked each step through his mind-bending abuse. They were cast aside. They were shunned by the community. They left, and beyond all odds picked up their pieces and formed better lives for themselves. And then when the opportunity arose for them to share their stories to bring light to a level of abuse more horrific than most of us could imagine, they stood up and shared what happened to them for the benefit of the community.

I feel the best name for these women is, “Shambhala dakinis.” They are a true blessing to us. The gift of their pain and their sanity is truly unsurpassable.

Because of the nature of the BPS Phase 2 report, their stories were anonymous. This means they have received no letters of thanks. I would like to open an opportunity today to give thanks to these courageous women. Please post your gratitudes to them below. And please do share this blog on your Facebook pages and with friends. Let’s spread this far and wide so this community can give abundant thanks to these noble women.


NOTE: The purpose of this blog post is to provide a place for community members to express their thanks to the women who came forward and shared their experiences of abuse by Ösel Rangdröl Mukpo. Only those thanks will be approved below. If you have other thoughts, please share them in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group. If you are not currently part of our discussion group, learn more and connect with the BPS Discussion Group.

Buddhist Project Sunshine Update – July 19, 2018

I had a vision yesterday morning of rich, fertile, feminine earth. A place where we can all draw the strength needed to face what is occurring in Shambhala. A place where we can receive good nourishment for our spiritual practices and path. A place where we can grow good things.

I’m seeing with the general MeToo movement, and with what is happening in Shambhala and other Buddhist traditions, there is a strong call for feminine leadership. It clearly doesn’t mean all women. Many women have bought into the male power structures and manipulative dynamics; they benefit from that system and so they perpetuate it.

We all know what it feels like when you encounter an authentically strong woman – someone you can trust and grow with. I have met women like that. I see women like that gathering around the work of Buddhist Project Sunshine. There are some pretty awesome men and gender queer folk gathering around the strong feminine energy of this project too.

We all have our heroes, and for me, Yeshe Tsogyal is the ultimate feminine presence. I have strongly wished her presence here for Shambhala as we go through the steps of cleaning up our lineage. I feel she was the most powerful woman leader ever. Tibetans fervently prayed to her for love and protection because they knew of her great dedication to their welfare. I feel her deep protection for Tibetans and Tibetan Buddhism – and for Padmasmabhava’s terma teachings. The Shambhala teachings are regarded as terma teachings. I believe she wants them protected. And I believe she is outraged at what Mipham has done to this sacred lineage.

I am proud of the Shambhala sanghas who have been writing letters that speak from the true values of Shambhala. One of the first letters to come out was from the Victoria Shambhala Center, and it set a tone of gentle yet fierce bravery, that I see some other centres following suit with.

Here’s another example. I got a lovely email from the director of the London Shambhala Center this week, and I’m sharing it here with permission: 

Dear Andrea,

I’m sure you receive a lot of messages – I just wanted to say thank you for your commitment to justice and healing. Your work is an inspiration to us. As our community gathers in shock and disbelief, a pattern is also emerging in that many of us felt there was something wrong with Shambhala, though some of us didn’t exactly know what or why. We want to help create something better, something that lives up to the principles we have been practicing with. At the same time, I am willing to walk away from Shambhala if it does not look like the deep and fundamental changes that are needed are happening, and I have spoken to others in our community who feel the same way.

We are also making your reports, as well as other resources, available to everyone on our mailing list (not just members) and will be adding them to the London Shambhala website.

With much appreciation,

Lee Howson,

Director of Shambhala London

We have studied and practiced Shambhala warriorship for decades, and I feel we are now witnessing the fruits of these decades of practice. I feel so grateful to and for all of you!

On the train of gratitude now, I have to say I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all the messages people have been sending me of your thanks for what I and the Buddhist Project Sunshine team have done. I love hearing about how it has positively impacted your path.

I am also deeply, deeply grateful for the flood of donations that have come in. I confess that I thought Buddhist Project Sunshine was over in June, as our funding had run out. 

Now, with more donations, we have an opportunity to envision a future for Buddhist Project Sunshine to continue it’s work. I’m hopeful we can raise further funds to provide me with a half-time salary to continue as the project lead, and to hire an administrative person. At least for now, we have money to ensure Buddhist Project Sunshine can pay for it’s basic monthly costs like having a website for the foreseeable future. This has brought some security for things to continue, and I want everyone who has contributed to know how very, very grateful I am for that!

I was asked by one of my mentors to post something about, “This work doesn’t happen in a vacuum”. We have witnessed Buddhist Project Sunshine playing a key role in a new dawn of possibility in the Shambhala community. My mentor felt it is important for the sangha to know about the toll of doing this kind of work.

I worked for 16 months without pay to create the foundation of what we have now (January 2017 – April 2018). I not only donated my time, which has been more than full time since January 2018, but I also donated the use of all of my business systems.

I’m not sure if people realize this, but Buddhist Project Sunshine has been an internet initiative. All of the change we created happened through the communication opportunities of the internet. I have never met any of my collaborators in person, except our Chod practitioners. Everyone else I have only met on zoom and email. These relationships have been built through the Internet. 

I think it is important to realize that the success of Buddhist Project Sunshine was made possible because I used my business internet systems and my computer science training to build these many initiatives.

Beyond my contribution of time and business systems, I have: 

  • Provided strong leadership and project management
  • Did 1 year of research into the sexual abuse problem in Shambhala 
  • Wrote a significant Phase 1 report that opened conversations and the first disclosure from the Kalapa Council about Abhorent sexual behaviours of some Shambhala leaders
  • Hosted a 3 week Facebook discussion forum after the phase 1 report
  • Found staff to facilitate that Facebook discussion
  • De escalated high drama situations in that Facebook discussion
  • Coordinated an intensive  phase 2 fundraising campaign in March/April
  • I have been overseeing the investigation into SMR
  • Doing ALL technology work – setting up web pages, program registration pages, etc.
  • Given all tech support for people having trouble accessing the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group
  • Keeping in weekly contact with our community outreach team
  • Fostering ally relationships with women involved with revealing Sogyal Rinpoche 
  • Wrote the phase 2 report and asked for contributions from collaborators
  • Did behind the scene work to foster relationships so we could successfully produce phase 2 report
  • Managed all people involved with the report ensuring we met our publication deadline
  • Asked people to do chod for Shambhala and BPS, gave updates and requests for practice
  • Composing and publishing numerous blog posts
  • Created a safe emotional container for the SMR abuse survivors who have come forward; 
  • Envisioned a cutting edge social media discussion group forum for the Shambhala community to process their shock and grief 
  • Spent many hours implementing the discussion forum technologically
  • Screened, signed up, and oriented discussion facilitators
  • Co-leading the group discussion program
  • In June and July I have spent over 5 hours a week facilitating our  excellent discussion
  • I have led the team of facilitators
  • I have read many hundreds of emails and FB messages, and answered most of them
  • I set up bookkeeping software and have been doing the Buddhist Project Sunshine bookkeeping as I have time
  • I have been doing many media interviews so word can get out to community members who might not otherwise know what is happening in Shambhala
  • I have dealt with the numerous attacks from Shambhala International, including their fake mediation, their fictitious report of allegations against me in Toronto, and their threat of a lawsuit if I published the Phase 2 report
  • I have dealt with personnel issues, including firing people who turned out to be a poor fit for working with Buddhist Project Sunshine 
  • I found a lawyer and have attended meetings and numerous email exchanges with this lawyer to protect us from Shambhala International’s threats
  • I manually thank every person who donates to Buddhist Project Sunshine, and sometimes post thank you videos on my FB page

All of this has taken more time and energy than probably any of us can imagine, and it has been done out of my passion for justice for the victims and my desire for a healthy Shambhala community. 

I am truly tired from all of this, and I am praying to every spiritual energy in the universe to bring more volunteer help so that this burden of over-work can come off of me. I asked for volunteers a couple of months ago and there was no response. I hope that as people get more grounded with the community changes, there will be people who want to join us and be part of Buddhist Project Sunshine. You can help us move forward with exciting and important work ahead!

Now that we are more financially secure and can afford our beautiful Buddhist Project Sunshine website, I can soon post blogs there, as well as a formal call for volunteers. May our new secure home on our website be blessed!

Please share this update through social media, as we have no other way to get our messages out.

Visit our main information page at:

Update On The Findings Of Sexual Misconduct Of The Sakyong

Buddhist Project Sunshine’s investigator, Carol Merchasin, has prepared an update on the findings of sexual misconduct of the Sakyong. An excerpt from her update:

“Within 24 hours of the Phase II Report’s June 28thairing on the Buddhist Project Sunshine blog and on Facebook, a woman came forward to tell the story of her 2002 encounter with the Sakyong in Chile. I interviewed her several times and I interviewed a corroborating witness as well.  I also interviewed a kusung who came forward and was able to corroborate certain details.  Once again, I will say, as I did in my prior report, that this can only be considered a preliminary investigation.  A full investigation must give the Sakyong, leaders of SI and others the opportunity to give their version of this incident.”

Read her full update: Update On The Findings Of Sexual Misconduct Of The Sakyong


Also, the Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion and Loving Kindness Program is still open to all people who have a connection with Shambhala. Registration closes this Friday, July 13. Learn more and register


Let’s celebrate Andrea’s retirement and all that has been accomplished!

Today I am retiring from a job that has been the hardest thing I have ever done – cracking open healing light on a deeply suppressed systemic infestation of sexual abuse within the most precious Shambhala community. I would like to take a moment to honour this journey with you, as I pass the baton of social activism on to the community itself to continue this noble work.

First, I would like to thank the many people who have helped along the way. Important elders are thanked within the Phase 1 and Phase 2 reports. Others have helped in other ways, such as community outreach. Because of the nature of this work, people often don’t want to be publicly named, because it puts them at risk of being attacked. My valued collaborators, you know who you are – know that I am deeply grateful for all you have contributed to this noble initiative.

Second, I would like to acknowledge and deeply thank the 147 people who donated $11,424 to Buddhist Project Sunshine, far surpassing our fundraising goal of $8,846. I am truly blown away by the response and support of this initiative! It makes me feel that all this effort was worth it, and that there may be something important here to continue forward with. Please know how much this means to me, and that I will bring care and attention to the planning for a future for this work.

My retirement today is not a full retirement, because I will continue doing things beyond the activism work – more peaceful things.


Here is what I will continue to do for the next while:

1. Co-leading the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group through July 31, when it completes

2. Doing the Buddhist Project Sunshine bookkeeping, including posting April – June financial statements on the Buddhist Project Sunshine website by July 31

3. Doing follow up interviews with three journalists who have expressed interest in attending to this story in a deeper, more mindful way

4. Passing on information from Carol Merchasin to the community as her investigation continues

5. Setting up a discussion space for a group of potential leaders who may be able to take Buddhist Project Sunshine forward

6. Posting updates about how we discern a future for Buddhist Project Sunshine


I am formally retiring from my activism role today. I will no longer be:

1. Addressing Shambhala International’s misinformation and cover ups

2. Doing interviews with journalists, beyond the three who I have agreed to meet with


I must say, I chuckled when I read what one donor said on our GoFundMe site, “Thank you so much for everything you have done. I think of you as our very own Ekajati, protector of goodness.” Well, in some ways this is what I have done for this community. And now, with me retiring from this role, it is time for the Ekajati protector of goodness to be invoked in each of you in this community. May the torch of Ekajati now pass to you!

What is ahead for me? First and foremost, I am going to have time to attend to my health and paying down the $37,500 debt I have accumulated. During the course of Buddhist Project Sunshine, I developed a cyst on my left ovary. In the reading I have done, this symbolizes wounding of the feminine and overworking. Perhaps my body has reflected problems in Shambhala, and in greater society. I have an MRI for the cyst next Thursday – please think of me. 

I have been approached about two job offers in the past couple of weeks. The first I have already begun: working on a research project to get girls more interested in Computer Science careers. This is my own story, and I am thrilled to contribute to this area! Second, a large research team at the IWK Health Sciences Center in Halifax specializing in distance healing is interested in hiring me. I have an interview next Tuesday. Please think of me.

Going forward, I will attend lovingly to my femininity and reduce my work load – which was extreme and indeed inhuman to produce what has been produced through this project. I ask you to join me in a great sigh of relief as I lay down this burden today.

I love you all. Every ounce of effort I have exerted over the past year and a half has been done with that love for you. May you be surrounded with the peaceful light of awareness! May you be happy! May you be free to practice dharma for the great benefit of all sentient beings!






By Richard Edelman, Buddhist Project Sunshine Collaborator

I would like to personally praise Andrea Winn for her brave and insightful work in creating Buddhist Project Sunshine.  I have witnessed her work first hand and will call it like I see it.

What she has accomplished is something that needs to be recognized not only by the Shambhala community but by Buddhists everywhere.

In a short period of time, Andrea Winn and Buddhist Project Sunshine have:

  • Completed a professionally and sensitively conducted forensic investigation into the facts of sexual and spiritual abuse within the Shambhala community.  We now know that Shambhala is among the dharma communities worldwide which have been ravaged by sexual and spiritual abuse. This investigation has proven that a serious situation truly exists which demands that Shambhala walk its talk with courage, integrity, and love for those who have been hurt.  It is a model of right action for dharma communities everywhere.
  • Created a discussion forum for those affected by this daunting psychological and spiritual crisis to share their voices in a secure environment moderated by a professional psychologist who is also a dharma teacher. This has been the first time many have encountered a sacred space for testifying to and having one’s voice heard and acknowledged regarding their suffering and witnessing of such spiritual harms. This is unprecedented and opens a pathway for healing wounded sanghas.
  • Informed the world through the media of the challenging situation within Shambhala while modeling how it can be met with compassion and integrity.
  • Encouraged those involved to maintain their daily practice and embody it in their efforts.
  • Offered heart-felt and wisely considered assistance to Shambhala International in embodying its professed ideals in ways they thus far have not been able to do.

This has been a charnel ground crisis that would challenge the bravest of hearts. She has faced with sensitivity and grace the grievous wounds of a sublime spiritual legacy that has been damaged through its emergence within an embattled world.  Andrea has attended to the wounds of those who have suffered within that community with inspiration. Her modeling of how we wounded and imperfect beings can nevertheless rise to the occasion of meeting spiritual challenges is inspiring.

Andrea Winn has accomplished all of this on a shoe string at best. She has more than earned genuine and meaningful support for what she has done and deserves the praise and generosity of us all, especially those within the Shambhala world.  I therefore appeal to everybody who recognizes the value of what she has accomplished to make whatever financial contribution they’re inspired to make, great or small, to Andrea Winn.

We will all dedicate the merit.

Richard Edelman


If you feel moved to make a financial offering to Andrea, there are three ways you can make your offering. You can:

  1. Donate through our GoFundMe page and say you want the donation to go to Andrea
  2. e-transfer your offering to, or
  3. send a check to her at:

Andrea Winn

1083 Queen Street, Suite 257

Halifax, NS  B3H 0B2

(Note: This mailing address is active through July 31, 2018)

Andrea’s last words

I’m hanging up my social activist hat tomorrow. My activist retirement has been on the horizon for a week now, and tomorrow will be the official day. I hope you will join me in a little celebration tomorrow of the work accomplished during this journey. I’ll put up my retirement post tomorrow, including what I will continue doing, what I will no longer be doing, and the plan for exploring a future for Buddhist Project Sunshine.

Today I offer my final Buddhist Project Sunshine activist words, and I hope they will be of benefit to some of you.


Buddhist Project Sunshine’s ongoing investigation

Another woman alleging she was sexually assaulted by the Sakyong has come forward. Carol Merchasin, the Buddhist Project Sunshine investigator, has continued investigating. She will have an update that I will post possibly as soon as next week.


Kalapa Council’s conflict of interest

Apparently rather than focusing efforts on hiring a neutral third-party investigator this past week, the Kalapa Council hired a PR firm led by Matthew Hiltzik, who got his start with Harvey Weinstein at Miramax in the 1990s. He has represented an infamous band of clients that includes Glenn Beck, Don Imus, and Donald Trump’s aide Hope Hicks.

I am disappointed to learn this.

I understand that three senior members of the Kalapa Council are implicated in the allegations of the Sakyong’s sexual misconduct. I see a clear conflict of interest.


Allegations of the Sakyong’s financial abuse of the Shambhala community

There are some common aspects to wife abuse. One common aspect is the husband isolates the wife so she has no support and is focused on him for everything. Another aspect is he controls her financially.

I have seen these dynamics at play in the Sakyong’s relationship with the Shambhala community. A number of people have told me insider stories about this. One person emailed me this past week. He gave me permission to share what he said:

Having a financial background, I explored Shambhala’s budgets and financial reports. When I saw the money being spent to keep the Sakyong’s family living a life of comfort (e.g., servants, cooks, nannies, personal secretaries, etc.), I was totally turned off. Very non-Buddhist in my view. To this day, Shambhala uses its various media vehicles to promote the Sakyong’s books, without any benefit of book sale proceeds. Free advertising, how nice! I engaged in a long dialogue with Richard Reoch about all this, but it became quite clear to me that nobody within Shambhala was going to challenge the status quo. They were too enthralled with worshiping the king!


Steps for cleaning up the misconduct at the core

For this community to heal, Shambhala International must appoint a neutral third party investigator to investigate the Sakyong, the Kalapa Council, and some members of the Kusung.

If by their silence the Sakyong and the Kalapa Council are denying that any of these allegations are true, then they must appoint a third party investigator.  Of course, if on the other had, they know that these are true, they need to say that.

In an investigation of sexual misconduct in any organization, it is standard practice for those implicated in the investigation to step down from all official duties pending the investigation. The Sakyong and the Kalapa Council should step down while a proper investigation is carried out.


Shrine rooms and Shambhala liturgies

There is a conversation thread happening in the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group about how centers are relating with pictures of the Sakyong in their shrine rooms, and references in liturgies.

I would like to strongly encourage centers to cover pictures of the Sakyong for an interim period. In my view, the covering should be done with the utmost gentleness and respect for all the Sakyong has contributed to our community and lineage.

I would further suggest that individual centers can reflect on the unique culture of your local center and choose a cloth covering that reflects the best of your culture and your deepest intentions for healing for everyone affected by this situation. You could begin by using a white cloth covering, and then meet and discern a suitable healing covering.

Similarly, you could cover sections of chants that speak of the Mukpos with a kind covering.

I am emphasizing taking small steps and doing them with the deepest of kindness, because the changes we want can only come from a place of the best intention.


The financial welfare of the community

I encourage the community to consider carefully what parts of Shambhala are vital services. For instance, Shambhala Online provides teachings to people in rural areas who have no access to local teachings. Please consider supporting vulnerable parts of Shambhala who need help during this time of community transition.

I encourage centers to open their doors to inviting Buddhist teachers who can be of most help to come and offer teachings for where your community is at this time. There are important Buddhist teachers who have long-term relationships with our community who can be invited to teach.

Please be open minded and consider who can be invited to teach and/or lead programs that will benefit your local community. There is no reason why cancelling the Sakyong’s teaching schedule needs to mean the downfall of centers. Let us take this as an opportunity for a revival of true Dharma. Please open your hearts to asking for the teachings that will be of most benefit for your communities, including secular teachings on abuse, trauma and community healing.

I will also remind you of the useful tool I promoted early in Buddhist Project Sunshine Phase 2: The Miq Maw anti-violence community toolkit:


My offer to Mipham

Once I finish my service of the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group July 31, if I can be of help to Mipham in his journey of healing, I will bring my heart to that.


Sangha member words

Dear Andrea,

I was able to successfully navigate GoFundMe to make a donation.
Thank you for your concern about my Weekthun plans. There will always be other opportunities in the future. What is important NOW is supporting the Project Sunshine and it’s dedicated team.
I have a good feeling that because of BPS the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sanghas will once again flourish and be a safe place for all. The truth will prevail and positive changes will happen thanks to you and the people who helped you on this journey.
Namaste and take care.
Elisabeth : )


If you are not on our email list, you can sign up here:

If you would like to be part of the Buddhist Project Sunshine discussion group, you can register here:


Horizon Analysis of the Sakyong’s “apology” letter


We all grew up with caregivers, and we looked to them to help us sort things out. Then some of us grew up and engaged spiritual traditions with leaders who we looked to for answers.

At some point, however, it seems to become necessary to learn how to listen to our own inner wisdom. Maybe no one taught you how to listen to your inner wisdom (they don’t teach it in school!) Maybe you have already learned how to listen to your inner wisdom. Maybe you would enjoy refreshing your  ability to listen to you inner wisdom today.

Whatever the case, I am encouraging people affected by the upheaval around Sakyong Mipham to take some quiet time to listen to your inner wisdom. This could be a way to get your feet on the ground and have more meaningful discussions.

The method I proposed in the Phase 2 report is called the “Horizon Analysis,” and it is described in Appendix 1. I used it myself this past week to more fully understand what I felt around the Sakyong’s “apology” letter sent out on Monday.

I’m sharing my Horizon Analysis of it with you today, in the hopes that it may inspire you to do your own Horizon Analysis. We are all individuals and will have different experiences of that letter. It can be helpful to get in between the bones and down to the heart of what that letter meant to you personally.

I offer mine with love:


NAME: Andrea Winn                                                           Date: June 26, 2018


1. Reading(s) (by Author): Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche’s (SMR) “apology” letter June 25, 2018


2.(a) What is my strongest attraction or attractions to the reading/s. Why?

<1>” I write to you with … a mind of self-reflection.”  I have learned from talking with many people personally impacted by SMR’ gross and prolonged transgressions, and deep reflection would be necessary to begin to repair such transgressions.

<2>”I am now making a public apology.” I am ready to hear him make an apology and I acknowledge he has not yet done so, as it is not included in this letter.

<3> “Like all of you, I am human and on the path.” He recognizes he is human and is not putting himself up on a “guru pedestal”.

<4> “It is my fervent wish that we be a community that relates to each other with compassion and kindness, so I have offered teachings and written practices to support such a culture.”  I have heard that he has been offering teachings on kindness, and this is not a result of his being accused of abuse.

<5> ” I am committed to engaging in this process with you.” This is a sign that SMR is willing to go through a true process of reconciliation, which will be very painful for him.


(b) What might be the source of my attractions(s) to the reading/s?

<1> In my heart I *hope* that SMR understands how deep his transgressions are and that he will do what is truly necessary to begin the process of repair. I’m hoping his heart will shift towards authentic healing that would clearly begin with an extended time of very deep inner reflection.

<2> I deeply desire repair to this situation, and I am hopeful that he understands it will begin with him making an apology, and I hope it will come soon!

<3> I feel deeply relieved that SMR is not expecting his transgressions to be excused because of misguided understandings of samaya – I’m relieved he is admitting he can and *has* done wrong.

<4> This may be a sign of an authentic wish – it may be something genuine from SMR.

<5> It feels good to hear him say that he is committed to the painful road ahead. It gives me hope, and in fact joy, to hear of his commitment to engage.


3. (a) What is my strongest resistance or resistances to the reading/s. Why?

<1> “I write to you with … tenderness” After reading the impact statements of his violence towards vulnerable women, I doubt SMR’s ability to know what tenderness is, and this rings false when I read it.

<2> “I have engaged in relationships with women in the Shambhala community” He is using “relationships” in a way that is commonly known to be between equals. From hearing about his “relationships” with the women who have approached me with their stories, these relationships have involved force, violence, rape, public humiliation, abandonment, spiritual abuse, and other unbearable forms of violence. In our society, we do not call these “relationships”.

<3> “women have shared experiences of feeling harmed as a result of these relationships” He seems to be trying to put the responsibility of his alleged violence onto the women suggesting that they “felt harmed” rather than naming what actually happened, which is in contrast to what the women themselves said that he violated them physically, emotionally, sexually and spiritually.

<4> “I am now making a public apology.” He says he is making an apology, but he does not say what he is apologizing for.

<5> “over the years, I have apologized personally to people who have expressed feeling harmed by my conduct” Again, he is dodging responsibility by suggesting people “felt” harmed rather than actually were harmed by his actions. He seems to be implying that when he has caused gross harm that an apology is all that is needed.

<6> “I have also engaged in mediation and healing practices with those who have felt harmed.” He is again suggesting women “felt” harmed rather than actually were harmed. He seems to be suggesting mediation and healing practices as a form of addressing violence with integrity, and yet what I have learned from the women who I have spoken with and whose stories are documented in this report, his violence towards women has continued for decades, so therefore I don’t understand why he would be suggesting that he has made truly done anything to repair these situations.

<7> “I have been, and will continue to be, committed to healing these wounds.” This is in stark contrast to my learning from women that they have been living in isolated pain and silence for decades due to his reluctance to heal these wounds.

<8> “As the lineage holder of Shambhala” He is implying that he is the sole lineage holder of Shambhala, which is not true. We all are.

<9> “I want to demonstrate how we can move toward a culture of kindness in line with our legacy of teachings. ” This letter is in direct contrast to his suggestion, as he is demonstrating how to cover up truth, avoid responsibility, and abandon both the women who have alleged his sexual misconduct and the Shambhala community entrusted in his care.

<10> “I am now entering a period of self-reflection and listening.” On the surface that sounds good and appropriate, but he does not say what this means. Is he going into retreat? Is he opening up a forum for women to share how they have been harmed by him? Is he going to open a forum to hear how his actions and deceptions are impacting his students around the world?

<11> “It is important to me that you know I am here, continuing to do my best.” I don’t feel he is here.

<12> “it is important to me that we continue to create a caring community where harm does not occur” So far all we have discovered is that this community is falling short of that as more and more people are coming forward who say they have experienced gross harm, so I do not understand what he is suggesting we continue to do.

<13> “For me, it always comes back to feeling my own heart, my own humanity, and my own genuineness. It is with this feeling that I express to all of you my deep love and appreciation.” I see no evidence in this letter of him feeling his own heart, his humanity or his genuineness, so it is confusing to hear him say that he has done that. When he suggests that he is expressing deep love from that false place, the love feels false.


(B) What might be the source of my resistance(s) to the reading/s?

<1> I am deeply disheartened by lying from the head of my lineage – it brings a great shadow on my feeling of connection with Shambhala, and a great shadow on my hopefulness of living.

<2> This feels to me like he is painting a fake picture to mislead people and possibly to avoid a lawsuit.

<3> I don’t like feeling he is trying to avoid the truth, because I want true healing and reconciliation, which requires him to face the truth himself and to speak it publicly.

<4> I feel I am doubting him. I feel mislead. I want him to apologize, and he is suggesting he is apologizing right here, yet he is not apologizing for anything here. So I feel he is trying to mislead me, and that just feels awful! I want him to be a man who can speak truth and mean it – I want him to be a leader who stands truly behind his words. I *want* to be able to believe in him again, and this takes one step further back from that happening.

<5> I feel angry that he might even consider an apology as a remedy – as a way of making things right – after he has harmed people in the ways that have been expressed to me and are documented in this report. It disrupts my sense of the world making sense – because the leader of my spiritual community is saying something that is so grossly wrong for the context of the situation.

<6> It feels like he is trying to make this sound like enlightened society – it sounds all “ladee-da”, and at the same time women are telling me a very different and dark reality involving sexual predation and gross spiritual harm. I am looking for a return to integrity, truth, and genuine reconciliation which will undoubtedly involve a lot of pain and right-shame for SMR. I want him to turn and face the music so we can begin the healing process. I really want healing.

<7> It is painful to feel SMR is continuing to evade truth and reconciliation.

<8> This bothers me because it implies we need to rely on him to clean up his act. I know that we do not. Each of us has been empowered as a holder of the Shambhala lineage, and I know that it is time that we take responsibility for the care and continuation of this lineage, with or without SMR, independent of his decision of whether or not to do his own rehabilitation and healing.

<9> I feel abandoned by the official holder of my lineage, and that sucks.

<10> I feel further distrust since it sounds good on the surface but he is not being upfront and saying what exactly he has decided to do. I feel left dangling, and I hate that feeling. I am looking for solid security, and for the leader of this community to speak truth now.

<11> I see no sign of SMR being present right now, and that is deeply disturbing in the face of how important the Shambhala lineage is. I deeply desire for him to take responsibility and come now and be truly present and truly accountable to this community.

<12> I feel he is trying to cover something up, and that is disorienting. I am ready for truth to land on the ground, so we can move forward together as a community.

<13> This letter has brought me to an even deeper place of realizing there is nothing to work with in SMR at this time. It hurts. It is disappointing. And at the same time it is a good pain, because I realize I need to move on in the face of his lack of willingness to deal with where we are at.


4. How do these attractions and resistances challenge or affirm me as I engage in this reflection process? (Notice where the invitation to transformation is.)

There is a clear movement towards deep disheartenment here, and a facing of the reality of SMR’s heart. The invitation I feel now is to take responsibility as a holder of this lineage, and to care for these sacred teachings with honesty, integrity and true love – the kind of love that flourishes in the light of the sun.


Buddhist Project Sunshine Phase 2 Wrap Up: Report To Be Released Thursday June 28th


Dear Noble Sangha,

Happy Summer Solstice! Today is the day of most sunlight of the entire year and an auspicious day to release the light of Buddhist Project Sunshine. The project is wrapping up, and we’ve got three important updates below!

Loving bringer of light,


Buddhist Project Sunshine Phase 2 Report to be released June 28th

In Phase 2, Buddhist Project Sunshine has done further rigorous investigation into the situation of sexual abuse in the Shambhala community. We will release a report of findings on June 28th. Be sure to sign up for our email list to receive our communications. Sign up at: Buddhist Project Sunshine Email List


Andrea’s last day of work with Buddhist Project Sunshine is June 29th

I began working on Project Sunshine in January 2017. It has been over a year and a half of gruelling work. I put my heart out in this way in the hope that genuine healing can happen for the Shambhala community. I am grateful for the healing that has already begun. At the same time I have gone into significant personal financial debt. Therefore, as Buddhist Project Sunshine is coming to the end of the funds raised, I will close my work with the project on June 29th. I will, however, continue to host the Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion Forum through July, as promised. (See registration link for the discussion group below if you are interested.)


Buddhist Project Sunshine Discussion Group is open

Buddhist Project Sunshine is hosting a thriving moderated discussion group, including healthy discussion threads about both historical and current sexual misconduct in the sangha. This community space supports people in their personal journeys of sorting through their spiritual connection with Shambhala. Click here to learn more and register for the Buddhist Project Sunshine  Discussion Group


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Healing trauma in Shambhala and other Buddhist communities

Dear friends,

I am hearing from a growing number of people who feel traumatized by reading social media, specifically from reading posts on the Shambhala Facebook page and the Shambhala Office of Social Engagement Facebook page. I am very interested in our shifting into a more healing mode. Please join me in this.

I encourage good self-care practices, such as disengaging from social media for periods of time, like doing a meditation retreat. We need to create space for our heart to breathe, as we move through this awakening process together. If we are constantly “plugged in”, we will burn out our system. It is important to create a discipline of unplugging when we need to.

Trauma healing must always involve right pacing. In order to know our own individual pacing, we need to be able to listen to what our heart needs – we need to be able to listen to our boundaries. My favourite definition of boundaries comes from Dr. David Gruder, Energy Psychology Conference Nov. 2005: 

Boundaries definition: Any limit I need to honor in order to love or work with you without resentment and with integrity. 

What boundaries aren’t: A boundary is not a line drawn in the sand, a position, posture, ideology, ultimatum or other tool for manipulation or control.

I hope this can be of some help to you for listening to your own boundaries, and honouring them, so you can rest in your own integrity. I am constantly having to work with this myself. I feel pulled by my sense of duty to this work, and at the same time, I am working very hard to see how to take care of myself so I am leading from a place of integrity.

I very much hope you will join us for the Buddhist Project Sunshine moderated discussion forum that will be opening soon. This will be a very different social media experience, because it is structured to facilitate a community healing process. For full details about this and all of our initiatives, including our mediation process with Shambhala International, be sure to sign up for our email list. (Full details at the bottom of this page)

Richard Edelman, yogi scholar, has become an important part of the leadership of Buddhist Project Sunshine. He has an extensive background as a Vajrayana practitioner, and he is a long-time scholar in many areas including the history of Tibetan Buddhism, the legacy of trauma that came out of historic Tibet, contemporary stories of abuse in Buddhist sanghas, and trauma healing. Richard has generously shared an excerpt from an upcoming essay. Some may find this enlightening in the context of the current situation of Buddhist communities who are healing from sexual trauma.



When we name abuse and trauma, we ring an awakening bell, waking us up to those who have been traumatized by the abuse rampant in today’s world. We are living through an era during which significant numbers of people are waking up to the global ubiquity of traumatic abuse. Stories about the many kinds of traumatic abuse continually unfold in the news and if we haven’t been affected ourselves, we surely have friends and family who have.

Fortunately, during the past few decades, an entire field of trauma studies and activism has emerged to illuminate the karma of traumatic abuse—revealing its causes and effects, how it affects our lives, and demanding healing and liberation. To become fully human in today’s world, we all need to absorb this new wisdom regarding traumatic abuse, especially if we seek to manifest enlightened society. For if we do not, we condemn future generations to even deeper suffering as recipients of an ancient multigenerational legacy of traumatic abuse. This is a clear and challenging existential decision we must all make—will we transmit trauma or genuine bodhicitta to future generations?

By recognizing that we are all in some way affected by traumatic abuse, we begin to both deepen our wisdom regarding the nature of trauma and abuse and awaken a lifeworld in which the dharma can flourish. This is why the time has come for all of us committed to the flourishing of the dharma to cultivate and express our bodhicitta by listening to the trauma stories of those who have been abused, especially when they have been abused within the dharmasphere. In our lifetime, we have discovered things about traumatic abuse that evidently were not sufficiently understood within the origin cultures of the Buddhadharma. It is clear that a synergistic understanding of both duhkha and trauma has become indispensable today. Without effective wisdom about trauma and abuse, our efforts to generate bodhicitta in the world will be blindsided.

When the Buddhadharma came to Tibet, Guru Rinpoche was called upon by the Tibetan court to vanquish the obstacles to it taking root in the land of the snows, transforming enemies of the truth into its champions. When sectarianism endangered the unoppressed manifestation of the dharma in 19th century Tibet, the Rime masters recognized the challenge before them and rose to meet it. Because traumatic abuse is the major block to a lifeworld of awakening and compassion today, we can draw inspiration from dharmic ancestors like Guru Rinpoche and the Rime masters in meeting its challenges. Buddhist Project Sunshine may help kindle a trauma-informed 21st century vinaya process, opening a portal to yet another surprising renaissance of living bodhicitta during a time of darkness.

Excerpted from “Trauma and Dharma” By Richard Edelman Copyright 2018


Sign up for our email list to receive our latest update, including:

We have a new name and a new email address!

Shambhala International and Buddhist Project Sunshine Mediation

Andrea Winn and Kalapa Council interview on Halifax CBC radio news yesterday

Buddhist Project Sunshine Moderated Discussion Forum – Anticipated to open June 1st

Call for Volunteers!

New Buddhist Project Sunshine website to be unveiled soon!

A personal update from Andrea

What did Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche say about samaya?


Please share this post through social media

so others can connect in with this source of healing.


And visit our Buddhist Project Sunshine Welcome Page to access all resources

Project Sunshine has evoked a flow of goodness – Let’s celebrate!

This image of a snow capped mountain, warmed by the sun, so that the glacier can melt into a stream of pure turquoise water – this is what seems to be happening now for Shambhala. I have important news to share!

I have been approached by Shambhala International. They have hired a mediator and asked me to speak with their mediator. The circle of elders that has come around me have had two reflections on this. First, that Shambhala International recognizes that Project Sunshine is not going to disappear. Second, that perhaps they have felt too much fear to dialog with me directly, and that it is wonderful that they have found a way to be in communication. Certainly it is better for the community if Project Sunshine can work with Shambhala International in dealing with the sexual violence in our community. Please include prayers in your practice that this may happen in an auspicious way for the benefit of all sentient beings!

I hosted a good first Q&A call last evening. You can listen to the replay here: In this call people expressed a loss of trust in Shambhala International. (I feel this is all the more reason why it is good news that Shambhala International has found a way to communicate with me.) We have received a waterfall of donations in the past 18 hours! Since the Q&A call, we’ve received 10 new donations, totalling $1,550!

The money being donated will allow Project Sunshine to continue. We very much need funding at this point to keep going. 


Here’s what we’d like to do!

We would first of all like to set up a Project Sunshine moderated social media discussion for people to talk about the situation of sexual violence, both in Shambhala and in Tibetan Buddhism in general.

We also want to stabilize Project Sunshine by working to establish the following:

1. A Wisdom Council—an advisory board for credibility, fundraising, and guidance

2. An Upaya Committee–a board of directors under some name that includes an attorney, CPA, fundraiser, and a Buddhist clergy member, as well as myself

3. 501C3 – become a charitable organization

4. A Website

5. Endorsements

6. A PR pack

7. Get endorsements from HHDL and HHK

8. Raise funds

9. Tides, Threshold, Buddhist endowments, etc.

10. Strategize healing truth and reconciliation projects in some format

11. Broaden mission into its fuller implications

Today is the last day of our fundraising campaign. If you would like to see this work move forward, please contribute before the end of today:

You can also help us by sharing this with friends and community members, and on social media.

Heart thanks for being part of this profound melting of ice into a flow of goodness! This is such an auspicious time in the history of Tibetan Buddhism in the West!

April 28 Campaign Update

We are heading into the last 3 days of the campaign, as it closes on Monday. This is a time to bring focus and clarity to achieving the success needed at this time for this work to move forward.

Thank you to everyone who has donated in the past few days, and a special thanks to Lorre Fleming for leaving the message yesterday, “Thank you for taking on this important work.”

It’s clear we are not going to meet the fundraising goal, so I’d like to share the guidance I am receiving from the elders, the Circle of Wisdom, that is forming around me for leading Project Sunshine.

They are concerned about how I have been hyper extending myself through this much volunteer work in service of Project Sunshine, and they want to see me receive basic support for housing and food.

One elder in the circle said, “We are setting the ground work for this [Project Sunshine] and doing it in a conservative way. This serves the healing more than continuing the healing in an unsustainable way – it serves the mission more.”

In our exploration of how best to use the funds raised, we are settling on a blended approach of using the money over the next three months in the following three areas:

1. Operating expenses for Project Sunshine

2. A stipend for myself to continue leading/coordinating the project

3. Doing one piece of the original plan for Phase 2: I will write a guide for social media conversation moderators, find qualified volunteer moderators, train the moderators, and set up a moderated Project Sunshine social media conversation space so people interested in healing sexual violence in buddhist communities can connect and engage this healing work.

I hope all of the contributors to Project Sunshine will feel good about this use of funds. I welcome hearing from you about this!

We are hoping to raise $3,000 more by the end of the project to ensure Project Sunshine can move forward in a sustainable way for the next 3 months.

Please talk with your dharma sisters and brothers and share widely on social media so we can raise these final funds.

With heart thanks,

What could an abuse-free Shambhala look like?

 Spring Romance, by Karen Tarlton

I was having an exploratory conversation with someone on the Project Sunshine team yesterday, and he said, 

“I want to help make Shambhala safe. We all want to be safe, we all want to be loved. People want a society they feel good about, where every single person is safe, not targeted for sexual violence. What I want is to feel proud and feel safe – that is what I long for. I’m an optimist. I believe it is possible for a community to heal.”

I appreciate him daring to dream about what he truly longs for. It would be good for all of us to give ourselves permission to explore a community that is truly satisfying, and even inspiring for our dharma path and our lives as Shambhalians.

Shambhala is a very unique path, and has so much potential to help this world. We don’t have to look far to see the degraded and even frightening places some parts of the world have sunken into. Our Shambhala teachings and practices evoke abilities within us to take on these challenges and attend in a visionary and inspired way to uplifting the world.

This is why it is so very important for us to clean up our own house – our lineage – so we can bring these teachings into the world in new, powerful, and much needed ways.

I have done a lot of work with business leaders, helping them to move beyond the borders of the box with their thinking. One of the techniques that can be helpful is to envision what it will *feel* like to be in a healthy Shambhala community, where people are emotionally safe, where we know we can count on the integrity of our leaders and feel safe in our relationship with them, where there is space to feel a gentleness as we do our daily practice and open to new dimensions of connection with these sacred practices… you get the idea.

What would it feel like to be in a nurturing community like this?

I’m imagining my own body relaxing, and feeling more present in my body – feeling my skin, muscle, bone. I’m imagining my chest feeling warm and relaxing into a greater spaciousness, and how wonderful that would be for my Prajna Paramita practice when I am gazing into the wide open sky, mixing my mind with space.

I’m imagining feeling even more relaxed and open when I’m having conversations with people. Feeling more resourceful and safe to pay attention to the sparks of energy, and being able to be curious and explore them in the conversation rather than shutting down and just moving on. I’m imagining feeling more confidence to stay present in the uncomfortable moments, so these moments have a chance to reveal their brilliance and insights into new ways of thinking.

I’m imaging being able to move in the world, especially Point Pleasant Park, with my senses being far more open and free to experience the beauty, the smells, the life that is in this city forest. I’m imaging my spirit being more easily fed by the pure sensing of natural beauty.

I’m imaging being able to walk into the Halifax Shambhala Centre and feeling I can totally be me (whoever that is!), moving about the center and connecting with people of all races and colours, enriching my sense of connection with the vibrant richness of all humanity. And there is the space and peace for us to take our time in our communication so we can learn about each other’s culture and our different ways of understanding things – Ah! what an expansion this would give to my way of seeing things!

I’m imaging on this same visit to the Halifax Shambhala Centre that I go to a room where we are meeting about some exciting initiative that is significantly impacting the local Halifax community. That everyone in this room has their own connection with the stream of lineage blessings, and that we invoke those blessings together as we begin the meeting.

There is a natural spirit that flows through our conversation, again feeding all of our hearts, and there is a wide open space for each of us to bring our very best to this worthy initiative. There is peace, respect and love. 

Love is an overused word, but we all still know that love is the basis of goodness in our connections with each other. It includes respect and honour, fondness and a genuine desire to see another grow. So, yes – I envision a love that supports us being at our best and forming relationships that embody freedom, flow and joy.

So this is a taste of what I envision for a healthy Shambhala community this morning. I’d love to hear what you envision for *your* healthy Shambhala. I invite you to share in the comments space at the bottom of this page.

And if you want to be part of the group that is about making us safe and creating a healthy Shambhala, you can do one or both of these things:

1. Contribute to the Project Sunshine fundraising campaign (no donation is too small, even $5 is a help!)

2. Sign up for the Project Sunshine email list

Is there really a problem?


I think there is a part in most, if not all, of us that hopes this is all a dream, and that we will wake up and everything will be the way it used to be. But you know, change can be good. Really!

I’d love for us to face our reality and dig in and take proactive steps to take care of this situation.

Some people have written me and said they are waiting to see what Shambhala International does. There is a sense of wanting to support Shambhala International, and wanting to give them a chance.

I myself dedicated many hours last year in building my relationship with members on the Kalapa Council. I felt it was important to support them in developing their confidence so they could lead the community through this. We developed a good relationship of mutual trust and respect. 

After publishing the Project Sunshine Phase 1 report, I emailed them and invited them to collaborate on building a good solution for the community to work through the sexual violence problem in the community. It is a mystery to me why they suddenly stopped responding to my emails at that point. I am guessing they don’t feel the confidence to take one step at a time through dealing with this, and relating with the people who have been impacted by the abuse.

From my point of view, we can best help Shambhala International by taking some responsibility ourselves at this point. From what many people have been writing to me, they see that Shambhala leaders are good people (who they dearly love!) and that these leaders are out of their depth to deal with this.

As I learn more extensively about the harm, I am learning of Shambhala leaders, some of them high up, who have committed clergy sexual misconduct. If you would like to educate yourself about what clergy sexual misconduct is, and why it is so detrimental to the health of spiritual communities, I recommend reading this article from An Olive Branch: Clergy Sexual Misconduct and the Misuse of Power

Shambhala International announced  in their communication on March 19 a number of key initiatives, including “Creating new sexual misconduct strategies, policies, and procedures based on these conversations [with survivors], input from the community, and guidance from third party organizations. We are in active conversation with an established organization, An Olive Branch, about taking on such a role. ”

I wonder how serious Shambhala International is about dealing with this problem, given that there have been growing allegations of clergy sexual misconduct regarding some men within that leadership. Might the Council have too much of a conflict of interest to truly deal with this? I hope not, and that they will persist in doing the right thing.

People have been writing me and asking for details and a better understanding of the scope of the problem. I appreciate these questions and that people want to know the scope of the problems that have been raised.  At the same time, we want to be sure that we are not spreading information that is not true, or naming people who have not been given an opportunity to respond to the allegations.

Is Shambhala International ready to launch such an investigation, so people can know the scope of the problem and also ensure that no one is falsely accused? I am not seeing evidence of their willingness to do this. There is no way that our community is going to be able to move through this and heal without proper investigation of all the leaders who have been implicated.

I heard yesterday from a friend who gave me permission to share this with you. He just went through the formal Care and Conduct process for a Shambhala teacher in his local community who sexually assaulted him. His concerns have been strongly supported by two leaders in his community, including a Shastri. Despite the support of these two leaders, he received a final report yesterday from the Care and Conduct committee that stated, “Our findings did not identify behavior on Mr. [perpetrator]’s part that requires any kind of ongoing protection of Mr. [victim]” How is this possible after all of the recent attention at all levels of the community to the issue of sexual violence, and specifically Shambhala International’s heartfelt commitment to improving the Care and Conduct process? 

This same victim was a high-contributing member of his local Shambhala center, including managing their social media. He joined Project Sunshine as part of his healing journey. A couple of weeks later he was fired as their social media coordinator because a leader in Shambhala International said he had a “conflict of interest” being associated with Project Sunshine. Project Sunshine’s mandate is to bring healing light to the abuse problem in Shambhala. I would like to understand what the conflict of interest is for Shambhala International. Do they feel the need to cover abusive behaviours up?

I had a good conversation with Judy Lief a couple of weeks ago by phone. I shared with her about Project Sunshine Phase 2, and how it involves a conversation format for local communities to meet outside of their Shambhala centers. Judy gave me permission to share in this blog how she responded: “I feel it is important for people to meet outside Shambhala centers as well as in centers because people tend to feel they need to be more polite and formal at the centers and do not talk as freely.”

It is important to find spaces where you can talk freely. I’d love to support that with Project Sunshine Phase 2. Dialog is very important at this point. And opening our hearts to doing what is right, so that we can go forward and not stay too long in this place of murky confusion.

I do believe that the light is going to continue to grow in this community. This community is pregnant with a growing desire to heal, and people are asking to know the extent of the abuse. They understand we cannot go forward as a community until this is properly investigated and dealt with.

So yes, there is a problem, and it can be sorted out one step at a time. That is what I am doing, and have been doing for over a year now. 

In my opinion it is not wise to wait for Shambhala International to sort it out. Instead, why can’t we can take practical steps, as community members, to deal with this so that the Buddhadharma can flourish in Shambhala? And would not this in fact be a support to the health and well-being of the leaders in Shambhala International? The simple fact is that we ALL need this related with in a direct and skilful way. Rather than hide or leave it to others to sort out, let’s BE the solution!

If any of this resonates with you, please take an active step in this moment now and contribute to the Project Sunshine Phase 2 fundraising campaign. This is a chance to actively contribute to creating a solution – for us, and for people beyond this community.

Ki Ki So So!

A letter from a loving Kusung


Life seems to come in waves, and the past two weeks I have found myself in conversation over tea with two of Trungpa Rinpoche’s long-term Kusung here in Halifax. These conversations have happened with care and mutual respect. I have appreciated hearing their views of our situation, and I’m grateful for their open-heartedness to hearing mine. I feel solid communication is happening with these deeply loyal and caring men.

I also received a letter from a third Kusung, and he gave me permission to share it here in a blog. Please see this letter below, as I feel Robert is writing from a deep place of care for the Shambhala sangha.

Today I am formally announcing a Question & Answer Teleconference Call I’m hosting this Sunday at 7:30 pm ADT. Learn more and register for the call.

If you can’t make the call, don’t worry; I will record the call and make it available through the Project Sunshine community email list. If you are not already on our list,  you can sign up here. 

If you are able to make the call, I’d love to connect with you directly and respond to questions.

With love,



A letter from a loving Kusung

April 25, 2018

Dear Andrea,

I’m writing to express my concerns about allegations of sexual and other mis-conduct within the Shambhala mandala; about the Sakyong’s recent indirect, tepid response; and about allegations that reports of mis-conduct have been criticized, ignored or silenced by Shambhala International leadership.  I was an early student of the Vidyadhara, whom I  served as both a craftsman and a Kusung; I also served the Sakyong in the 1980’s.  During those years, by the way, I was friends with your mother and dad.

It is troubling for us to hear allegations of wrongdoing that place us in conflict with people we love and to whom we are deeply devoted. We also hesitate to bring public shame to an organization we want to protect.  However, there is no escape from our karma, as individuals or as an organization.  Human life is marked by sharp ethical dilemmas; love and loyalty must be disciplined by right speech, right action and right livelihood.

How to proceed?  Ken McLeod, a well-regarded Kaygu Buddhist teacher, recently gave a talk entitled “Vajrayana in Modern Times” [].   A substantial portion of the talk is devoted to the mutual obligations between Vajrayana teacher and student.  He provides a useful framework for evaluating painful obstacles of the kind we face.

Next, from the earliest pre-Shambhala days, the Vajradhatu motto, imprinted on our banner, was “The Proclamation of the Truth is Fearless.”  In the presence of alleged harm and insufficient responsive action, the truth is the only safe harbor.  A modern, ethical organization employs an independent investigation to get to the truth.

Finally, Shambhala aspires to establish an enlightened society.  How can we ignore or hold ourselves above sensible legal and social standards set by the society we propose to uplift?  If we ignore reports of wrong-doing; if we do not correct wrong-doing when we find it; if we protect certain people at the expense of others, what claim do we have to teach? 

I applaud the careful way you have pressed a demand for the truth.  As I understand it, so far your efforts have not met with cooperation.  Pressing for that cooperation is a job for all of us. 

With kind regards, 

your dharma brother Robert Merchasin

Shambhala citizens expanding the borders of this conversation


I’m sharing a few more emails I’ve been getting from the community. All are shared with the writer’s permission.




Just remember that whatever happens that you changed the dynamic and the discourse for the entire Shambhala Community in a very short time. I can’t tell you how many years I discussed these issues with a good friend and she was so angry and frustrated that nothing ever happened. Also remember that a lot of women and men were finally heard and given a voice to speak their truth and open up about the serious abuses in the community over the years. People are really talking about these issues now in a way I have never seen before. So thank you Andrea for your devotion and compassion to help deal with these difficult issues in Shambhala. Project Sunshine will make people think and possibly change attitudes about the issues of sexualized violence. Just the fact that they are now having meetings at Shambhala International and local Shambhala Communities about these issues is a huge shift.

Barbara, St. Margaret’s Bay, Nova Scotia




Hi Andrea –

I very much appreciate your work, and the courage of those who have spoken up. While I strongly support an honest assessment and account of what has already happened, those aren’t my stories to tell.  

My personal concern is that our local communities are not equipped /authorized / encouraged to either investigate the misbehavior of those in a teaching or leadership position, not (at least in the one extended case I am aware of) have they been in any meaningful way supported by the international organization when they attempted to do so.  This is a terrible, potentially preventable loss for the victims of the abuse; it is also an unacceptable compromise to the reputation, lungta, and resources of the sangha as a whole.

Organizations that wish to survive – let alone presume to hold some moral high ground – must adopt and enforce some effective policies to prevent abuse of authority in general, and sexualized abuse and violence in particular.  No one should be free to think that inflicting their sexuality (or other kleshas) on others is a perk of their position.

Given that you are working closely with the victims, it seems to me that the time to address “what should we do going forward?” may still be some time off, since we first have to deal with what has already happened, and address the reality that it still can happen, most likely *is* happening.  

Whenever we get around to talking about how *not* to do this, I’ll be happy to participate in any discussion that arises.


Gordon Burgess, Cleveland




Hi Andrea,

I just wanted to connect to tell you how much I admire what you’re doing. I’m an “old” student having connected with CTR in 1972 and lived in Halifax from 1989-2005.

I quit FB last fall because it was so addictive and agitating, and it was great to come back into [your Project Sunshine Phase 1 report discussion] closed group with good boundaries, thanks to the way you set it up. I’ve since continued the conversation with some old friends I’d rediscovered through that process.

I can appreciate the perspective you have, having grown up in Shambhala, of wanting to reform it. There is a lot of good there, and I devoted most of my adult life to it.

At the same time, I think there are some fatal flaws in it, particularly the notion of an inherited lineage and the guru-knows-all-worship. As someone who remembers the Sakyong as a shy and insecure teenager it was quite bizarre to see how many of my friends were willing to lionize him just because of the inherited position he had. I think the West was wise to ditch this idea several hundred years ago.

But I also think the years I lived in Halifax between the death of CTR and the Sakyong “taking his seat” were some of the best of my life. We had strong ideas about enlightened society and people were doing a lot with it, without needing a king. Many people in Halifax who weren’t buddhists appreciated us for the ideas and uplifted attitude we brought. After 1995 it became an issue of whether one was with the Sakyong or not, and I felt that things degenerated. I finally left it all in 2005 and came back to Colorado. I wonder if there can be a Shambhala without the Mukpo dynasty?

In any case, you’re gutsy lady, and I wish you success and strength dealing with all the shadows you are addressing. It’s a modern-day story about taming the demons, and so necessary.

Dan Montgomery, Boulder

Words from a Seattle, WA citizen of Shambhala who “wants to do what is right”


Whatever happens with this Project Sunshine Phase 2, know you’re on a path of growth and healing. And you’re helping all of us Shambhalians go along that path too. Project Sunshine opened up an abyss of darkness and shone light into it. That’s what looking at the pattern of sexual harms in Shambhala felt like for me. I knew the abyss was there but I had pushed it away, I was afraid to look at it. What would looking at the darkness, the shadow mean for me? My spiritual path? My friendships? My community? My relationship with my teachers?

So you brought light to the darkness. But that darkness is powerful and deep. And it fights back against the light.

For me though, you brought healing and light into my life. You helped me look at this shadow in me, in my family, in my community. You did it bravely. In Phase 1 you helped my friend heal and stand up for themself. And you helped others talk openly about things that they kept secret for years, that they might otherwise have kept secret for the rest of their lives. You brought warmth and friendship to people who felt alone and cast out. It hurts me that you are being attacked for that.

And you helped me see enlightened society more clearly, that it needs to be a place where people feel safe about reporting sexual harm. You have a vision for that and I believe in it. I think others do too. One of my favorite authors is Ursula K. Le Guin and when she died recently, Jo Walton said of her, “She got in there with a crowbar and expanded the field and made it a better field…”

Well you wield a crowbar too. So keep wielding it. It matters.

I think the light will win. We may not see how now. But it will.

~ Adam Feuer, member of the Seattle Shambhala sangha


Thank you, Adam. I am grateful for the ways people are receiving the messaging I’ve been putting out. I am even more grateful for the steps people are taking to heal themselves and their local communities.

Judy Lief made a donation to Project Sunshine Phase 2 yesterday, and left these words with her donation: “May this discussion lead to healing and growth.” I see that this discussion has already lead to healing and growth as we can hear in Adam’s words above. Care needs to continue to be brought to this discussion for it to continue in this positive direction. 

As we know from the core Shambhala teachings, there are three qualities that we bring to warriorship: fearlessness, gentleness and intelligence. I feel the image I chose for today’s blog includes all three qualities. I hope it will speak to and inspire you to grow a deeper connection with your own intelligence, and a sense of care for your own truth. Growing courage is a life long journey, of course, but right now it is especially present.

Judy Lief’s words this week have inspired me to set up a question and answer conference call next Sunday, April 29 at 7:30 pm ADT. Ideally, I’d like for us to be able to talk about these things over a meal together. Logistically, that is not possible for a global community. So, let’s go for what we can do – a conference call.

This can be a chance for us to connect and talk about what is happening. I feel this is important. I will facilitate a one hour conversation and will be happy to respond to what you are needing. Watch your email next week for details for the upcoming Project Sunshine conference call.

I promised daily blogs this week, and I hope you enjoyed them! We’ll take some space to digest over the weekend, and then we’ll head into the final week of the Project Sunshine Phase 2 campaign. May there be great blessing!

Advice for how to relate with this controversial time


This is a very controversial time. The world is rocking with the current political environment. Buddhism is rocking with the increasing revelations of violence and sexual abuse. And on top of that, there are always things happening in our own lives.

I see people pulling towards shutting down. Shutting their eyes. Maybe if they wait long enough this will all disappear and we can go back to living the way we have been living. There is at least some security in knowing what we’ve had these past years, or even decades. There is a seeming security in  the known – the familiar.

This is a seductive and harmful trap, and I urge you to entertain the possibility that things are changing. I mean, they are! There is no doubt – things are changing. The abuse is coming more and more into the light. As much as we’d like to ignore this, or pretend it is not happening – the fact is, it is happening.

So what I want to urge you to entertain is that these changes are for the better. This is an opportunity for us to create a better situation for Buddhism in the West.

Good work has happened to establish Buddhism in the West. Many teachers have tirelessly, selflessly and tenderly looked at how to bring these precious teachings into the Western mindstream. They have explored countless ways to bring teachings quite foreign into practical, every day ways for Western people to engage, to live them, to bring them into our every day thoughts, spoken words, and activities.

In this magical and blessed process, Buddhism has engaged this Western mind, and this Western mind has whole heartedly and joyfully engaged Buddhism.

What we are looking at now is a piece of what that Western mind has contributed to the union. That piece is around trauma and violence. The Western world has a long history of oppression, domination of cultures and people, and heartless violence. Generation after generation of trauma, where the parents pass on the “lineage” of trauma to their children, largely unconsciously. Where we elect governments that replay the patterns of domination and violence on the people in their care. The Western world has been in a multi-generational cycle of trauma and violence.

Does it make sense that this societal pattern of trauma would have become part of the union of Buddhism and the West?

Perhaps this is believable, and we can acknowledge that some teachers with the very best of intentions have been the same people who have been doing great harm and violence to their students. Further, we could acknowledge this has been happening for years, and maybe even decades. And going even further, we could acknowledge that students around those teachers witnessed this happening to their fellow students and did nothing to stop it, and perhaps they even protected it with secrecy so the abuse could continue. Within a multi-generational trauma culture, all of these things are believable.

So if we can come to this place of saying, “Yes, I can see how this could happen and in fact, I see that it HAS happened.” Now what? What can be done about this. Without doubt, Buddhism has taken firm root in the West. Western Buddhists have had a string plucked that goes right to their core. They are faithful. They have become convinced of the purity, goodness and benefit of the Buddhist teachings.They want to pursue this path for their own benefit and the benefit of countless suffering beings.

As faith-full Buddhists, how do we now approach this crisis in our relationship with Buddhism? How do we navigate through this? It won’t work to turn a blind eye to the human corruption. 

What I propose is that we use the power of Buddhism and the wisdom of Western trauma healing and non-violent communication to walk, step by step, through cleaning and healing the human corruption. Buddhism offers many skillful means – many ways to work with our minds skilfully. That can be the engine that propels a sane way forward.

Trungpa Rinpoche taught about the wisdom of many traditions. I never understood him to suggest that Shambhala had the only access to wisdom. What I heard him say is that there is wisdom in many human traditions, and I would suggest that now is the time to bring together the wisdom from Buddhism with the wisdom of other human traditions, such as trauma healing and non-violent communication.

In my view, by bringing these different strands of wisdom together in service of resolving the sexual and other violence in Buddhist communities, we are going to more firmly root Buddhism in the West with a clear view of longevity for these precious teachings. This also opens the possibility of Buddhist communities providing leadership for other communities in the world who are grappling with issues of sexual violence. 

In my own healing journey, I have always accessed my Buddhist practices as a support for my healing work. I saw that I healed much more quickly than other women in the therapy groups I attended. It is without doubt because I had access to the tools from my Buddhist upbringing.

Now, on both the individual and community levels, we can access the wisdom support of our Buddhist practices as we take one step after another in dealing with sorting out this heartbreaking mess we have created. What I am saying is that this is possible. We have access to both the Buddhist and Western wisdom tools. Now, it is a matter of taking the steps.

I have prepared a plan for developing a Buddhist community sexualized violence toolkit. Please support the Project Sunshine Phase 2 independent healing initiative going forward. Over the past few days there has been a rising trend of support. We not only need to keep that going, we need to further magnify it to reach our fundraising goal of $55,100 – the amount needed to create and distribute the toolkit worldwide to Buddhist communities. Our fundraising campaign closes April 30th.

Please open your heart and take a chance. This is something for all of us, and can extend beyond Buddhist communities. Please help this happen by donating today and sharing about this with your community of contacts.

Here is the link to donate: Project Sunshine Phase 2 GoFundMe

Here is a link to all information and resources regarding the abuse in Shambhala

A message from Karmê Chöling


“Thank you Andrea! I’m so grateful for all you are doing, it’s amazing. I stand behind you. I want you to know I live at Karme Choling and yesterday we had a community meeting about Project Sunshine and the Kalapa Council’s response. I voiced my strong opinion about how important it is that you, who has so bravely raised shambhala’s collective awareness, be included in this ongoing discussion. Pretty much everybody at the meeting agreed with me. I wanted you to know that, as sometimes the opinions and voices of the Shambhala hierarchy are not congruent with and reflective of the community’s perspective.”

~ Leah
As a community we are going through a process of waking up. It’s important to wake up because for the true Dharma to be practiced and lived in this community, we must take steps to move into integrity.

Waking up is not easy for some of us. It could be attractive to stay in a dream land, where there are no problems, no big challenges, all the teachers we love are rosy good people, and we simply live in kindness. I agree – this is a really nice picture, and who wouldn’t want to live like that?

Well, the people who don’t want to live like that are the ones who have chosen to open their eyes and look into why good people have been leaving the community. Why the drunkenness and sexual misconduct of some key teachers is secreted away. Why some people teaching about enlightened society are doing things that are clearly adharmic.

The people who want to wake up and deal with this are the ones who know they are going to feel better in a healthy community, and that their spiritual development will flourish in an open and transparent community where sexual harm is no longer tolerated.

More and more people are wanting to wake up. They like the vibe of Project Sunshine. They realize that a crack has happened in the dark encrusted structure that has been clamping down the life of Shambhala members past and present. There is now space to speak truth, and Project Sunshine has put forth a vision for cleaning up and healing this community.

I am glad to receive messages like Leah’s; she gave me permission to share it here. It is important for me to know that my efforts are reaching people, and that people do want to move forward in restoring integrity in our community. And for those who are just learning about the community abuse and the role Project Sunshine is playing in creating a path for healing and integrity, it’s important for you to know that there are people across the globe, like Leah, who are standing and saying Yes to this change.

Let us have authentic courage. Please do choose to be awake. It is so much better in the real world, with eyes wide open. You can feel your heart. You can take full breaths into your lungs. This is how we can see the true beauty of the world, and we can contribute to enriching that beauty.

There are only days left for the Project Sunshine Phase 2 fundraising campaign. Please give generously so we can make this healing a reality. And please, please share this with the people in your local community. We have no way to get in touch with community members, so it is only happening through word of mouth. Please do share.

With heart thanks,



Contribute to our fundraising campaign here: Project Sunshine Phase 2

Learn more and join our email list here: Project Sunshine Welcome Page

How did Project Sunshine come to have a patron saint, St. Joseph?

People continue to say to me how stunned they are that I could have accomplished so much for the Shambhala community in such a short time. They are startled by my bravery and perseverance in the face of all the resistance from Shambhala International and the decades of covering up that has happened around the violence within our community.

I can assure you that I am quite human, and this has been the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. I’m sure, too, it will come as no surprise that one person could not accomplish all of this. I have received a lot of help, from people like Judy Lief, Grace Brubaker and Karlene Moore, and also there has been inconceivable spiritual help. I would like to acknowledge one large area of that spiritual help today, in the form of St. Joseph, the father of Jesus.

I was ruthlessly driven out of Shambhala by the Toronto Shambhala leadership – by my friends and meditation instructor. It feels funny to write that, but it seems the time has passed to cover these things up with niceties. There has been a surprising amount of emotional/relational sickness in many Shambhala leaders for a long time.

In the Project Sunshine Phase 1 report, Judy Lief wrote, “Although I myself have not been abused, in my various roles, I have been repeatedly frustrated by the lack of response and even understanding of this problem from the leadership. As you say, it is a deeply entrenched pattern of power, chauvinism, and denial that mirrors the patterns of the larger society… At the institutional level, we are a culture (Shambhala), within a culture (Buddhism), within a culture (USA), within a culture (Tibet), all very patriarchal. ” Judy points to patriarchy, an unhealthy masculine-oriented dominance, as a source of this dsyfunction in Shambhala leadership.

Since I have done years of my own healing, followed by years of study and practice as a therapist and healer, I like to bring these discussions out of concepts in our head and into relatable embodied feelings – things we can explore and eventually come to know in our gut, or perhaps in the center of our chest, in our heart center. So what I am going to share today is from that place, and I hope it will speak to that place in your own chest.

I was alone for years after the Toronto Shambhala leadership forced me out of the community. After a time of grieving, I went in search of other community and visited many Buddhist centers in Toronto – Toronto is rich in Tibetan Buddhism. However, nothing stuck – I really didn’t feel a sense of connection with them. So I continued my Buddhist practice at home on my own, year after year after year. I was alone and miserable, and this is just how it was for a very long time.

Within that extended darkness, there was room for something magical to happen. I had a Christian awakening in late 2010. Believe me, it did not come easily! I was brought up in the Shambhala community in Boulder in the 70’s and 80’s, and I grew up in a fairly anti-Christian environment. My parents were definitely down on Christianity. Trungpa Rinpoche said various negative things about Christians, which seemed to aim at their being too focused on suffering. I was resentful about having to say the pledge of allegiance every weekday morning at school, with my hand over my heart, saying “one nation under God…”. I was equally resentful about the assumption every Christmas for the month of December that everyone was Christian. Basically, I grew up with a big chip on my shoulder about Christianity.

So when this Christian awakening happened, it was gut wrenching. However, I was touched by Christ, and I received healing for a great emotional/relational wound in me, much of it originating from what happened in the Shambhala community. In good conscience, I could not deny this healing from Christ. Every time I started to doubt my connection with Christianity, I remembered this undeniable healing I had received from Christ.

I first started going to a church in lent 2011. I heard, week by week, the story of Jesus and his persecution. I didn’t know the story previously because I’d always pushed Christianity away. In hearing the story, I was touched because it resonated strongly with what I had been through with the Toronto Shambhala leadership. It was step by step, heart breaking, and ultimately my ability to be part of formal Shambhala ended. Although I didn’t have the resurrection experience, I sure could relate with all that led up to his death. I cried and cried and cried. I cried for the first time in many years. It was a cleansing of my spirit and my heart, and it was healing.

I eventually found myself drawn to Catholicism, perhaps because the structure and ritual most resembled what I’m used to in Tibetan Buddhism. In any case, I was baptized a Roman Catholic in 2013. The week after being baptized, I began singing in the choir, and since that time, I have rarely attended a mass without being in the choir. The choir of angels, in my mind, is the best place to be! And to my surprise, every choir I have been part of has embraced me as a valued choir member, even though I am clearly more Buddhist than Christian. My relationship with Christian communities has been very blessed.

Fast forward to late February 2017. I had this idea for Project Sunshine to address the long term problem of sexualized violence in the Shambhala Buddhist community. Most people think of Buddhists as calm and kind. Heck, we like to think of ourselves that way! The truth is, we are still human. And unfortunately there has been a significant problem of sexual violence in the Shambhala community since the beginning of the community in the 1970’s. I grew up in this community, and I was sexually abused as a child, as were almost all the children in my age group.

This was a heavy burden on my heart my whole life, and I decided last year to do something about it. Hence, Project Sunshine.

The weekend before I was going to launch the project, I was VERY afraid!

What I can only describe as the Holy Spirit prompted me to reach out to Fr. Peter Turrone, the paster at the Newman Center in Toronto. This is the parish where I sang in the choir every Sunday. I asked Fr. Peter if he would anoint me with holy oil for launching Project Sunshine. He explained to me that the sacramental oil can only be used in the sacraments. However, he said he had oils of St. Joseph, and he could anoint me with those. I readily accepted. Half way through the initial year of the project, I asked to be anointed again, and Fr. Peter blessed me with the oils again.

When I was moving away from Toronto last November, Fr. Peter surprised me after mass one day saying that he had picked up a bottle of the oils and was sending me to Halifax with them. He taught me how to give the blessing of the oils of St. Joseph to others, and he also said I could continue blessing myself with them. In this way St. Joseph has become a patron saint for Project Sunshine.

The idea of Shambhala leadership providing a good source of father energy, as being something reliable and guiding me in how to be in the world, had long ago crumbled and died. I had to move on without the strong, steady, wise male support I had hoped for and needed, as I grew up. And in fact, Shambhala leadership had become a harmful influence. After all these years, honestly, deciding to deal with such rampant and embedded corruption in the Shambhala faith community has felt like an impossible task.

However, with the support and blessing of a pure and strong father figure in St. Joseph, magical things have happened – both within me, and in the connections I have made with people.

Perhaps the most striking support I feel I’ve received from St. Joseph is a capacity that is beyond the “human me” to keep going, keep reaching out, courageously meet with top Shambhala leaders and insist on their awakening, and then to professionally document everything. When I completed the initial 1-year scope of Project Sunshine, I published a report of my findings. This report prompted the leadership of Shambhala to publicly acknowledge the “abhorrent sexual behavior” by teachers in the community. There have been articles written about this situation since that time, both in blogs and in the general media.

At this point the Shambhala leadership seems to be focusing on managing their image and trying to calm the community, rather than focusing on care and authentic healing – such as exposing the abusers, bringing healing supports to the victims, and helping the community in general to digest what has happened and make responsible, empowered decisions going forward.

I have therefore taken on responsibility for creating an independent initiative, Project Sunshine Phase 2. I’ve prepared a plan of healing for our community. It involves adapting an existing toolkit that was developed by Nova Scotian Mi’qmaq for healing sexualized violence within their communities. The toolkit came highly recommended to me, and in looking at it myself, it looks like a very solid approach for this challenging type of healing.

It seems unusual for one person to conceive of a plan for moving forward for a large worldwide community. The reason this is being done in such a solid way is because it is not just one person. There is a lot of spiritual support from St. Joseph, and other Buddhist spiritual energies. And also, a growing number of responsible and caring citizens are gathering to support this initiative moving forward.

A group of us are currently raising funds for Project Sunshine Phase 2, to adapt the Mi’qmaq toolkit (1) for Buddhist communities and (2) to be used on a global scale. To move this healing initiative forward, we need to raise $55,100.

We received a $600 donation from Ari Goldfield yesterday, with the comment, “We very much support your efforts.” People have been contacting me saying what a respectable and good Buddhist teacher Ari is. Although I suspect Ari has no direct connection with St. Joseph, I experience Ari’s support to be energetically aligned with the positive “enlightened” male energy that is now needed for true healing to happen in Shambhala, and other Buddhist communities, suffering from the impact of sexualized violence.

Healing is possible, even for something as big as what we are facing here. Trungpa Rinpoche taught about how we can take practical steps to clean up any situation, like putting soiled clothes through a washing machine – they can be restored to their clean state.

Project Sunshine is about taking that same approach, with the level of skill, bravery and care demanded for authentic community spiritual/emotional/relational healing for such a serious wound. Please be part of this by connecting, educating yourself, talking with others, sharing on social media and contributing financially to whatever extent you are able to the Project Sunshine fundraising campaign. Even a $5 donation moves us forward, and is a precious contribution to this healing vision.


Here are the two most important ways you can connect:

Sign up for our email list

Please support this healing initiative and donate to Project Sunshine Phase 2



Project Sunshine is announcing a new initiative today: #ShambhalaMeToo. We want to empower you to share your stories of how MeToo in our community is impacting you, and what your dreams for a positive resolution look like. Now is the time to dream out-of-the-box and envision the kind of Shambhala community you long for, free from abuse and control, and authentically enriching your ability to pursue your spirituality. Use the #ShambhalaMeToo hashtag to join our wave of truth-telling, positive healing and good will!


Since the release of the Project Sunshine Phase 1 report, I’ve received an overwhelming number of emails and Facebook messages. Clearly the time has come for acknowledging that something disturbingly wrong has been happening in our community.

It feels important to start sharing some of the powerful messages I’ve been receiving from people  touched by the work of Project Sunshine. Margot gave permission to share her email:

“I too am grateful for your work, Andrea.  And when you say [Project Sunshine Phase 2] may be of use to other Buddhist communities, please think bigger.  I think this approach would greatly have benefitted the larger #MeToo movement, which degenerated into some place that I wished it hadn’t gone.  Your bright kindness is extraordinary.

At the same time… it’s time women received the respect we’ve been denied for thousands of years.  The time is now.

Yours in this struggle,


There are threads in this short message that I am sure will resonate with many. I love how Margot is encouraging me/us to think bigger. In fact, in February I began speaking in zoom meetings with the Shambhala leadership – Adam Lobel, Jane Arthur, Wendy Friedman and Aarti Tejuja – about my vision for Shambhala working through our #MeToo situation drawing upon the strengths of our Shambhala tradition, and that in fact, we can provide leadership for the world in how to heal sexualized violence. 

I know this is possible. But don’t underestimate what it will take to accomplish this! It will take courage, skill, and deepening our compassion beyond what we think we are capable of. And honestly, just as Margot said, we must shift into a greater honour of women, and the feminine within all of us.

The good news from all the discussion is that people care, and that now the resource is available to heal this situation: I have created a plan for an independent healing initiative for the Shambhala community. This approach can also be used by other Buddhist communities affected by sexualized violence. See the Project Sunshine Phase 2 Plan for details.

The time has come for us to take personal responsibility for carrying forward the precious Shambhala lineage, and the most precious lineages of Tibetan Buddhism. You can help make this vision a reality by contributing money and also talking with others about this. True healing and change are happening one conversation at a time. Please participate with your full heart!

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them at the bottom of this page, or contact us directly at Also, check out our Frequently Asked Questions page.

You can see everything related to Shambhala and the sexual violence situation on our welcome and information page.

How do we trust, in this time of the abuse coming out?

I have been asked to be not only a truth teller, but also a comforter in this time of change within our community. My words today come from a place of comforting.

People are struggling with many things right now, and one of the key things is Trust. When someone alleges your guru has sexually assaulted and abused women, it’s mind blowing! How on earth do you deal with something so profoundly shaking?

On the one hand, you may have had an authentic spiritual connection with your guru. This has been a foundational relationship for months, years, and for some, decades. It is the most intimate of relationships, within the tender space of your connection with spirituality, higher values, and your path as a bodhisattva.

And now this same person is being revealed as someone who has done things that you know are adharmic – things like abusing women, abusing animals, and doing very serious mind-altering drugs.

To complicate things, many of us have taken samaya vows. Prevelant interpretations of samaya say you should see your guru as a living Buddha, and never criticize anything he says or does. People also fear speaking ill of their guru to others, thinking that this will harm others’ path, and possibly cause them to break their samaya.

Most people want to be good people, and follow the rules. We are taught that samaya is the most important rule. We are taught that terrible things will happen if we break samaya, such as going to Vajra Hell. To put it lightly, the fear of God has been put into us around samaya, and I don’t think this has created a space where sanghas can sort out the things that need to be sorted out in situations where a guru has gone off the rails and committed atrocities that are clearly adharmic.

Many people are finding it hard to feel solid ground under their feet. They don’t know who or what to trust. Some people are so overwhelmed by all of this that they have gone into a place of denial.

For instance, I was listening to a talk given recently by the Kasung in Halifax on rape culture. The expert who was giving the talk referred to the recent revelation of mass abuse in the community as a “kerfuffle”. She clearly has not been able to take in the magnitude of what is happening and is not able to serve as a teacher or leader at this time.

Other people have reverted to a place of blind devotion to their guru. No matter what he has done, they completely rely on their guru. Or along the way they made an oath of loyalty to regard every member of the guru’s family as the guru himself, which then extends the blind faith to everyone in the guru’s family. No matter what any of the members of the guru’s family do, it’s all okay with this loyal student.

When people sink back into these places of blind faith, I can see that they see no option for including their own common sense, their own sense of human decency, their compassion for those who have been harmed, and for those who continue to be harmed by the guru, the guru’s family, and other representatives of the Shambhala leadership.

Trust is not an all or nothing thing. It is not about finding the “trustworthy” people and the “untrustworthy” people. I’d like to propose a different way of looking at things: Look at a person and work to discern what you can trust in them.

For instance, if I have a friend who always shows up for lunch dates 45 minutes to an hour late, this does not mean the friend is untrustworthy. Rather, I can trust that she will be 45 minutes to an hour late when we set up a lunch date.

So with your guru, ideally you will have a calm enough space to begin to discern what has been helpful in his behaviours and what has been harmful, and start to see what you can trust him to do. If he typically glosses over important situations without caring about the impact on the community, then this may well be something you can trust him to do. Ideally you want to have enough clear cognitive space so you can discern what works for you and what doesn’t, what supports your having a vibrant spiritual life and what shuts you down. Then you take personal responsibility for identifying what you need to do to create a solid foundation for your spiritual life.

Many people are not finding the safety needed at their local Shambhala center gatherings to honestly sort out for themselves what is good for their spiritual life and what is undermining their spiritual life. Furthermore, they are not getting the support they need to define a life affirming connection with their own spirituality through a clear and present discernment.

This is why Project Sunshine Phase 2 has been envisioned – to create the kind of space where people can feel safe and supported to be able to sort out their personal connection with the Shambhala teachings, lineage and community.

If you would like to learn more about Project Sunshine’s efforts to bring community healing, you are welcome to sign up for our email list. Join the Project Sunshine email list

See all the information related to abuse in Shambhala on our Main Information Page

What You May Not Know

Critical information that the Shambhala community needs to know 

I am proud that Project Sunshine pushed Shambhala International to publicly acknowledge the abuse problem in our community. They worked hard to compose a public statement to release days before the publication of the Project Sunshine report, and that is a very positive thing. I am grateful for their taking responsibility for acknowledging this to and for the community. However, since that initial announcement they seem to be backing into their usual way of doing business that is based on maintaining their public image, secrecy, and ultimately re-traumatizing those who have been victimized by abuse.

The most frequent question people have been asking me is why I did Project Sunshine. After I went through growing up in this community and being sexually abused by multiple men, I felt awful on a very deep level. Don’t get me wrong. In so many ways I have created a good life for myself. But there has been a deep sick feeling inside of me for all these decades.

Shambhala looked wonderful on the outside, and there is no doubt in my mind about the spiritual blessings in these practices. At the same time there has been this incomprehensible sickness.

I finally asked myself, do I really want to live this way any more? If this is what death feels like, I’m going to take one more stab at it and try to bring some sanity into this insane situation.

My doing Project Sunshine has been about my not wanting to live like this any more. What is happening in Shambhala is wrong. I hid for all these years because of the backlash for speaking up. What I have done with Project Sunshine was based on my principles as a human being. Activity like this in our modern world is very rare. I want to inspire others into living with this integrity.

I want to work on this issue for my own healing, but also to help others – other people who were abused in the past, and also preventing more harm to people in the future, ideally preventing abuse entirely, but also making it safe to report abuse or harassing behaviors… so that future reporters are not shamed, blamed, and ostracized.

This is a very powerful vision and one that Shambhala is not addressing or making clear statements about… but it’s a goal that is clearly a part of enlightened society.

I have felt concerned this week about the communications from Shambhala International. It felt important to address it, because I believe most community members don’t know important information in order to be able to understand what is happening with the leadership.


March 19th communications from the Kalapa Council of Shambhala: “Shambhala Initiatives to Address Misconduct and Harm”, and “Overview: Shambhala Harm Prevention”

Quotes from the Council’s communication:

  • “created a webpage which provides detailed information… which can be accessed by all Shambhala members” “If you are a former member of Shambhala without member access…”
  • “Creating safe spaces to listen to those who have experienced harm and have not felt heard by Shambhala leadership in the past.”

As we know from numerous sources, many abuse survivors have been forced out of the Shambhala community and are no longer members. This has been convenient because it allows the Shambhala community to be a calm place without the troubling presence of abuse survivors.

The council has set up community discussion in private, member’s only spaces. This continues the age old pattern of exclusion of survivors from the discussion and will assure a calmer discussion that will be easier for Shambhala International to control. They have offered to email information about their plan to former members, but they extend no invitation to survivors like myself to participate in the discussion. I know, because I emailed and asked for the information.

To be honest, it is a slap in the face for abuse survivors to be excluded in this way. This communication has been received with anger and hurt by the abuse survivors I have spoken with this week. Why is it restricted to current members? They could easily create an open forum.

The Council’s suggestion of “creating safe spaces” comes on the heels of decades of creating re-traumatizing spaces through the Care and Conduct Policy. This communication does nothing to acknowledge the break down in trust due to this policy and to the active silencing of survivors by Shambhala leaders. It is insulting for them to suggest that survivors simply did not feel heard. The truth is that survivors have knocked loudly on the doors of leadership, right to the top, and they were actively silenced or ignored. These statements of “good faith” and concern are empty words.

  • “new effort to address issues of past harm in our community, and to refine and bolster existing policies and procedures to create safer environments for our members…”
  • “Creating new sexual misconduct strategies, policies, and procedures based on these conversations, input from the community, and guidance from third party organizations. We are in active conversation with an established organization, An Olive Branch, about taking on such a role.”
  • “create a Sexual Misconduct Policy and Procedure as an addendum to the current Care and Conduct Policy”
  • “The new policy and procedure will incorporate: (1) Feedback and suggestions from those who have reported sexual misconduct, (2) Aspects of the current care and conduct procedure; and (3) Suggestions from ‘Preventing and Responding to Sexual Misconduct and Harm: Draft Policy’”
  • The Committee will work to balance confidentiality of the matter with protecting the safety and well-being of all members.”

The Council is stating clearly that the Care and Conduct Policy will remain as the foundation for addressing sexual violence in the Shambhala community. They are planning on creating a new policy on sexual misconduct as an “addendum” to the existing policy.

They have already excluded the many abuse survivors who have been forced out of the community, so I wonder who they plan to get feedback and suggestions from. One of the problems with the Care and Conduct policy that has already been identified is how it protects the abuser’s confidentiality. It is clear that this continues to be a mandate of the Shambhala leadership even as they make changes and addendum to the policy as they state their intention to continue to “balance” the confidentiality of abusers with the safety and well-being of members.

In the absence of facing the overhaul that is needed, the Council is building on the corrupt foundation of in-house justice that has been hiding the abuse in this community for decades. They are suggesting further restorative justice approaches to keep justice in-house. This is in spite of abuse survivors forcefully calling for avenues of justice outside of an in-house system.

  • “We want to honour the many people who have been raising our collective consciousness around these issues for some time… We need to work together. If you have skills to offer or a desire to help, we encourage you to visit the website…”

I personally was shocked by the level of deception in this statement. I spent hours building relationships and working with Ministers Adam Lobel and Jane Arthur between September 2017 and February 2018. They expressed gratitude for Project Sunshine; I have emails showing how grateful they were for my work and acknowledged it was needed.

I sent them advance drafts of my report so they could stand on solid ground in their leadership of this community through the opening of our big can of worms about abuse. I have worked very hard to work *with* the Shambhala leadership each step of the way.

Instead of working collaboratively with me, they cut me off completely after I published the report. I emailed both Ministers on February 28th asking if they would collaborate with me on creating a healing path for the community. It has been nearly a month and they have not responded to that email. I sent another email the next day on behalf of community members who wanted the Project Sunshine report to be delivered to members through the Shambhala email list. They never responded to that email either. In the press Shambhala International has actively distanced themselves from Project Sunshine.

Their statements sound very open and welcoming, however, they restrict access to their members only forum. Far from honouring those who have been raising awareness, they have actively tried to suppress my efforts to help this community as well as the efforts of other survivors. I wish what they said was true, but they do not wish to work together.

I suspect the mandate of openness and true healing in Project Sunshine is not a fit for where the Shambhala leadership is currently focused – I believe it is more on public relations and protecting the stability of their leadership.

  • “community gatherings… where we can discuss our history in an open way. Students who experienced these eras will be able to share, and those who have questions or want to demystify past eras can inquire freely”

I have noticed in my conversations with Minister Lobel and in the Shambhala members Facebook forum that there is an effort to “contextualize” the sexual harm. He and others have suggested that the ‘70s and ‘80s were a time of new found sexual freedom and that somehow that makes the child abuse understandable.

What I have seen again and again in this community is an “open mindedness” that makes people feel they are above the law – that they can break the law because we are such a spiritually advanced community. That thinking is dangerous.


Hearing the voice of a survivor

Last night I was speaking with a deeply caring and wise woman teacher who I met through the Shambhala community. She is one of the many women who was deeply abused in this community and had to leave. With her permission, I am sharing some of what she said in response to the Shambhala International communications this past week.

“Shambhala International is so patronizing, patriarchal, top down, and out of touch with how to do these things.

The Sakyong’s letter is a total gloss over.  It really made me mad, especially when he talks about kindness and communication.  It is so duplicitous.  Most people don’t know about his total failure to engage, communicate, respond, support, not to mention his own inappropriate behaviours even recently.  They think that’s all in the past.  He and Shambhala are covering everything over with a thin layer of ‘niceness.’  It’s not fair for people not to know the truth.

Community members are fearful. Shambhala International is covering it all over. And I’m afraid that community members are compartmentalizing what they are hearing to make it ok. I did that for years before I left the community. It’s just so painful.

It’s like leaving an abusive relationship, where you don’t want to leave, don’t want to give up on it. A spiritual path is so deep, and when you don’t see an alternative, it’s easier to let the leaders whitewash it.

I like how you distinguish between Shambhala and Shambhala International. Because we all know there is something healthy in Shambhala – the teachings and the local communities.

People are afraid of breaking samaya, that they would be disloyal to the teachings. It’s not the teachings that are a problem. The teachings are indestructible. It’s the organization. It’s a worldly, ‘relative’ organization, so of course there are problems. The problem is not the problems. The problem is how they are being related to. That is a huge problem.

I’m afraid people will feel they are being disloyal. Because we know that people are basically good, that the teachings are good. The corruption that has happened is hard to believe, so we almost naturally default to denial.

There is so much love and loyalty in us for Shambhala. The crux is we have to separate the basic goodness from the behaviour. It’s like having a bad husband. He’s not evil. He is a wounded person who is not able to become self aware and do anything about it.  That doesn’t make it okay, or make our inaction okay.

Shambhala is a tribe. It’s so deep – this spiritual path. We’ve been in it so many years. It is so hard for people to untwine themselves, to disentangle the harm from the beauty of the whole thing.”

I feel she downloaded a message of truth for all of us last night. I understand that this is a lot to take in. And there is going to be a period of things feeling uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelming. But there is a way through this to the other side, where we have personally and collectively disentangled the human corruption from the dignity and goodness of the Shambhala teachings.


Giving a clear alternative

Project Sunshine Phase 2, a world-wide community healing initiative, launched on March 28. If you would like to receive announcements about this important work, sign up for our email list. or support Phase 2 directly on our Project Sunshine Phase 2 Fundraising Page



Project Sunshine Report:

Project Sunshine Announcements List:

Project Sunshine Phase 2 Fundraising page:

Kalapa Council Letter:

Sakyong Letter:

Nikita and the enduring power of humanity

An elderly man with thin white hair entered the garden. I looked up from my writing at the sound of the oxygen machine hanging in a sling by his side. With the oxygen tube across his face, he smiled gently to me.

He looked strangely familiar. I returned my attention to my writing, and I was aware of his voice in lively conversation with a gardener in the background.

At some point he returned near to me, and I looked at him with curiosity. He walked softly, as if on clouds. Where did I know this man from?

I said, “Hello.” He returned my hello, and bowed deeply in a most relaxed, joyful and serene way.

He was lovingly drinking in the beauty of the garden around us. Probably drinking in the oxygen rich air, among all the plants, too! I could tell this man was filled with uncommon grace.

I said, “You look familiar, but I’m not sure where I would know you from. Did you used to have long hair?”

He replied, “Yes. Do you watch TV? Maybe you know me from a series.”

I said, “No. Well, I used to.”

He said, “Did you watch Nikita?

I exclaimed, “Yes!”

And he said, “I played Walter. I was Nikita’s friend.”


I was overjoyed to hear this! In my 20’s I loved watching Nikita. Nikita was a young woman who got sucked into working for a super-spy agency. Although she was really tough, she was also unconventional. She always had a soft spot that got her into trouble with her bosses. Even in the midst of this ultra-tough work environment and the pressure to be hardened, she clung to her soft spot – her tenderness – her humanity. I really LOVED the Nikita series!

And how special to meet this actor, old, on oxygen, and obviously filled with such grace 25 years later!

I got up off my bench, reached out my hand, and said, “My name is Andrea.”

He said he was pleased to meet me, and his name was Don Francks. He told me to look him up on the internet 🙂 Which I did!

You know, we all go through harsh experiences in life sometimes. We can go along with the harshness, shut down our humanity, and live the rest of our life in the shadows. Or we can be brave, “foolish”, maybe even annoyingly insistent, and cling to our humanity and the warmth of the human heart – NO MATTER WHAT!

If this speaks to you, I would love to hear what touched you, and about your approach to holding onto being human in the midst of the downright harsh things that can happen in life. Share your comments and reflections below!

How to open space in our heart to care for the earth

How can we open the space in our over-burdened, over-worked, and over-scheduled hearts to contemplate the welfare of the earth, and even more ambitiously – how we can give back to the earth?


Last week I wrote about the healing power of laying in grass – a beautiful way to receive healing energy from the earth. This week, let’s look at how we can care for this precious earth!

The earth is worth caring for. I don’t know anyone who would argue against that! But… I know many people who are living their life with the pedal to the metal, and they feel they have too many priorities that outrank caring about the well-being of mother earth. Understanding what is happening with the earth in this age is deep and complex, and can feel overwhelming. For many, this feels like too much to take in.

So how can we open the space in our over-burdened, over-worked, and over-scheduled hearts to contemplate the welfare of the earth, and even more ambitiously – how we can give back to the earth?

I am grateful for meaningful dialog with you. After my grass email last week, I received an email from Paul, a member of this list, that was filled with wisdom and inspiration for how we can care for the earth. It was utterly uplifting!

Paul forwarded to me Drew Dellinger’s beautiful synopsis of the work of Thomas Berry, a man filled with much grace. Berry offers a way for contemporary people to fit love for the earth into our busy lives!

I am passing on Dellinger’s email to you below. I hope you will receive the blessing of Berry’s enlightening approach! You can read the article and leave your comments and reflections on the blog page for this issue.

May this INSPIRE you to love mother earth better!

Thomas Berry 101


In honor of the 101st birthday of ecological and cosmological writer,
thinker, and teacher, Thomas Berry (1914-2009), here’s a brief overview
of some of his ideas. There is much to explore in his works, such as
The Dream of the Earth (1988), The Great Work (1999), or The Sacred
Universe (2009), on Twitter at @EssentialBerry, and on the web at, but here are six insights from Berry to get you
started: Thomas Berry 101, for Tom’s 101st birthday.


For decades Thomas Berry was a tireless teacher and prophetic voice
addressing the ecological crisis, the mass extinction of species, and
the future consequences of our unrelenting and often irreversible
destruction of Earth’s biosphere. The Big News on the planet, as Berry
saw it, was that humans were terminating the Cenozoic Period,
unraveling the last 65 million years of Earth’s evolutionary
flourishing. “We are working with what is perhaps the most precious
reality in the universe–the Earth–and we are spoiling it,” he said.

When Berry spoke about the grandeur of the Earth, and the significance
of what was being lost, you felt it in your soul. At Prescott College
in 1992, he brought listeners to tears as he described the industrial
assault on the planet and nearly whispered in his wavering voice,
“Earth is precious. Species are precious… Reverence will be total or
it will not be at all.”

“The twentieth century has created a serious problem for the
twenty-first century,” Thomas said. “The next ten generations are going
to pay endlessly for what previous generations have done to the water
supply, to the soils, to the seeds that grow the food.”

In Berry’s view, to understand the destruction of the planet, and how
to build a viable future, one had to understand the cultural story of
Western society, and the power of worldview and cosmology.


Tom Berry’s favorite word was cosmology, and he was laser-focused on
the significance of worldview, story, cultural narrative, and religious
orientation in understanding the deep roots of the ecological crisis.
As early as 1978 Berry articulated the eco-social crisis of modern
Western culture by saying, “It’s all a question of story. We are in
trouble just now because we do not have a good story. We are in between
stories. The old story, the account of how the world came to be and how
we fit into it, is no longer effective. Yet we have not learned the new

In Tom’s view, the cosmos story and the Earth story constitute our new
revelation of the divine. “It’s enormously important for us to know the
story of the universe, and it’s the only way in which we’re going to
know who we are.” “To tell the story of anything,” he remarked, “you
have to tell the story of everything.”

For Berry, it was imperative that modern culture reinvent its
cosmology, honor Indigenous wisdom, and ecofeminist wisdom, and
transform the mechanistic, materialistic modern worldview that, with
its anthropocentrism and radical split between humans and nature, is
destroying the garden planet of the known universe.

Twenty-eight years after writing the essay, “The New Story,” when I
interviewed him in 2006, Berry was still grappling with the
significance of cosmology and worldview. “It’s not easy to describe
what cosmology is,” he told me. “It’s neither religion nor is it
science. It’s a mode of knowing.”

“The only thing that will save the twenty-first century is cosmology,”
he said as we had lunch in North Carolina on a December day. “The only
thing that will save anything is cosmology.”


To inhabit Thomas Berry’s cosmological vision is to see the whole
unfolding symphony of species as a unified bio-spiritual expression of
the Earth and universe itself, blossoming into self-awareness and
celebration through manifold forms. When the eyeball evolves, the Earth
is seeing itself. When Jimi Hendrix, Mozart, and Nina Simone reach the
heights of artistic genius, the planet is performing. This is a subtle
but powerful perceptual shift from seeing the ‘parts’ to seeing the
organic wholeness. Every phenomenon on the Earth is a manifestation of
the Earth. The cascading panoply of forms in the universe is a single,
seamless display of cosmic creativity. The Earth flies, swims, and
loves when Earthlings do; the galaxies write sonnets in the hearts of


This cosmological context can renew our sense of the human and our role
in the whole unfolding. Thomas Berry defines the human as, “that being
in whom the universe reflects on and celebrates itself, and its
numinous origin, in a special mode of conscious self-awareness.”

Our job is celebration, not war, consuming, or drudgery, but to
activate the capacities of the creativity-filled universe in human form.


When Thomas Berry spoke at Prescott College in Arizona in 1992, he
challenged universities to overcome the split between the sciences and
the humanities by unifying their curriculum within the overarching
context of the universe story. College “should be a place that
celebrates the universe,” he said, “that celebrates the deep mystery of
things, in a meaningful way.”

Presaging the current interest in “Big History,” Berry stated, “Human
history has to be put into Earth history, has to be put into universe
history, into a cosmology.”

In a 1991 dialogue, published as Befriending the Earth, Berry states,
“What is education? Education is knowing the story of the universe, how
it began, how it came to be as it is, and the human role in the story.
There is nothing else. We need to know the story, the universe story,
in all its resonances, in all its meanings. The universe story is the
divine story, the human story, the story of the trees, the story of the
rivers, of the stars, the planets, everything. It is as simple as a
kindergarten tale, yet as complex as all cosmology and all knowledge
and all history…. It gives a new context for education.”


Thomas Berry often taught that, “Ecology is functioning cosmology.”
Living responsibly in a connected, breathing cosmos requires that we
recognize the sacred rights of every being, and embody reverence and
respect as much as possible in our society. In this way, cosmology
becomes the context and foundation for our work towards ecological
healing and social and economic justice. “Every being has rights,”
Berry taught, because fundamentally, “the universe is a communion of
subjects, not a collection of objects.”

–Drew Dellinger


The healing power of laying in grass

Last week I wrote about the necessity for putting your own oxygen mask on first. In other words, attend to your own basic needs as a basis for helping others.

Over the years I have built in many layers of support for my well-being. One profound layer has been BEAM Therapy (Bio-energetic Emotional Access Method) with the founder of this method, Dr. Joan Beattie – who I affectionately call, Dr. B. She is a wise old woman, rich with knowledge about energy healing.

A couple of months ago Dr. B. was talking to me about the deep healing we can receive from direct contact with the earth. The earth is a natural source of healing energy. This energy grounds us, and cancels out the vibration of stress that we can accumulate, especially if we live in a busy city. She warned that synthetic material, like rubber soled shoes, interrupts this natural healing energy. So it is important to have direct contact, or with a natural substance in between like cotton or brick.

This earth connection practice quickly found its way into my daily routine. I begin every morning going down to the strip of grass in my co-op building’s courtyard. I lay out a 100% cotton towel, so I don’t get wet, and I do a nice full set of morning stretches. Then I lay down and bring the soles of my feet together in a diamond yoga pose. Laying there on the grass, I give myself a nice face, neck, shoulder and chest massage. (This is so wonderful!). And I complete with a loooong full body stretch from my finger tips right down to my toes.

After fully stretching, I stand up on my towel and do this sacred shamanic practice to set my intention to walk in beauty for the day:

May I walk in beauty

With beauty before me, may I walk

With beauty behind me, may I walk

With beauty above me, may I walk

With beauty below me, may I walk

With beauty all around me, may I walk

On a path of peace, may I walk

May I walk in beauty

For all my relations.

What do you do to connect with the earth? How do you feel when you do it? Let’s inspire each other to find new ways to connect with the sacred healing energy of the earth. I’d love to hear about your experiences  – you can post them below.

Put your own oxygen mask on first

There is fundamental wisdom in the Buddhist approach: Get yourself in a better place first. Then help others.

We see this wisdom reflected in the emergency instructions on an airplane. The flight attendant says, “In case of the loss of cabin pressure, put your own oxygen mask on first, before your child’s.”

Why do they instruct the mother to put her own oxygen mask on first? Are we not socialized to care for others first? Is it not selfish to put our own mask on first? Is it not more noble to put our child’s make on first? Wouldn’t it look bad to put our own mask on first? Wouldn’t we be an awful person if we did that?

These are the ways that we beat ourselves up and coerce ourselves to neglect our own basic care.

The simple, nuts-and-bolts truth is that if we fiddle with our child’s mask first, we may pass out before we get it properly fitted on her face. We could definitely pass out before we get our own mask on, and our child will  likely not be able to put our mask on for us while we’re passed out!

So it makes sense. Put your own mask on first. Oxygenate your system. Then attend to others.

The oxygen mask analogy is pertinent for the people of modern society. We keep ourselves so busy and spread ourselves so thin, that we starve the air of our spirit. At some point we feel like we are running on empty, and because of our socialization to put others first, we over extend ourselves.

It is not healthy for us. It is not healthy for others.

I encourage you to look at how you can begin to shift your own life this week. Take care of your basic needs. Get yourself into a better place, and then the next week you will have more to give to others.

May this INSPIRE you!



Loving Kindness and the Power of Going Slowly

It is a powerful decision when we choose to love ourself

Loving Kindness…

One thing we lack in Western culture is valuing loving ourself. In fact, in many ways we are taught that we are being selfish or self-centered if we take care of ourselves.

This has led to a culture of people who feel stretched, pressured, run down, and stressed. Many people turn to outside sources of comfort, such as over eating, drinking alcohol, smoking, and watching too much TV. We are trying to feed a basic human need for love, warmth and kindness with these external “comforts”, but they don’t meet the underlying need for self-connection, self-commitment, and basic kindness towards ourself.

It is a powerful decision when we choose to love ourself. It is about changing our allegiance, and that change will have a rippling effect through all areas of our life – our relationships at home and at work, our health, and our financial stability.

Loving ourself is not about being selfish. It is about caring for home base so that we can be more generous with others – more loving and more giving towards others.

Thrangu Rinpoche said, ‘Go slowly’

Every once in a while Life sneaks up behind us and gives us a mind blowing gift. I received just such a gift in mid-September when I found myself in a personal interview with Thrangu Rinpoche, one of the last living Tibetan Buddhist masters originally from Tibet. The only way I can describe the experience is it was like getting to talk 1-on-1 with Yoda.

I ask Rinpoche how I can explore the gifts within me to be able to bring them out to help people. He said, “Sorry. Have to go to the washroom.”

No problem. I waited, and he returned.

I asked him again, and he said, “Sorry, I can’t help you.”

I asked him, “Do you know someone who can help me?”

He said, “Sorry, no.”

Then… when my mind was ripe and ready to receive… he gave me my answer. He said, “Go slowly”

Since that meeting I have been reorganizing my life to slow down.

One thing I’d like you to know is that I have decided to slow down with my programming. I’ve decided  to space things out more, and give it all more time. The Meditation & Loving Kindness Challenge is starting November 1st, and I’m pushing out the LOVE Breakthrough Program to February 2016.

This will be healthier for me, and I hope it will be healthier for you too. I welcome your feedback below!


Is something feeling out of sync?



Many of us are going through life with a distant awareness that something feels out of sync. It’s important to recognize this feeling is about something important that needs to be acknowledged and processed.

The longer we sit on it, the harder it is to access, and the more likely it is that we will be forced to acknowledge it as it makes itself known to us in ways we can’t predict. Rather than waiting for this to happen, we can empower ourselves by identifying the source of the uneasiness and resolving to attend lovingly to it.

The very thought of this brings up feelings of resistance in most of us, especially if, on the surface, our lives seem to be in order. Its difficult to face the feeling and go into it unless we are being seriously inconvenienced by the pain of it. The thing is, when we are carrying the burden of unacknowledged energy-messages coming from deep within, sooner or later, it will inconvenience us.

If we can be brave and proactive, we can save ourselves a lot of future suffering and free up the energy that is tied up in keeping the uneasiness down.

There are many ways to do this, but the first step is to recognize the energy-message and honour it by moving our awareness into it. In this process, even if its just five minutes during meditation, we will begin to have a sense of what the energy-message is about. It might be frustration in a relationship, or feeling unfulfilled at work, or some gift within us that is longing to be expressed in the world. 

As we sit with the energy-message, we will also have a sense of whether we can deal with it by ourselves, or not. It may be time to work with a coach or invest in a personal development course. Whatever path you choose, resolve to honour the energy-message, so that you can release it fully, and set yourself free to create a life based in love and joy.

Remember, it is never too late in life to learn to listen to the messages coming from within yourself, and there is never a better time than now. I welcome your comments below!


Get support for listening deep within

Click here to Learn how I support you listening deeply


We are loving at heart


We are loving people at heart. It can be easy in our consumer-oriented, advertising-filled, and entertainment-focused society to lose connection with how love is at the root of our being.

How can we stay connected and rooted with our true nature?

One key is to have some quiet time alone every day. Carving out that time to connect with yourself is essential for your heart to breathe… to know yourself… to remember who you really are.

This quiet time can look like 10 minutes of meditation or sneaking out at lunch to do some journalling under a tree.

Get creative!

The key is to show your commitment to your relationship with yourself – your primary relationship. It is from your self-relationship that all other relationships are created. So take care of the primary one well!

Taking good care of yourself is the foundation for everything else happening in your life. I’d love to hear what you have to say about this important topic! There is space for your comments below.

Give yourself the gift of peace

Develop authentic peace in your heart through meditation

Learn about The Easy 7-Day Kick Start Your Meditation Program


How to deal better in conflicts



When you are at your wit’s end and ready to throw in the towel in a conflict, how can you deal with it constructively?

We have been exploring the Heart Chakra, the source and home for the energy of Love. Probably the most common reason our heart shuts down is from getting hurt. We could have a raging fight with someone, or cold distance can creep into a relationship draining the life. Both result in shutting down and losing the feeling of Love.

Today I’d like for us to have a discussion specifically around what we can do when we are in the midst of a conflict and are so hopeless and frustrated that we are ready to walk away from the relationship.

I recently took my first Non-violent Communication Course with a teacher out in Berkley, California, Marina Smirling. I put this very question to her, “What can we do in moments of wanting to throw in the towel?” Her response was imbued with a wisdom that can open the door to a whole new way of living intimacy. I have simplified her process even further so that it is clear and doable in three steps:

First, acknowledge, “Oh my God! Whoa am I triggered!”

Next, have mercy for your humanity in this difficult situation. Physically put your hand on your heart and say the word, “mercy.”

Finally, figure out a time in your schedule when you can quietly sit down with yourself and proactively attend to the needs of the situation.

This simple method can be done in 60 seconds. It is a way of moving out of the space of reactivity so that we are not doing harm either to ourselves or the other person. And it creates an appointment in the near future where we can approach the situation from a place of spaciousness and clarity – an authentic space of inquiry.

If you have a habit of getting so angry that you blow a fuse, this simple practice will be a life changer for you. You will develop the ability to deal far better with conflict, which strengthens your trust in yourself, and others will come to trust you more too! It will open the flow of Love, both for yourself and with the people you care about.

If this touches you, please share your thoughts, reflections and questions in this discussion space below. Let’s dig into this together!

How can we live with more Love?


If we want to live with more love, we need to look at the foundational importance of self-care – caring for ourselves – so that our cup is full and overflowing.

I think we have all had the experience of running on an empty emotional tank. And like heroes we over-extend ourselves to take care of others.

It is utterly draining! It can cause serious physical disease, depression and anxiety. And, unfortunately, this is all too common an experience in today’s society.

Let’s understand the nature of the beast and what we can do to fill our cup with joy and love.


Historical role of women

It is worth looking at the socialization we inherited as women. Sensitive, caring men will also relate with this experience.

Women have been socialized to care for others, putting the needs of others first. We were told we are “bad” or “wrong” to take care of ourselves – it’s “selfish”!

We internalize these negative messages and live them out in our daily decisions. In this way we create a life structured around denying our needs.

This leads to situations of running on empty – our tank is empty, and yet we keep giving to others. It saps our life force.


What is the cost of sacrificing your self-care?

It can be a healthy step to acknowledge the cost of ignoring your needs. If you feel motivated to engage your own process of healing here today, there is a space below where you can share your answers to these questions.

What is the cost of sacrificing your self-care…

To your health?

To your relationships?

To your work and your financial well-being?

Most tragically, living life from a depleted state sabotages our ability to fulfill our life purpose. We literally don’t have the energy or mind space to attend to what is truly important.

No wonder people get sick and depressed!


Contrast – Empty vs Full

It literally feels good to take care of yourself. You feel worthwhile – worthy of care. You feel attended to, rather than giving up and letting the things that are important to you slide off your own plate.

When you take care of your well-being, then you have a rich reservoir from which to give to others. When you live with a full tank, you are empowered to know your personal truth – your life mission – and to live life with vibrant, healthy gusto!


Begin living with a full tank

Today’s post is about empowering you with awareness to help shift into more authentic care for yourself. I want to inspire you to organize your life in slightly different ways – ways that attend and nurture your well-being.

Try shifting just one thing in the next week. What is one small thing you can do to care for yourself over the next week? This is a powerful way to shift the scale to weigh in on the side of Love and Joy.

Please join me in this important discussion by sharing your thoughts and experience with self-care below. What are the costs for neglecting your self-care? What small thing are you going to try in the next week to shift the balance towards self-care?

And watch for my email next week with an exercise for your Heart Chakra to fill your cup with loving joy!

Poem for Mother



Giver of life

Breathing softness


That small life

May grow



Fierce bear!

Deepest compassion

that no hand may harm

the young one


Delighting her with play

that she may want to explore



of feelings

rhythms within

of relations

rhythms between


She gives the greatest kindness…

the Love

that brings forth

a new person


Blessed be

the mothers

and the mothering

giving us life!


Do you have will power? Steve Jobs did


Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. ~ Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple

Steve Jobs is one of the greatest examples of someone attuned to their purpose. He knew what was important to him. He made tough decisions, that sometimes disappointed people in his life. He broke barrier after barrier of what people thought was impossible.

And by the end of his life? Steve Jobs dramatically improved the quality of life for people all over the world. Computers have become part of almost every aspect of human life, and Jobs’ elegant, playful and usable design brings gentleness and goodness through our interactions with all computers. (PC copied many of the Apple’s usability ideas ~ they were good ideas!)

So what does it take to get *that* deeply connected with your purpose? The health of your Solar Plexus Chakra is fundamentally tied to the answer.

The Solar Plexus is the seat of your will. With a healthy Solar Plexus Chakra you will be deeply connected with your personal values, and this empowers you to think decisively and take action! We call it will power.

Today is the Summer Solstice. The longest day of the year. The day with the greatest exposure to the light of the sun.

Sunlight carries prana, or Life Force Energy. The Solar Plexus is the energy centre in our body that specifically receives prana. It receives prana and disperses that Life Force Energy throughout the body, energizing your entire system.

Therefore today is the pinnacle day to consciously connect with your Solar Plexus and open yourself to receiving the gift of prana that is available today.

The Solar Plexus is located below your rib cage and above your belly button. Gently meditating on this area today, bringing attention, curiosity and love can yield surprising results. Be open to it!

Imagine deeply listening to your truth – to what is important to you. Imagine all the outside voices that lead you away from your truth – imagine these voices fading away into the background so that your truth can beat like a steady heartbeat. Bah bum…. bah bum… bah bum…

Imagine your body filling with warm sunlight energy, filling all those dark empty unattended spaces within you. Imagine filling up with love and gentleness and goodness today. Imagine the *feeling* in your body that your deepest, most heartfelt dreams are possible.

All of this is available! And this one simply meditation today can transform your life. I don’t know how to emphasize this strongly enough: When you are connected with your truth in a solid, grounded and human way, you can move mountains.

Steve Jobs is a beautiful example of this!

Summer Solstice: Activate Life Force Energy in the month of June

June is the month of the Summer Solstice – it is the month of Sun power. In honour of this I am bringing attention to the Solar Plexus Chakra, the connection with Sun power within our body system. The Solar Plexus Chakra receives prana, or Life Force Energy, from the Sun and disperses it throughout our body system. This energy heals our bodies and our minds, and naturally extends to creating more powerfully within our lives.

As I’ve been doing extensive study, I came across an interesting article that I’m choosing to share in this week’s newsletter. I hope you will find it juicy with new understandings of this important Chakra, and how to attend to the health of yours!



Article from


Also known as the Solar-plexus or 3rd chakra, the Manipura is located just above the naval and below the rib cage. It is our energy center and it radiates vital life energy (prana) through-out our entire body. It is where our Will Power comes from;  our ability to achieve, self-esteem, raw emotions, and self-discipline are all governed by the Manipura. It is where we can have a mental understanding of our emotional self.

The Manipura not only governs the emotional and mental aspect of your psyche but also your psychic experiences. Often a feeling of intuition or “gut feeling” in a certain situation will benefit you greatly if you listen to it. All aspects of the digestive tract, including the assimilation of nutrients are controlled by the 3rd Chakra.

When this Chakra is in balance you will be in complete control over your emotions and thoughts. Your ego mind, or small mind will have no unwanted influence over your actions.You will know without a doubt, and accept your place in the Universe, have self-love and, in turn, have a great appreciation for all the people in your life and the uniqueness that they bring to world. When in tune, your Solar-plexus will radiate warmth and joy through-out your entire being, and to others who come into contact with you.

Over-active Solar-plexus Chakra

If your chakra is over-active you may be  judgemental or critical – and you will easily find fault in others. You may be demanding and have extreme emotional problems, being very rigid or stubborn (it’s either your way or no way). Often anger, or aggressiveness result from an over-active chakra. You may always be planning to do things, but never doing, and your work or interests become a priority over things you have to do (a workaholic). You may also be a perfectionist and can’t settle on something that is already good enough, it always has to be better.

Under-active Solar-plexus Chakra

If this chakra is under active it can cause severe emotional problems. You may have a lot of doubt and mistrust towards the people in your life, and worry too much about what other people might think about you. You may also run on “auto pilot” avoiding your feelings of depression or anxiety; you may feel afraid or alone when you start to look at what you have been avoiding. You also may feel that you are not good enough and be seeking a constant approval of others, this can lead to a need, or dependency on the people in your life.

Physical Symptoms of a Solar-plexus imbalance: Poor digestion, weight problems, ulcers, diabetes, hypoglycemia, hyperglycemia, arthritis, pacreas, liver or kidney problems, anorexia, bulimia, hepatitis, intestinal tumours, colon disease.

Healing the Manipura

There are many ways one can begin to balance their Chakras. Below you will find several useful methods; including colour, nature and sound therapy.

Affirmation for the Solar-plexus: I am confident in all that I do. I am successful and release my creative energy into this Reality, effortlessly.

Colour of the Solar-plexus: The manipura is associated with the colour yellow. Picturing a beautiful yellow sunflower where the chakra is located can have an instant affect. Yellow Candles or surrounding yourself with pictures of yellow things can begin to bring this chakra into balance. You will feel a warm glowing from the Manipura when this begins to happen!

Organs/Glands governed by the Solar-plexus: Large Intestine, Stomach, Digestive System, Adrenal Glands, Pancreas, Liver, Lungs.

Crystal Therapy for the Solar-plexus: Malachite, Jasper, Tiger’s Eye, Citrine, Yellow Tourmaline, Golden Berly, Rhodochrosite

Nutrition for the Solar-plexus: Bananas, granola, and grains such as bread, pasta, rice, flax, sunflower seeds. Dairy such as cheese and yogurt, and spices that include ginger, melissa, chamomile, turmeric, cummin and fennel and mint.

Aromatherapy/Essential Oils for the Solar-plexus: Rose, rosewood, sandalwood, chamomile, rosemary, myrrh, frankincense.

Healing the Solar-plexus with Nature: The Solarplexus’ Element is Fire. Taking a walk out in the sun is extremely beneficial. Sitting in front of a camp fire, or fire place can have an instant healing effect.

Sound Therapy for the Solar-plexus: The note “E” is what the manipura vibrates to; Chanting RA, in “E” will begin to bring the chakra into balance!


Interested in activating your Solar Plexus Chakra?

Have your own personal Skype Solar Plexus Chakra Soul Art Session!

Email me to learn more


Why should you care about your Solar Plexus Chakra?

The Solar Plexus Chakra is where you experience strength of character, learning and comprehension. When healthy, it guides you through life by creating a strong sense of self, setting personal boundaries and building self esteem. The seat of authentic willpower, this Chakra is the source of your ability to bring change into your life and to the world.

Chakras are energy centers within your body that govern your physical health, emotional well-being, and the kind of life you are creating.

The Solar Plexus Chakra is associated with the color yellow and is located between your naval and the base of your sternum. It is said that the function of this Chakra is to absorb and assimilate life-force energy from the Sun. The Solar Plexus then radiates this life-force energy throughout your entire physical body.

What does this look like in your life experience?

The energy of this Chakra is about personal power, self esteem, feeling centered, creativity, and ultimately your ability to manifest things in your life. When flowing well, your Solar Plexus will radiate warmth and joy through-out your entire being, and to others who come into contact with you.

Your Solar Plexus Chakra is home for your personal core values. When this Chakra is thriving, you’ll feel clear about your values and enjoy the opportunity to express them through your actions. An empowered Solar Plexus Chakra creates magnetism through your being aligned with your personal core values.

Improving energy flow to the Solar Plexus may clear problems related with feeling lack and limitation. This is a powerful way to improve your finances… this Chakra’s magnetic energy, grounded in your core values, helps you to manifest money.

You can probably already see that a healthy Solar Plexus Chakra and being well-grounded in your values is key to manifesting other things too, such as good health, better relationships, self-esteem, talents and abilities.

The journey of the Solar Plexus Chakra is the journey of discovering, claiming and cultivating your own personal power. It is a journey of assuming full ownership for your own life experience and connecting with people from this empowered position. The promise of the Solar Plexus Chakra is empowerment, integrity, self-respect and joy… all leading to your creating vibrant relationships, radiant health, and financial abundance.

What are chakras?


The human nervous system is a network connecting the sensory organs to the brain. Chakras are energy centers which act as a “pump” to direct spiritual energy through this system.  For example, Earth energy is drawn up through your Root Chakra and passed to the Sacral Chakra which is then passed to the Solar Plexus, then the heart, then throat, brow, and finally the crown.  Once energy reaches beyond the crown, experiences and sensations move to realms beyond explanation.

Chakras manage the flow of energy for various aspects of your emotional life, your physical health, your relationship dynamics, your career success, your spiritual connection, your creative flow and your overall sense of well being. In several ways, the Chakras are the most important thing to develop.

When your Chakras are healthy and thriving, your life flows with a relaxed invigoration, you feel aligned with your unique path and purpose and you have the energy to follow through on your clear dreams with joy while feeling an abundance of love and support along the way.

When your Chakras are closed, blocked or energetically dented in some way, you’ll feel the effects dramatically in your life. For example, if your Throat Chakra is closed or wounded you may feel constriction in your throat so that you don’t speak when you want to. There can be a deep fear of expressing yourself and being judged for your ideas. On the flip side, you may speak in ways you don’t like, such as with harshness and judgement of others. You may keep to yourself rather than allowing your energy to circulate out into the world. Eating can become an out of control habit to try to take energy in, to make up for the inability to let energy out or from the distress of holding your Truth in without speaking it aloud.

The Chakra system is considered by many to be the most important system to work with because it is the base energy from which we create our lives. A fundamental step on your spiritual path is to learn how to support the Chakras to align with your highest vision; this guides you in how to live every aspect of your life including relationships, health and career. This reduces anxiety and stress and increases inspiration and motivation to create a life based on love and joy.

Learn how to communicate and work with your chakras in Chakra Soul Art

Homage to the Sun’s Warmth


Red-Sky-Sun-Sea from


Homage to the Sun’s Warmth


Oh ye Sun

Hail the power of your gentle glow

That even this lake could thaw!

A lifetime of winter

Face cracked from lack of tears

Frozen deeper and deeper

With every turning of winter

Who could believe in Spring 

after so many winters?


Heaven’s angels dance

in the halo of your glow.

Each delicate ray of your warmth

gently touching the surface of ice so deep

touch… touch… touch…


Til something 

deep beneath the ice



longed for warming

longed for coming to life

so simple


life taken one breath at a time

life where water can rest still…

or dance with fish, as it pleases


This touch so tender

that warms the surface

and reaches life beneath the surface

through God’s gracious mercy


The waters turn

And allow that grace to warm

first the top

then the bottom

then the top again


and beginning the movement

of life


The rhythm births the lake

coming into it’s own warmth

At last letting the last piece of ice



Now resting this cool lake

So pure

With water to refresh the weary traveller

and that birds may stop to bathe

and all wild things may drink


How miraculous this Spring!

Lake bows to the mercy of the Great Sun

so powerful in it’s gentle warmth


May we lift up our hands with joy 

to the gentleness

that warms and invokes life!

May we do her honour

By loving…


An ever flowing fount of love 

for all.


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The Great Thawing


Photo by Janice L Barr. Used with permission.


The Great Thawing


How can I touch your tender face

When my heart has been frozen

for as long as I remember?


Buying the groceries.

Doing the laundry.



Cleaning the dishes.

And that is calm and sane

compared to the pace of paid work.


I *had* to toughen to keep the wheels turning –

To keep up with the pace of keeping up.

This is surely madness!


How could I forget your tenderness

Your simple needs for my human touch

To be bathed

To be fed simply

To be held, to be gently rocked

To be touched tenderly?


It is time to plant firmly the banner of humanity.

The banner of care.

The banner of simple love,

rather than getting the impossible workload done!


I live in a body

It is flesh and blood and bone – all living.

My heart beats with mourning the years lost…

being absent from this body.

And my heart lifts up

with the choice to re-inhabit

to feel

to breathe

to come back home.


Because this world needs

soft embodied people

who can love through to the core of this earth.

Who feel their hearts beating

and speak the language of love.


Who are able to reach out

and touch the face

so tender.


To kiss the beloved

with the soft lips of a broken heart.


And to fill this world

with a love everlasting.


Remember the Mystery


Photo from


Remember the Mystery


Lost in the surface of life

Living veneer existence

No life

No heart

Practical efficiency

Checking off To Do lists

The inner child knows different

She knows the greatness of life

To explore

To look closely, and see the delicate pattern of the moss

To jump from the big rock

To the little one, and then another little one

All the way up to the tree

Oooh, that tree!

Reaching her little arms out

She hugs that tree.

It says, “Grace, child!”

She holds on to the little handles

the tree gives

and she is able to climb around to the back of the tree

Where she discovers a patch of tiny mushrooms

And the mushrooms say, “Bless thee, Child, for discovering us.

Pick us with your small hands and take us home to your mother.

We will bless your food, and bring life back to your family.”


The child carefully gathers the mushrooms.

She carefully put them in her pocket.

And she happily continues to climb around the tree.

She kisses the tree and says thank you, 

and follows the path back home.


Mommy, look what I found!

Mushrooms from the forest!

We can have them with our food!


Well, we’ll have to check and see

if these mushrooms are safe to eat. 

Sure enough, this was a very good kind of mushroom.


There were enough mushrooms for everyone

And they tasted delicious.

The family opened 

and talked about what was in their hearts.

They laughed.

And the candle glowed at the center of the family table.


 Did you like this poem? You’re welcome to post to social media and/or leave a comment below…


Hello, Sunrise!


Sunrise light paints the Cuernos del Paine massif in amazing red light Patagonia Chile Photo by Hougaard Malan


Hello, Sunrise!


Most tender peace

at the foot of the mountain

caressed by morning glow


The clouds accompany thee

As you rise up 

to meet the sunshine


Could we stand

so bold as thee

to feel the warmth

soaking into our face

as we look into

the rising sun


Could we live

our greatest majesty

as you do

this most beautiful morn


With love and grace,

Andrea signature peach background

Your comments are welcome below…


The night my life changed completely

It was November 21, 2001 when I returned home from a long day of work at IBM’s Toronto Software Development Lab. I was a software developer specializing in usability (making software user friendly). On the outside, things were going well. I had a dynamic first year at IBM, and I even received a plaque for being nominated Rookie of the Year.

But on the inside… it was a different story. And on November 21st, that inner reality broke through.

I put a chicken breast into the toaster oven to bake and put some rice on the stove to cook. I had picked up a video from the library, and popped it into the VCR to play while my dinner was cooking. The Horse Whisperer, starring Robert Redford.

It had a pretty typical beginning. Then things went tragically wrong. The main character , a girl named Grace, and her horse, Pilgrim, got hit by a semi truck. Grace was rushed to hospital and had to have part of her leg amputated. The next day a group went out searching in the woods for Pilgrim. They eventually found him standing in a stream flowing under a bridge. He was badly injured and deeply traumatized – to the point that they thought he should be put down.

I felt hit by a tidal wave. I stood up, walked over to the VCR, and clicked stop. Went into the kitchen, turned off the oven and turned off the stove. Went into my bedroom and collapsed.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me. But the next day I knew I could not go into work. I called my doctor and got an appointment to see him. I told him what had happened, and he said it was a depression. He took me off work for 2 weeks, so I could “feel more like myself.”

Well, by the end of two weeks, I knew I needed way more time. I went on short-term and then long-term disability and dove into my own deep and profound healing journey.

That image of Pilgrim was how I felt on the inside. I was literally working my guts out at IBM. I was brought up Tibetan Buddhist, and my main value is to relieve suffering in this world. I am not a good fit for a large computer corporation! Working there, I was slowly and quietly bleeding my life blood away.

It was a healing gift to see Pilgrim that fateful night. It propelled a dramatic life shift. A shift towards healing, and more importantly, a shift towards following my true path.

After doing loads and LOADS of therapy and energy healing, I started to explore career options. And I’ll put a little plug in here for Times Change Women’s Employment Service, because connecting with them was pivotal in my career journey. Times Change gives women a caring environment to explore themselves and what they have to offer the world through employed work.

I emerged from the Times Change Career Planning course with a clear decision to become a therapist. I went on to do a Master of Education in Counselling Psychology at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (part of the University of Toronto).

While studying I finally watched the whole Horse Whisperer movie. I was blown away by what the horse whisperer did to save Pilgrim. This man was a shaman. He was powerful, deeply compassionate, and he was able to read Pilgrim and steady the horse’s spirit. He reached Pilgrim and healed him.

I went on to watch other movies about horse whisperers, and they became my favourite movies. I admired their skill. I was so attracted to horse whisperers, that I wanted to be like them – I wanted to be able to work that way with people. So I put that intention into my studies and focused each class on how to develop skill in working with people who have been through trauma. I honed expertise in trauma healing.

After graduating I opened a private psychotherapy practice for three years. I brought the rubber to the road by running therapy groups and doing 1-on-1 therapy. And I learned a lot!

But my spirit is bigger than this. And my desire to relieve suffering in the world is bigger than this. I was drawn to a method called Soul Art. I started learning it and doing it on myself over three years ago. It majorly opened doors in my mind and heart!

I realized I could bring more to working with people. I have long-term deep spiritual experience through my Buddhist practice, and frankly I am ambitious. I started doing coaching with Investment Advisors in the financial industry. We worked on relational issues and business development. Within 6 months my clients rocketed to success through the sessions I was giving them. Their income dramatically increased and they got a BIG promotion.

I was no longer doing psychotherapy and I needed to come up with a name for what I was doing. If there’s one thing I learned from working with my clients, it is this: People are afraid to dream of what they want. They are afraid to face their core desires in life. And those brave souls who sometimes peek their eyes open to glimpse their dream, they are afraid to take the first step towards making their dream a reality. Solid strength and support are needed to take the practical steps to bring any dream into reality, and most people don’t have that kind of support in their life.

After a lot of soul searching I came up with my new title: The Dream Whisperer. I had become an expert in helping people open to their dreams, to hunger for them. I had also become an expert in helping people overcome fear. I developed the skills to guide people taking the steps needed to birth their dreams. It takes a bit of magic and rock solid support. And I bring that on FULL FORCE!

So that’s how the night of November 21, 2001 completely changed my life. Today I am not a software developer. Today I am living the most amazing career… as a Dream Whisperer! And the interesting thing is that all my computer expertise has proven invaluable for creating this Dream Whisperer service. Many of you have experienced the life-changing free programs I give via the internet. And truly… this is only the beginning.

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Finding the still place of peace in the centre


That summer at the seminary was not all about the Kasung and falling in love with Setter San. Something else happened too. Spending all those hours, day after day meditating… Hearing the wind blow and catch the top of the tent and then let go, almost as if the tent was breathing… The hours sitting, sometimes noticing other fidgeting, and sometimes (very few times) feeling at peace herself. And then the one day when the guy with Tourette’s started yelling “Fuck” over and over during the meditation period.

Angie was getting the chance to get closer to her mind – to her heart. She was able to listen in a deeper way to her heart as the speed of her mind started slowing and slowing and slowing, as the days of the seminary went on. When she was walking, she started smelling the sage in the air and the dust on the path. As her mind got more quiet, she started experiencing more through her senses.

Something at this seminary was working on her – changing her.

After two weeks of intensive meditation, the program turned into half days of meditation and half days of study. For the first time in her life she started studying the buddhadharma – the Buddha’s teachings.

She learned about the Hinayana path – the path of individual liberation. The Hinayana was the starting place. In fact, she remembered a few years ago her dad was wearing a favourite t-shirt that said, “Never forget Hinayana…” So she knew it must be important just from Dad’s t-shirt! Now she was studying it for herself, and the focus was on quieting her own mind through the discipline so she could have some relief from all the craziness of living in this world.

And it was crazy! Yes, her parents were great in a lot of ways, but they were also crazy in others! Her dad was an alcoholic, and no one wanted to face that. There was a lot of anger in her home while growing up, and Angie had absorbed it all. She was sensitive, and to be honest, it overwhelmed her!

So now, here at the seminary, for the first time she was giving her heart a safe place. There was something incredibly safe about sitting on this red and yellow cushion in the billowing tent practicing this safe practice handed down lovingly from the Buddha. She believed in this Hinayana – the power of narrowing the focus just to her and doing this practice as best she could. Forgetting about all the grand schemes and helping the world. This time was just for her, to practice this meditation practice.

Angie started feeling good, even with the torments from time to time of falling in love with Setter San. Something good was growing in her, something wholesome. And she was feeling grateful – she was feeling joy for the first time in her life. She sat at dusk on the hill above the Centre, feeling the quiet, watching the sun set, and there was this sadness that came into her chest and almost tears came into her eyes. She felt the stillness of this land, and the life in this land, and it made her feel alive.

Your comments on this chapter are most welcome below.

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Love attack in the Shrine Tent

Getting through that final year of high school felt like walking through deep mud – Angie didn’t see how she would get to the end. But somehow she made it! And she entered into a very different world that summer – she went to the Vajradhatu Buddhist Seminary held in the heart of the Rocky Mountains at Rocky Mountain Dharma Center. Life could not have changed more dramatically – leaving home for three months to be surrounded by mountain, sage and sun and diving into intensive Buddhist study and meditation. Wow!

In the orientation meeting the seminary participants were invited to join the Kasung, the Buddhist military. Quite to her surprise, Angie felt drawn to sign up for it. She smiled to herself as she stood in line to sign the clip board thinking about the time she had been standing with a group of friends in 8th grade smoking pot saying the last thing she’d ever be is a cop.

Wednesday she was to go to the Kasung meeting at the dining tent to be assigned to a squad and have her first squad meeting. She arrived having no idea what to expect and even a little nervous because the Kasung in their uniforms looked so sharp, and they had this kind of rambunctious energy that Angie had never experienced before – it was really new.

She was assigned to Lion Squad, and her Rusung (the squad leader) was Ann Setter – who indeed looked like a lion with her mane of light brown hair. Ms. Setter, as they were to call her, was about Angie’s mother’s age and had beautiful mountain like features.

Angie took to the Kasung like a fish to water and loved getting up in the morning to press her khaki uniform with crisp creases, using spray starch to seal them in. It gave her a sense of purpose and dignity – and joy – that she had never felt before, and she liked it!

She also came to love Ms. Setter – her Rusung captured her heart.  As she started to show her affections, Angie learned that Ms. Setter was lesbian and had a partner back home. Although there was no hope of a love relationship with her, Angie still pined away for Ms. Setter and found little ways to express her love.

When you get a teenager away from home for the first time at an intensive meditation program, the mind can go wild! And that is eventually what happened with our dear Angie. It seems she was thinking during her meditation and concocting quite the plan!

She knew that Ms. Setter had an overnight shift in the Shrine Tent coming up Saturday night. So Angie prepared an attack for that night. She was so excited, and kept it all strictly to herself.

When Saturday finally came, Angie dressed all in black, including a dark navy beret.  She had managed to get some snapper fire crackers – the ones you throw to the ground and they make a loud snap. She put them in her pocket and at around 11:00 pm, she set out down the hill to the Shrine Tent.

When she arrived, she stepped softly, making hardly any sound as she approached the tent. She peeked in between the sides of the tent flap and could see Ms. Setter already laying down in her sleeping bag in front of the shrine.

Angie roused her courage and reached into her pocket. She threw the first snapper into the tent. Nothing happened – she didn’t throw it hard enough. So this time she really threw the next one, and SNAP!

She saw Ms. Fetter move. Angie threw another one, and Ms. Setter was suddenly standing looking all around in the direction of the snap.

When she turned around the other way, Angie, threw three at once, and there was even more of a melee! Ms. Setter looked like she was going to have a heart attack. Angie got scared and thought she’d better end the attack and enter the tent to explain.

Ms. Setter was not pleased! She yelled at Angie, “I can’t believe you did this! What were you thinking! You scared the living daylights out of me! What were you thinking?!?!?”

Angie felt just terrible, and she dropped to the ground and did a formal Japanese style bow to Ms. Setter, saying, “I’m so sorry Setter San” (Setter San was the affectionate way that Angie had grown to address Ms. Fetter).

Angie ran crying back to her tent. Her ultimate expression of love had turned into a disaster, and perhaps Setter San would want nothing to do with her ever again! This was certainly any young teenager’s worst nightmare!

But two days later when Angie and Ms. Fetter crossed paths in the dining tent, Ms. Fetter gave Angie a soft smile with a playful glint in her eye.

Your comments on this chapter are most welcome below.

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Read the next chapter…


Falling in love for the first time

This is the second chapter in a series called, “Growing Wings to Love,” an exploration of a young woman developing the capacity to love deeply. Enjoy! And may there be great blessing for your own journey of love!

Angie walked into English class and there was a young woman sitting at the front behind Mrs. Feldman. She had bold eyes and Angie was mesmerized. Mrs. Feldman greeted the class and announced we would have a student teacher this term, Ms. Faust who was studying to be a teacher at the University of Colorado.

Ms. Faust stood up, said hello and how excited she was to be there. She proceeded into the lesson about the next book they would study, Adam Bede. The way Ms. Faust spoke caused Angie’s hair to raise up on end from the top of her spine all the way to her forehead. She didn’t know what was happening – she felt on fire.

Throughout the week Angie soaked herself in the torrential passion and anguish of Hetty Sorrel in the novel. She felt Hetty and Adam and Arthur and Dinah – there was a richness as she opened her heart to their story. To their lives. To the pain each felt and to the fullness of their moments of joy.

And she could not get Ms. Faust out of her head. The feelings in Angie’s heart kept growing richer and fuller. She didn’t know what to do with all these feelings in her unaccustomed teenage body. She wondered if Ms. Faust was a lesbian.

There was a bottle of bubbles sitting on her table and she opened the window of her bedroom overlooking the back yard. With a breath full and gentle… she blew bubbles and they floated lazily in the air, slowly making their way to the ground two floors down.

That weekend she began her essay – knowing it would be read by Ms. Faust, and she put all the passion and fire she was feeling into writing each word of it. Her heart was bursting! It began…

This is a novel of passion and love that shakes the reader’s heart out of the deepest sleep. There is the pain of love held back, lovers parting, secrets, fragile life exposed to the elements so that it dies, heartache, despair and redemption. Hetty’s trials not only speak of our own painful longing for unattainable love, but also to our ability to let life crack us open to show the red beating heart within our breast.

Tuesday morning, exhausted and nervous, Angie placed her finished essay on the pile of essays in front of Ms. Faust. Ms. Faust caught her eye in an unexpected deep way and her sensuous lips reached up into her right cheek in a playful half smile. Angie looked down and could feel her face suddenly hot as she went to her seat.

Read the next chapter…   Would you like to receive the new chapters hot off the press? Join the Dream Whisperer Community

Your comments on this chapter are most welcome below.

The first tear drop

This is the first chapter in a series called, “Growing Wings to Love,” an exploration of a young woman developing the capacity to love deeply. Enjoy! And may there be great blessing for your own journey of love!


This day began as any other, and yet this day would change Angie at the deepest level. She arrived at school and sat down at her desk. Her parents were Buddhist and had put her in a Buddhist private school because she had been acting out and getting involved with “bad” kids in the couple of years before.

Her teacher came into the room with a somber look on her face and said, “A woman has died in the community. When we go in for our morning meditation, her body is in the shrine room. If you don’t want to go in, you don’t have to. We just wanted to let you know.”

Everyone went in to sit, and Angie thought she would give it a try. She settled on her cushion, aware of the coffin that was to the left of the shrine. The gong sounded three times, and she settled into finding her breath. She felt very aware, like there was something pressing on her awareness – something pressing on her heart. There was both a tightness and a fullness within her being as she felt her breath going out and then back in.

Who was this woman? How had she died? [thinking] back to the breath… What does she look like? I smell something… Is that her body decaying? What is that smell? [thinking] back to the breath… I feel really claustrophobic. I wish I hadn’t come in to meditate this morning with this body. Why would the teachers put us through this? [thinking] back to the breath… Breath going out, breath coming in. Settling a little with this profound silence, being with the presence of death.

Death is terrifying. Is it really going to happen to me? Yes, it is going to happen to me. And to everyone I know. That is so scary! Can I handle it? [thinking] back to the breath. Breathing gently, being really gentle with my heart as I walk through this experience. The sharpness of this moment, and being present with my breath. Being exquisitely present with my breath, awkwardly present, painfully present – all at once.

Time slows down, and I’m just being here. Being here with this body. Being here with my fear. Being with my breathing, out and in.

After an eternity, the gong rings. Angie is slow to move after this deep experience – almost afraid to move. But she does, and she follows the others back to the classroom. When she is riding the bus home, a woman drops her bag of groceries. A package of cookies opens and cookies spill out all over the floor of the bus. Angie’s eyes swell and tears come pouring out, and she cannot stop them.

Read the next chapter…   Would you like to receive the new chapters hot off the press? Join the Dream Whisperer Community

Your comments on this chapter are most welcome below.

I love your comments on the story!

I am blown away by your insightful comments on the Dorothy and Alexandra posts! Susan has brought forward the insight that Dorothy and Alexandra are going to need to create the space to honour what each woman needs in order to feel taken care of and loved through this. But how are they going to be able to create that space given all the drama happening, and specifically Dorothy’s grief process?

Susan also comments, ” So what is she [Dorothy] supposed to do in order to keep her relationship with Alexandra in a good space, while grieving the relationship with Victoria?” This is a challenging question. Dorothy is so caught up in trying to leave Victoria in the right way, and she doesn’t know how to deal with her own feelings about leaving a 13-year relationship. Is it even possible for Dorothy to attend to her relationship with Alexandra in the midst of this?

It obviously hurts Alexandra deeply when Dorothy leaves the relationship to spend time with Victoria. It bothers Mary that Alexandra keeps hanging up the phone on Dorothy. I don’t have a sense that this is Alexandra’s normal behaviour, and it’s a sign that there is too much pressure on the love relationship. Mary suggests the couple needs some time apart, and she hopes that Dorothy has emotional support during this time – and yes, Alexandra is not the right person to be emotionally supporting Dorothy through her grieving process around Victoria.

Dorothy is going to have to take responsibility for getting the help she needs – there is no way around it. She is going to have to invest time, money and heart in an authentic grieving process. We tend to shelter our heart and avoid uncomfortable situations. That keeps us in the shadow limbo where we cannot experience True LOVE. To get through this, we have to get help, we have to reach out, feel awkward, and value our own well-being more than all the awkwardness and shame we may feel. We have to decide to heal and then take the leap to invest in help.

And I have a sense that Mary is right – the couple is going to have to take some time apart while Dorothy gets the help she needs and clears some space in her heart for a new love relationship with Alexandra. And when they come back together, I think the love languages is an excellent suggestion, Mary! I feel certain the couple WILL take THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES quiz available on line together. Thank you for this suggestion!

Rhonda and Mary both want this couple to take a close look at what they have and not jump ship. None of us wants to see this couple lose one another. Their love is special! And we want to see them come through this.

The fact is that it takes a lot of work and care and investment of heart to work through a situation like this. Your suggestions are a big help. Keep them coming! And I see that this week Alexandra has become aware that there are people reading this story, and she has asked for your prayers! Let’s all bring our hearts together and pray for this couple, so they can have a different ending than what many of us have experienced in the past – just like Stacie has asked for! Let’s pray that Alexandra will have patience and that Dorothy will access the resources she needs to grieve her past relationship to make space for this new one.

Dorothy could no longer feel her heart

Dorothy could no longer feel her heart. She couldn’t remember who she was – she couldn’t even remember what it felt like to know what she wanted. She found it hard to make even the simplest of decisions. It felt like her world had suddenly crashed in on her, and she didn’t know what to do. She knew she was a mess! And she wondered if Alexandra was going to get fed up with her and leave.

Alexandra cared about Dorothy, but she was finding it harder and harder to be there for Dorothy. Like last night Alexandra had suggested they put some date nights into their calendar and Dorothy let her know that she was busy over the next 3 weeks between time with Victoria and other family members.

Alexandra was stunned! She knew Dorothy was going to New York with Victoria on a trip they had planned months ago, and for Dorothy this was a final farewell to the life they had shared in marriage. This trip alone was driving Alexandra insane. She just wished Dorothy would be through with her grieving and letting go, and finally be available for a relationship with her!

Now Dorothy let her know that her sister was coming to visit for a couple of weeks after that, and she probably wouldn’t have any time to see Alexandra during that visit. Her sister didn’t know she was lesbian, and it would be too much to introduce Alexandra to her sister.

Dorothy obviously had a mind of her own and was making all kinds of plans. Alexandra felt like her only option was to distance herself from Dorothy and hope that she would settle a bit and start to be interested in building a life with her later, after she did what she needed to do with family. Truly, it was disheartening!

But Alexandra felt strongly that she wanted to keep in the game, hopeful that some day Dorothy would be more herself and be able to enter back into love relationship with Alexandra.

In the mean time, it was like a cruel joke of cupid to lose her beloved to the swamp of confusion that Dorothy was now in. Alexandra knows people are reading this story, and she asks you to please pray for this struggling couple.


Dorothy comes undone

Dorothy felt her grip on sanity slowly slipping away. She had worked so hard for this day! She had sacrificed so much to be with Alexandra. And Alexandra’s emotions and reactions were completely baffling her. Why wasn’t this woman opening to the loving arms that Dorothy was now extending?

Dorothy needed to know that everything was okay. She needed everything to be okay with Victoria. She needed to know that everything was okay with Alexandra. Then! Then everything could be okay for Dorothy.

She was running herself ragged, and she was losing sight of who she was. Everything was so new! This new home. No longer eating supper with Victoria every night. Sleeping alone in her new home some nights and the other nights sleeping with Alexandra.

She desperately needed some safe place of comfort to adjust to everything. But at the same time everything about her connection with both Victoria and Alexandra was feeling like screaming echoing through the Universe – like the horrible sound of nails on a chalk board.

Dorothy didn’t know how much more of this she could stand, and if Alexandra didn’t start listening to how her incessant weakness was impacting Dorothy, she truly was going to scream.

What was wrong with Alexandra? Was she afraid to hear how Dorothy was feeling? Every time she started to talk about her feelings, Alexandra would simply hang up the phone. It couldn’t be more devastating! Truly, she felt like she was going crazy and there was no hope.

She started drinking at night. First her beloved scotch, and then beer the next night. The feelings were too much to handle, and it was getting so much worse with Alexandra refusing to listen and hanging up the phone. She knew that Alexandra was giving up hope – she had said that to her.

Dorothy felt her world was closing in.

Why is this happening? Why is it when two good women love each other that this love isn’t enough to pull them through?

Well, their love may be enough to pull them through, but right now things are looking dim. I am wondering if they are going to make it, since they are both beaten down and things are intense, I wonder if Alexandra in particular is simply going to pull the plug.

You know, Dorothy was expecting a lot of herself. Leaving a 13-year relationship that she had deeply invested in, and then starting a new life with Alexandra the day she moved into her own place – that fateful Monday of the Flood.

We are all human. We have emotional fabric that is largely woven in our first relationships with our parents in childhood. Then we get into relationships ourselves in adulthood – further weaving our emotional fabric – weaving our heart with the one that we love.

When we leave a relationship it is not a physical thing – it is not simply walking out the door and saying goodbye. We need time, and we need a safe place where we can explore what emotional threads we are taking out of our heart when we leave someone (or when someone leaves us).

The end of a relationship is a BIG thing, and in our society we overlook that. Women are expected to move on in their life and somehow forget the pain of leaving the relationship. This causes great sickness in our heart, and the dis-ease in our heart impacts those around us.

Dorothy needs to give herself the chance to grieve the end of the relationship with Victoria. She needs human compassion for working through a great loss. There is simply too much going on in her heart, and there is too much going on in her transitioning relationship with Victoria for her to be present with building a relationship with Alexandra.

She needs to digest and put away the ending of her past relationship before she will have the space in her heart for Alexandra. She needs to grieve it. And until she does, she will live in emotional limbo. So let us hope that Dorothy will come to realize this before it is too late. Before she loses this amazing opportunity for True LOVE with Alexandra.

Dorothy and Alexandra’s love gets mysteriously hijacked

The two lovers reached the other side – the place where things would be safer, clearer, and they’d finally be able to build an ordinary relationship outside of the messiness of the love triangle with Victoria. Dorothy’s final words of the “hibernation” before her move echoed in Alexandra’s mind, “Come Monday, I will be all yours!”

Things were different after the move. Dorothy created a beautiful home.  And she was able to spend much more time with Alexandra. The two lovers were able to be in touch whenever they wanted without the weight of Victoria’s watchful eye. Dorothy enjoyed being able to do nice things for Alexandra and to finally start to build the kind of relationship she wanted with the woman of her dreams.

But something was not working… As each week passed, the lovers grew more and more distant. It became harder and harder to discuss things. And the problems started accumulating as they didn’t get worked out. A great weight started to grow.

This bewildered the young lovers – how could this be happening after all they had done? Now there was finally the space for them to build the relationship they had dreamed of. How could this be happening???

After the third week, Alexandra was at the breaking point. As much as she loved Dorothy and wanted a relationship with her, Dorothy was no longer herself. She could see the dynamic passionate woman before her, but she couldn’t feel her heart beat. Dorothy was gone! Although Dorothy was the most organized woman she knew, this week Dorothy forgot they were scheduled to spend Saturday night together, and she made plans to go out with her friends instead. Alexandra was dumbfounded, because this was supposed to have been their last night together before Alexandra was going out of town for 5 days to visit friends in Eastern Ontario.

Alexandra was concerned! She sat Dorothy down and said they needed to create a sense of home for their relationship – that things were too chaotic! Dorothy said okay, But… BUT she was so angry with Alexandra because she’s too sensitive and doesn’t appreciate all that Dorothy has done, and why can’t she just allow the relationship to happen (and around 20 other complaints!).

Alexandra stormed out of the room. She refused to take all this dumping of emotion on her. It was if Dorothy didn’t even hear the need to create safety and a sense of a place for their relationship. Dorothy was in all out battle mode!

Alexandra was losing hope as she felt Dorothy slipping away into the darkness of her deep emotions of anger and hurt. And it was maddening! Because Dorothy was physically more present, but now it truly seemed her spirit had left.

Alexandra felt her commitment to this relationship disappear this week. The weight of the late night hashing and gnashing nearly every night was taking it’s toll, and for Alexandra it started to feel like leaving Dorothy was a better option. Especially since Dorothy was obviously so unhappy in the relationship, and certainly Alexandra was starting to be overwhelmed by all the fighting and never getting things worked out.

These two women love each other more deeply than you and I can imagine. Do you know why things aren’t working out between them? Share your thoughts below. We want to hear what you think is wrong and why everything has gone haywire after so much care and effort has gone into their being together.

Read the next chapter…

Will Dorothy and Alexandra reach the other side?

Looking back, it all seemed like a big messy blur – like a smeared dream happening in a fitful sleep. Dorothy forced herself to pack, with her heart growing smaller and smaller under the stress. She gave up her plans of carefully sorting and organizing things as she packed – she just needed to get her stuff into boxes!

Sunday night dinner with Victoria was probably the heaviest thing she ever went through. The air clung to her like black tar, and she could hear every little tick of the silverware hitting their plates. The entire meal in silence, except for Victoria asking if they’d be meeting with the lawyers on Thursday morning. Dorothy answered, “Yes.”

She fulfilled her duty to Victoria as no other wife could – she loved her for these last two days under the same roof. Although she had betrayed her for the past seven years, she came home and was true to her for these last two days. A small token. Sometimes it is these small things that matter a great deal.

By some miracle she gathered her wits enough to put most of her things into boxes by the time the movers arrived early Monday morning. She knew she would return to the house over the coming weeks and could collect small things – which was a relief to not have the pressure of packing EVERYTHING for Monday! And well… maybe there was part of her that just couldn’t bear to completely separate from Victoria, and leaving a few things at the house brought her comfort – and a reason to return.

Dorothy’s thoughts began to return to Alexandra as she started to emerge from the weekend. She knew Alexandra was not the most stable woman, so nothing was for certain. Alexandra was paranoid about Dorothy’s safety. It’s true… Victoria lost it a couple of weeks after Dorothy said she was leaving, and was raising her fist saying crazy things like “I’m never going to let you go. You’re mine. I would lock you up if I have to, so that no one else is going to have you! And I am serious!” Ever since then, Alexandra was inconsolable.  She could understand that Alexandra loved her and cared about her, but it infuriated Dorothy that Alexandra refused to trust her ability to handle Victoria. Undoubtedly Alexandra’s paranoid mind was going wild over the weekend.

She didn’t know what she would face with Alexandra today. All she knew Monday morning is she felt awful – emotionally and physically – and did not have any energy to reach out to Alexandra. It would have to wait until later – after she moved. And she just hoped that Alexandra would still be there – especially since she was disrupting both her’s and Victoria’s life horribly so she could be with Alexandra.

Despite feeling miserable, everything went smoothly with the move. The movers were on time, and it all happened quickly. Dorothy’s head was spinning as the movers left her new place just before 1:30. She felt in shock, and there was profound silence as she stood surrounded by boxes… everywhere. She just stood there, a tiny woman facing a very big future.

Dorothy picked up her iPhone and sent a text to Alexandra. “I am moved. Going to go get some lunch. All is well.” Alexandra responded formally, “I am relieved to hear your move went well. Let me know when you are ready to reconnect. I love you.” Dorothy replied, “I love you too. I’ll be in touch again later today.” She started to feel a little space around her heart to breathe, and she went out in search of a place to get lunch in her new neighborhood.

Although the skies were clear that morning during the move, they clouded over in the afternoon and a great storm descended. It started with rain, and that rain grew more and more intense until a great flood was rushing through the streets sweeping bicyclists and even cars off the side of the road. Dorothy quickly finished her lunch and had to practically swim to get back to her place.

She closed the door behind her, dripping and headed up to her bedroom to find a box with dry clothes. She flipped on the switch in her closet only to find the power had gone out. She realized she had no source of light – not a a flash light or candle. She leapt into action and drove back over to Victoria’s to get a flashlight.

She hadn’t expected to return so soon. In some ways it was a relief to return back to the place she had called home for so many years. And in another way it felt like walking into a coffin. Victoria was visibly unnerved by seeing her, so Dorothy quickly grabbed the crank flashlight she wanted and left.

Sitting in her car she thought she’d better text Alexandra so she wouldn’t feel totally neglected and go into one of her paranoid fit. “Oh My God!” Dorothy exclaimed. Her iPhone was almost out of juice! So she texted Alexandra to let her know she was at 10% power and wouldn’t be able to call her later – she had no way to recharge with the power out. Alexandra was not pleased! She could understand, but there was nothing she could do!

It was almost 5:30 and Dorothy headed back over to her place. It took over 30 minutes to get there when normally it should take around 5 because the roads were a mess and traffic wasn’t moving. What was wrong with these people?! It’s just a bit of rain, and they lose their friggin’ heads!

Dorothy finally made it home and took the precious flashlight upstairs. The storm made it dingy dark, even this early in the evening. She found the box where she put her sheets and she made her bed by the glow of her little crank flashlight.

She sat in the middle of her bed, a little island of sanity, and looked around her room. Chaos! Boxes everywhere!

What had she done? Was this the greatest mistake of her life? Wild thoughts of doubt and self-criticism shot through her heart as she sat in the dark, alone.

She had specifically told Alexandra she wanted to spend the first night at her place alone. And now it felt like she was facing her worst nightmare with all her weakness starting to creep into her skin like a dank fog. Dorothy just sat there – facing what she had done.

After a while she started to feel a little better. Something started to turn, and it actually felt good to be in her own place, even if it was in shambles. In a way it was like camping out, especially since all she had for lighting was the flash light. Today she was beginning a new life… and her heart beat just a little faster. The fog started to lift. She had taken the leap out of a dead marriage to Victoria. She was choosing life. She was choosing to love again. She was choosing herself. And that felt good! It was as if a gentle warm sun was starting to rise up and evaporate the darkness of her fears through its warmth.

She suddenly realized she could charge her phone a little bit off of her computer, which still had life in it’s battery. She texted Alexandra, “Hey, I plugged my phone into my computer and it has life. Are you able to talk for a little bit?”

“Yeah” Alexandra replied, letting go of the pregnant anxiety of the last few days.

Their first conversation after the long weekend apart was tender, even tentative. A new beginning – charted out of the courage and love of both women.

Read the next chapter…

Dorothy blows a fuse!

Dorothy COULD NOT BELIEVE how childish Alexandra was being! Didn’t she understand how difficult this was for her?! She was leaving a 13-year relationship with Victoria. Victoria had been the love of her life, and they had built a strong life together, including this beautiful home.

Dorothy realized about seven years ago that she no longer loved Victoria, but she stayed with her because it seemed impossible to leave. Then she met Alexandra whose love totally turned her world upside down. Now Dorothy was destroying everything by leaving the relationship with Victoria, and this made her feel like the worst person on the face of the earth!

She had to watch day in and day out the devastation she was causing Victoria by leaving. And to make things worse, Victoria found out that Dorothy had been having an affair with Alexandra for almost 6 months. Victoria felt betrayed by the woman she trusted most, and she told Dorothy that she couldn’t imagine ever being able to trust her again.

Dorothy’s soul was screaming inside, and Alexandra’s petty fit about not talking tonight just made her want to scream! Alexandra was needy and insecure, and she really didn’t need this in her life!

But she always felt uneasy when things were unsettled between her and Alexandra. In some odd way, if things were good between them, then life felt good. And if things were upset – like this – then life felt unbearable. She NEEDED to fix this, or she could not bear to go on!

So she told Victoria she was going to bed, and went into her room. (She had moved into a separate bedroom a month before, so now she had this space to herself.) She phoned Alexandra, hoping she had not turned off her phone for the night.

One ring… Two rings… Three rings… Four rings.

“Hi.” Said Alexandra stoically.

“Hello, Alexandra. I can’t go to bed with you feeling so upset. Can we talk?”

“Fine.” Alexandra replied

“Look, I’m going to move out in two days. Things are really intense around here. I need you to give me space.”

“Fine. So what do you want from me.” Even more stoically.

“Well, I know that I keep letting you down. I don’t want to do that. And I am so stressed. I think I need to not be in contact with you for these last two days – until I get moved out. It’s just all too much, and I know I’m just upsetting you.”

“Well, that’s probably a good idea.” Replied Alexandra. Meanwhile her heart was sinking deeper and deeper. It was so hard being out of contact with Dorothy when so much was going on. She had this insane need to know that Dorothy was okay. But she could see she had no choice about this. Everything was SO intense, that she had to give in on this. “Okay, so I’ll wait to hear from you on Monday after you moved.”

“Okay, sweetheart. And there is something I need to say to you. I REALLY need you to hear this. Once I move, I will be yours forever – in body, heart and soul – I will be yours forever. I know this has been really hard, but I need you to hold on to the vision of our life together. I am leaving this relationship to be with you. I want that life with you – and I NEED you to hold on to knowing that we are going to come through this. Can you do that for me?”

“Christ! The only thing I can focus on right now is getting through this weekend! Don’t expect more than that from me. This is totally breaking my heart, Dorothy – totally breaking my heart! Let’s just get through this weekend, and you get safely moved into your new place. Then we’ll reconnect.”

“Okay – as long as you know that I’m going to be there on the other side – I will be your woman come Monday.”

“Okay. Well take care of yourself. I’ll be sending you good energy for your move. Look forward to hearing from you Monday.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. I will call you on Monday. I love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

“Good bye sweetheart. Bye bye.”

Dorothy got off the phone feeling much stronger. She knew she needed to close things properly with Victoria this weekend so she could fulfill her commitment to Alexandra. And she knew she would do this. Alexandra was such an extraordinary woman, and this relationship was the relationship of a lifetime. She would be ready to truly welcome Alexandra into her life on Monday.

She got up and brushed her teeth, and as she was drifting off to sleep she started having all kinds of wild unsettling dreams.

Read the next chapter…

The Final Word on HL’s Vision for Find True Lesbian LOVE

This 5-week journey of exploring HL’s vision has been intense and profound – not for the feint of heart, that’s for sure! Life is busy, and we all have practical demands on us. And yet… we have carved out quiet time to reflect upon and try to understand what HL has gifted us with in her vision for creating a place to learn LOVE.

The final line of her vision reads:

Welcome home to safety and love, where every heart matters.

HL is saying that this community within Find True Lesbian LOVE is a home – it is a place of safety and love. And like any home, we need to attend to it – all of us! I am serving as a leader here. And I have brought in my mate, HL, to grace us with her femininity and wisdom. But for us to have a good home together, you need to participate as well.

We need your engagement! Sign up for programs that will help you heal and open your heart. Comment on the blogs. Say prayers for this endeavour of creating a place for good, wholesome, passionate Lesbian LOVE. We need you – and I need you!

Things don’t just happen in this world. They happen because people invest energy in them. If we want to create a space of healing and love for women – a place where truly every heart matters – that requires resource.

HL phoned me last week and told me she just read that Slack’s, the local lesbian bar, closed down. Unfortunately there is a deep handicap in our community – we are afraid of relating with money. And I can only guess this is because lesbian women have been through so much hardship and trauma that we have shifted into a conservative, protective mode that shadows our hearts and removes us from life. As a community, we have a hard time giving and spending and exchanging.

I see this also when I go to women’s dances. Women tend to hang out with their friends, and they do not extend themselves in friendliness to strangers. We are not bad people! But we have a problem, and we need to find some little ways of opening our hearts to each other, giving to each other, and… receiving from each other. We need to actively create spaces of healing – where every heart matters.

So please do engage with me and engage with this community, and let’s build something beautiful and profound – something that will grow and impact the Lesbian community across the world. Let’s bring positive energy into this island community here, and allow that drop by drop to accumulate and heal and spread out from our island. So for now, please engage, please lift up your heart, and allow yourself to shift into a more and more positive place around this thing we call… LOVE.

Offered with LOVE for the profound benefit of all who read it.


The next chapter with Alexandra and Dorothy

Alexandra was in the foulest of moods when she woke up the next morning after the blow out with Dorothy. It didn’t help that she had stayed up until almost 2:00 in the morning FaceTiming with her, only for them to decide to separate!

She dragged herself to work, arriving almost 10 minutes late – which really annoyed her! She hoped that no one would notice as she slid in behind her desk.

She lost herself in checking email and trying to figure out how to go on after that heart-crushing night. It just felt like the whole world was dark.

And then something…. Something… started knocking at the back of her mind.

She went into the Personal folder on her computer and she felt compelled to look up the Law of Attraction work she had done 6 months earlier, right around the time she had met Dorothy.

As she was reading her loooong list of qualities describing her ideal partner, her eyes started popping out! Dorothy always had a slogan she said, “I know what I want!” As a matter of fact, she had a shirt printed up this past Pride that said, “I KNOW WHAT I WANT!”. Alexandra looked at the 4th quality listed in her Ideal Partner description: “Relationally secure, knows what she wants”. “Oh my God!” thought Alexandra.

It was also important to Alexandra to live in fiscal fitness and be with a partner who was on board with this. Item # 5: “Lives in fiscal fitness – honouring of $”. And she realized Dorothy fits that to a T, too! Dorothy has been very thoughtful, researching pricing before buying things, and holding back on things that didn’t make sense. Dorothy is really good with money!

And Alexandra had always had trouble getting involved with women who weren’t into oral sex – and she really loved oral sex. In her Desire Statement Alexandra wrote, “She loves exploring emotions and she loves sexual exploration. I am so relieved knowing my ideal partner enjoys taking her time making love to me. She deeply enjoys making love to me and loves giving me oral sex.” Dorothy LOVES making love to Alexandra, and sometimes Alexandra needs to fend Dorothy off from giving her oral sex when she just wants simpler closeness and holding.

Alexandra’s spirits lifted as she read through what she had written last Spring. It was INCREDIBLE that Dorothy so closely matched these things she had asked for!

And she realized the Dorothy was in the process of leaving her 13-year partner. And when she read the opening line of her Desire Statement, she realized that things were in a process, and she needed to allow that process. The first line read, “I am in the process of attracting all that I need to do, know or have to attract my ideal partner.” It doesn’t have to all be in place immediately, because this wonderful woman, Dorothy, was clearly on the way to being in a deep love relationship with Alexandra.

Read the next chapter…


When you have two good women together, why does love go bad?

Alexandra is feeling a bit lonely and looking forward to connecting with Dorothy at the end of the day. At 9:23 pm she texts Dorothy, “How is it going?”.

Dorothy responds, “Very tired, so resting and watching movie. And typing email to you. No brainer movie. How are you?”

       “Bored. Is everything okay with you?”

No response

       Alexandra adds, “Watching lesbian movie too”

No response

       “Maybe this is a bad time”

Dorothy replies, “I am okay just pretty tired”

       “Ok. I can send you a good night before I head to bed. Is that good?”

       “Yes please thanks!”

A few minutes before 10:00 Alexandra texts, “Dorothy, I am heading to bed. I sense your distance tonight, and I wonder if you would like to share what is going on.”

       “Really nothing. I am so tired. And I have no energy. Sorry. And also watching movie. Aimlessly drifting.”

       “Did you enjoy your dinner?”

       “Yes. How are you tonight? I am not distancing, please know that.”

       “Ok. Want me to let you go?”

       “It’s okay, I am sorry. It’s been a long day.”

       “Would you like me to let you go. We can just say good night now.”

       “Are u going to bed now?”

       “Yes. Will brush my teeth first”

       “I’m tired for sure… I love you. Sleep well darling. I miss you.”

       “You sleep well too. Maybe go to bed earlier and get some rest. Love you. Good night.”

Alexandra leaves the conversation feeling empty, confused, and painfully insecure. Usually Dorothy values connecting by phone at the end of the day. What is going on? Dorothy says everything is fine, that she is just tired, but Alexandra knows this is not the Dorothy she knows and loves. It’s frustrating and disappointing, and she doesn’t know what to do with her feelings since Dorothy is not explaining.

Alexandra feels Dorothy does not want to relate with her, so reached out again in an email and said,

You know I am disappointed you want no connection time with me today. And surprised. I don’t understand. Normally you do. But you say you are good emotionally. So I am feeling confused. 

I guess you are just too tired to relate with me, and I will accept that.   

Good night, Dorothy. Sleep with angels and I look forward to when we come out of this strange time. 

        I’m sure you can feel the drama building. This email prompted Dorothy to telephone Alexandra, and they wound up talking on the phone until almost 2:00 am, with the call ending in them taking a break from their relationship.

So what the heck happened here? These two women love each other profoundly, but something has gone way off the tracks, and I’m wondering if this dating relationship is going to survive.

Dorothy is living with one foot in the present and one foot in the past. She certainly loves Alexandra very dearly. But her heart is stuck in the pain of her past relationship. She feels guilty – she knows she hurt her partner in her choice to leave their 13-year relationship. On this night she was watching this movie with her former partner, feeling very heavy, and she wanted to shield Alexandra from her own feelings.

The simple fact is that as long as we have emotions and energy tied up in a former relationship, we don’t have space to be present and to love another woman. Instead we distance ourselves to cope with our feelings, and in this case, Dorothy tried to pretend she wasn’t doing that. She is trying desperately to make Alexandra happy while at the same time she is dealing with overwhelmingly heavy feelings from her past relationship. It confused Alexandra and hurt her deeply. This interaction eroded the good love that was trying to live between them, and in the end they decided to take a separation.

Will they be able to come back after the separation? Is their love strong enough to pull them through to “the other side”? Will Dorothy face her feelings about leaving her partner, put her partner in the light, and let her partner go?

Read the next chapter…

The Oneness of this Island we call “Home”

HL is steeped in Taoism, and she told us last week that the notion of “Oneness” comes from Taoist philosophy. For those of us who have not been exposed to this deep tradition, it can be quite difficult to have any understanding of something like oneness.

So let’s look this week at how we can begin to crack open the gift of this line,

The Oneness of this Island we call “Home”

I’m going to share my thoughts, and I’d love for your to post your thoughts below, too! Most of the time we experience life in fragments. Here’s what this might look like:

We have a job. We have friends and a social life.

We have a cat.

We have a bank account, with more or less money in it.

We pay rent for our apartment.

We try to keep groceries in our fridge, and sometimes even that feels like a daunting task.

We end our day trying to fill our loneliness by watching a couple of hours of TV (or more).

If there is a lack of coherence, we will feel a lack of energy. It can feel depressing. It can be hard to rouse our self up… to dream… to take practical steps to actualize our dreams… to create a good, wholesome, fulfilling life. Things in life don’t work! And we rarely get ahead.

In contrast, there can be times in our life when we feel good… we feel safe to be who we are… we feel that all of the strands of our life (work, relationships, money, feeding ourselves and our pets, etc.) are working together, energetically connected and feeding each other and our hearts, leading us to fulfilling a great mission – our soul’s calling. I’m thinking this is can be an experience of Oneness – of integration and connection with the life energy that runs through everything.

Stacie commented on the post from two weeks ago, “The Power of Good Lesbian Leadership.” She insightfully wrote that good leadership lifts us out of our island and connects us universally within humanity. I believe Stacie is speaking to Oneness.

And the big question is how do we create that sense of connection within ourselves and then extend it to all of humanity. We all know it is a good thing, and we probably all want to feel our heart connection with humanity.

But just wanting it isn’t enough to get it!

We need a path. We need a journey of starting where we are – which may be isolated with an armored heart from all the deep pain we have experienced as women in this world. And we need to take the first step, and then the next step, and the next. Frankly, such a journey requires good leadership – to heal our broken hearts and reconnect with the world – with humanity.

In my response to Stacie’s post I cite the healing literature which overwhelmingly states that there are three stages to healing: (1) Create safety, (2) Rememberance and mourning, and (3) Reconnection with community. Although safety is necessary to move into the later stages, the journey is not linear. We continually revisit each stage through the journey of healing.

So this is why I am working to create an island of safety for you and with you in this community. It is the first stage, and each of you has to find your own way of truly establishing a reasonable level of physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual safety. Only then will you feel stable enough to remember your pain, mourn it, and give it a respectful burial. And then… THEN… you will have the space in your heart to connect with the greater world – to start to build heart connections with community and greater humanity.

I have carefully created a step-by-step journey with my course offerings. Lesbian Dating 201 is an easy first step. And if that feels like too much, start with my Beginner Meditation Program. Establishing a regular meditation practice can be enormously helpful for grounding yourself and establishing a bit of stability. Then you can move your way comfortably through the steps I have laid out in Lesbian Dating 201 (The First Step to True LOVE), 301 (Open Your Heart to New LOVE) and finally 401 (Attract Your Ideal Partner). These steps will lead you through creating your unique needs for safety, being able to safely mourn past relationship break ups, and then open your heart to connecting in a new love relationship.

I WELCOME your comments below!

Good Lesbian Leadership Can Open the ONENESS of Life

I let HL know last week that I have been exploring her vision for Find True Lesbian LOVE with all of you in my weekly emails to you. She said she is very happy that I am sharing her vision with all of you so that you can also share our vision and happiness in life in finding each other, and living in a profound way of love and passion.

I told her I wasn’t quite sure what she meant in the next section of the vision, so she generously recorded a little discussion of it. I just listened to what she said, and I’ve transcribed it here for you. She is speaking to the third paragraph in the vision, and makes some reference to the last two paragraphs.

On her diamond throne, the Queen leads her fellow islanders to reach a warm and colourful place, where love, life, passion, resource, and compassion become ONE. 

The Oneness of this Island we call “Home”

Welcome home to safety and love, where every heart matters.

HL: “The diamond throne is your throne. Diamond is precious and indestructible. Made of compressed carbon. Carbon is not a valuable substance. When it is so compressed, it becomes something else.

All the little things you have gone through in your life have become so precious – so compressed into someone like you. You have all the skills and ability to make your vision and your intention to lead your fellow islanders. Here’s the throne for the queen which is made of diamond.

You are leading them to a warm and colourful place, where love, life, passion, resource and compassion become ONE.

The ONE embodies everything that has reached an equilibrium. That is a concept in Taoist philosophy. One is in a cycle that encompasses everything in life. For me, the vision is love, passion, compassion and of course resource for us to live on. Everything that is on a continuum as well as in equilibrium, they go in a cycle and interacting with one another to create a life that is home.

On this island we have created a home – the home is this oneness. When I talk about the home, I really think that metaphorically it is a place that is safe and full of love. I’m also talking about home as the heart where everything matters.”


What is most important for finding a long-term fulfilling partner?

Women tell me they can’t find a relationship with the right woman. They know they want a love relationship. But the relationships they get into turn into Lesbian Drama…  where feelings get out of control and it feels like their worst nightmare come to life!

Some women cope by avoiding relationships, and they live alone. This leads to feelings of deep emptiness. And they stuff down their feelings by filling themselves with food, drinking, smoking, watching too much TV. Underneath this emptiness is a deep longing that feels like it could never be filled. It can lead to depression. Does any of this sound familiar to you?

When we are empty and deeply longing, we are vulnerable. Dating websites offer the promise of matching you with your perfect match, and this can become very attractive. Women tell me they are frustrated in on-line dating sites because women are only there to flirt. These websites give the illusion of closeness that will never satisfy you. They give the illusion of a promise of love.

I am offering an alternative – a path to True LOVE that is both practical and inspired. In my method, you first heal your own heart and understand how you are in relationship. You build a FOUNDATION for finding authentic love.

If you jump into action without creating a foundation, you will build a house on a shaky foundation, and of course it will fall down. This is the key reason why the Lesbian community experiences so much drama in the beginning stages of relationships –women have not prepared a solid, safe foundation for taking the journey of LOVE.

In my method for successful Lesbian dating, I lead you in three steps: You (1) Create a solid foundation, (2) Attract your ideal partner, and (3) Create your dating strategic plan. This is a solid, practical method for finding True LOVE.

My 3-step method is unique and has never been offered by anyone else. In a concrete way you will:

  • Fill your deep emptiness by learning how to care for your emotional needs and connect with a woman who can genuinely care for and love you
  • Stop stuffing down your feelings with bad habits and addictions by empowering yourself with new healthy ways of dealing with feelings and finding solutions to the problem
  • Honestly fulfill your deep longing for love by taking practical steps beginning with building an emotional foundation for finding a fulfilling, healthy love relationship
  • Shatter the illusion of promise on dating websites by getting expert guidance and doing the work – in a joyful way – to bring authentic LOVE into your heart and life

This journey begins with Lesbian Dating 201: The First Step to True LOVE

This course teaches you how to build a strong emotional foundation for dating. We will cover these three topics:

  • Class 1:  Love maps
  • Class 2:  Intimacy
  • Class 3:  Boundaries

Feel free to check out the other course offerings too!

Why is it so hard for many lesbians to foster a healthy love relationship?

You who were part of the The Key To Finding Your Dream Woman Teleseminar had great insights into this intriguing question. Your contributions show the real issues and challenges that lesbians face in our world today. Here are a few your contributions:

  • “possibly choosing unavailable people or settling for someone out of loneliness. some women suffer from lack of self esteem that began early on”
  • Lesbians deny their sexuality/emotions and physical being while they are young for the most part. This causes a self-hatred”
  • Because we are individually very wounded ourselves as a result of growing up gay”

Here’s an excerpt from the Teleseminar:

“In our society, many women have experienced trauma in relationships. The impact of trauma often leads to fragmentation of the spirit and soul, and the loss of sense of safety and reference points . . .

In lesbian relationships, we often see two women who have been both traumatized – double jeopardy – a compounding of the sensitivity that trauma creates. When both are so sensitive and can be hurt easily, it can be hard to get through the challenges that are part of the beginning of any new relationship.

When women experience trauma in a relationship, we usually make changes in our life to protect ourselves from experiencing the trauma again – we become more defended. We move into being in a reactive mode rather than being able to think clearly and expansively and to be proactive, taking steps to get what you want.”

It is possible to heal past trauma and move into this proactive mode. I strongly advocate that women connect with resources along the lines of what I offer so you can have insights and breakthroughs in a gentle and supported way. Life does not have to be so extreme – opening to loving and being loved does not have to be so scary. It can be easier, and you can be cared for in the process.

I offer an excellent Lesbian Dating program that gives you this caring process. I invite you to consider giving yourself the gift of taking Lesbian Dating 201: The First Step to True LOVE.

In this 3 session course I will lead you through a journey of exploration – where you can learn about the love map you learned from growing up with your parents. You can learn about your style of intimacy. And you can learn about your boundaries and how to be in relationship honouring both your own and the other woman’s boundaries.

This is a powerful foundational Lesbian LOVE course. And I am completely committed to assisting your doing powerful work to clear space for your new love relationship. I want you to feel you have solid ground within you so that you can enjoy the journey of finding your dream woman. If you have any questions you would like to ask me, please feel free to email me:

I look forward to guiding you to your True LOVE!

HL’s Vision for Find True Lesbian LOVE

I sent the following message out to the community on June 12th:

Something new is opening up today for us in this venture of LOVE! As I have said in the Teleseminars and emails, I have found myself in a deep love relationship since starting Find True Lesbian LOVE February 7, 2013.

That love is woven through my activities of connecting with you, and opening your door to LOVE, over these past months. I joyfully share the energy, grace and healing of my love with you – to nourish those hidden parts of your heart, so that you can open to meeting your own soul mate – your True LOVE.

My love, who I have introduced by her initials, HL, wrote a vision for Find True Lesbian LOVE on April 28, and I want to share it with you today. Here is what she wrote:

As the tale begins. . . 

Once upon a time, on the Island of Lesbos lives a Queen, who is so graceful, loving, caring, compassionate, and beautiful. She gathers her strength and power through her incredible intellect and a pure heart to gift women who desire love and to be loved. Her vision is boundless, for her wisdom is limitless. 

On her diamond throne, the Queen leads her fellow islanders to reach a warm and colourful place, where love, life, passion, resource, and compassion become ONE. 

The Oneness of this Island we call “Home”

Welcome home to safety and love, where every heart matters.

HL brings grace to both you and I through sharing this vision. It’s a vision of hope. A vision of healing. A vision of Lesbian leadership. A vision for family and for deep love. It’s a profound vision that I would like for you and I to unpack together over the coming five weeks. I will share some of my thoughts on what this means in my weekend emails, and I’d really like it if you would share your thoughts with me, too. Then after our 5 weeks of chewing on this, I’ll ask HL if she will share more about what her vision means for us.

Do you want to engage with me in a 5-week project of opening hope, healing and love?  I want to undertake this with you – working together for the benefit of opening your heart to LOVE.

Learning with you, and opening to Grace,

Part 1: A Story to Open Your Heart To LOVE

HL, my girlfriend, told me the other day, “I thrive on LOVE.” She knows this. And in all honesty, ALL of us thrive on love. When we are in love, we feel better, we perform better, we live better. HL wants this for all of you, and she is gently cracking open the door for you through her vision below.

Welcome to part one of a special 5-week series. This is a chance for you and I to unpacking HL’s vision and open your heart to LOVE. (If you missed my first email announcing this series, you can see HL’s full vision statement below.)

This week let’s  explore the first line, “As the tale begins…” I’m giving my thoughts, and I strongly invite your input, thoughts and how you are touched by her words. My in-box is open to your emails on this.

As the tale begins…

HL suggests we are at the beginning of something that is going to happen – a story. Tales are usually for entertainment, and if it is a good tale, there will be wisdom within it – a learning – that will change the listener – transform her life.

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, and expert on story telling writes in her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves,

Stories are medicine. I have been taken with stories since I heard my first. They have such power; they do not require that we do, be, act anything – we need only listen. The remedies for repair or reclamation of any lost psychic drive are contained in stories. Stories engender the excitement, sadness, questions, longings, and understandings that spontaneously bring the archetype, in this case Wild Woman, back to the surface. Stories are embedded with instructions which guide us about the complexities of life. Stories enable us to understand the need for and the ways to raise a submerged archetype.” (Estes 1995: 15)

HL is opening all of us to a journey – a journey that is for the benefit of your capacity to feel love. She is pointing the way. She is engaging our psyches in a gentle and skilful – and perhaps most importantly – a LOVING way.

Certainly she is telling this story from the spiritual place of her love for me. Even moreso, she wants to help her community – she wants to have a positive impact on her community of women who love women. Through her story, she is reaching her hand out to you, to help you find your delicate path of opening your heart to deep loving.

Part 2: The Power of Good Lesbian Leadership

We are in the middle of a process of sacred “Revelation” – of revealing the vibration of LOVE, as it has been communicated by my own dear love, HL. She composed a vision for Find True Lesbian LOVE on April 28th. Now I’m pulling out my pick and shovel to dig in and grapple with what her sacred message means. I invite you to dig in with your own tools and contribute your thoughts as well – I WELCOME it!

All of this grappling is for opening your pathway to LOVE – your unique sacred pathway. It will not be magically gifted to you – You will have to work for it! What I am offering is a vehicle for your work. I would LOVE to engage with you on the sacred words HL has presented us. If anything touches you, make that effort and send me an email. Your grappling will add to the vortex of LOVE that we are building together here, and it will feed both your heart and your journey into LOVE.

This week we grapple with the second passage of her vision:

Once upon a time, on the Island of Lesbos lives a Queen, who is so graceful, loving, caring, compassionate, and beautiful. She gathers her strength and power through her incredible intellect and a pure heart to gift women who desire love and to be loved. Her vision is boundless, for her wisdom is limitless. 

“Once upon a time” are famous words for beginning a story. These words have become empowered with the ability to transport us into another world – a world where there can be dreams and fairy tales – a world where we can imagine new possibilities that would be impossible in the “real” world. These words transport us into a place of possibility and dreams.

And what do we find in this other world? A sacred island for us – for lesbians – for us who can be outcasts in this patriarchal world – and if not outcasts, perhaps we just never feel like we fully fit in. So here is a space where we belong – and we belong with each other.

The Island of Lesbos – I imagine warrior women who are strong and who live much closer to nature than what we do here in the city. I think of Amazons – women who are filled with bravery and who love fiercely. I see masculine women and I see feminine women, and there is a strength in their love for one another that I do not see often in the “real” world.

In the “real” world, I see wounded women who hide their emotions in addictions. And I see these women coping and leading lives formed around defending themselves from being taken advantage of. I see lonely women who have been hurt and no longer know how to be loved. And I see these women hurting each other –not because they are bad people – but because they have been deeply hurt in the past and this has led to them being disconnected from their own love and power. So they bring each other down. It saddens me!

So that is why it is such a beautiful vision HL gives us on the Island of Lesbos – where women have been in strong loving community for generations. I see strong healthy love flowing through their bodies! They are deeply connected with the earth and how to care well for themselves and each other. They are strong in their womanly power, and they look happy – genuinely happy – and healthy with clear skin, colour in their cheeks, and a star of aliveness shining in their eyes.

And there is a Queen, a”Queen, who is so graceful, loving, caring, compassionate, and beautiful “. We struggle to find good leadership in the “real” world. When we do find a good leader, it’s like finding an oasis in a vast desert. Here in Ontario we recently got Kathleen Wynne in as our premier. She is an exceptional leader. Yes, she is lesbian (which is fucking AMAZING!), but perhaps more importantly she is intelligent, caring and trained as a mediator – she is able to open situations in a way that brings the best out in people. She cultivates goodness and peace. Wow! We have needed a leader like that for a long time! President Obama is a similar amazing story. These people don’t have to be perfect, and it still feels amazing to have skilled leadership that operates from heart and is truly working to make this world a better place.

So our Queen on the Island of Lesbos, she is inspiring to us through her grace, love, care, compassion and beauty. The world feels in order having a good leader serving us – someone who lifts up our hearts and opens our abilities to believe and to stretch ourselves towards the light of the sun. Having a good leader makes all the difference for society. So we are graced to have such a good woman leader on our island.

She gathers her strength and power through her incredible intellect and a pure heart to gift women who desire love and to be loved. Her vision is boundless, for her wisdom is limitless. 

This Queen has the ability to lead Lesbian women in the journey of loving. HL cites her intellect and purity as key to leading women to be able to love. Intellect refers to seeing clearly and clearing away illusion and delusion. Clearing away the clouds that keep women down in patriarchal society. Perhaps I will add the image of a strong wind here to clear away those clouds – so women can remember who they are and take leadership in their own lives and hearts.

And purity because at long last, women need someone they can trust to lead them out of the desert of pain we find ourselves in after thousands of years – generation after generation – of living within patriarchal society. It has been damaging. It has been soul crushing. And great purity – a very pure heart is needed to lead women out of the darkness and into the light of reconnection.

Women’s capabilities to give love and receive love need to be cleaned and re-awakened after all these generations of oppression. We have had moments of love shine through over all this time, but the oppression of darkness has been a heavy weight on us – as so many women are raped and killed by their fathers, husbands and boyfriends every year – the people who we are taught should love and protect us. We have born a heavy, heavy weight – and it has absolutely impacted our hearts and how we give and receive love. Our hearts need to be washed with tears.

And the good news is that it is possible to heal that and reclaim our ability to love and be loved well. HL gifts us with her vision of a Queen who possesses boundless vision and limitless wisdom – fully capable of leading us back to loving ourselves and one another.

It is important to create a space within our hearts to hold this vision – and to protect it. Let us nurture this beautiful vision, and together we will make it manifest. We can create this within our community here. I myself am working towards that – and it will take all of us to contribute our special abilities to accomplish this vision.

Nothing is too silly! Please bring forward your heart and gift us with your good energy – your positive vision for our Island and for how you are bringing beauty and womanly strength into your life. And how you are witnessing the awakening of LOVE in your heart.

Leave a comment below, and let me know what is starting to stir in you!

There is nothing more precious than this space of home

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

Soft winter breeze
brings me present
to the beauty
amidst the bustle.

Why is it so easy to get lost?
Or better,
How can I open to more of these moments?

What causes moments of presence?
Of remembering to be


I sit in meditation
To come home to my heart
To ease the inner hub bub.
There is nothing more precious
than this space of home.

When I am present with my heart
I feel more joy
I can feel the pain of others –
            And act from compassion
I can be more welcoming
And I can be more fun!

There is nothing more precious
than this space of home.

May you receive this gift
of delight:

            To be home within your heart
            this holiday season!


December 17, 2012
Andrea M. Winn

Lift up your heart!

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

December is an incredibly busy time – when we are putting on that last crunch to finish the year, plus on top of that getting ready for the holiday season.

What is the antidote to this madness?

At times the antidote is … to lift up your heart!

Physically opening up your chest and pressing your heart up and out, and experience yourself leaning into the joy of all this activity. There is much to be thank-full for, and we can take a moment to pause each and every day to reflect on this. This moment inspires us to naturally lift up our heart and welcome the joy life is offering us at this special time of year.

I warmly invite you to come out for the December dream whisperer teleseminar to take an hour to relax in a lake of gentle being-ness. I will lead you in an experience of simply being present. Then I will guide you in a process to harvest the wonderful and important gems of your year’s activities.

Register now



Creating a moment of peace for the weary heart

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

Do you feel weary? Perhaps weary to the bone even? It is natural to feel that way as we approach the end of the year. And especially this year – 2012. Many predicted this would be a year of profound transformation, and 2012 has not left us disappointed!

But perhaps at times confused and weary.

That is why it is important now to allow ourselves the time to breathe and be present with all that we accomplished in this big, big year.

Having put so much energy into our dreams and mega-transforming, it is time to complete our efforts and let go with joy. Begin to allow space for the gems of your efforts to descend into your waiting heart.

This time of harvest is crucial to our morale and sense of well-being!

All growth and change requires times of activity and times of stillness, two energies that feed each other in the dynamic of healthy evolution. Think about the importance of allowing a field to lay fallow from time to time, for the earth to rest, to heal, to restore. Then the next year it will produce more beautiful and nourishing crops!

It is the same with us – after abundant activity, we need time to simply be.

Our society does not teach us how to let go and “lay fallow”. Our society is about do, do, do – at times it seems compulsive! We can see when all the “doing” strays into being a dysfunctional trap that hinders our evolution and growth.

Here’s the good news: It is never to late to learn (or re-learn) how to let go and be.

The December dream whisperer teleseminar, Complete 2012 With Grace and Dignity, will be your ticket to transition into harvest. I will lead you in an experience of being, and together we will harvest the wonderful gems of our year’s activities.

Register now

And may your heart become aware of the wide open space for this transition.


Dating and the art of giving ourselves permission

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

I’m taking a risk and sharing something personal with you this week. I started dating early this Fall ~ an adventure that demands great courage! I am blessed in my circle of friends, and it includes a dating coach. Yes… someone who is an expert in the art of dating!

Amy has been giving me excellent tips and strategies for about 6 months, as I’ve been preparing for this leap into the dating world. Like, allow a week in between dates so your body’s hormones can settle down and you have time to process your experience.

Another strong guidelines she gives is to date several people so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket too soon. I suppose this is like interviewing several candidates for a position – it leads to a better hire.

Well, I started off as an enthusiastic coachee. I was pursuing three dating candidates. Candidate 1 was delightful! Candidate 2 never responded to my invitation to tea. And Candidate 3 had too much going on and wasn’t available for further dating. Other people in my life know Candidate 1, and they kept telling me how sweet and amazing she is. Each time I saw her I grew more impressed with her presence, communication skills and playful grace.

I didn’t want to date other people! I wanted to explore this wonderful opportunity with Candidate 1! My coach raised a flag of concern, that this was a common tendency people have – to narrow their choices way too soon. I had a lot of transition happening in my life, and so she suggested I take a 2-month break from dating to allow myself to grow to a stronger place. She concluded that meeting by saying: Ultimately you need to follow your own truth.

I am very committed to attracting a good relationship. I know Amy has been a dating coach for years, and she’s good at it. I thought I’d better follow her expert advice and put my dating adventure on hold.

I went into a mini-depression. Doing the “right”, “smart”, “practical” thing felt like a prison. I wanted to pursue my joy in a way that felt honouring of me and honouring of Candidate 1.

So… I went rogue! I decided to date only Candidate 1. If it turns out we’re not a good match, then I will return to the field of candidates. After three weeks, this decision is still feeling good – very good. And I continue to use most of Amy’s strategies, because they support good pacing within the intense experience of dating.

I’m baring my tender heart in sharing this story because maybe you are doing the “right”, “smart”, “practical” thing in your life – doing what the leading experts inside and outside your head are suggesting.

What can I say? It is a blessing when we open the space for permission to explore something different ~ what feels right ~ allowing our truth to flow through.

That is the topic for this month’s free Abundance teleseminar: Opening the Space for Permission. I would love for you to join us for this heart-full transformative event Wednesday evening. As always, the recording will be available for those who can’t make the live event – just be sure to register to get that recording.

And if you are interested in developing your own strong dating strategies, Amy and I are teaming up to offer some exciting programming on dating in the new year. So stay tuned…


What is the key to mastery? Connection.

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

Insoo Kim Berg

Insoo Kim Berg, Founder of solution-focused therapy

One of my idols, Insoo Kim Berg once said,

“If you wanna go fast, go slow.”

Is this a Zen koan? What is she getting at?

If I think about a professional race car driver, she has spent hours upon hours training. She’s probably had boring days where nothing worked. She’s probably had emotional meltdowns where she flipped out at her trainer. And she’s probably had some bad crashes. What I’m getting at is that she had to develop her skill inch by inch, day by day, through all kinds of weather until she embodied mastery.

Imagine that commitment. The stamina. The willingness to find a way through her fears, the doubts of those around her, all of the bone-crushing hardships along the way.

Where does that kind of stamina come from? I would suggest from her connection with herself.

That kind of connection can only come through slowing down and being present with yourself. I teach people to do this through meditation. Others propose spending time in a hammock. The key is to regularly take time out from your busy, demanding life and connect with the beauty within you – your living, creative, dreaming inner being.


Times Change

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

Eleanor Roosevelt  said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Many of us have become jaded by the “realities” of life, and we have forgotten how to open our hearts and to dream. We have forgotten how to share the best of ourselves and perhaps most tragic, we have forgotten that we can make a positive difference in the lives of actual people.

I’m a dream whisperer, and my career as a dream whisperer began at Times Change Women’s Employment Service. Times Change offers career and educational counselling, a wide range of computer services and a comprehensive resource centre, all free of charge to women seeking employment. I’m going to share about how they gave me the gift of dreaming and how to operationalize my dream.

Before Times Change

I had a non-traditional upbringing in a Tibetan Buddhist community. The main value I was socialized with was to relieve suffering in the world.

When I was 21, I felt I needed to get serious and decide a career path. At the same time, I had just gone through some pretty traumatic life experiences. My parents divorced and I was raped by a stranger. These experiences were overwhelming, and I felt no space to dream or explore my special gifts. So I chose a safe career, which in the 1980’s was software development.

After completing a Masters of Computer Science, I easily got a job in IBM’s Toronto Software Development Lab as a Software Developer. I had a stellar first year at IBM and was nominated for Rookie of the Year.

However, after my first year, things began to unravel. I valued good communication and relieving suffering in the world, and this was a poor match for IBM’s strong corporate values. I grew unhappy and spiraled into a depression. My doctor took me off work and I went on long-term disability for a couple of years. During that time I participated in a lot of individual and group therapy, and I also took training in mediation and business.

Things were really tough during this period of time. I was psychologically fragmented and I had little money – at one point I couldn’t afford to buy food or pay my rent, and I had to move in with a friend.

Coming to Times Change

When I was starting to rise up out of the depression, the same friend  I had moved in with suggested I go to Times Change Women’s Employment Service. Since they are funded, I was able to access their services at no charge.

Up until then I had been struggling deeply and I was alone in that struggle. Times Change was an island of sanity for me at a very, very challenging time. The culture there is kind, encouraging and supportive. I no longer felt alone, but rather a part of a caring, wise women’s community where I received a much-needed professional career service.

I enrolled in the Career Planning course and got individual employment counseling. The career planning course is a well-thought out course – the curriculum carefully supports a journey of self-discovery – specifically tailored to women. It gave me the space to look at what is important to me – my values – and what kind of employment would resonate with me.

Through the Career Planning course I uncovered hidden resources that went untapped in my career as a software developer. Two important resources were:

  1. I am a capable spiritual guide – I grew up in a Tibetan Buddhist community and have a lifetime of experience in advanced meditation practices.
  2. My passion to be a healer – having gone through my own healing journey, I have highly developed intuition and a powerful toolkit of healing strategies

After much research and wrestling in the Career Planning course, I decided to become a therapist. My friends immediately loved my decision and said it suited my personality so much better than working at IBM!

Where the Times Change program has led me…

I went on to do a Masters of Education in Counselling Psychology at OISE/UT  specializing in treating trauma. I have also done extensive business training.

I bring my healing and business expertise into my current work as a dream whisperer. I coach soul-inspired, heart-centered women who are struggling in unfulfilling work. I have developed a Dream Employment Discovery Method where I guide women through healing their hearts, identifying their career dreams and goals, and then creating a step-by-step plan for focused action to bring those career dreams and goals into reality.


Times Change was crucial to my journey. It was through their Career Planning course that I finally opened to becoming a healer and guide to relieve suffering in the world. This empowers people so they can be healthy contributing citizens. It obviously suits me and it is my biggest way of contributing to society.

In preparing this story I wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t found Times Change, and I was a bit stumped. I think I would have continued making limited, safety-oriented career decisions that would have kept me in unfulfilling work and I never would have brought my unique gifts for helping people forward.

Thanks to Times Change, I was given the gift of creating my dream career, and now I make my livelihood helping others create their dream careers. To read more about Times Change and to donate to this important community organization, go to


I have a dream

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

View from the Lincoln Memorial toward the Washington Monument on August 28, 1963

Martin Luther King Jr. enflamed the hearts of over 200,000 people with his I Have a Dream Speech delivered from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial August 28, 1963. He powerfully proclaimed his dream of racial equality and an end to discrimination.

Listen to 30 seconds of his speech now

Less than 50 years after King’s powerful moment of dreaming, the world has witnessed the election of Barack Obama, a man who was judged not by the colour of his skin but by the content of his character.

Wow! The power of a dream!

A dream starts out as a fragile thing. Something that needs nurture. Something that needs protection.

There are forces of darkness that want to snuff out dreams, keep things the way they are, and hide the rich beauty of our living, beating human heart in some cold, dark cave. We see countless examples of dream snuffings. Including the assassination of great dreamers like King.

But you know, the most insidious attack comes from within – those voices within us that say, “You could never do that”, “It’s just not right for someone like you to do that – only important people can do that!”, “only rich, slim, beautiful people can do that!,” or the worst one… “That’s a stupid idea!”

Let me share a secret with you. Whenever you get that last message resounding through your head, WAKE UP! Because that is a sure sign that you are onto something good! You better grab that dream with both hands and wrap your heart around it. Whatever that little whisper was about, it has shaken up the forces of sleep that just want everything to stay the same – the same ol’ comfortable dark way.

And how do you manifest a dream? How do you nurture it? How do you grow it? It is like bringing a child into this world. You need to love it, and you need to attend to it in different ways at different times, as it’s development calls for.

People have told me they’ve read hundreds of self-help books, but they have not made the changes they want to make – they don’t know how to *be* the person they want to be or live the kind of life they want to live.

I’m offering to be a guiding light for you in this. I have received a calling from God to be a light of creative love and wisdom to help people like you. Let’s be clear — I’m still fully in the ballgame of lifelong learning. What empowers me as your guide is my lifelong commitment to developing dream-manifestation techniques and the core primal ability to do so. I’d like to share my wisdom and my inspiration with you in ways that will incite your own dreaming and dream manifestation.

Dream manifestation is not done by a magic incantation or snap of the fingers… or the right anti-aging cream, like many of today’s advertisers suggest. You *will* need to develop yourself through spiritual discipline. It requires work and courage.

But it can also be fun! A lot of fun!

And it can be a whole lot easier and faster with a guide. I bumbled around for 30 years figuring out what I have figured out through my practice of Buddhism, studying with a shaman, going to therapists, taking courses, reading books, and learning in the school of life. My experience could have been *way* more enjoyable, easier and faster with a skilled dream mentor. This is part of what has motivated me to step up and develop myself as that kind of mentor.

I’m in process, and I invite you to be in process with me and enter the magic of transformation. The *real* kind of magic! A magic based on spiritual connection and practical strategies. I am very inspired to lead you in this!

I feel that this first communication to you in 2012 is very important. So I decided to bring in the power of Martin Luther King’s dreaming, some practical advice about dreaming, and… perhaps best of all… I have decided to share with you my experience of forming and manifesting a dream. So please come along for the ride, and receive this gift from my dreaming heart to yours.

I had a truly kick ass experience working with the company I hired to develop my website in December. Joseph Rodrigues, the Project Manager, and I gave birth to a creative relationship through the intense fires of birthing an AMAZING website in just 3 weeks. I infected him with my passion and precision, and he infected me with his open heart, generosity and willingness to engage through *every* experience. Prior to meeting Joseph I kept my phone ringer off, but I had to start being available to consult with him numerous times per day. YIKES! What a leap for this quiet little dreaming introvert!

Joseph at work on his balcony in Playa

Fast forward to January. Now Joseph is manifesting his dream: experimenting with running his business from  the Mayan Riviera for a month. I love this! He is so courageous! So adventurous! He could just stay home and stay safe, keep things stable and the same (the deadly same!). Instead, he is down there this very moment connecting with the local people, spreading connections of love and honour and building bridges of inspiration and respect between the people of that area and the people of the outside world. I love this!

I have been working for the past three months with the book, The 4-Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss, which is all about lifestyle design. And Joseph has ignited a very dry pile of hay created by my work with this book. I WANT TO DESIGN AN AMAZING LIFE OF JOY AND BRINGING PEACE TO THE WORLD! Universe, I hope you heard that! Because I want to do this in a BIG way! And I need your support in that.

Me in the Tulum Mayan ruins in May 2010

I was at the Mayan ruins in Tulum a year and a half ago and was totally invigorated and moved by them. The Mayan calendar ended in 2011, attuning all of us to the profundity of the year 2012. The old system is finished, and we have arrived on the threshold of a new way of doing things – we are creating a new world order. That is very exciting! And I want to connect with the Mayan wisdom at this time. I don’t know how else to put this other than I have a very deep calling to go down there and be in that space – interact with that space – and explore how to make this wisdom of transformation available to all the people I love back home, and to all the people of this world.

I did some preparation for this dream with The 4-Hour Workweek just after Christmas in Kensington Market’s Moonbeam Cafe. I did an exercise on writing down a clear picture of my worst nightmare – everything that could possibly go wrong if I did this trip. I’ve decided I can handle even that worst nightmare scenario – I *could* survive. And of course, it is unlikely my worst fears will happen. This exercise opened up my realizing the benefits and possibility – and opportunities – that are part of this spiritual adventure to Tulum.

So I told Joseph I want to come down there and join him for a week. He loved the idea and said he can show me around and we can do more work on my website. I love that!

My excitement is there, but I have to tell you, this dream is still at the tender new stage. I had two nearly sleepless nights last week, and that really didn’t break until yesterday. I got up and showered to wake myself up after a light 4 hours sleep for a Skype meeting with Joseph at 9 yesterday (Saturday) morning. We covered off the items about my website and then got into a deeply spiritual and inspiring discussion for another 2 hours. We stepped into tender places of sharing and dreaming. This is a beautiful way we are forming our relationship, and it is propelling both of us further in manifesting our dreams.

Temple in the Tulum Mayan ruins

At this point I know what dates will work for me to go down there. I know I want to be near the ruins in Tulum and I want to be near Joseph so I can work with him. The unknowns are: (1) where I will stay, (2) how exactly I’m going to pay for this adventure, (3) how I will ensure my elderly cat gets the sub-cu fluid treatments she needs while I’m away, and (4) when I can reschedule the meeting that week with my life coaching group.

Joseph Rodrigues, a good partner for dreaming!

I talked with Joseph again last night, and I decided to go ahead and book my flights -> because as the clock ticks, flight prices are going up and flight choices are dwindling. Joseph is in the process of making connection with a sustainable resort in Tulum. And depending on how his meetings go, I may stay there. Joseph may stay there the week I will be there, too – so we can do some inspiring work together – both on my website and on manifesting both of our’s dreams. I think I’ve found a wonderful dreaming partner in Joseph!

So, I invite you to come along for the ride with me and see how I navigate and negotiate my way into manifesting this dream – a dream lifestyle where I can connect with the spirit of the Mayan people on a beautiful beach and bring the energy and inspiration of that to you, my people in the world, through this glorious internet. Maybe I’m going to have to learn how to set up a blog to share my experience. I’d like to do that. In fact, I’m inspired to do that! Because I have developed a grounded, spiritual, sophisticated and RAW approach to manifesting dreams. And I’d like to rouse my courage to come out of my shell and share my heart through sharing my approach to manifesting this dream with you. And of course the whole purpose is to inspire YOU to develop your own dream manifestation skills. Everyone has their own way of dreaming and manifesting!

And this is why I speak of the joy – the joy-full  environment that we create around ourselves as we are dreaming. That is part of the protection from the dream assassins. Create a field of joy to nurture and protect your dreaming process. We will talk about other aspects of dream protection at another time. The dream incubator is one of my fortes, and I want to enjoy sharing about that with you over the coming months.

So, wow!! I managed to open my heart and begin to share with you about my current dream – an adventure with Joseph in Tulum later this month! Come on along, and you too can start to show a little love to your dreams. It’s 2012! What better year to open to a whole new way of being – a whole new way of organizing your life? To open to joy and abundance, and to digging down deep to see what you have to offer to this world. Because I know that each and every one of you has your personal gift – your personal legacy – to bring forth to help this planet and all of us who enjoy her grace in living here. Your gift is needed. From my heart I am asking you,

Commit to your dreams in 2012!

With blessing,

Welcoming an ocean of love in 2012

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

Popular wisdom teaches us to keep busy… fill our lives up with anything that might keep us entertained with a superficial promise of fulfillment… smooth over the raw moments and then promptly forget they ever happened –> to crawl into a comfortable dark cave of ignoring what is happening and slip peacefully into a blissful hibernation. And that is how it becomes possible to miss our lives. Although we have all had the good fortune to hear advice from great teachers such as Christ, Mohammed, Buddha, and a host of others, when it comes down to it, it is always a personal choice of whether to live in the brilliance of this moment or to crawl into our cave and sleep. The New Year is always a particularly potent time in which we make this choice.

In Tibetan Buddhism we say protector chants at dusk – chants that call enlightened protective energy to us. The reason for this is because the time of changing from day into night is a particularly powerful time in which we are more open-minded and there is more potential to grow and change; because it is such a powerful time, we are also more vulnerable to the attraction of hiding away in our cave. Therefore, we call in enlightened protective energies to come and be with us and to guard our mindfulness. It is an important and powerful practice… and a practice that is OH so easy to neglect in a busy Toronto lifestyle!

Similarly, the year end is potentially a powerful time to open ourselves to deeper awareness, growth and change. I would like to take this opportunity to call on the Wisdom Awareness Protectors to leap into action for everyone who connects with this article, and to bring their wise compassion to protecting the minds of these folks as they approach the end of this year and enter into the powerful next year.

Buddhism encourages us to live our lives fully – to value the opportunity we have in this life to develop our wisdom and to contribute to the welfare of this world. It can be easy to forget this and get caught up in meaningless minutiae, collecting material things, and focusing on the external rather than cultivating the internal. Just as in meditation, when we realize this has happened, all we need to do is bring ourselves back to our core purpose in life, take a deep breath, and take the next step forward.

So I would like to encourage all of you to take an hour to harvest the crops you planted and tended in the past year, to honour your work and your accomplishments this year, to mourn the things that didn’t work out the way you wanted, to re-discover what is truly meaningful to you, and identify your goals for the coming year. This is an important part of living life joyfully, mindfully, and true to the course of your life mission. If you are the kind of person that likes a good writing exercise, I offer you a link to the exercise , “Seven steps to spending more time planning your life than planning your vacation.” I love this title because vacations are nice, but living a joyful, mindful life is so much more fulfilling! This includes things like working in a job that resonates with who you are and your gifts; investing in the relationships that truly matter to you; living in a home that is genuine, warm and comfortable; and last but not least… pursuing your core heart dreams!

So on that note, I make a heartfelt wish that all of you may receive both blessings and protection as we transition into rockin’ 2012. There are so many people predicting that 2012 will be a year of mind blowing transition. And I say, “Bring it on!”. This world needs a whole lot of healing, and my heart is open wide to 2012 being the year that we welcome that Great Ocean of Love into our hearts to heal old wounds, make us whole, so we can all participate in creating a beautiful world – together. Where there IS peace. Where there IS joy. Where people care for themselves and each other and this precious earth. Thank you for being here, and may our connection grow in mutually empowering ways in the coming year. Cheerful New Year to you all!

Choose to be present this holiday season

By Andrea M. Winn, MEd

Living in Toronto we are surrounded by people of many cultures with many traditions, some of whom celebrate at this time of year and some who do not. No matter what our tradition, it is hard to escape the messages of Christmas. Even as a Buddhist, I have noticed their impact. In western culture, the holiday season is probably the most emotionally loaded time of year, with messages broadcast through the media to be cheerful, loving, generous and to spend quality time with family. What if we have a challenging connection with our family, or no connection at all? What if we are poor and can’t afford to buy the gifts that supposedly demonstrate our love? There are innumerable ways in which people may not fit the close-knit loving family vision for the holidays, which opens the potential for pain and judgment. That is why it is important to consciously choose to be present this holiday season, in a genuine way, moment by moment, whether we are fitting the season model or not.

It is a time when we are called to open our hearts and be generous of spirit with all people. We are encouraged to send cards and connect with the important people in our lives, especially family. There is little that can tug at the emotional strings of our hearts more than family. These are the people who gave birth to us and guided us into this magnificent, big world. They profoundly imprinted our beings with their style of loving and their hang-ups; in some cases these hang-ups were so significant they became child abuse. On the other side of this, parents also have to face their imperfect and sometimes disappointing relations with their children. Our connection with family is profound, whether it is positive, negative or likely a mix of both. And all of that gets stirred up at this time of year.

In my tradition, we see that as a good thing. It is a time that offers opportunities for healing old wounds, a time when we can more deeply mend our hearts and connect with ourselves. Healing is a process that we have to engage – it doesn’t just happen on its own. Oftentimes part of that healing process involves consciously seeking perspective. For instance, plan emotionally for the holidays. Nobody knows the emotional challenges you face during the holidays better than yourself, so take some time to think about it ahead of time and look at how to support yourself in being grounded and joyful this holiday season. For some that will mean building in supports for sanity and self-connection while visiting family, such as journaling or arranging to be in touch by email or phone with friends back home for check-ins. Others are not in contact with family, and they might arrange in advance to get together with “chosen family”, people with whom they choose to spend the holidays. At such a special time of the year it makes sense to think about what will bring you joy, what is important to you, what will ground you, and how to build in supports for your mindfulness and connection with yourself.

Also, be honest with yourself about when you need help. There are times in all of our lives when we need help to process or move through something. It is important to listen to ourselves at those times and to seek out the help we need, often in the form of a therapist or other emotional/spiritual healer. Our purpose in life is to grow and become our potential. Be generous with yourself this holiday season by ensuring you have the support you need to be able to open your heart and be loving and generous, both with yourself and others.

One easy way to give yourself a gift of support for this holiday season is to receive my Free Meditation. You can get this by clicking the button at the top of this page. Enjoy, be merry, and be present!

Web Credits
Project Manager and Developer Joseph Rodrigues
Graphic Design Angel Ling
Usability Andrea Winn
Photography Christina Asante